Trixie
Appearances
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
And your state of mind is just as important as your physical health. And with therapy, it's a really good reminder that all of that can be very connected, right? In Western medicine, we think of our head and our body as like two different doctors. But me trying to take better care of my body has so much to do with taking the best care I can of my mind. Let's talk numbers.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
No matter black, white, or beige, chola or orient made. Wait. No, no, no. No matter black, white, or beige.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Traditional in-person therapy can cost anywhere from $100 to $250 per session, which adds up fast. But with online therapy, baby, you can save on average up to 50% per session. Plus, I have a little offer for you to save even more, but we'll get to that later. Your mental health is so worth it, and now it's so in reach, all right? I've benefited from therapy.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
I cannot tell you how much therapy helps my arthritis. I can't explain it, but your body tries to tell you things that your brain is too shy to speak up about, and it really helps with my pain management. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally, and it's very convenient.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
You guys, just last week, my housekeeper was over and she was cleaning. And you know, Maria doesn't need to hear about my personal struggles. And I love being able to take my computer in the backyard and just completely do therapy without having to get in the car or take an Uber and just have a private backyard therapy experience.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
If you got a roommate, it can be really embarrassing to, you know, do it in the common space, but you can do it anywhere. Do it in your room closet. your well-being is worth it, all right? Visit betterhelp.com slash bald today and get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash bald.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
You know what lyric I got yesterday? I saw a TikTok of her singing this yesterday. It's so weird that you brought... Lady Gaga? It was this morning. What is it? It was this morning while I was cooking eggs. Eggs? Girl, I went big this morning. Wait, what was the lyric before you forget? She was playing her piano with her gown on and she said...
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
The only Notary public. Yeah. You have a document in the Northern Hemisphere. Mama, you need to go to Miss Kansani. Let's go to Miss Kansani.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
I've never heard that. She is so, you got to get into her. When's the last time you really prayed? Thank you. Never? Oh, I don't know. No, I prayed a lot. Pray. Pray. Who about what? You know, they're different things, certain issues, different like, you know, activities.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
No, I could tell some about time you prayed when you like, um, are about to open a piece, an item of Taco Bell and you're, you're, you asked for no cheese.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
mama that's because she don't that's a hope in a dream not a prayer and they put cheese on there what do you think 50 of the time when you ask for no no no to their credit it is very rare although i gotta tell you something when i went to i was um i often get to the point during the day where i'm starving for lunch because i don't really love lunch and so the other day i begrudgingly shuffle over to erv's burgers right there on santa monica boulevard and i say this is my order it's i sound like a crazy person i sound like amy adams or something julianne moore in safe i'm like
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
I'm gonna put my lipstick on in the glass of her boudoir and I was like I never got glass it's the mirror She's calling the mirror the glass. I never got it. Well, you know, I listen.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Can I get a hamburger?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
There is no cheese. That's what you think. But I got to reiterate after, after decades of being disappointed and being thrown in the mud. Yeah. So I was like trying to make myself extremely clear, annoyingly clear, ridiculously clear. So I get home, there's cheese on the burger. I throw up. I threw the burger across the room and I screamed. Luckily, it was just a half a block away.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
So I marched my ass right back and just said, there was cheese on this. Oh, thank God. Yeah. But I'm telling you, I can't do it. It's like, oh, did you want period blood in your shake, ma'am? Well, I would actually prefer that than cheese. You just walked out like Morgan Wallen. Yeah. You just left in the middle. I hugged Jenna Ortega or wherever the fuck it was. Oh no, Mikey Madison.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
I gave her a kiss and I just stormed out onto my private plane because I need to go back to God's country. Get me to God's country. What do you think about that? Which is what? It's just people who are like honest, Bible-thumping, God-fearing, red state folks who are the true heart and soul of America. The true heart and soul of America. The flyover states are not a monolith.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
I need these people to all figure it out. Because did you see what happened in Wisconsin this week? It was horny. It was really fucking horny. So Wisconsin has a weird law where people can spend a lot more on elections. And this was like the most expensive... Corrupt? Well... Elon Musk was giving away, he flew to Green Bay to give away a million dollar check to someone.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
He was paying voters to vote. Isn't that illegal? He was tweeting, oh, if you're in Wisconsin, go door to door. And if you're knocking on doors, have them take a picture with the Republican candidate and I will Venmo you $20 or some shit. That sounds like against the law. Maybe that's all out the window. He was on the news being like, you know, on Fox News being like,
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
I thought it was a wine glass.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
I thought a vowel, you know. That lyric I always understood. I'm still at a loss of black, white, beige, Chola descent. You're Lebanese. You're Orient. Yeah. So, I mean, if you're thinking about, I don't want to drag her through the mud. Of course, she's a very talented, lovely woman. But when you're writing a song, you're a songwriter. Big time. Big time. Huge. Huge if true. Walk me through this.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
you know, or however he talks.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
And he was saying, oh, it's razor thin race. It's a razor thin race. That's why I'm going to Wisconsin to spend all this money. What he didn't tell people is that he's currently in like a lawsuit because Wisconsin doesn't want any, Wisconsin only allows car sale, selling companies. They don't allow like, I think they have laws where they don't allow people to go there and
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
be the company and sell their own cars. They use dealerships or whatever. And he was trying to get around that and be fierce and cute. So he obviously has his own motives. There's pictures of him in Wisconsin with a cheese head on and being like, like my hat. I'm like, bitch, name a packer. Shut your fucking mouth. Name a city. Girl, name cheese. Thank you. Say where you are on the map even.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Thank you. And so, you know, for him to go to Green Bay, which is a very like, you know, red part of Wisconsin and, And you don't do that, try and take him shit. It's like, who cares? And then he fiercely, they fiercely lost by like 10%. He spent millions and millions and millions of dollars. To see it, love. It was like $24 million or something.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Mama, that $24 million could have gone to the local homeless shelter. God's country. I love to see people lose money. Well, you must love it.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Well, I'm DJing. Next Friday, I'm DJing the Hacks premiere party. Yes. And I watched...
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Because I sat down with my computer and I watched the show and I pulled tracks from the show and pulled tracks inspired by the show. Loved it. Let me tell you something. So I remember everything because I've legit watched every episode three times. So in the first season, you know, the fabulous Blackjack Dealer. The girl. So they play a song by Selena Gomez in the car. Where she sings it.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Yes, she sings it. It's so funny. I actually thought that was a fake song created by the show to like, just, you know. To make it seem kind of like a bad pop song.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
And then I was like, whoa, this was a hit. This was like a hit. I needed to hate you to love me or something like that. It was very unmusical, but I guess it was a big hit. Anyways. Okay. Another chance for Selenators to come and call me jobless. Stay mad jobless.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
But what did you think? It was great, right? It was great. I'm on like maybe three episodes into season two. Oh, fab. It's great. The first, the pilot's really cunt. The pilot's really cunt. The scene where she comes into the, you know, she interviews Deborah's house and then Deborah chases her down the driveway and offers her the job. It's just so great. I cried a few times. Yeah.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
It's a dramedy, honestly. She is such a good actress. The part where Jean Smart is telling her that she tried the new material and she's like, you know, and her dad, the girl's dad dies. Yeah. and she's Ava, Ava's dad's dead. And they're sitting in her childhood bedroom. For Deborah Vance to show up to her dad's funeral and do the crowd work and make everyone laugh.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
It was beautiful. And Hannah is such a good actress and they're both such good actresses. And then the part where I cried a few times. the part where she's like, so you tried the new material. How did it go? And she was like, I bombed, but she is talking like somebody who's been on autopilot as a comic for all these years.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
And she's talking about the thrill of bombing and you see it in her eyes and she's such a good actress. You're just like, she is legendary.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Miss Jean Smart serves her to you.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
She's so pretty. Yeah. And every delivery is so dry. She's so fucking mean in that. I love how mean she is. Oh, yeah. Guarded, I guess, is the word. It's unfair to call her mean. I mean, she could be pretty mean. I mean, but like, you know, it's always coming. You always understand where it comes from.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
No, no, not evil. Not vindictive or anything. Well, whatever. And then the scene where she has that blowout with Ava and she goes like... And she goes... Because she finds out that she went to that job interview. Yes. And she's like, this is my life. And she's telling her like, you know, my career is not something for you to fuck with. This isn't just a job. This is my life. I was crying.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
I keep crying. I stay crying. Couldn't believe that guy she fucked killed himself.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
You did? I did. I was like, so this is obviously too good to be true. This person is not going to be around. What's the scam? I was like, there's going to be a big scam with this guy. I thought he was either going to rip her off or something, or there was going to be something bad happen. I was not surprised, but that was great.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Did I tell, I think I told you about this last time I was in Vegas, they were doing formula one. Do you know what this is? A car racing. Okay. So they have these, they don't look like cars. Oh, the real drag race.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
I don't know if they're drags.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Drag race has been real silent since drag race showed up. Honestly, because drag racing is fuck. Who cares?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
I think she has her own style. You know what? I think it was written by someone else. I'm like a stan of that shit, of Miss Lady Gaga. Of which shit? So you won't catch me. No, I'm not trying to bring her down, pull her down. I'm not trying to drag her by any means. I'm really not. I'm trying to lightly pet her. Right. It doesn't matter if you love butter.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Driving in a circle. That's just called trying to find a parking spot.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Thank you. That's called going to Koreatown for dinner. Hello. Yes. So I was there and they had a hotel room for me.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
It was those glass, big glass walls like in the episode. Yeah. And I could see the Formula One race on the streets. On the street. So it's blocked off and they have these giant lights installed watching cars drive faster than I've ever seen in my life. I mean, it's scary. I think it's scary. It is scary. I was pretty drunk. So I was kind of like, it was almost cartoonish where I was like,
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
It's like, I couldn't believe how fast they were going. It's really wild. Yeah. What other moments of hacks to have you? What about Kayla? I text Meg. I said, I'm watching your program. And she was like, what program? And I was like, I'm watching hacks. I said, I love all your hair and makeup and outfits.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Also that her putting on the pajamas, the silk laundry and getting on the bed and renting him like a Lamborghini. And her dad being like, you know, her being unfireable is so funny. So good. She's like, do you need, I mean, she's just so wildly hilariously inept at every single part of the job. It's so great. She's so, I mean, I don't use this word often. Magnetic. Oh, are you kidding me?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
I am watching for her and her scene. And then, obviously, her counterpart, the gentleman who plays her boss... Paul Downs, co-writer. He has to... He has to... Phoenix, Arizona... It's all these robocalls. Mary, I've been getting spammed with a wazoo. It's wild. He has to be with her and ground the scene and be so for real, which she's so fucking bogus. They are so good together.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
It's the Jimmy Kayla chemistry. It's such a great, like... Because it's just such a good symmetry of these, like, pairing off chemistries. Like, the dynamic between Ava and Debra is so compelling. The dynamic between Kayla and Jimmy is so compelling. The dynamic between – what's his name? Damien and Josefina is so compelling. And then Debra and the – Marcus, I mean, everybody.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
It's like such a good, everybody's doing their best. Yeah, it's really.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
I love it. I knew I would love it. I'm just happy I had a paid opportunity to watch it. I couldn't go DJ the party and I've never seen it. So I'm finishing binging it this week so that when I get to the party, I'm ready for the premiere. Yes, I'm jealous because I can't go. I'm going to see Orville's Gala. Oh, fuck Orville. He's always doing something. I'm worried, Mary. What about?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
I'm worried about this production of Cabaret. Why? I hope it's not too long. Girl, people don't know. We're going to see Orville's. He's doing a preview kind of night for his friends and family for Cabaret. No, it's a gala. A gala. Or a gala. Gala. Not really sure which. You know you gotta wear a suit. So that's what I want to talk to you about. You want to make money? Wear a suit.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
I have one nice suit and it was given to me. Sia gave it to me from her husband's closet. I think she was like, figure yourself out. Listen, for the folks at home, you know, folks at home might not know, I am not an economist, but I know that the best defense against financial ruin is a side pony sale. RuPaul is killing it on the TikTok. Shit, mama, she's killing me. Can I help you?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Put your claws up because you have toenails, baby. Spread that shit. You know. Yeah, I just think it's wild. Because I understand in songwriting, like, often it's nonsense. Look at some of the ABBA songs. Look at some of any songs. It's like, that's that me espresso, you know?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Bag on the side of the head. She posted once that it was like, don't worry about how many fucking TikToks I'm making. Cutting me up, cutting me up.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is sponsored by Blissy.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
While I am a folliculary challenged human and prefer to go through life with my beautiful head on full display, I still have skin on my head as well as on my face. And that skin needs moisture. Even when I sleep. I don't have time for crazy facials or days at the spa. I have things to go and places to be.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
So instead of getting up at the crack of dawn to undergo a seven-step moisturizing routine, I get a head start while I sleep with a thing called Blissy. Blissy is an award-winning dermatologist-recommended silk pillowcase that protects my delicate skin with naturally hydrating silk fibers that keep me moisturized all night long. Plus, they're easy to care for and machine washable.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Since I started sleeping on this little piece of magic, I've noticed how Blissy has helped me to wake up fresh as a daisy, looking less like a gargoyle and more like a regular human man. Don't let regular pillows make your hair look like one of my wigs after a show where the HVAC broke down.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
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The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
I used to wake up in a puddle of my own perspiration, but now I arise from bed refreshed and chilled like I slept on a sheet of ice. Take it from both me and the 3 million people who've already bought these pillowcases. They're simply amazing. And because you're a listener, Blissy is offering 60 nights risk-free plus an additional 30% off when you shop at blissy.com slash baldpod.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
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The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Let's talk about Angie. Anyone who owns a home knows how much work it takes.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
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The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
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The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
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The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
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The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
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The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Like, if it sounds cool and it works for you, then great. But you're Lebanese, you're Orient, right? It's so crazy to me. I think it's wild.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
The other scene I love from Hacks was when it's Debra's last show. And I also love her dynamic with the guy who owns the hotel who she's kind of fucking. Oh, Marty. He's so, wood fuck. Wood. Love. Wood. Love that guy. Love the palm. Shooter McGavin. Shooter. From Happy Gilmore. Oh, I don't know. I've never seen it. Oh, Happy Gilmore is an Adam Sandler movie where he's a golfer.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Oh, sure, sure, sure. And his golf rival is him, the actor. Shooter McGavin. He's evil and he's so fun. He's such a great, everybody's doing it. He's awesome. I love the scene where it's her last show and her agent, what did you say his name is? Marty. Marty comes up. He's the hotel owner. It's like, no, no, no. Her agent.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Oh, uh, uh, uh, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy's like, when my father died and he trusted me to be your new manager, it just may be. And Kayla walks up and goes like, you got this bitch. It cuts him off. That shit is so funny. I watched it like three times. She's like, what? She's like, what's your skin? What's your skincare routine? I use Vaseline. Yeah. I was in my house alone. It's cunty.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Like doing this, like...
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
I mean, having really like having a being a big fan of like prestige TV because I the issue I have a lot of network comedies is that they're just kind of cornball. They're kind of cheesy wheezy. So like this was like such a great breath of fresh air.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
And I honestly think that my evaluation of this this whole show is that there are two episodes during season three that are not spectacular, but they're certainly not bad. And that's it. That's the only weakness in the entire series for me. There was a couple episodes where there was like, oh, that was good, but I don't want to watch it again that much. But that was it.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
No, it's a bizarre swing. The 2025 version would be, you're someone and you're someone else. You can't say anything. Oh, I love that, though. I love that. We are someone and someone else. It's like, you're North Canadian or you're from Laos.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
It's like a really fucking well done series.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
The only problem is I don't like tension. I don't like to be stressed out. And right now in the series, she just found out that Ava left that voicemail and told all her T's. and she was flipping out. She was like, you ungrateful bitch and throwing shit at her. So I just got there. Is this the season cliffhanger? I don't know. That's wherever I am. Okay.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
It's, yeah, it's a lot of, I mean, I came home drunk and watched it. So I was kind of like, I, what about the scene where she tasks her to go into the antique shop and get that, um, salt and pepper shaker. Yeah. So funny. So, so good. I love when characters are bad at lying. Yes. She's very bad at lying, but it was like kind of a devil wears Prada moment that ended really sweetly. I love that shit.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Devil wears Prada. Yeah. What are we going to do? Um, To get the Gaga and Beyonce tickets. Not that we're going, but if we were gay. If we were gay. If we were going. If we were gay and not in the industry, God bless you, good luck, and have a great time doing that.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
I don't like concerts. I need to sit down and miss grandma. That's how I feel too. Yeah, miss grandma. I mean, I guess also I don't do stadium shows. I'm sorry about it. I know. It's just too many people. The logistics of getting in and out stress me more than the desire I have to see the show. I feel trapped.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
It's M. Night Shyamalama Ding Dongs. The trap. It's the trap. Yeah. Girl, can I tell you what I did last night? Please. So my friend Robert was like... he's one of my friends who I always want to hang out with and, uh, just never lines up.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
De Niro.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Yeah, of course. Bob Pattinson. Um, I call him Bob, Bob Pattinson. Um, he, Bob Patterson, Skunoke, Illinois. Um, well, wait, wait, was it Diane? What is it? It's, um, um, uh, uh, uh, uh, Yes. Doreen Cavanaugh. Doreen Cavanaugh. You know what the best thing about that morning was? I think we talked about this. We were on the plane and you weren't feeling it and I weren't feeling it.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
And I was seated right behind you. And some days when you're at the airport and I know you're not living, I just want to like... See what I can fuck with. I just want to stick some fingers in there and see what feels wet. You know what I mean? Like, check it out.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Whether you're from Vancouver or Piedmont, North Dakota, you were born this way, faggot. Now put your pussy in the air and squirt. My mama told me that I was gay. You know, that's what I would do. Looking at the glass of a crack pipe. I fucked
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
And I call Doreen Kavanaugh, Piedmont, North Dakota. Game changer. Flip the script completely. There's nothing worse than someone on a plane who wants to talk. No, and let me tell you something. This, not to be brief. When we returned from Durham, North Carolina, from a fabulous show, thank you very much. Five and a half hour flight. You're welcome. I delivered. What did you do?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Where were you, honey? No, the five and a half, the five and a half hour plane. Now you say, I say five and a half hours and you're like, ah, it's three movies. Maybe Godfather one and two. Um, but like, you know, love to watch movies on the plane. You know, here's the thing. I don't. Why do you do it out of, out of a breathless, desperate attempt to make the time go by, even though, uh,
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
I don't like that. I don't want to waste time to just throw hours away. I need to live my life to the fullest. I need to grab it by the carpe diem. You know what I mean? I don't want to just waste, erase, whatever. In any case, no lay down beds. Oh, so sad. And then do you agree? I mean, it was like a 10 hour, five hour flight. Are you friends with Taylor Swift?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
That was honestly... I lost a whole half day of skiing. That was... Honestly, I think it was five hours. It was felt. Eight, at least. That was M. Night Shyamalan. We went through a wormhole. I'm telling you, baby. We went through a black hole.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Something happened. I got off that plane with a walker. Like, I was an old man when we got off that plane. It felt rotten and wretched. The beach. Thank you. What is that movie called? The plane that makes you... Yes, old. It's just called Old. The Beach. Well, it was a beach. It was a beach. You know. Roy Rogers. Hi, my name is Midsize Sedan. And hello, my name is Ashley.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
I have a calcium problem. You might see me crab walking later on. I don't know. What is that about? Have you not seen the movie? What movie? Old. Oh, yeah, I have. Okay, you know, Miss Crabwalk and calcium deficiency. Oh, that's who you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she's cunty. I love the scene where that mom just goes half-deaf. She just turns her head and loses her hearing.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
And weren't the kids fucking... Not the brother and the sister. Just they were two other people. They're not kids. They turned into adults. They went in that tent, toddlers, and came back in their early 30s. Love. Yeah. And the pregnancy went like this. Fierce. Hunty. Really fierce. It's very bad. Very, very bad. I liked that movie.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
It's a good bad. It's not a boring bad. Do you know what I mean? Why do you think it's bad? Do you think the movie's bad? I think the movie is one of the worst movies ever produced on planet Earth. Old? Yeah. I didn't think it was that bad. Well, I saw it in the theater with my friends Sam and Sam and Joseph, and half of the time was spent like... Like, it was so bad. Right.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
can I say you know it's funny that you brought her up because I wrote down a bunch of topics to talk about today girl number what number one number one I was making breakfast this morning and I watched a tiktok video of her singing that whenever I see her singing alone with the piano I stop swiping I always watch she's incredible
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
It was so clunkily written. Baby, go see Snow White.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Gal Gadot and her show choir performance of a lifetime it's so crazy I watched another clip of her some of her line deliveries today you know outside of the good old you know classic hits we always see but like I was like oh baby I can't see that shit it just makes me irate you don't taste that I'm like Video Village the director sit behind the camera you don't taste that I think I don't I think it's payola or some shit why don't you make the girls read I don't care how famous people are make them read what do you mean
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Make him read for it. Oh, no shit. These offer only hoes can't act their way out of a paper bag bitch.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Get Meryl down here to read for it. Get the good good. I'm sure he did Into the Woods. Into the Woods. Into the Woods. What's your favorite musical? Little Shop of Horrors.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Oh, yeah.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Can't beat it. You love the movie version with Rick Moranis and Steve Martin. Of course. And I've seen the stage version probably 10 times. Did you see the one with Vicky Boggs? No. She ate literally in that. Yeah. She was cunty in that one. So my friend Robert was like, let's hang out.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
And you know when somebody actually does something very out of character in LA, which is like make an effort to have a friendship? Or show up. Yeah. So I was like, okay. Keep a plan. He's like, he's Australian and I don't know how to do that. So he was like, I'm going to go and talk to Survivor. And I said, okay, why don't you stop at my house? I'd love for you to come if you're keen.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
I said, I don't want to go to Survivor, but I said... because I've been to that high tops on accident on Survivor Night, and you walk in. In Los Feliz? Yeah, Los Feliz. Los Feliz. You walk in, you would swear. It's a drag race finale that falls on the night of a Super Bowl, that falls on the night of a christening. What are we talking about? I don't understand. It's packed. Okay, okay.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
People go there at like 5.30 and start getting seats. They're screaming. For what? Survivor. I'm a survivor. Wait, for the show?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Bunch of nuns. Like, yes, these people are there. I don't think you. Like, it's the Hunger Games. Like, their children are in the Hunger Games. They're there watching like – It's like must-see TV plus the end of MASH plus the finale Sopranos plus the finale of Lost plus the Super Bowl plus Drag Race plus the moon landing. Right. And they watch it in gay bars.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
And in reality TV, you only get one or two details about each person. So you're like, oh, so-and-so is playing because she has her kids. And so-and-so is really religious. And so they start rooting for that and they're not even sure about their names. So they're like, oh, I fucking hate that guy who drives that truck. Like they take the one detail they know about the person.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Fuck that one-legged bitch. Fuck that soccer mom bitch with the short hair, you know. And these people are just, you know, crawling through dirt, scaling walls. They, they told me somebody, I said, I know that they used to get rice for food, but now someone told me they get 200 calories a day if they can't find anything else.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
And they were all telling me it's early in the season and then you get a glow up. They said all of them get really tan and like fit. So you're kind of watching the, the OG, it's the OG, the swan. It's like, yeah, it's the swan, the dehydrated swan. The dehydrated swine.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
if she could just sing like that if she could just write music like that if she could just play piano like that if she could just dance you'd be like love i love any of that yeah but she does it all she does at the same time in the multiple choice question of talent r.e lady gaga It's all of the above. Girl, Stephanie showed up and showed out. She does. She continues.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
So I'm there watching and people are screaming, screaming for these like granola people. Just nobody. Like writing names and saying like, Sade, I didn't like you or whatever, you know. I'm so fascinated by that. They live for it. 46 seasons now or something? And mama, they're not bopping or bumping or fucking or sucking or slithering on each other. Not at all. Yeah.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Sia used to watch it and pick up the phone and call the producer and be like, I liked them. The person who lost, let's give them money. Love that. The Hunger Games. Oh my God. It's like, it's like sending, it's like putting money in the commissary of a jailer. You know what I mean?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Damn. So I went to that and I, you know, one thing led to another. One drink is four drinks. And then I came home and took the edible and then smoked the weed.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Yeah.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
And then fired up the pookie and had people run train on you all night. So then it's like 1.30. I'm trying to play PlayStation. I'm like, one eye open. Yeah. The survivor. Because I had to be here at noon. So I was like, my one day off. And this is what happens when I start to get overworked. Okay. When I get one morning off, I freak out. What do you mean? I stay up too late. Oh, you go hard.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
I get a pizza. You work hard.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
35.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Starting Solid Pink Disco this weekend.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Toronto and Austin. Toronto and Austin. That's Canada. North America. Oh, I thought you said America. Oh, you said North America. I'm sorry. I don't want to gaslight you any more than I already have. I did mean North America. It's the only Canadian date is Toronto. Love Toronto. Is it Toronto or Toronto? Who cares? I don't know. You know that shit's like a 40-minute flight from Milwaukee?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
We're almost in Canada. Sweetie. Sweetie. If you have a hard stream of piss, you can hit Canada.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Hard stream of piss coming out.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
I don't think I would do that because it is outside and I think I would be ogled. I pee in the yard every day. Now, what are we talking about? You go outside. I pick a tree. I pick a bush. I pee. You go down on a forest and lift a leg? No, I just stand. I pull the pants down to the ankles. I play on my phone while I just pee in the grass. How about this one?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
I was in the bathroom right just not 50 feet from here. I was standing up. You pulled out your cock. I pulled out my cock. I pulled my pants and panties all the way down to the ankles. And then I put my hands on the wall like I was being frisked at a prison, a women's prison. And then I just... I did hands-free pee-pee into the toilet. And it was remarkably...
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
aim what do you call that it was a bullseye love yeah i just thought that was really interesting and i needed to share that yeah i think it's weird to pull the pants all the way down in a in a urinal definitely a lot of twitter porn is is in bathrooms mama let me tell you something girl everybody's fucking and sucking at the golden corral in the handicap stall i get it i understand it i can see people are horny listen people are horny all the time
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
That's a reality, right? That's a reality. People are horny all the time. Many men, many gay men especially, or just many men are horny all day long. They're jerking off. They're jerking off. They're having sex. They're having sex. They're doing oral. Yeah. They're doing butt licking. Yeah. They're doing, you know, types of grooming to prepare.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
You were born this way, faggot. No matter. You could be from Ghent, Belgium or from the continent of Africa. Maybe whether you're from Brussels or whether you're from Cairo, you better get that pride flag, bitch. You could be one of those. Well, the thing is. You could be from Santa Barbara. Or you could be... Well, I mean, not... Orient, as it refers to people, is not exactly politically correct.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
It's either you're having sex or you're preparing for the sex. Sweetie, or recovering from the sex. Right. You know, refractory periods, but still. Getting hot to have more sex with hotter people.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Thanks.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Cooling down in order to heat back up. But at the airport, for some reason, me personally, it's not an erogenous zone. It's not an erotic arena. Everybody's fucking at the airport. I get it. Everybody's open grinder at the airport. Well, here's the thing. Imagine for the average Tom, Dick, and Harry. They don't travel for work every week. The airport is an exotic experience for them.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
It's huge for them. Yeah, huge. No, honestly. Do you know how much I laugh when we travel with someone and they're like, well, we depart Friday, so it's Monday. We should probably show up on Wednesday. I started packing.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
It's crazy. My rule, I think I've said it before, is that for every day you're gone, it's a half an hour of packing. So if you're gone for five days, you can do like about two hours of packing twice. Are you out of your mind? No, but two hours before you leave. My personal bag, not my drag. Pack that shit in 15 minutes. Oh, but yeah, you're advanced level Zelda.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
I'm on that type of shit you wouldn't understand. Mama, you're on Mortal Kombat 15. Also, I wear the same 5s, 10 outfits to the airports and to the shows because... I'm doing Sega Genesis, left to right. 5 a.m. when we're going to the airport, I like a top and bottom matching set. I'm not trying to serve the girls at the airport. I'm not trying to... My travel looks. We're not doing all that.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
No, we're not doing all that. You know, I've brought I am quite I am surprised, shocked, pleasantly so that the silicone lubricant that I've sometimes not often pack on my in my toiletry bag that I check has not exploded and ruined every other thing in that fucking suitcase because that is a that's a ticking time bomb.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
silicone lubricant yeah that will ruin all your clothes it will ruin everything it will ruin my reputation yeah when that nasty slimy bag comes across on um the conveyor belt that has like infected other people's bags with my horrible shameful lubricant You know? Yeah. It's so embarrassing. Remember what happened to your nephew? Yes. He died on the conveyor belt. No, no, no.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
What could have happened? Remember there was like lube on the floor and you were like, shit. No, I was injured. But if he had been there. How do you explain that? Death. Death. I'd be like, Dan, your son died because I'm gay. You know what I mean? Right. And that would have been true. She could make another one.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
yeah he had a vasectomy it's so expensive to get babies wait wait wait can i show you my two nephews really quick sure because they're so cute they're so fucking cute my god um my sister just had another baby and she is the best person in the world um and catch these little fuckers Oh, my God. So on the right, we have Owen, who's the older one, and then Benjamin is the newbie. Oh, my God.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Aren't they so fucking precious? He really looks newborn. Newborn.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
They're so precious. Preciousangels.com. Very cute. Yeah. And the other one is Graham, right? No, Graham is my brother's kid. Oh, right, right, right. Owen and Benjamin. You got three nephews? I sure the fuck do. Look at this bitch. Holy shit. Mama, this is what I look like. Why is it happening? Why are all my nephews showing up like me? Mama. Is what you look like. Sweetie. Darling.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
He's got the beginning of a nice set of teeth, too. He's really copping your style. Toe head with nice teeth? That's my jam. Stop reheating my nachos. Stop reheating my nachos. One last one. Look at the joy. Look at the fucking joy of that bitch. It's hard to get a kid. I, um...
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
it's hard to get it's expensive if you can't have one it's really hard to wrangle one catch a falling star and put it in your pocket that's your little baby and stuff it in your pocketbook baby go to target and if you have a kid at target look to your left look to your right there's a 100% chance that I have a fishing pole with a suction cup on it and I'm trying to on the top of that kid's head there's another 100% chance I'm driving a popemobile soundproof and I go a vacuum suck your child into it and then I speed down the freeway hell yeah yeah
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
I said, hell yeah, brother. Get me to God's country.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
God, what are they doing? They're doing crazy, wonderful God stuff in God's country. God-fearing country. Poor went out for Morgan Wallen. Poor went out for Lebanon. For Beyonce, for Gaga, Morgan Wallen. Wait, very last thing.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Tickets so high, I can't go to the show. So funny. So funny. Did you see Kid Rock at the White House? Mama, I don't need to see all that. In drag, basically. Looking like a pinata of Uncle Sam. That's a generous description. Yeah, a meth, a pookie Uncle Sam as a pinata. Girl. Filled with pookies. Pinatas are better made and I'm allowed to hit it with a stick.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Right. Rugs are oriental, let's say. It's ironically... Yeah. Well... Yeah. I mean, there's other... When I use the word orient, I feel like there's other three syllable words that describe a nationality, big swaths of them. Sure. Well, you know, she's not coming on our pod, so she hasn't asked. She hasn't made an effort. Wait, are you aware of this?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
That's an offense to pinatas, I would say. Girl, absolutely. Hornet's nest full of meth. You know what I just can't with anymore? What kind of phrase is it where it's like, what do you call it, like expletive or whatever, where it's like, the greatest, the greatest there ever was, everyone's been saying. Hyperbole, hyperbolic.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
The greatest ever was, even greater than everyone's been saying, a lot of people have been saying. These sort of just nothings have to be, we have to purge it, we have to leave them in the spiritual realm. Well, good luck, miss, because that is half of Trump's vocabulary. He's like,
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
you know a few months later people are loving it so that's kind of the deal here yeah it's like it's like are you selling hermit crabs at a seven mile fair bitch i do not sound like i don't want to buy your 7-eleven word salad you sound like like for like you're telling me about some puppies in the back of your truck yeah they all got their shots like you know like the planes like you know you go through periods but the planes don't work and then they go through periods where they work so you know it just sort of happens i'm like what girl they didn't work the other day when we were in that wormhole sweetie well watch out for the wormholes
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
pouring out for the wormhole we'll see you next time you
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
The proliferation of A-list celebs on like, I don't know what the term is, like not super duper popular, like podcasts, like love it. I love it too. But it's like, like Las Culturistas, for example. I mean, I guess that is a, that's pretty popular, isn't it?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Well, I mean, it's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like the chicken shop girl. She's got a huge Ackman. Yeah. You know? Yeah. A huge Ackman. A huge acme. This morning I had a piece of wheat toast with butter. Then I had three eggs and two fake sausage patties for breakfast. Fake as in they weren't there or they were fried? You blow an ass. Did you blow ass? How do we prepare the eggs?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Well, lately I want, for a while I was doing a lot of putting like whipping them up and adding stuff. And lately I've just wanted salt and pepper. Like butter in the pan and just flip, flip. That's it. What do you call that? Is that sunny side up? No, and I don't like runny. So I pop the yolk and pop the yolk and tell the joke. Miss Stinky McGee coming through with the poke.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
It doesn't matter if you're eating eggs or you're from Vietnam. Doesn't matter if you're Catholic or something, not Catholic. There you go. That actually discovers everybody. Oh my God. Wait, how do you prepare that? What's the, what is the, the, what is it? Scrambled over easy over medium? I think it's over hard. Over hard. Over suggests you're flipping. Okay. Hard suggests you pop the yolk.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
I didn't know that. What about a poached egg? What do you do? Don't know how to do it. I heard you can do it in the microwave. What about eggs Florentine? Don't know what it is. Okay. You could either be from Florence or you could be Florence Nightingale. Well, I watched that TikTok of Lavina, the Amish girl. And she said, you know, she's like, I'm going to show you guys how to. Cook an egg.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
And she was like, an Amish approach to cooking an egg, you got to use a lot of butter. And I started doing it. It's incredible.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Yeah. Yeah, I mean, of course you do. What else are you going to use? I used to put some butter just in the stick. But now I've been doing more to make it taste good.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Yeah, butter's fabulous.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Who knew butter makes food taste good? You ever try ghee? G-H-E-E. It's a gorgeous butter from India. It doesn't matter if you're Indian or you're... Something else. Gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever tried ghee, honestly? Don't know what it is. Oh, it's like. Isn't it like a. It's, I think it's falsely called, falsely referred to as clarified butter. It's a very like. Who would play her?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Great question. Caramel would play her, honestly. Miss Caramel 1999. Miss Werther's Original Light. It has almost a caramel quality to it. It's a very dense. Caramel quality is not a bad drink name.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
quality in champagne dreams caramel quality in champagne catalog what is it what is it it's oh champagne catalog i love that it's what is it it's uh caviar wishes and in champagne dreams and caviar wishes i think it's black white beige chola descent yeah you're left you're lesbian you're not lesbian I'm at the event. We need to stop labeling people. Thank you.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
Let people eat pussy and not identify as a lesbian. I love it. You know, I feel like as gay people, we try to qualify people's gayness. Girl, if you're the type of gay guy who only likes your dick sucked... That's fine. And you don't want to say you're gay. I'm not like up in arms about it. No, I don't think I'm not either. I don't let you live. It's nobody's business. Like it's nobody's business.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
You're Someone or You're Someone Else with Trixie and Katya
And also don't vote for fucked up shit. Well, that's a different issue though. I hate when people are like, Oh, a straight guy slept with you. Well, is he straight then? I'm like,
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He says. Yeah, that's what he describes himself. What am I going to say? No, I know the truth about him, the stranger that I met on Sniffies. Right. I don't know. I mean, it's like people qualifying like you're not a real Catholic or you're not a real, you know. Now that's funky. Now that's funky. That's funky and fun. Like, you're not a real Catholic because you had an abortion. Thank you.
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You're not a real Catholic because you used a condom. Boop. I just am really, the infighting, the qualifying, the, you know. Yeah. People deciding that they are the judge, jury, executioner of someone's gayness. Yeah. I'm like, maybe that person's basically straight, but once in a while she sleeps with a girl. Sweetie. Let her live. Thank you. I sleep on the floor sometimes. Right. Boop.
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That doesn't make me like a crazy person. It helps my arthritis. Yeah, no, sometimes it's really like, you just need a good old hard level out. You do. I told my rheumatologist, I said, I get this strong urge to sleep on the floor. Sometimes it's the only thing that helps my back. You got a nice rug?
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She said that's in the textbook for arthritis. Love it. It's like, if you have an urge to sleep on the floor, I said, well, I love it. Am I a floor fan?
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I was born on the floor. The reason I brought you here today was to talk to you about You want to raise awareness? How are these faggots going to obtain these Beyonce and Lady Gaga tickets? How are these faggots going to persevere? I really like that Cowboy Carter shit. And I really like that Mayhem shit. But I don't think I'm willing to die for it. Sweetie, let me tell you something.
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I'm not a huge, Beyonce is definitely not in my top five artists, you know, because they're all like irrelevant, bizarre Russian artists from the 2000s. Beyonce would be complimented.
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Thank God that person with no taste doesn't like me. Yeah, I am at a loss because I saw the Renaissance movie. all three hours of it. And that show is electrifying. That show is truly electrifying. I mean, she really pulled that pussy out and she put it in the wind for three hours. And so, and I think that you really did get a wonderful kind of experience no matter where you were sat.
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However, I am not into this country stuff. I'm not into this cowboy kind of do-si-do, line dancing, yada, yada, yada. So I would not be attending this concert, but I am shocked. You're going to see Morgan Wallen. Hello? Yes. Take me to God's country. Oh my God. Did you see? I sure fucking did. Did you see? Like, take me to God's country. God's on a private jet.
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Girl, did you see what I put on Instagram today? Salted the earth. Somebody put, take me to God's country. It's a screenshot of our two chairs on a green screen. Yes! It's so wild. It's so awesome. Imagine going to Saturday Night Live. I don't know Morgan Wallen. I don't care to meet him. But imagine going and not just doing your job, which is to just wave to your fans for 10 seconds.
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Revel in the exhilaration of doing this with these people. It's a huge opportunity. You could have a different political view and just say, thank you for having me.
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I'm not going down to Mississippi. Yeah, go on the funny conservative programs. Good luck finding one, faggot. Okay. I mean, I don't go down to Gatorville and do my drag on a swamp, a swamp boat. I should. You know what I mean? I'm not going down the Grand Ole Opry. Lana Del Rey is going down there and she's marrying people. But she's Miss Tractor 1999. That's her jam now.
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She's covering all that base. Maybe she's not on a tractor. She's living her water boy life. Oh, she's a foosball. She totally is. What are the boats with the oscillating fan on the back? That's the swamp boat. It's the... She's on the swamp boat.
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Long, white chiffon. Caught in the thing. Head chopped off immediately. Photographed. Photographed by Chuck. Airboat. Hard nipples. Airboat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Looks fun, though. Looks super fun. Well, no, the mosquitoes and all the humidity, not so much fun. I've never been to the proper... What would you call that, though? Bayou? Yeah. No, like the... Swamp. The glades.
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I've never really seen that. Like in Florida. Yeah, I bet it's cool, but the heat. The heat and the bugs is too much.
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Bugtina, yeah. Let me tell you about Los Angeles. I got a massage last week in my backyard with no bug tent, no nothing, no deet, no citronella candles, no nothing, no way. Skin untouched by Miss Bugalina. 90 minute massage. No bug bites. Love it. There are no bugs in LA because they, they, they smell the air and they go, we're not, we're not dumb people. We're leaving.
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They live in San, they live in, they live in San Diego. They're Lebanese. They're Orient. They're living. They have little, um, they have subsidized housing in Oceanside. They're good. They're going on Vista Del Mar. There's so many places in California. I've never been. Redondo. No. Manhattan? I've never been to wine country. Northern California to me is such a mystery.
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Oh, but you said in California. I'm sorry. Okay, what about in LA though? Or in Southern California, have you been to Manhattan Beach? Redondo Beach? Palos Verdes? I went to the gay one. That's Ginger Rogers. She certainly was not there, so they need to work on the advertising. Well, no, I think it may be something else kind of Rogers, but they've dubbed it Ginger Rogers because it's that one.
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Oh, it's Will Rogers. Will Rogers. Yeah, we say Ginger Rogers. Yeah. And, you know, I've gone down there and I never see, like, the cock sucking. I walk up to these people in their little towels listening to Lady Gaga.
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And I go, are you going to shuck his cock?
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Are you Lebanese? Are you Orient? Well, then prove it. You need to get down there and gobble that chode, honey. You need to... Press that button. I'm not here to swim. Although, do you remember one time I went there? This is like last year. I remember I went there and I was like, You know, feeling very Caucasian beach whale tea. Caucasian beach whale tea? That's what I was really feeling.
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Abracadabra shabadubaba shabalulala kadabadudada.
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Fat and white? Yeah, feeling sunburned, feeling unattractive, feeling bald, right? Got my free sunglasses on that say Tito's. Shout out to Tito's. Work Tito's. Hungover today, by the way. Thank you, Tito's. And I look to my left and fucking, I know we talked about this, fucking Gigi coming out of the water and throwing her hair back in. In a two-piece swimsuit. A flagrant display of beauty.
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And I'm like, oh, Gigi. Gigi. I think it took her 17 minutes to realize, oh. Oh, that's not a beached whale? That's not someone cat-calling me. This is a friend or family member. You know? It's fierce.
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I mean, I love when a dog gets out of the water. You don't see that too much. You don't see it too much.
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And it's truly breathtaking.
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And she really gave. She cheated out to me as if I was about to take a photo. I think when you're a real model like that, every moment is an opportunity. Yeah, they're like... Hello, today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by BetterHelp. I would like to be vulnerable for a moment.
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Why not? Exactly. Transgender life.
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I have found that now that I'm so much happier and I feel great, I have been skimping on my talk therapy and I find that if I skimp on that, it manifests in my body. It's almost like my arthritis and my sleep and my body and the way I eat, my attitude all starts to tell me that I have been like skipping leg day mentally, if that makes sense.
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This episode is brought to you by Rowe. As you may or may not have heard, GLP-1s are all over social media right now. Rowe now offers FDA-approved weight loss vials for much less than most auto-injector pens and all without applying insurance or savings cards. Row's formula, created by Eli Lilly, hits not one but two hormones to curb hunger, all with less nausea.
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You're cross-eyed and literally like bones sticking out. So if you're trying to be really strict. Wait, are you serious? I'm dead serious. 400 calorie to 800 calories a day. Now this is what it was in 2010 when I studied it in a college class. It might be like 700 now. It might be woke now. Like now there might be actual like go for a walk. It might be different.
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But what I do like about Subway is if you are trying to lose weight, it is one of probably the best quick fast foodie options where you actually have a say. Don't add this. Yes. Use the light. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You actually can drive the calories down. Totally. Depending on what you get because you can get a wrap. And there's vegetables. And if you're in the UK, they have soups. So.
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Wait, quick, quick sidebar. I had a bread bowl of soup and I think that's disgusting. You told me about that. I'm sorry about that. No. A Panera one's so horny. No. The spongy wetness. It was the texture. I love the grip. I love the bread. It was the. I think it's good. Oh yeah. So the subway diet is two 400, 400 calorie, $400. If you're at school, if you're at college.
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And it's two of 400 calories. And then that's how you lose weight. And then I also, I did slim fast for a while. Oh God. Which is. Just sugar. It's two slim fast shakes a day and one real meal. So breakfast or lunch or whatever, you have the 180-calorie SlimFast, and you're allowed two snacks, I think. A month. It's two snacks, and then you can have one real meal a day. I did that for a while.
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When you say one real meal, is it old country buffet, like going back three times? Because that's what I would do because I'd be so hungry. No, it's just like a normal, like a human meal. Burger, fries, and a Coke. Brown rice and vegetables. And so that's how that works.
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Girl, I think we know today's sponsor is our friends at Chime and everything is getting more and more expensive, more and more expensive. Gas, cars, house, foods, Becky, Shirley, all of it. It's just, it's really, really wild. And I know you have to try to build some credit card credit in this world, but who wants to bring on credit card debt?
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Also, can I just say it looks really princessy and you feel like a beautiful little girl? I mean, that's a big part of it for me. And it's clinically proven not to clog pores unlike cotton. Antibacterial, hypoallergenic, and it promotes better sleep, but it's still completely machine washable. And it's Mother's Day, and you know your mom. If I know your mom as well as I do, she loves to sleep.
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Late payment may negatively impact your credit score. Results may vary. Go to Chime.com slash disclosures for details. This episode is sponsored by ZocTalk. Have you ever been to a dermatologist whose breath smells like deviled eggs and soup?
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Or a dentist who asks about your recently passed aunt, but instead of letting you answer, shoves their fingers into your mouth and proceeds to tell you about his daughter's 9.7 million TikTok followers.
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after you're done laying down Bjork's insanely hot jazz flute solo right before the verse where you yodel rap to an ill beat from your best friend Hans, a famed glockenspiel prodigy from Berlin. You can filter for doctors who take your specific insurance, who are located nearby if you hate driving like me, or find ones with specific office hours to match your insane recording schedule.
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And most importantly, you can find doctors who are highly rated by real-life verified patients. You can even see their real-time appointment openings, choose a time that works for you, and instantly book a visit with just a few clicks. Same-day appointments are also available in many cases, which is absolutely brilliant. The best part is that ZocDoc is completely free to use.
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Do you want to update the girls on the black mold? What's going on? I was going to listen. You don't have to tell me what to do. I have headphones on connected to your microphone.
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And her hair and her skin is jacked, so let's help that lady out, okay? Voted the best love gift of 2024. It's also a good gift because, you know, it's kind of like everybody goes to sleep at night, but you don't necessarily know what size pleather miniskirt people want, so it's a great gift. Featured on Live with Kelly and Mark, The View, Oprah Daily, and Good Morning America.
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You know what I'm talking about? I mean, turn the wigs around, DJ. Dina, just turn it around. For volume. Now you're a Beatle. You know what it kind of gives? It kind of gives Eileen Stritch or something. I don't know. It does. The ladies who lunch right here. Yeah. You guys, this is a pot. These are the clothes I want to be buried in. At Salt Peak Disco, we have these little boy wigs on sale.
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This is the wig to get drunken. Little boy? This is kind of like a little surfer boy wig. It's not gender. Okay, it's not gender. Hair knows no gender. Okay, fine. It's a pixie. Let me tell you.
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The person who has this hair works at the Starbucks, and they make those drinks with Berber. It's a short grift. That's a short grift hair. Imagine the grift. So what's going on with the black mold? Okay, so I finally found a contractor.
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okay this guy and they went in so he had he had um got it we got leaks we got holes okay nini leaks nini leaks we got holes we got leaks we got wiki leaks we got julian assange and um um
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Okay. The deck and the roof have leaks. That is the water intrusion factor. Okay. The HOA said, you can go literally suck ass. Why don't you take all your energy and go suck your own ass? We're not going to give you a red cent. It's like, thank you so much for existing, you pieces of shit. Damn. 28 leaks later. Girl, they got you.
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I actually think that these contractors are feeding water into your home and then showing up being like, do you leak? Yeah. I was like, well, why do you have a hose in your hand? And why is it attached to the fire hydrant out there? I see. The HOA is hand on ass in that they have their hands on their asses all day, not doing anything else. Not helping me. Taking my $500 a month.
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and then putting it into video poker or something. Honey, the HOAs are content. My one in LA is 400, and the one in Milwaukee is 200. And let me tell you what they do. It's jack motherfucking shit. They don't do nothing. They, I guess, pay for the trash. I got legs. I got arms. I got bags. Baby, for a while, I was getting fined $2.50 a month because one of the planters on my patio was pink.
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It has to be natural colors. That's the one. $2.50 a month for like eight months. That's cunty. And I bet their correspondence was via parchment and then a carrier pigeon. It was only during COVID did I actually sit down and be like, what's this charge every month? Yeah, love that shit. Love it.
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It's like cable companies where you look at the bill, it's like Fierce Charge, Cunty Charge, Poopy Charge, Jared Leto Charge. Miss Diva Charge. Yeah, it's this, I went to Subway Charge. What are these charges? Large Ant in Charge. Yes, yeah. Charles in Charge Charge.
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Mm-hmm. Long story short, too late. I go out after the first day. We were working at Netflix. Come home. This just this week? Yes. It was just the other day. I came home full of fear. I was like, there's going to be some tarp situation like before with these jokers. Mama, the first signs of intelligent life on this deck. Clean, gorgeous, meticulous, neat work.
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It's going to be great.
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And it's going to be extraordinarily expensive. Because the insurance, I was Barbara from Florida. She was like, fuck you, fag. I'm not giving you any money. Bianca Del Rio is your insurance agent. She probably has great insurance. I know. You should get Bianca Del Rio. I bet you she would have taken care of this whole situation. I know. She would have been the best project manager.
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Up at 5 a.m. Several people would have been fired already. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not even involved in the project. Yeah. Hired just to get fired. So what did you do today, fag? Unless they have a good answer. Fired. I want you to do an Elon. I want you to send everybody who's worked on this project an email where they have to respond with five things they do.
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Can you name five cunty things about you, fierceness? Did you see that? They're trying to say that cyber trucks, you never see with two people. That was an interesting point that made this morning on somewhere. Think about it. They're trying to make vandalism to a Cybertruck or Tesla vehicle. They're calling it national terrorism. That's so dumb. Terrorism against America.
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Oh, because it's America's, it's like lighting the flag on fire. Apparently. Wow. Apparently. That's going to be the stupidest thing I've heard all day. Isn't that cunty? Yeah. why are we so dumb? It's because, because of her emails. Oh, that's right. Because of her emails. Chappaquiddick.
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Because I, yeah, because her emails, because she's a woman, because this is more about Mary. I'm so horny for these videos of, um, it's so horrible to feel when I see videos of people being like, I can't believe these voting things. I think, I voted this way and I can't believe these things affected me. I'm supposed to feel bad, but I'm polishing my knobs so fucking hard.
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And I feel bad that I'm that person because I used to have more empathy and now I'm just like, oh. It's hard to sympathize with the huffers, you know? They're huffing paint thinner all day and at the end of the day, they're wondering why I got a headache. Right. It's tough. Well, all of that, what it spells is, I was okay with this hurting someone else. Now it hurt me. Isn't that shitty?
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Now there's people saying, well, you can be racist towards white people too, you know? Right. I couldn't go to the gay bar that I would have never went to. I know. What the fuck? They didn't let me go to the gay bar and kill the people. Oh. The difference is, I'm not trying to go to the hater church. They can see these titties and they can oil them up and suck on them. I don't give a shit.
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I'm not trying to go race those cars. I'm not trying to go shoot them ducks. Race the cars? NASCAR. Oh, because are they Christian? NASCAR 500. Shit, girl. Well, it's conservative, you know? Yeah. Monster trucks. Yeah. Monster trucks are cool. I have to say, if I in my whole life ever have an opportunity to drive a monster truck, I'm taking the opportunity.
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I feel like you would and should incorporate that into your drag persona. Well, in high school, my brother was really into mudding. Do you know what this is? Is it four-wheeling? No. It's where people have these like souped up trucks that are on really high, like big tires and like lift kits. Sure. And roll cages and all that.
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And they put the exhaust on the top instead of the back so that they can go drive through mud and puddles. Jesus. Kind of a country activity. Yeah, that seems a little country. And you get together and you drink and you stand around and you take turns driving through puddles. Love that. And it sounds dumb, but I have seen it done and it is thrilling to watch. No, I can see that.
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Machinery drive through mud. Fast and Furious, Tokyo Drift. No, I think cars, I've been thinking about cars a lot lately. Speak on it. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I know it's a pod and sometimes the things I bring are audio clips. Hold on, I have something very important to share as well. Also, I want to see Rabid Granny so bad. If anybody's seen it, please chime in.
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The movie Rabid Granny's.
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Are you looking to grow closer to Mark Wahlberg?
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I knew something was happening. Get over here. Get over here. What are you doing? Are you looking to grow closer to God this Lent?
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You guys, Bob the Drag Queen is here. If you're in the car, take both hands off the wheel and start clapping, please.
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Oh, Conti.
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Go for it.
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I'll give it like a B. I think it's good. I've been working on my Robert Kennedy. It's too resonant. It's horrible. Can you do anybody political? I could do Martin Van Buren.
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Millard Fillmore. Millard Fillmore. Give it up for Bob the Drag Queen. Bob the Drag Queen. You look great, by the way. Yeah, love those green gauchos. Are those gauchos? Palazzos. Palazzos. I wish I had personal style. Look at you. But he always has an outfit that communicates something. He was wearing a suit at one point. Bob always gives.
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And then when I have to go to an event out of drag, I almost am more stressed out because I don't fucking have nice clothes. Totally. I don't have personal style. I'm embarrassed to ask for help. Do you have a men's bespoke tailored suit yet? They used to fit. Do you have a tailored suit made from scratch? No. Oh, you need to have one. No, I have them from H&M. No, no, God. No, no, no, no, no, no.
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Not off the rack. I'm talking about you go to a tailor. You select the fabric. They do all your measurements. They make it. You ever see Todd? Are you out of your mind?
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This is like one of those adult people things of a certain bracket. Age? Age and wealth thing. So now you're cutting my money and calling me old. I was thinking, you old rich bastard, you need to have a bespoke tailored suit. I think bespoke and tailored is a little redundant. No, you'd like, you go get it made because off the rack, it doesn't fit your body. Off the rack fits nobody's body.
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Can I say that when I'm about... 10 pounds thinner. I always fit like the stock six foot tall version.
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Because I'm not too skinny, not too muscly, not too anything.
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I'm just mid. Well, that's what, that's how they make manufactured clothes for the mid. I'm that middler. They split the difference, but nobody's, nobody, you know, Naomi Smalls? Well, six inch torso, eight foot legs. She probably has to have all her boy clothes made. Everything's a crop top. A church gown on her is a crop top. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She is so fucking stunning.
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If I looked like her and then... She's so irregular. Yes, but she's on a pod and she's like...
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Like, girl. There's no substitute for going under the knife. Just go under the knife. It's so cunty. She's so cunty. I know. Lips like this. I saw her come on the pod when I was on break, didn't she? She came in drapes. Wet. She came in eight feet tall. I was so, I was actually flabbergasted. I was like, I was like, she's so fucking pretty. Wet legs.
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Like she, she, she like sat down slumped and her legs went like. Yeah. Thank you for having me. Made of durable organic materials and custom-sized for your chicken's specific head circumference, these chickens will be popping out eggs five at a time. And what are you to do with so many extra eggs due to fedoras by Fabian? Launch a brand new website with Squarespace, you silly goose.
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And after you've launched, let's say you need help with marketing. Well, Squarespace has so many features to help drive sales and engage your audience with creative email campaigns that you'll be the nation's most famous chicken haberdasher in no time. So if you need a new website, go ahead and check out squarespace.com for a free trial.
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And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash bald to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Again, that's squarespace.com slash bald to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Squarespace, build it and they will come. This episode is brought to you by Rowe. As you may or may not have heard, GLP-1s are all over social media right now.
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You may think I'm about to make a joke, but for once in an ad read, I'm not. I personally know several people who've benefited from GLP-1s and they're no joke. Everyone thinks it's all about the weight loss and looking fabulous, but it's honestly about so much more than that. Being overweight doesn't just affect your mental health or how you look to others.
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There's nothing worse than having to drive halfway across the city to a fluorescent-lit waiting room just to sit in an uncomfortable chair and do what you could have done easily at home on your phone or laptop. While I haven't had the need for GLP-1s, they are the right choice for a lot of people who need help with their weight loss.
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Oh, is that a whip crack? Yeah, there's whip crack. Hell yeah. Shotguns? There's camera flashes. Shotguns. There's shotguns in... I love shotguns. I love a whip crack and a shotgun. So people will know when this comes out, Vincent's going to come sing Supermodel at Coachella. Trixie Chella. They're calling it Trixie Chella. Trixie Chella.
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Look, people, I'm a podcast host, entrepreneur, and part-time swimsuit model. I don't have time to go to the grocery store and spend hours upon hours preparing and cooking a meal.
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If I'm not talking with Trixie on the pod about how to drive a car, trimming a new hedge fund, or standing in front of a mirror with a swimsuit on to practice my modeling, I'm figuring out how to get 15 minutes of free time to take a breath. It's precisely this insane schedule that makes me adore the 15-minute meals from Hungry Root. Hungry Root is like having a personal nutritionist.
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They take care of the stressful meal planning each week by recommending delicious recipes tailored to your tastes, nutrition preferences, and health goals. They make it easy to eat high-quality nutritious food and achieve any diet or health goals by tailoring recipes to a variety of lifestyles. from anti-inflammatory to gut-friendly, gluten-free or dairy-free, high-protein, and more.
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You basically tell them about your goals and preferences, and they fill your cart with personalized recommendations that get smarter as they learn more about what you liked or didn't love. There's no high-fructose corn syrup, artificial sweeteners, or preservatives in any of Hungry Roots' foods. And their top quality meat and seafood are free of hormones and antibiotics.
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Most Hungry Roots recipes can be made in just 15 minutes or less. Last weekend, I made the XL sirloin steak fajitas and they were delicious. The grass-fed steak melted in my mouth. The seasoning was perfect. And best of all, it took me 15 minutes to cook. It gave me so much extra time that I immediately put on another swimsuit and went right back to the mirror to do the thing I truly love.
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Modeling. I love Hungry Root. Take advantage of this exclusive offer. For a limited time, get 40% off your first box, plus get a free item in every box for life. Go to HungryRoot.com slash bald and use code bald. That's HungryRoot.com slash bald. Code bald to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. Again, that's HungryRoot.com slash bald. Code bald.
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Well, I mean, this is, I guess, the season eight. We just had Bob. We talked to Naomi and Kim. You know, Kim has been like hitting the gym really hard. I saw her. Jim Chi. Jim Chi. I saw her. Actually, I saw both of them. She got those fuckers. Yeah. Naomi and Kim at high mat like months ago. Kim looks excellent. Kim, you look great. She told me she's been just really interested in fitness.
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She's been looking excellent. Well, she plopped her ass down right next to me in the stretching area and she is limber as hell. Yeah, she's huge. You forget how tall she is. That bitch is giant. Large people, large people. A lot of large people getting into skinny minis these days. Yeah, a lot. Well, Kim too. I mean, Kim's my sister. This isn't a sex thing. Kim has such a good shaped men's face.
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She's got this like square jaw and these high cheekbones. She's also very tall. Kim's face out of drag I just think is gorgeous. Pour one out for Kim's face. Pour one out for Kim's face. Come on, Kim's face. The mysterious face of Natalia Grace. Did she always look pretty? Did she always have that facility with makeup or was there a learning curve? Zero. She would say that she looks like shit.
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Kim's looking like shit. She looked great. Can I tell you, I've been waiting to tell you about a party I went to. Because I think... Yeah, I went to a sex party. With that wig on. At the PetSmart. I fucked every dog. At the TLC sex party. I went to the TLC theater and I watched My 9,000 Pound Librarian.
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You know. God, I need to stop. I need to stop. Getting Bangs, the real story, the untold story. Yeah. And I went to this party for guess what holiday? Um... March Madness. St. Patrick's Day. Oh, no. So I had friends from out of town and my friends from out of town were like, hey, one of our friends in L.A. is throwing her boyfriend's throwing a huge St. Patrick's Day party.
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So we asked, since we're staying with you, can we have an invite for the whole group? So we all went. Right. Me and the people. Now, where is this? It was in the valley, I believe. OK. Kind of like Valley Village. Valley Village. Valley Village. which is kind of like Burbank almost. So I go over there and we all wear green.
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And I didn't know what the vibe was gonna be, I just knew that it was gonna be like a Valentine's, or like a St. Patrick's Day party. And I'd never been to an Irish-themed event. You're Irish. Yeah. I didn't know what goes on. Drunk at 11. Okay. So that was what we were doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, and you know, I love to have a drink. Of course, right?
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Do you like to have several pints of Guinness? I don't like to get Miss Sloppy Boots because I get sick.
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But I like to ride lightning. I like to get right up to the edge of, I want to be able to get drunk enough that if I go home and have like a sandwich, I can go to bed pretty much sober. Got it. I don't want to go to bed sick. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah. So I get there really fun at a house party. Few dozen people decked out green everywhere. And the host, he had his mom fly in.
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She's a hundred percent Irish. And so is the dad. She's from like County Clare. No, they're just, they had a East coast accent, but originally their, their, their lineage is all. Okay. All types of Irish food. They cooked from scratch. No, it was all meats. So I didn't have much. But I had some soup, potato soup.
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And I said, well, I guess I'll just cheat and eat the potato soup with the bacon bits in it. She goes, no, we made a vegan one just in case. So I got to eat the vegan Irish soup, whatever. Top of the morning to you. What is the Irish thing? 400 calories a day. I have a little cup of soup. It's horrible. It's horrible. I have some of that.
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I go sit on the, sit on the patio and I'm sitting there and I don't know anyone there except the people I came with, but you know, I love to be a plus one. I feel so free when I don't have to greet anyone. Oh, sure. I don't have to be gracious host. Yeah. You can ask willy nilly. I'm taking. Yeah. And because I didn't know anyone at the party, I brought,
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a lot brought a cheese platter brought bottles of so and and then the people i go with grab the booze and i carry the booze in and it's a group of like adult older people and they're all like having brie and crackers and i'm having a brown paper bag and i think i'm about to pull out like a bespoke wine tell me why it's a giant fucking jug of tito's no one there knows me and i pull out a huge and i'm just like hey guys
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let's get let's get pissed and they're all like kiss me I'm Irish having like a little bit of Bailey's and I'm like so I brought a trough of vodka who wants to do some keg stands right so then I go sit outside didn't get messy this guy he goes this guy next to us goes so they actually hide leprechauns at this party And then when you find them, you get extra prizes. I said, oh shit.
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I did pick up a second gig, so I'm no longer going into financial ruin trying to do labs.
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You know I'm gonna love that. I love shit like that. And I appreciate the effort when throwing a party to do corny little shit like that. But okay, the question is, are they people? So the guy next to me puts on an Irish accent and starts saying like, Once upon a time at this party, they'll hide the leprechaun. And then I'm listening and I'm like, he's doing like a bit.
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He's probably a comedy person. I don't know who he was. And I was entertained. I was like, cool. And then after he was done, there was a long pause. And I didn't mean it to sound this way, but you're going to love this. A long pause after he did like this whole monologue of like, and if you find it, your lucky blarney stones or pot of gold will come down upon ye. It's like a whole storyline.
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And I go, thank you for telling us. But I totally meant it nice, but it came out so cunty. And the guy just burst out laughing. He goes, oh my God. He goes, that was the funniest response. He said, thank you for humoring me. And I said, I didn't mean it to sound like that. I just go, thank you for telling us. Totally. So then- Did you find any leprechauns?
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When you're drunk, I have a drink and it's strong, right? And I'm not eating a lot of the food. I didn't eat dinner. You got to remember to eat dinner. Yes. Because suddenly you're blackout. You don't know how- Mind you, don't know these people. I may be one of the drunkest people there. Are they straight? Yes. Okay.
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I would like to make a version of Afterpay or Klarna. I always almost say Klarna now. It's Klarna. It's Klarna. After paying Klarna, I always, I want a version of that where you just don't, never pay. It's, it's layaway, but you just, you buy a lot of shit and then you just dip down. Do you remember, are you old enough for it to remember layaway? Yeah. Cause you know what it is? My mom would.
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Patrick's Day. So gay drunk is straight hospitalized. Yes. So I'm probably a liability to everybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then it's time to go look for the leprechauns. So I take off my pants. But I get really- And panties. So then they have in the backyard one of those little gardens, you know, like a box where you plant. Yes. And there's a hole dug and there's a trowel.
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And I go, okay, I think that leprechaun's buried in there. But I'm drunk. So I'm also like, am I drunk digging up their gladiolas? Or their dead cat. Right. Pet cemetery. So I go to dig and this guy next to me goes, oh, I wouldn't go in there. I almost dug in there and I kind of got, they told me probably not to. And I said, oh, okay. So I walk away. I turn around.
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Plus, Row members have support throughout their entire journey. You can even sign up from the comfort of your home, which is massively convenient. So if you need to drop some weight and want to achieve your goals for a lower price, join the over 385,000 people who've already chosen Row to access GLP-1s. Go to ro.co slash bald to see if you qualify. That's ro.co slash bald.
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This guy digs in with the trowel and finds the leprechaun. The same guy. I wouldn't do, I wouldn't do that if I were you. I was so cooked. That's incredible. That was so competitive. So then later there's another contest. They say there's an Irish dance contest. Mind you, there's like a dozen people left. Oh God. Did you dance? I ran up there and got on the ground and started doing this.
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I don't know any of these people. I'm not invited. I'm not invited. I get on the ground. I slam both hands and I go like this.
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You're like, this is a sex party. Why do I look tucked? What's wrong with me? What's wrong with the front of me? You're Ellen. So I'm doing this and then I don't win the contest. And they were straight people, so they were like, the songs that were playing were like Enya. Oh, and you're doing hip thrusts.
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Well, so then I go, do you want me to, I'm a DJ, confident, so I go up to the host, I go, do you want me to put on a song? And he goes, yeah. So I put on C'est La Vie by Bewitched, you know, popular Irish pop song. You know this? That old tavern jingle. Say you will, say you won't, say you'll do what I, come on. Of course. Anybody who's Irish knows that one.
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I put that on and I get up there and I hit that thrust so fucking hard. And in that moment I go, I only know the people I came with. That is so brazen. That's Irish. Fucked up. That's very Irish though. But everybody was so nice. And then later I said, I had so much fun. Like this was so great. And please invite me next year. And they said they would. Well, we'll see. Huge of true.
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This is the real kicker on the party. Guess who was there? Conan O'Brien. No, not Conan O'Brien. You know he's a giant tall person? Mindra O'Shanahan? Patrick O'Flannery.
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It's so fierce. Okay, sorry, go ahead. So, okay, who was there? Hold on. His name is Tim Bagley. That sounds really familiar. He was in Grace and Frankie. Tim Bagley? This guy. Oh, yes. He's in Best in Show. Yes. He was Michael McCain. Wasn't he Michael? No, no, no. He's so funny and so soft. Who was he just in? He's in The Comeback.
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He plays the caterpillar in The Comeback that's like, this costume is so fucking hot. What else is he in? He's in Grace and Frankie's and Will and Grace. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Grace and Frankie. I remember him in Grace and Frankie. He's really just been in everything. He's very funny. And he steals the show and everything. So I said, I got to say hi.
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So my friend meets him and then says, my friend wants to meet you. And he knew about Trixie.
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And he was so nice. I bet he, yeah. And I said, I got to tell you, I watched the comeback like twice a year. And there's a scene where you're dressed as a caterpillar and you're complaining about how fucking hot it is. And I said, in drag, I always think of you. And he was like, oh, he's like, well, we love that show. He said, you know who else is here? He said, let's go tell Michael.
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Michael Patrick King. Oh, no way. Because it's an Irish party. Oh, duh. All the Irish people are there. And so I got to tell him how much I loved the comeback. He gave me a big hug. Did you ask him why he didn't cast you in AJ and the Queen? I said, oh, you did AJ and the Queen.
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Parvert. Parvert. We would get clothes on layaway for school at the beginning of summer. Pay them off by senior year. Because she would buy the school supplies and shit when it wasn't spiked. Smart. Smart. She would buy our summer clothes when they were on sale. We were always a season behind because you put the summer clothes on layaway. Wait, were you going to wear shorts in the winter?
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Um, yeah, no, I didn't ask, but I knew that I knew that he knew you because I said, Oh, you did that with Katya because he loves us. Yeah. He's great. He did sex in the city. He was so nice. I was so starstruck and it was really cool for me. That's great. Type of Irish party. Why weren't you there? McCook? Well, well that's, we're actually technically Scottish, but, um, Irish Boston, St.
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Patrick's day.
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stay away it's it's west hollywood halloween yeah what goes on we're dying the um we're dying the charles green she's already green she's already green the river okay we're dying the river green she's already green you know what i mean like we're doing green stuff we're we're being obnoxious at 9 a.m we're getting full blackout by 11 a.m we're face down panties up by 3 p.m there's a parade nobody remembers it it's full chaos just white people misbehaving
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Yeah, it's white people that they're worst. It's the worst of the whiteys. Whitey Bulger. It's horrible. It's really horrible. And also hate crimes. Love that talk. It's not a great gay. It's not a great gay-friendly holiday, typically. What do you do for St. Patrick's Day? What was I doing for St. Patrick's Day? It was on a Monday.
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yeah well this party was on saturday okay nothing okay face down i have i just i love a christmas party i love a halloween party i've never been to a theme party i did have fun okay well there you go yeah and it was fun that real irish people were cooking real irish food what other holiday would that be like what's the is it like equivalent to what's another holiday
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Like an Easter party or something for adults.
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The weird thing though is because Donald Trump announced that, you know, we're not flying pride flags. We're not flying, you know, like we're not doing a black history month, but we're going to fiercely do Irish heritage month. It did feel very, it put a small damper on my experience, but that's not the fault of the party host. It was a, it was fun to go to a house party and,
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And then I skipped graduation to hike the West Highland Way. You graduated from college in 2005. That's fucked. No shit, girl. That's fucked, girl. I graduated high school in the year 2000. That's so fucked. It's been longer than I was that age. You do the math. Born in 1982. Fiercely old. Old as hell. So old. That looks like my younger sister up there.
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old any positive we're wrapping up here oh yeah any positive shout outs I do yes I just want to I want to clear the air and address the situation in that little Instagram clip that Courtney Act had the gall and audacity to call out online she said did you put the baby filter on this and I said excuse me right I did did you notice you looked great like a little baby of me yeah we were talking and I like tried to subtly throw it in there I don't know if you knew maybe you didn't notice
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I would like to shout out. Is there a baby? That's a baby filter. Yeah. We, it doesn't look that different. I know. Thank you. It's cause we're bald. Yeah, that's true. Oh, I do want to shout out Gwen Stefani for being so religious. Girl. Girl. Do you want to grow closer to God with me this Lent? Download this app and pray with me every day. And let's get closer to God through this app.
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Not like a last season. But like... I know. You buy your swim trunks in fall.
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Can we listen to it? It's so crazy.
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Mark Wahlberg. Fuck off. Well, I did do the Transcendental Meditation course. Did I even tell you that? It's very, very boring.
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Where do you find the time? All this premium cable. All this smoking. No more smoking. 20 and 20 could save your life 40 minutes a day. Are you looking to get closer to God this Lent? Join me on the Halo app. Can I say, it's so crazy. You know what? She looks incredible, but she looks like a Barbie that is there to convert your children from gay to straight. Her looks have never been the issue.
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So that by summer... Yeah, they're not marked up. I hate that. Also... I have stress dreams about buying books for college. Girl. It's like, it's the silent killer. I've been watching. They don't tell you about that.
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I guess I feel... I didn't expect that person who makes that music. To be a televangelist, essentially.
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It kind of is a hard left for me. Download this app and get closer to God with me during Lent. And I guess I have no issue with it. I do. I mean, if she wants to be religious. Is it, I doubt it's free. Yeah, I guess so. But I'll shout out, Brittany Broski has been releasing music. This probably isn't three weeks old now. Is it religious music? No, she does type of singing type stuff.
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Would you like to hear? Yeah. That's her? Yes. Damn. She sounds horrible. So go listen to the girls. That looks great. Women are not one thing. She can be hilarious and an incredible musician. And I got to tell you, I don't know her business, but you got to support the girls. Go listen to it. It's a cover of that Harry Styles song.
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watermelon sugar no adore you adore you yes because she's a big harry styles fan oh really she's trying to reach him one song at a time this is her extending the rose hello hi how are you what do you think about um do you know about oh god what is his name fuck off
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Off the piano. Benson Boone. He does a backflip off a piano? All the time. He's always flipping and kicking. Oh, wait. Did he do it at the Grammys? Yes. Okay, I did see that.
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Let people sing. Let people do backflips. If the body is tea, you must set him free. Well, there you go. All right. Goodbye. Happy St. Patrick's Day. Yes. Drink less at other people's houses. Yeah, maybe no hip thrusts for the first couple hours. On the porch in front of his mom. What the fuck? While a Bluetooth speaker plays a song I picked? What the fuck is that? You start like... 35.
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I've been watching Buffy and I'm on season four and she goes to college and I'm watching her in the bookstore and I'm thinking, remember when your fucking math textbook is $500 and it's the only, I was like, this is a racket to get that teacher. I guess what it's written by. The teacher. Hello. Hello. That's so fucked.
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Like, imagine if it was like, oh, if you want to come to our show, you have to buy our book. Yeah. Not available in any library. No, not available because it's only printed for this bookstore so that you, the sucker, have to pay the mama. I'm not paying for that teacher's salary or that teacher's little jacuzzi, whatever. You try to get the used too, but the thing is. 498.
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It's $500 new or $498 used. But when you return it, they give you $3. Make that make sense. I'm struggling with my hair. No, it's not a struggle. It's a journey. This is one of the wigs from Solid Pink Disco. This is called He Him. It looks like you look exactly like Ken from the Barbie movie. It kind of gives pixie cut though. Well, kind of? It is.
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These to me, these points, like if you are a gal, you can still style these and make them very like... It's like Rachel Lee Cook. This is an actress going into audition for Chicago, but swearing she didn't dress up.
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And she comes in like... With her costume flapper dress. Did you see which actress just got a pixie cut? Emma Stone? Yeah. Emma Stone. Emma Stone. Wow. Not great. Oh, I love it. She has such a pretty face. I mean, yeah, she's got one of those faces. I love it when she's so gorg. It's the type of beauty that's like, I'm going to just try and be ugly. And they can't.
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I've never seen it. You would love it. But there's a really great episode where she comes back. I think it's after a season. She's got a short haircut and everybody's horrified because it looks awful. And she thinks it looks great. It's so funny. So funny. It's hard. I do love videos of people cutting their own hair. I love the moment of panic. I do love that type of shit.
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Why do people think that they can cut their own hair? Can I say – Why do people think that? I don't think that I can do the electric in my – Do you know what I mean? I don't think I can like – Well, hairstylists know a lot more than you think they do. They're doing a lot more than just eyeballing your head and taking chunks of it. But I think people think that it's not super technical.
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That it's like if you just like stretch it out and chop it, it's going to look – Hair cutting is hard. Are they that stupid? I consider myself visually whatever and gay and beauty oriented. Hair cutting for me in beauty school was so humbling. So humbling. I look at haircutting as like open heart surgery. Same thing. Same thing.
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Go to ro.co slash safety for boxed warning and full safety information about GLP-1 medications. Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Blissy. I got to tell you, I received a Blissy pillowcase in the mail, and it made my completely bald head feel very good at night. I wish I knew about this sooner.
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I would never, I would take eight years of training for me to even begin. Yeah. I would never. Oh, you know what they say in beauty school? They would say, cause I was in beauty school, but I worked front desk at the Scott free salon in Milwaukee. Hello. And the girls who, you know, I'd, I'd make their appointments.
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I'd take care of their clients and they'd be like, well, you know, once you leave beauty school, it's years before you even have any semblance of saying, you know how to cut hair. Like you learn in the real world. All the patients you have to kill along the way to get to that successful open heart surgery, who are they? Do you know what I mean? One time we were doing a women's.
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You know when it's short on the top and then it's like a longer length? I mean a lot of people do it. But like longer on the front and then shorter on the top. Tapered. Yeah, one time I was just on autopilot and we had just done men's haircuts. And I'm cutting this girl's hair. And at the end of it, I just was like thinking about my groceries, whatever.
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And I just cut a gorgeous square masculine men's haircut into this girl's hair and sent her down to the Chapel Roan concert. You're like, here's men's warehouses in Dallas. And it looked, she was very pretty. And so I was like, well, it looks kind of cute on her. It's fine. But, um, I don't think she was probably wanted some more length.
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You, and you want to save on, you want to save on the women's cuts, the pieces on the side, the front to feminize and frame and all that. But when I worked at the makeup counter, the girls would come in whenever they chopped their hair off, they overhaul their makeup bag. Cause a lot of women feel like once they lose their long hair, they, they don't feel as feminine.
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They got to get a different license. So when women would shave their head, let's say, they would come in and be like, I want to learn about lashes. Oh, I want to learn about a bold lip. Yes. Yeah. Oh, that makes sense. You know, they feel like their hair is their femininity a little bit. A little bit. Not everyone, I mean.
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Cunty. But it's like very, it's identity. Yeah. But everyone wants to have the long hair, but no one wants to take care of it. We live in the era of the Dyson Airblade. Just wake up 10 minutes early and do your hair. Oh, God. That salon look is so accessible now. Dry bar. Get a blowout. You know, get one of those TikTok head wraps where you wrap the hair up and sleep in that. Give us something.
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Again, I love being bald, and I'll never not love it. Yeah. So eat my ass. Can I say I had Caleb Heron on the channel? Amazing comedian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we were doing a game where I put wigs on him and I had to put a wig cap on him and I went, Doing drag with wig caps. Girl. It's very Mrs. Doubtfire. It's very boop, boop, boop. I don't know how to use my hands.
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Like it's all the putting wig, trying to put a wig cap on a 22 year old girl with like waist length, brown hair, gorgeous, thick, like all one length for Halloween. I'm like, you figure it out, honey. You just figure it out. Cause I can't do all that. You're like wrapping it up. You're smushing it. And then you're trying to put the, the,
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bald the best thing to do really is a french braid or two french braids because then you can anchor the way yes you have to do two braids and you have to go around like um you gotta do the crown crown because then you stick the pins in that yeah and then it's all anchored yeah but they don't know they don't know that they can't even they can't even get around the the geometry or the physics of a wig cap they're like whoa what is this they're like you put it on your head immediately flies off
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Satin is so bad for you, but Blissy's silk, and it's an incredible game changer. I've been seeing a dermatologist in Beverly Hills. Yes, they're extremely curt with me, and I feel ugly, but it's very helpful. And the dermatologist told me to ditch cotton pillowcases for blissy silk and you'll see less fine lines and healthier hair in weeks.
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It like flies across the room. It's like they can't wrap their head around it. Literally. They're just like, what do I? Whoa. It's like, what the fuck? It's so crazy.
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They get immediately stupid. They go to put it on and they act like it's their first day with ham. They can't stretch it over their own fucking head. Nylon. I don't know what my head is. I'm not sure what nylon is. And I don't know where this hair is coming from. It's so crazy.
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They're always white. Always. That's the girls who struggle. College books. College books. Girl. I thought it would change at art school. Nope. Was there an elective you took that you really liked? I wanted to take photography, but it was too expensive. Oh, you had to have a camera. You have the lab fee and the supply list for photography was like $2,000. Oh my God. For the whole year.
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Like $1,000 a semester. I can't afford that. No. Who can afford that? Rich people. Rich people. That's the hack. I hate rich people at college because they're all there stinking it up with their Porsches and stuff. They're driving up and down Commonwealth Avenue in Boston in their little Porsches. Generational wealth. Why are you here?
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Well, they're there to support those broke-ass teachers trying to get you to buy their $500 book because they get no financial aid. They literally create the endowment for the school. Baby. And the math book? What did you do? Invent new math? It's horrible. Shut up, bitch. And then they have the nerve to not even use it. Baby. They don't even use it. They don't even use it. You never need it.
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I can't tell you how many classes that was the case. You didn't even open the book. I took this class called Art Survey where... What does that mean? You don't do art. You learn about all the different types of art.
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And you learn about different types of art by going to galleries. Part of the class was going to galleries. And I guess it was fine. I mean, I'm not like a passionate visual artist. And so it was great for me because I know nothing about that. So I was like learning about gesso or underpainting or any of that.
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Chiara Scuro. And it was the type of class where you could just go to the review day, take notes, and then take the exam because there was no homework.
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oh my god i'm never gonna go to this class so all i did was go to the review day and that was rails of adderall i'm just kidding i just paid attention i just paid attention and just they shouldn't be that easy sweetie shouldn't be that easy sweetie boston university let me pinch a picture weeks before 9-11 that has nothing to do with it so boston university that is a it's your alibi yeah
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Well, if you know you can't afford a thousand dollar class, you're not buying a plane ticket either, honey. Thank you. No. Boston University intro to psychology 101. I went to one lecture. I was like, nope, not going to this. And again, showed up to the final multiple choice. 10 questions. Eats. Did you get it?
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My science elective, I tried to take plants in today's world because everyone says that was the easy one. And then I ended up taking diet and exercise. Oh. Diet and nutrition. That's fun. It was so interesting. Yeah. It was so interesting. Did you guys talk about fad diets? Yes. So as our big project, we each got to select a popular famous diet. South Beach, Atkins, whatever.
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I noticed for me, my face gets so ripped up from drag that anything I can do to help my face recuperate and rest is very helpful. You'll see healthier skin and hair in just a few weeks. And it's better than satin, which is made from synthetics. It's rougher on your hair and skin, and it's cheap for a reason. Blissie has anti-aging properties. It reduces fine lines and wrinkles over time.
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And you got to study it, learn about it, and write a big study paper on it. And I chose the Subway diet. No way. Baby, have I ever told you about this? No, I don't think so. I'm a PhD on the fucking Subway diet. Obviously, I don't pay attention to it. Well, practice in theory. I love Subway. And I know that that's like a polarizing thing in this country. Because of the pedo?
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No, people just, some people are like, it's, they hate Subway. Oh. Do you guys like Subway? See, it's very yes and no. But you know what though? I walk into Subway, you know what I get? I get a foot long veggie with tons of salt and pepper and olive oil and vinegar. The sleeper hit of Subway is the veggie. Yeah. Gorgeous bread with vegetables and like salt and pepper toasted with cheese. Yeah.
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Love it. Horn. Oh, you don't eat cheese. No cheese, but I find it very filling and satisfying. It's delicious. It's delicious. So the Subway diet is two 400-calorie subs a day. Okay, so that's called starvation. That's the whole diet. Oh, that's insane. And there is no exercise. Oh, my God. So you're just – of course you lose weight because you're malnourished. What?
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I mean, it had really clear directions on how to use everything from the Wi-Fi to the stove to the TV, everything. I mean, nice hot stove to make like breakfast in my underwear in the morning. Huge lofted ceiling, like giant king-sized bed with like a cabin quilt on it. I mean, I slept like a baby, a perfect little baby. I mean, being able to travel and eat, like all I did, I brought like...
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You know, I brought like pancake mix. I brought like some cans of soup, but I didn't have to bring utensils. I brought pans and then I got there and I was like, I don't even need these. I mean, everything was provided for me. I also love this feature with the Airbnb app where like you can kind of plan ahead.
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So let's say I'm going to Florida and far in advance of my trip, I can start checking out the area and start favoriting different like options. And that way, when it comes time to crunch time, like I've done a lot of my perusing, my browsing for bookings and I've got them kind of favorited. So in Milwaukee and, you know, like my brother lives in Minneapolis, like anywhere that I'm going to stay.
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I always have a few favorited because it helps me just to make a quick reservation when it's time. All trips are better with Airbnb. I love it. If you want more space, more privacy in a better location and the most loved homes, check out Airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app. Yes, I am. Yes, I am. Why do you think that everybody needs to hear from you? I mean, what is your name?
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Well, why do you love Chime so much? I mean, what I know about Chime is that it's a checking account that helps people who are working on financial progress. Nobody is perfect. Okay, I have in my life overdrawn to an embarrassing amount and had the bank. I've had to be on the phone with the bank and have them read me because I didn't realize how fiercely I was overdrafting.
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A lot of these banks will have things where they're like, oh, we'll cover you. They'll let you overdraft almost in a predatory way. And like, that's not helpful to me. You know what I mean?
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Banking Services and Debit Card provided by the Bancorp Bank N.A. or Stride Bank N.A. Members FDIC. Spot me eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Fees apply at out-of-network ATMs. My pay eligibility requirements apply. Credit limits range $20 to $500. $2 fee applies to get funds instantly. Chime check-in account required. Go to chime.com slash disclosures for details.
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Nick, don't get scared. Do you get scared? Oh Mama, versuch mal in Boston zu fahren. Das Ding ist, als ich in Milwaukee fuhr, fühlte ich mich immer sicher. Ich wusste genau, wo ich hingehe. Ich fühlte nie Kondition. Ich bin einfach so wie... Ich fahre den Hollywood Boulevard in meinen Renten. Und ich wollte das Lexus kaufen.
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Ich fühle mich, als würde ich Worldstar sehen. Aber jetzt wird es oft ein Fight-Video sein, das sich in einen Schuss schießt. Und ich bin so hoch in meinem Haus und sage, krieg sie, krieg sie, Mädchen.
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Ich wollte ein Lexus leasen, weil mein Accountant mir gesagt hat, dass wenn du es leasest... Leasen macht Sinn. Du könntest es als Geschäftspreis leasen, wenn du es für Arbeit benutzt. Und du kannst immer ein neues Auto haben. Und ich wollte ein Auto mit einem langen Interieur haben, in dem ich sitzen und dragen kann. Ich will auf Netflix fahren oder so. Du musst das Popemobile bekommen.
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Sie sagten, das ist das, was die NBA-Spieler bekommen, weil es hochkant ist. Aber ich war auf dieses Lexus und sagte, lass mich wissen, wie viel es ist. Ich bin sehr reich. Und sie sagten, 1200 Dollar pro Monat? Ich sagte, wird dieses Auto mich verletzen? Wird dieses Auto mir Essen backen? Ist es ein Airfryer? Was hat es? Du denkst, das ist viel? 1200 Dollar pro Monat? Für eine Fahrt?
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Mein Smartphone kostet 400 Dollar. Für eine Lease. Für eine Leihung. Für eine Leihung. Ein Luxus-Vehikel im Jahr 2025. Ist eine Leihung mehr als ein Fahrzeug-Payment? Ähm, nicht, ich weiß nicht, aber, aber... Weil jetzt bin ich so, ich wollte ein Luxus, weil es sicherer ist. Viele dieser europäischen und asiatischen, japanischen Technologien sind in den Fahrzeugen sehr sicher.
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Aber jetzt bin ich so, well shit, soll ich nur den verdammten Toyota Tercel und nur den günstigen Fahrzeug kaufen?
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I was just looking for, I was researching cars with the tallest interior, so there was maybe a way I could sit in the car in a wig and not be like this.
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Brandon would drive me.
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He's giving Flintstones. Totally. The whole big is perfect except the top that's completely blown out asshole.
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I swear to God.
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Weißt du, die Lesbien, die uns f**ken wollen? Jedes Mal, wenn ich über uns f**ke, sind sie so.
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Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Just a little bit of time. I feel conflicted because I do know it's a broken system and it's a political message. No, no, no. I don't totally believe anybody should shoot anybody.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Maybe we can go together. Let's do it. We have to see that day. We go to one event a year together. Maybe this is the one. I think that's going to be great. I went to see, right before I left for Australia, I saw Andrew's February show.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
What were the whores doing? Gay stuff. Gay type stuff. Homosexual type stuff. Ballet stuff. Cupid stuff. I went to a TV premiere last night. The Righteous Gemstones. It's rare that I'm invited to something I actually really like the program. Weil normalerweise ist es zu Barbie. Ich mag Barbie, aber ich habe sie noch nicht gesehen, also weiß ich nicht, ob ich sie mag.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Ich liebe die reichsten Gemste, also dachte ich mir, hell ja. Sie hatten eine Kirchenchor singen und es war aufregend. Ich kenne niemanden in diesem Cast. Aber ich kenne persönlich keinen von ihnen. John Goodman war nicht da, aber Adam war da und alle waren da. Und es gab auch keine gayen Leute, die ich da kannte. Also war es vielleicht das erste Mal, dass ich zu etwas ging, wo ich niemanden kenne.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Und natürlich, The caterers, the people running the event, all know Trixie and Katja. Right. Because it's like young, cool people. Okay. What's the demographic at the premiere then?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
It kind of makes fun of mega churches. It was like Ted Lasso crowd. Yeah. Okay. And it was a great premiere. Two episodes. We got to watch one and two. Great premiere. Thank God. I can't say much, but I love that show. And I came home and watched a bunch of YouTube videos of megachurches doing that level production that they do. Because in the series, they're like, you know,
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Vergangen. Vergangen. Vergangen. Ich habe einen sehr schwierigen Zeitraum mit... Social Media, because it all, X especially, feels so conservative. The stuff that gets suggested for me all of a sudden in the last few months is so conservative and crazy.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Es ist ein Beyonce-Konzert. Es ist ein volles Konzert. Und ich habe Videos von Mega-Kirchen gesehen, in denen sie Santa in einem Schlag fliegen, über die Gemeinde, in den Himmel. Leute, die als Engel fliegen. Sie sollen besser, sie fließen dich und bezahlen keine Steuern. Sie sollen besser ein fucking Show machen.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Natürlich. Sie lassen dich die Schlange halten und wenn sie dich zerstört, dann hast du den Dämonen in dir und du stirbst.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Sie sind illegal, aber die Leute haben sie immer noch.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Oh, bring a book. Could you and I start a church? Absolutely. If we write a book that's supposed to be like a Bible, could we get exempt status?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
I just think it's weird that it's like... Es geht darum, zu geben. Gib uns Geld jetzt. Warum kostet es Geld, wenn du glaubst an Gott? Warum wird die Glauben gemessen? Hast du Geld gegeben? Es ist ein Telefon, wo sie sagen, Jesus braucht dein Geld. Es ist ein sehr ordentlicher Griff. Jesus hat nur einen Outfit.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Ja, es war auch regnig. Also hatten sie es auf dem Paramount-Lot in einem der Soundstages. Also es war ein großer roter Karpet und alles. Und ich musste auf den roten Karpet gehen, obwohl ich nicht drin war.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Und was hat man sich gekauft? Well, I did this funny thing last year when I was anorexic thin, which was buy a bunch of suits that don't fit anymore. So, Mama's just getting male corseted up and going to the functions. No way. Face looking pillowed like J.D. Vance, just trying to bronze the side, trying to chisel. Like J-Lo, not J.D.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Trying to chisel down the face, just trying to shrink the face somehow. You are so dysmorphic, it's unbelievable. You have no idea. Walking around my house screaming. Screaming before and after I woke up this morning and started screaming. Because I went to the event and I thought it was cute last night to have five drinks at the event. I woke up screaming.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Because I had five drinks, woke up, and I'm still adjusting the time change from Australia. And you know when you have alcohol in your system, it converts to sugar. So sometimes you wake up early anyway. So I'm up at 6am watching Roseanne, because apparently when I went to bed half drunk, I wanted to watch more John Goodman, because I love John Goodman. I do too. He's so good.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
He's so good in The Righteous Gemstones. He plays Eli Gemstone, and everybody in that cast is so good. That shit is, that's some of the hardest I've ever laughed at TV in my life. I'm gonna get into it. You gotta get into Judy Gemstone, you gotta get into all of them. Gay shit, all of it. And I woke up this morning feeling... I had a great time at the premiere, it was so much fun.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Of course I know one person there, one person, Naomi Grossman, who plays Pepper from American Horror Story. Get out of here. I did a photo shoot with her once and I go, hey... Stop by where? The bar. So then after... Three more? I know that she sees me. And I know she knows I told her I was leaving. So she sees me, Miss Bald Lush, posted up at a table, throwing him back. Open bar?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
I'm not even in this cast. The cast has left. Open bar? You have to take advantage of that. Isn't that horrible? No, it's not horrible.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
You put it in the toilet and flush it. Yes. You don't look at it. You don't handle it.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Wachen und schreien. Und ich habe ein paar Körperprobleme. Und wenn du Alkohol trinkst, fühlst du dich hübsch. Also habe ich mich gestern Morgen im Bett gewaschen, fühlte mich wie einer dieser robotischen Hamsters. Die Dance-Hamster-Vibe. Ich habe einfach angefangen zu schreien. Ich habe einfach angefangen zu schreien.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Ich bin aufgewacht, ich hatte einen Topf von Hühnchenböden mit Almonden und habe dann mehr geschreit. Oh mein Gott. Und dann musste ich einfach hierher kommen. Und so, du bist willkommen. Hungry Root, the Root, the Root, the Root is on fire. Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Hungry Root. And when it comes to cooking and eating, I've got this problem.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
You guys know I've been trying to be a better cook because I have a six burner stove, which is such a privilege. And so I've been trying to push my cooking skills, even though they are so rudimentary. And I'm also trying to, if I cook at home, make food that is, dare I say, good for me, healthy and easy to make. And thanks to Hungryroot, it's the easiest way to eat healthy.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
I kind of like take the turd out and kind of like fillet it. You know, type stuff.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
It's like having a personal nutritionist. It takes the stress out of meal planning by recommending delicious recipes tailored to your tastes. Your nutrition preferences, your health goals. You guys, I'm a picky eater and I also have a hard time deciding what to eat. So not only do I need things suggested for me, but I have strict diet restrictions, which is...
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
A little unfair to put on a person, so I'm glad how Guru can do that for me. They make it easy to eat high quality nutritious foods and achieve any diet health goals by tailoring recipes to a variety of styles. Like for me, because of my arthritis, I'm always trying to flirt with an anti-inflammatory diet, but I'm always intimidated by how to do that and have it taste good.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Aber Hungry Roots hilft mir. Es gibt keinen hohen Fruchtstoff-Korn-Sirup, keine Artifizierten-Sweeteners, keine Preservativen von jeder Art in jeder von Hungry Roots-Foods. Sie sourcen nur top-Qualität-Meat und Seafood ohne Hormone und Antibiotika. Alle Hungry Roots-Rezepte können in nur 15 Minuten oder weniger gemacht werden.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Und mit über 15.000 Rezepten pro Woche, gibt es etwas für jeden Geschmack und Nutritional-Präferenzen. I really love Hungry Root. They sent me this item. I'm always trying to like, sad to be a lifelong vegetarian and not really be good at cooking tofu. I feel like it either turns out burnt or too soft.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
And some of the dishes that I've been working with with Hungry Root is teaching me that this tofu, honestly, you just cannot be afraid of like flavor blasting that, you know, MF-er. Okay? You just got to really hit it with the seasoning. I'm trying to not be a cringe, you know, person who doesn't season their food anymore. I'm trying to do a better job. And Hungry Root is really helping me.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
You're going to love Hungry Root as much as I do. Take advantage of the exclusive offer. For a limited time, get 40% off your first box. Plus, get a free item in every box for life. Go to HungryRoot.com slash bald and use the code bald. That's HungryRoot.com slash bald. Code bald to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. HungryRoot.com slash bald. Code bald.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Die Ärzte zu Hause erzählen dir, was mit dir falsch ist?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Squarespace, Baby. Today's episode of Ball in the Beautiful is brought to you by our friends at Squarespace. This is what I like about Squarespace. I feel that everybody should have the freedom to make their own little website, either for your business, pictures of your dog.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Rezepien, die du machen möchtest, dein Reise-Vlog, vielleicht lebst du in der Van-Welt, vielleicht versuchst du die Julia & Julia und kochst etwas jeden Tag für 100 Tage oder was auch immer. Ich denke, dass jeder das tun sollte und es sollte so erfolgreich wie möglich sein, weil lass mich dir Squarespace erzählen.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
The way you can be a complete dunce and turn out a gorgeous website, it has the web designers shook. And let me tell you, I've worked with web designers, it's awful. I've worked with independent web designers, it's awful. I've worked with web design firms, it's awful. It's so freeing as a small business and a creator and a creative person to get an idea for my website or like...
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Nicht seit Monkeypox. Oh, für die Mönche. Pour one out for all those hot people that got monkeypox.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Fresh out of Photoshop, I can find a photo I really like and throw it onto the website. Something else I really like is that there's engines in this that tell you what people are doing on your website. You can see what they click first. If they click this button, what else do they click? You could see exactly at what point they maybe abandoned the cart.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
You could see if somebody likes this lip product, let's say. Es ist sehr möglich, dass sie auch auf das klicken werden. Man sieht also, wie die Leute ihre Produkte logisch verbinden. Ich finde das auch wirklich interessant.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Als ich als Bride und Make-up-Artist in meinen Zwanzigern arbeitete, war es so schön, am Sonntag ein Gebäude zu machen, die Bilder von dem Fotografen am Montag zu bekommen und neue, frische, jüngere Gebäudefotos eines Brides und Gästes oder eines Brides und Gästes oder eines Gästes und Gästes auf der Website zu bekommen. Ich konnte aktiv Spring-Geräte machen und Fotos von Spring-Geräten aufnehmen.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Es war wirklich schön. I also really love the scheduling. My massage therapist uses this tool. And instead of me texting him and harassing him and being like, when are you free? When are you free? I'll just go in and I'll book a massage with him right in the schedule in the website. And I don't even have to text him. I've texted him and been like, hey, I booked on your website. Did you see that?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
And he's like, oh yeah, you're all good. You don't even have to text me. And it's really nice. It makes you feel like less of a... Bis zum nächsten Mal. Head over to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to www.squarespace.com slash bald and save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's www.squarespace.com slash bald, baby.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
I will see you on the internet. Und dann mit der Zeitveränderung, habe ich gesagt, ich werde mich aufstehen lassen, bevor ich hierher komme. Ich liege auf der Couch, ich stelle einen Pillow über meinen eigenen Gesicht und schlafe so. Und Brandon ruft mich an und sagt, ich bin draußen. Es ist 2.50 Uhr. Oder es ist 1.50 Uhr. Ich sage, oh mein Gott.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Ja. Wenn du zu einem Premiere gehst und du kennst niemanden darin, ist es erstaunlich, zu sehen, dass du keine Akteure kennst, die große Star sind, wie Danny McBride, Adam und alle anderen. Ich war einfach so, oh mein Gott. Es war wirklich lustig. Ich war hinter den Presseleuten, weil sie den echten Kasten interviewen. Und es ist ihre letzte Saison, also ist es ein sehr großes Presse-Ding.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Und ich bin hinter den Kameras, interviewen sie, weil ich die Programme liebe. Ich bin so... Und ich weiß nicht, wie ich eingeladen wurde. Ich glaube, ich war die einzige Gay-Frau. Wie war das für dich? Wartest du dir über die Show gebeten? Ja, weil ich es sehr gefreut hatte. Das war eines der einzigen Dinge, bei denen ich eingeladen wurde.
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Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
What do you do?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Wenn ich nicht eingeladen worden wäre, hätte ich es nicht gemacht, um diese Premiere zu sehen. Ich liebe diese Show.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Nein, ich war in Australien.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
I saw your thing about Demi that really hit you hard.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Dinner Theater. Oh, there's no food for you. We're just gonna serve Buddy a seven-course meal with mics mounted all the way around her.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Well, you know, it's difficult with horror, as you know. I know, but see, and listen. Everybody says, what's the movie that did win with the gorgeous gal, Mikey? Mikey Madison. Everyone says it's amazing, so maybe it is so amazing.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Yeah, I mean, can I just be honest, though? Yeah. Don't you think part of anybody with... I mean, if we ever get nominated for real awards, I'll be really happy. Yeah. But... You know that shit is not qualifying anyone's performance or acting. They're both great actresses.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Sie hat den Golden Globe und all diese wundervollen Nominierungen. Noch ein guter Kick für Horror.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Sie ist immer auf Feuer. Katniss Everdeen, die Frau auf Feuer. Aber ich sah ihre Gesichter und ich projiziere natürlich, wenn Demi, ich konnte es sehen. Ich konnte es sehen. Du hast deinen Oscar genommen und du hast es durch die TV geworfen.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Wir wissen alle, wie wir sich darüber fühlen. Es ist vorbei. Madonna hat einen Pin in es gelegt. Ansonsten, wenn ich irgendwo... Ich werde dir sagen, wir werden in Zoey Saldana kommen. Ich werde sie bei Erewhon sehen und sie wird mich in den Arsch kicken mit ihren schwarzen weißen Händen. Ja, sie ist so wie, bleib schlau, jobless. Hi bald, wie war dein Film? Don't have one?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Wie war deine Nominierung? Oh, du hast kein trans-mexikanisches Musikal? Dann hör auf, Scheiße.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
I just say, just a message to my mom. Mom, if you're watching this, you should be, you died three years ago. What are you doing?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Shouldn't you be drunk by now? I also take issue with, and this happened a little bit at the Gemstones, but it happens at every Talkback, where they ask them like, Ich weiß, es sind alle großartige Schauspieler. Ich weiß, es sind alle großartige Performer. Aber manchmal, wenn wir alle aneinander aufstehen und uns ausdrücken.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Manchmal will ich nur hören, wie lustig es war, deinen eigenen Stunt zu machen. Ja. Ich weiß, es ist ein großartiges Grupp von Leuten. Ich weiß, es ist ein Privileg, ein arbeitender Schauspieler zu sein. Manche dieser Dinge, ich bin so, okay, ich bin so, du weißt, wenn du die Steuern, weil ich fahre. I can, I can
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Or some places they feed you during.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Ich denke, ich würde den Halle Berry weinen, wenn sie aufsteht. Aber das war... Ich liebe das. Das war verrückt. Aber das ist, was ich liebe. Aber sie war so... Ich gehe da hoch, ich ziehe meinen Wig aus, um das gleiche Wig zu zeigen. Ich nehme beide meine Schuhe aus, um meine rechten Beine zu zeigen. Nein, du nimmst deine Schuhe aus, du riechst, es ist wie Tonnen Wasser.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Ich lache und es ist Scrabble Tiles. Ich sage danke und ich gehe. Nein, das ist es. Jetzt ist das alles. Du hast die Frau gezeigt. Wir sagten, wir würden nicht darüber sprechen.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Ja, aber du hast mich spirituell gemacht. Weißt du, weil ich wusste, dass du über meinen Penis und meine Beine denkst.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Und das ist damals, als TV 22 Saisonen machte und sie waren 45 Minuten lang. Das ist, was ich mit dir sprechen muss. Wo sind alle Cowboys? Ja.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
I don't know if I want to see a bunny burlesque number either. Oh, that's a hard one. That's not back seam tights, that's blood coming out of her ass sticking down her legs. Sie ist wütend. Ich liebe das.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Hot as hell. I love her. Hot as the big cherry lips, the smoky eye. She kind of gets Anna de Armas a little bit. She's so fucking good. And I follow her on Instagram and now she does primarily activism because she had some not so safe experiences when she was a young actress. So now she does a lot of work like that, but she looks exactly the same.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Body T. Her body T, her face pretty, her body T. And I'm watching it and I'm just like, Nothing fucking beats Buffy vs. Faith in this season. Nothing beats goody goody tan blonde Buffy against slutty evil Faith with the big knife. And I'm watching it and I forget that in season three there's an episode called, I think it's called, which one's the one about the shooter?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Buffy ist in einer Hochschule, sie ist ein Junge dieses Jahres, und es gibt einen... Earshot. Es gibt einen Episode, wo sie diese zwei Dämonen kämpft, die Telepathie haben, und sie haben keine Mäuse. Und sie bekommt etwas Blut auf sie, und das Blut geht in ihre Haut, und sie bekommt den Power, sie bekommt einen Aspekt des Dämonen, und sie bekommt den Power, die Gedanken zu hören. Oh, furchtbar.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Also, zuerst ist Buffy so, das ist unglaublich. Ich werde ein besserer Kämpfer. Ich kann alle Gefühle von mir lesen. Und für Storytelling ist es ein guter Episode, um zu hören, was alle geheimlich denken. Aber... Aber das ist ein Episode, den ich glaube, du kannst mich auf diesen Fakt checken, ich glaube, an dem Zeitpunkt war es geplätschert. Okay, I'll tell you what the episode.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
She's in the lunchroom and she hears a voice go, this time tomorrow you'll all be dead. So Buffy's like, oh my God, somebody in the high school is going to kill everyone. So she's trying to cure her hearing thoughts because they're so numerous. She like passes out when she's in a group of people because she can hear everyone's thoughts.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
So her and the Scooby Gang are trying to find out who the shooter is by this time tomorrow. So it's frantic. They're trying to interview people. And Sie endet in einer Klopftür in der Schule mit einem Kleinen mit einem Pfeil. Sie stoppt diesen Kleinen mit dem Pfeil, der sich selbst töten wird. Dieser Episode wurde während der Columbine gedreht. Columbine war die Woche vorher. Also 1998 oder so.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Columbine ist passiert. Schreckliche Tragödie. Und der nächste, außer du bist Alex Jones, der glaubt, dass es nicht passiert ist.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
The next week, this episode is meant to air and I'm like, just thinking of the... Ich meine, du kannst nicht die Zukunft erwarten, wenn du diese riesigen TV-Schläge vor 22 Episoden machst. Und ich glaube, dass sie die Episode bis zum Ende der Saison drückten, obwohl es chronologisch nicht Sinn macht.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Aber wie verrückt ist es, dass die Woche, in der es aussehen soll, es eine Episode gibt, mit einem Kind mit einer Waffe in einer Schule.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
But it was a huge, huge, huge thing. I mean, I watched that Columbine documentary and it was about Infowars saying the parents are all liars and shit. It's a wreck. Can you fucking imagine that? I know. That documentary starts with the parents talking about getting their kids ready for school that day, what they ate, what clothes they put on them.
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Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Sie ist ein großartiger Performer. Ich habe gesehen, dass diese Scheiße weggeht. 90 Minuten. Wenn eine Song kommt, die sie liebt, wird sie vor den Dekken kommen. Und sie wird spinnen. Ich weiß nicht, wie diese Waffe auf ihrem Kopf bleibt.
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Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
It was awful. And then you have these, I think we talked about them on the pod, but you had these parents being like, can you just acknowledge that like, My kid died. My kid was murdered at school. Yeah. Can you not ask your millions of listeners or whatever to call me and tell me I'm a liar? That's so fucking crazy. That's brutal. I just love to re-watch Buffy. I know that's horrible.
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Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
You want me to watch Mad Men?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Weißt du, was passieren wird? Es wird passieren, dass ich, wenn ich neue Informationen nehme, hyper fixiere. Und ich spreche über Mad Men für ein Jahr wahrscheinlich.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Their CGI. Guess what? Season 2 is coming. What? The rehearsal. No way. Season 2 is coming, baby. What are they gonna do? Who knows? Speaking of mannequins of kids. Remember they would have the fake kids sleeping in there sometimes?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Now I think they should read Best Oscar as the wrong thing every year. Yeah. Als ein kleiner Rücktritt. Aber was, wenn sie das zu mir gemacht hätten?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Oder sonst was. Und ich weiß, dass das Zeitreise ist. Ich erinnere mich an diese kleine Oscar-Party, als das passiert ist. Miss La La Land gab mir nicht, was es alle anderen gibt. Das Film gab mir nicht, was es alle anderen gibt.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Irgendwann gehe ich zu einer Audition und sie werden sagen, du wirst gegen die Person lesen, die deine... Selena Gomez und Zoe Saldana. Ja, ja, ja. Es ist eine Art Lose-Isaiah-Remake. Ich spiele die Halle Berry-Rolle und Zoe spielt die Jessica Lange-Rolle. Und sie haben mich mit ihr zu lesen und Zoe wird sagen... So flott.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Interesting of you to bring your heap of shit body in here and try to talk to me.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Ich... Sieh, wenn es regnet... Mama. Wenn es regnet, bist du poor.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
You know what, actually? Boots. Boots. By the way, if you guys notice, this is a new Trixie shirt. This is in collaboration with the American Red Cross.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
This is going to benefit all the people who are deployed, mental health workers, skilled health workers, help to fully stock emergency response vehicles, supply a full-date emergency shelter, distribute cleanup kits, stock with essentials, and provide financial assistance for families who are trying to jumpstart recovery from very difficult situations. Isn't it cool?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
We're helping the people who are affected by the LA fires. It has me on it. All the money, all of it. Not the thing where companies say a portion of the proceeds. All of it goes to help people who is affected. So enjoy this Trixie shirt in exchange for your support for people in need. Love you. I love that shirt. Thank God. And also I love the beige color. I love the off-white. It's nice, right?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
I love that. We have a show this weekend. I think I'm going to talk about bangs. You can come see some of the bald and the beautifuls here. I don't think we have any scheduled.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
I've seen her, she used to do shows at Casita and I would go get to see her Casita in the basement there, which is a great place to see her because it's like 80 seats. Oh, I love that place. So you are up in her face, which is fun.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Sei ein guter Amerikaner. All I ask is that you vote and you turn on green when it's time.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
I don't even care about the blinker. Just get that heap of shit out of here.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
You better. Give a hoot. You better. Du solltest das Fiat 500 hier rausnehmen, okay? Kann ich dir erzählen, was mir passiert ist? Ich war auf Tour und ich hatte ein paar Rückprobleme. Weißt du, die Art von Arthritis, die ich habe, beginnt in der Spine. Was? Und so habe ich eine sehr milde Spinalfusion hier oben. Milde Spinalfusion? Ja.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Also es ist degenerativ. Also beginne ich, mit ein paar davon zu handeln. Und ich hatte meinen Rücken auf Tour, von sitzen in den Sitz und nicht richtig schlafen. Weißt du, die Art von Dinge am Morgen, wo ich erst streichen muss. Die Rückenschmerzen sind das erste Ding. Rollen. Yeah, but like in bed, before I get out of bed, long child's pose, stuff like that. So I have to get a massage.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
So Brandon goes, you know, we're staying at the West and there's a spa in here. And I go, all right. I call, I go, do you guys have anybody who can do kind of like a sports massage style, like a heavier massage? And they go, well, we can just, we have normal massage. We can ask for like a firm grip. And I said, okay, imagine the grip. Right. So I go in, I lay down and, um,
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Ich fühle mich schlecht, weil ich weiß, dass diese Person mich erkannt hat und ich weiß, dass diese Person ein Fan war. Es war einfach nicht genug Druck. Also habe ich gesagt, mach es hart, mach es hart. Ich habe gesagt, ich bin wie ein 350-Pund-Bulgarischer, der Fags hasst, um den Scheiß auf mich zu schlagen. But, you know, you will not, it'll be fine. And she goes, great.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Yeah. You know, because you're right there.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
She hands me a stone that says, like, courage. And I go, great. So I lay down with that. So that's like, right, okay, great. And I love her. She was a lovely, if you're looking to relax, I think she was the massage for you, because I fell asleep.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
My back was so bad that it was taking gabapentin and doing icy hot, like it was bad. You needed physical therapy, essentially. Yeah, yeah. She's giving... She's giving Miss Touchy Feely. She's giving Miss Gropey Ropey. She's giving Aura of Roswell, New Mexico. Yeah. And I could tell that she was a supporter of the pod and a friend of ours. Well, then why did she get into it? Put her back into it.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Sie hat einige sehr off-color-Materialien gemacht. Hast du sie auf jeden Fall aufgeschrieben? Weil ich langsam ihr ganze Akt stehlen muss.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
I felt bad being like, all right, if this is the pressure, I would rather just pay in full and leave now and find another massage. Oh, fuck. But then I fell asleep. Oh, okay. So then I woke up and found another massage, walked over, and this was the other end of the spectrum. Wesley Snipes. All the lights on. Ich habe gesagt, nimm einfach das Shirt weg, ich brauche nur deine Rückseite zu sehen.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Und wir arbeiten mit Knöcheln und Knöcheln, Druckpunkt. Die haben mich gefragt, hast du einen Rückenschmerzen? Alles ist so schmutzig, du hast so viele verschiedene Bereiche geschwollen. Hast du einen Spinalschmerzen? Und ich sagte nein.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Dann musste ich einen X-Ray machen und sie meinten, oh ja, die Bereich, die gefügt ist, ist wie, du weißt, diese zwei Spine sind gefügt und es wird wahrscheinlich Probleme haben. Und Dieser Kerl, so ein furchtbarer Knuckel, in der Rückseite, nach oben. Brustknöchel-Beat. Kinetic von Wade. Kinetic von Wade in Brisbane. Sie haben mich zusammengebracht.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Dieser Knuckel, so tief in der Rückseite, schmerzt so schlecht. Und Tränen machen mir das Gefühl, dass ich keine Vulnerabilität zeigen kann. Perfekt. Also kämpfe ich im Grunde nach Tränen, wie schlecht es schmerzt. Aber ich bin auch so wie, was hast du dafür bezahlt? Ja. Willst du Dirt, Dirt cheap machen? Ja.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
It was very, very beneficial. Because I just, I'd never experienced a massage that was so light-handed that I was like, damn.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
I've had the same massage guy for 10 years. Really? Yes, and he's a big, strong, huge hand, just football build. So maybe I'm just used to a lot of pressure. That's all I've ever known.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
So fest, wie du es tun kannst. Und dann habe ich gesagt, es ist wirklich kein Wunsch, einen Kommentar zu geben, weil das ist der leichteste Massage, den ich je hatte. Vielleicht frage ich... Sie muss auf den Tisch springen, weil ich eine Thai-Lady hatte, die sich über mich springt. And that's the thing. Maybe I am asking someone salsa to dance hip-hop. Maybe it's just a different style.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
And I was being unfair with what I expected. Because it was a spa. And frankly, I don't give a shit about the tea.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
I don't care about the dark lights.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
And back to the hot tub too. The only reason I do use it every day out of like If you have one and you pay for it, you better get in it, you whore. Get in every day, no matter what. Every day. Out of sickness, I get in every day. Diarrhea? Cook myself in the hot diarrhea. Why not? Get in that brown soup. Hell yeah.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Back in my day there was boys and girls. It was Adam and Eve, not gin and tonic. Southern Comfort? What's so comfortable about it? Southern Comfort? Oh man.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Weißt du, wenn du wachst... Ich habe einen Penis, damit jeder es weiß.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Ich glaube, wir wissen es. Oh, okay. Ja, du versteckst es nicht genau und drückst es. Wir müssen es alle sehen, in diesen schmutzigen Schuhen, Miss Knuckle.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Miss Knuckle. You've got Mr. Peanut on board here. Mrs. Peanut. Mrs. Peanut. Mrs. Peanut. Penis to vagina. Don't. So sometimes when you wake up hungover, you're horny. I don't know if this has ever happened to anybody else. You get horny, but then if you have the sex, you get sicker. Du schnappst auf den Beat. Sobald du den Nut schnappst, denkst du dir, oh, ich könnte jetzt aufhören.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Weil der Hangover dann aufhört. Weil die Distraktion vorbei ist. Oh mein Gott, das ist so verrückt.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Und dann bist du nass und dein Mund riecht wie Kamm und du denkst dir, jetzt was? So I've been watching the news a lot in LA. I'm just kind of fixated on watching the news and the whole. So I found this great TikTok of news blooper. These audio. You will not believe what these people say. Listen to this bitch on the air.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Mein Witz über dich wäre, hast du über Katja gehört? Sie ist gestorben.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
She didn't know what was rolling.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Mega-Doo-Doo.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
A professional journalist. D.D.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Soldier, public servant. We're not pouring one out for Didi. When you see Deidre and you're not sure, you could say Deanne, you could say Diana, you could say Miss D. This lovely individual.
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Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Didi Megadudu. You better not have me working with you after when you walk in the break room i don't have the professionalism to not go so dd mega doo doo from dd to the doo doo from dd a slight chance of some participation participation participate per hurt is that a stroke is that a stroke well is that a stroke when the weather gal can't say you know this is horny you had one job and it's
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Hold on, I got one more for you. This is really fierce.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Isn't that cunty? The News? Didi Megadudu. Didi Megadudu. But now he's dead. You gotta be careful with that News voice, because it can sound very cold to the dead. Everyone died.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Didi Megadudu, Fox 11 News. I hate that kind of cadence, you know? I hate it too. It's wild. What do you call that? Bad reporting? Well, I asked a reporter why they do that. He said it's so that when you're in the field, they know when that segment is. They're done talking. It's your over. Yeah, gotcha, gotcha.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Hast du jemals diesen Clip von ihr gesehen? Sie ist außerhalb des Memorials von Lee Bowries.
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Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
We do one live event a year and it takes a village for us to sit and speak. Hello. Thank you.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
A name that is like Margaret? Well, that's right up there with a normal name. Like Brandon's mom told me she almost did B-R-A-N-D-E-N. I was like, he would have been having to fix that his whole life. That would have been horrible. I know, it's crazy. Brian, B-R-I-E-N or some shit. What the fuck? Mary, don't get creative with the spelling. Don't get creative. It's just a label. It's just a label.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Focus on what's inside. All right, well, thank you for having us here at the pod. Pouring out for Megadudu. Megadudu, goodbye.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Sie hat ihr Geld gewonnen? Ja. Ich hoffe, das ist, was du tust. Ich wollte nicht sagen, dass du es an meinem Geburtstag tust, aber wir wissen, was passieren wird. Mama, bitte. Star Trek? War es Star Trek? Jemand heute sagte mir, wie sie gute Freunde mit Hollywoodland hatten. Und sie war so lustig. Ich vermisse, wie lustig sie war. Und ich war so, ja, ich werde es vermissen, wenn du sterbst.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Not even, I'm like, I feel like I'm always slowly preparing myself that you probably will die before me. Well, now that I'm driving the car. Guess who else is on the road?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
The Venga Bus is coming. Driving, I have it on my notes. Driving, driving, driving. I wrote down driving too. Guess what I got here today? No ma'am.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Mary, and then guess what kind of, they have all different tiers of insurance. Because I got an enterprise rental. You got like five billion dollars a month. I got the full. So if I hit someone else, their car, my car and my body or their body is covered.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Eighty-five dollars a day. Eighty-five dollars a day. I said, for that price, I'm fucking hitting somebody. $85, um jemanden zu treffen und zu sagen, trink, geh, geh, geh, und dann hinterher. Also ich war weiß, nackt, und ich glaube... Es ist furchtbar. 10 Jahre ist eine lange Zeit. Es ist furchtbar. Ich war einfach so, warum bin ich so gespannt, um meinen Lizenz zu bekommen?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Ich würde heute zu PEG fahren. Ich würde fahren... Ich nehme die 101 hier.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Ja, so this is our new set and it's like a monochromatic thing, which has been our thing for a long time. Yeah, the converse pink and red, but it's a new riff on an old classic and I sorry, I love it. I love it. This is actually part of the work here is done by our friends who did our Netflix sets. Yeah, so we keep it in the family.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
No. I remember in driving school, they said that more accidents happen on roads where cars are conversing. Less accidents happen on freeways because everyone's going the same way.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Because people are texting. Well, you get a fender bender. Let's say you stop short, get a fender burn on the freeway. You're like, everybody's safe. You get out. A semi truck hits you. Hello. On the road. Final destination. And the devil lies. I rented a car to get here. I was gonna rent a Mitsubishi Mirage, because it was the cheapest. And then I was like, I'm gonna splurge. A Bentley.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
No, I don't know what I have. It's a... We don't know what it is. It's like a luxury mid-size SUV. Okay. Audi? I don't know. Let's find out. I was trying to get a car. I was trying to get this car called a Lexus GX60, I believe. I love the look of that car. She's a big girl, though. She's a size 14. Also, my driveway is... Miss Petite. Ja, du fährst.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Also mein erster Tag fahrt ich, ich knurre beide Fenster aus und ich bin so, wer braucht sie?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Was war es? Oh, es ist ein Audi. Was habe ich gerade gesagt? Audi. That was my first guess. Audi. I googled fear of driving. Do people have fear of driving? And I did it on my private browser so nobody would find out about it. Don't ever go on my private browser. Stay off my phone. And the devil laughed. Yeah, and the devil laughed.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
And they said that the only way through it is to acknowledge that fear is not real. And it's not a real thing. It's just a feeling. And you just have to drive more and you'll be scared less. Yes. So they said, leave earlier, drive in the slow lane.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Die Sache ist, ich fuhr, dachte mir, wie vergesse ich, dass das furchtbar ist.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Es war wie... Die Amazon-Truppe geht über diese Frau nicht mal so schnell. Es ist wie umdrehen. Und sie schreit so witzig. Es ist so verrückt. Über ihr ganzes Körper?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Und dann kommt der Amazon-Typ raus, schaut nach ihr, schaut umher und fährt einfach weg. Fierce. Can I get that video? Big Brothers listening, because now that I've got my license and everything, they're like, do you want to see some crashes on your phone? So I'm excited to drive more. I think what I have to do is... Pick short trips.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
It's hard that I live on Hollywood Boulevard because the beginning of any car ride is treacherous.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
They really know what time it is. You gotta trust the girls.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Und dann bin ich vorbeigekommen und sie haben den Koffer genommen. Ich habe gesagt, wenn dieser Hund mich töten will, was wirst du tun? Was wirst du tun? Das ist wie ein Rennfahrzeug, das das Parachute erzeugt und es ist so groß wie ein Teig. Danke. Das ist nichts. Nichts.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Du kannst es nicht. Entschuldige. Ich habe auch versucht, die sichersten Autos zu recherchieren, weil ich dachte, wenn wir unser Trainingsbrau wieder ein bisschen bekommen, und meine Nippel, ich habe gerade die Hormone gestartet, und meine Nippel sind wie eine Art Bubble. Ja, ja, ja. Breastbuds.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Well, could you imagine if we let gay guys do this? Honey, Paisley.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Und bevor ich die Kleidungspinne anziehen kann und wirklich Spaß haben kann, Du kannst dich nicht bewegen. Ich kann meine Nippel nicht bewegen. Right now. You know. So I was with jumper cables. So I'm trying to figure out how to get the safest car. And then, you know, one of the safest options I was finding was a test. And I was like, we're not doing that. Thank you. Sure.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
And then, and then I think of myself parking at the PS direct because at the PS direct, you can part your car. Oh, you can, but why, but it's four cyber trucks and my like high end Elantra. Nein Mama, wenn du in PS I Love You L.A.X. machst, werden sie dich aufholen. Sie bieten das nicht mehr an. Was redest du da drüber? Jetzt, wenn wir diese Autos bekommen, ist es ein privates Buchen.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Sie bieten das Auto nicht mehr an.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Like a rhinestone. I'm thinking leather and lace. Rhinestones or pearls. I think leather and lace would be a good vibe for us too. Yeah, next time. How about pleather and mace? Hattest du mal Mace? Warum nicht? Warum lebst du nicht laut, Mädchen? Geh' Mace, Mädchen. Was würdest du Elon Musk sagen? Geh' Mace. Ich schaue viele Twitter-Fight-Videos. Wie Fight in the Maccas?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Ein Zoom. Ja.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Das ist großartig. Ein Zoom. Ein langes, tiefes Gespräch. Und du schaust auf den Telefon und du bist da für zwei Stunden. Du solltest einfach arbeiten.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Ich habe dir gesagt, dass ich aus einem Auto kam und gesagt habe, du fährst verrückt, tschüss.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Miss Cahuenga Pass. Socks it to you. Miss Cahuenga, she's passing. Miss Cahuenga, she could pass.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Heute's episode of bald and beautiful sponsored by airbnb so i have to tell you guys i went all the way up to my hometown of wasaki wisconsin in wasaki we have two motels i've never stayed at either of them but when i travel especially when i travel up north where honestly you guys i love where i'm from but on an average week night we don't even have one like one restaurant open so
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya
Ich mag es, Brot zu kochen. Ich mag es, Abendessen zu kochen, wenn ich will, Mittagessen, was auch immer. Also wollte ich irgendwo wohnen bleiben. Ich habe eine vier, es war wie eine Viertelstunde, aber es schläft wie sechs oder acht, technisch gesagt. Ich habe einen riesigen Kabinett direkt außerhalb von Wasaki auf dem Meer. Und es war großartig. Perfect for me. It was perfect. Great Wi-Fi.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Grauman's Chinese theater. Or the TLC theater.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
I fell asleep on the couch last night, which did not help my back. Are you depressed? No, I just was watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It was the Thanksgiving episode. I don't love that episode. So I fell asleep. So I wake up, I'm in pain, right? I wake up the way I wake up every morning lately. I try to lift my head and I'm wincing. I'm going, it's been horrible.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Wait, that's the same theater, right? Fans saw me and came up and, you know, it always feels very corny to get recognized on Hollywood Boulevard because it feels like I'm out there going, I'm me. You're doing the... Soap dish. Yeah, exactly. You're taking yourself to the mall and cheating out.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
So I turn on the TV because I like to watch the news. And what do I see? Badlands in Sacramento. Do you remember that gay bar? I'm sure you performed there. Lovely place. Hello, hello. Burned down. And now that my beautiful bar closed, I feel like I can be more loose lipped about the industry and some of the issues and the problems, right?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
I turn on the news and I see that this bar in Sacramento called Badlands has banned their political. They've banned political attire at the bar. They're like, just come here and drink. Leave your politics at the door. But then I guess that was the original thought. But the thought became banning just mega shit.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
So you couldn't come to the gay bar where the gays and bisexuals and trans and bi people, you know, pansexual people live and drink and wear your red hat and shit. And why would you though? That's my thought. Because people were doing it, I wonder? Well, then the news, they had the nerve to say on the news, they had a Republican on there saying, it's bullying a community.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
mama that's like racist towards white folks that is fucking racist towards white people it's not a thing and Miss Thing who came on the TV gave deep in the closet yeah yeah yeah she came on in her like her like laminated brows and she was like it seems unfair that's like I'm gonna go fuck my wife that's neither here nor there the point is like you just shut up Why do you need to go to that bar?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Also, why do you need to know whose penis I'm putting my, um, no, no. Whose body I'm putting my penis into. I'm obsessed with these country videos of people trying to go into gay bars and mega shit. And these, what are they looking for? These bartenders with the little mullets just go get the fuck out.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
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We don't want your money. We don't want your friends here. Get out. I mean, imagine I'm rolling up to the Eagle with a MAGA hat 2am or this bunch of horny bears around. They're going to kick your ass. I know. And it's hard because obviously I know this. Gay bars are harder and harder to keep open in 2025. So turning away any business seems crazy, but get your fucking red hat the fuck out of here.
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Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Go down to Chili's and leave us alone.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
And for 18 bucks, you will get a thimble of liqueur in that drink. Oh yeah. It's a milkshake with about a half a cup or half a teeny little thingy of a fucking whatever. I just was gagged because it's like- That's weird. For them to say it's discrimination, I'm like, A, why do you want to come in here? Why do you want to drink here?
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Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
And this paraphernalia, you're wearing it to signal that you make a hobby out of trying to snatch the rights out of my little denim skort pocket. Yeah. It's like going down to elementary school and just kicking kids in the face. What's up with that? Well, that sounds kind of fun, actually. I just was watching the news gag.
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Yeah. And so this person comes up and is so excited and goes, but it's like TikTok brain rot. So it's just... Wait. No, wait.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
The word bullying being used, I was like, bullying? Yeah. Mama. Bullying. Why is it? I mean, I feel like. So go off Badlands. I love you. Go off Badlands.
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Yeah. I will say as the world has gotten crazier, my taste for television has gotten even worse. Yeah. What are we watching now? Like now it's not enough for me to goon and watch Natalia Grace. Okay, who's that? Who's that? Natalia Grace?
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It was this young woman who was adopted by an American family. I could be paraphrasing. Don't fact check me, people.
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But the program is called The Curious Case of Natalia Grace.
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That's fun. Yeah. It's kind of a fun little, yeah. Which, which channel is it on? I was one of the crazy ones. Yeah. Probably TLC. And she, her family decided that she was secretly older. It was like part of the inspiration for the orphan.
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Her family decided to age in a form of dwarfism where they were like, eventually they saw in a bathtub that she had pubes and they were like, she's secretly 30 and they got her an apartment and took this like, and gave her an apartment and just left her there for years. And so it's kind of an abuse story. That's so weird.
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Yeah, so now there's a dramatization starring that woman from Grey's Anatomy. What's her name? Ellen Pompeo. Is that her? So now I'm going to have to watch that. You have to. Of course.
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Because I did watch both seasons.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
So the first season of Natalia Grace is the parents speaking out, being like, she was horrible. She ruined our lives. And the second season, Natalia Grace is the main character. And she said...
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What are we waiting for? We're in the middle of the street. And it's like the targeted ads on TikTok where they're selling clothes and it's just some girl pulling up tights over an ass going like, oh my God, wait. But oh my God, wait.
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open the fuck up and she sits down across her legs and trials the realty that she's basically abused and they said that this happens people with no birth certificates from other countries they come in and they get re-aged oh my god renamed re-aged and then you know nine years old you're 18 bye it's like it's like 30 rock is like you know your cousin jeffrey um used to be a girl or no i figured it was an accident with a hot comb you know what i mean
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Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Well, if you're using a hot comb to straighten your pubes, I don't know. Straightening the pubes? Wait, you're older? My child is actually 30. Because she had pubes. Which, by the way, people can mature at all different times of their life. There's a spectrum of age range. Not to mention, she has a form of dwarfism. Are you an expert on what her body does when? My child identifies as 35. Yeah.
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It's a crazy program. It was very hard to watch that type of abuse. Are they in jail now? Those parents? I think they're vibing. That's the thing about these documentaries. There's really no justice. It's just kind of like, don't you think it is? They probably can't go to the grocery store anymore.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
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I have a really hard time with it, but what is it? You'll hate it then.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
You're allowed to like what you like. Yeah. I mean, and they encourage us to tell the truth. Yeah, I never... Plus, it's not them anyways. It's... I never feel ever, ever feel censored at that job, ever. Not like here, where I'm told, you know... You're too sexy. Yeah. Cover up. Cover that skin. Exactly. Too sexy. So... Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by VIA. VIA. VIA.
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V-I-I-A. Now let me tell you, I know how to say VIA. Not because it naturally came to me, okay? But because it really transformed the way I obtain THC products. You guys know, I'm like a late in life weed person, right? So by the time everybody knew how to do that, I kind of had to like, you know... figure this out on my own.
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Do you want to be a little more creatively focused? Do you want a little boost in the bedroom? Honestly, for me, I love it because after a stressful day of being in drag and making videos and running around, it's a great way for me to transition to me time where I'm just like cooking and maybe listen to a podcast and, you know, unraveling after a day of, you know, unraveling myself.
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What's not tea? This like really isn't tea. What isn't tea? Are we past the point of no return in regard to language? Girl, I think it's done.
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Wait. Oh my God, wait.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
In the spirit of transparency, I didn't know what we were going to talk about today, so I took it upon myself to use my own money to go down to the El Capitan Theater and see Snow White this morning. Hold on. I'm going to do this. Okay, here we go. Here we go. 10 a.m. showing on Hollywood Boulevard. Okay, here we go. So... Can I just say, it's not for you. It has everything you wouldn't like.
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Wait. I don't know. The way it... Wait. Wait. I don't like that. It makes me think of the crosswalks.
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No shit. It has good feelings. You had me at Gal Gadot singing. Yeah. Yeah. Tell me everything. You know, I went because I really thought it was going to be the ultimate stinker. And I was like, I was like. Yeah. You were hungry. And I thought I would be able to come in here and like get a good story for you. You brought toilet paper, didn't you? It wasn't bad enough to be funny bad.
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It was just, it never really took off for me. Yeah. Never took off for me. Yeah. You gotta really like earnestness and like musical theater vibes to like that.
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Oh, I mean, well, Rachel Ziegler's an incredible singer.
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Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
That's kind of not negotiable. She's a great singer.
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And it's a retelling. This is super spoiler. None of the people who listen to us are going to see that. Maybe they are.
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They are all animated. Oh, I don't like that. They're mixing and matching? They're all animated. So it's Polar Express vibes with the faces. I mean, they're animated.
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Really good animation, I thought.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
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Well, there was a little person in the movie who played a, like a hero character.
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So the dwarves were not little people. The dwarves were.
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Yeah. They were hundreds of years old. They were creatures.
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They're not human. So when they see her, they go, oh my God, it's a human. Gotcha. Gotcha.
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Yeah. You are not Peter Dinklage. And when she sees them, she's not scared. Okay. She's like, oh, hello.
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How would you characterize it? Well, can I say Gal Gadot looked cunt? Of course, because she does. She got her head-to-toe jeweled in the gown. I saw the drag queen jewelry neck thing. Mary. It's cunty. The girls at Mickey's are hot gluing right now. Oh, and Morgan McMichaels is literally- The girls are getting ready. Black smoke is churning out into the atmosphere right now.
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I know. The girls are ready to do their dangerous woman number to her or something.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
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Wait for the perfect lighting to hit you at that diet. I don't like that crosswalk in any way, shape, or form. I don't walk it. I don't drive through it. I avoid it. The crossy walk. The crossy walk. The crosswalk. It's hard, heavy, bricky tea in that crosswalk. Crosswalk. And you know what I do love though?
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The song had an Amelia Perez vibe. I'm going to be honest. Really? It did.
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I thought some of the music was really nice. There was a song called Waiting on a Wish that I liked. But I kind of... Can I also say, Rachel Ziegler's a very beautiful woman. They have her in this Lord Farquaad cut that is so diabolical.
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Girl... So I liked some of the songs. The good things grow. The opening song, waiting a wish. That was great. Obviously in some of the old shit, hi-ho slaps. I don't care who you are. It's off to work. We go. Gotcha. Sucking on it. Sucking on it. Titty, titty, titty. It was, that was fun. Giving them, giving them, giving them blow job.
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She should have sang all of her songs and she should have lip synced like the old days. It's I mean, it wasn't to be honest. I think that I was expecting it to be a complete mess. It just doesn't lift off the way you want it to.
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But obviously live action. I tend to never like that anyway. So I'm not the audience. I didn't like Beauty and the Beast. I don't care for that.
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And also, I went into it knowing I'm not a child. There was children in the theater. They loved it. Did they really like it? Yeah, so I'm not there to hate at all. Yeah, but I really think that- They got her in the good drag makeup. And how many people look good with their hair gone and just a nun cut out of the base? But wait, there was a girl on TikTok.
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You know, I don't love the portrayal because I can kind of forgive actors who aren't super actors doing singing in a movie. It's all Melodyne to hell. What does that mean? It's so auto-tuned. It all gives glee. It's all just that level pop singing anyway.
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It's like a tool. Okay. So it just wasn't for me, but Gal Gadot had the good, when she first came out, she's standing in front of this mirror and there's this magic shit happening and she's doing the mirror mirror. I was like, Oh, my nipples are hard. Cause she really is. Cunty. Cunty. But also in that, in that story, why she's too cunty. Cause she's like fierce.
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Obviously she's the fiercest of them all. What's the, what's the, what's the problem? Well, it was a kind of a reimagining the storyline. She's not saved by a prince. She's saved by like a poor person who sounds woke. Yeah. Yes. Very well. And then they're together. Like, let's let's take it. Let's make sure everyone's happy again. You know, it's very sweet. So but she wasn't jealous.
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She wasn't very jealous. Like a rat searching for a food. She's jealous of the beauty. That's the main thing.
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I don't... Because the mirror says that Miss Snow White is prettier. And so she gets cooked and plucked. The mirror ages Snow White. She says that's the 35. No, the mirror goes... Well, you're not giving any more because this... You know, Snow White, who is the... She's up and coming legendary.
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Yeah, up and coming legendary children who got the good face smash in Turkey, and now she's giving the girls the boop. Her plugs have healed. It's curtains for you, baby. And none of them fell out. Yeah, what are you hiding underneath that? Give up, jobless. give up jobless jobless. So, um, it was fine. It wasn't for you, but I didn't walk out. I stayed till the end. That's impressive.
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And this is kind of like, maybe I used to like pimple popping videos or maybe then I used to like the Korean baking videos. I'm trying to get into those by the way. My new thing I like is those videos of, let's say it's a butt where you've lost 300 pounds.
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Cause I, I do be walking out of theaters these days. If it do stink like shit. The only thing I missed was in the cartoon, which I do love. Hmm.
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when they kill the queen she's as the old hag yeah and she falls off the cliff I believe right and she screams and it's scary as hell yeah she's the one with the apple right God wasn't very scary but did she have an apple she had an apple or I was gonna say it was a banana or something she had an apple it was just it was a green juice it was very LA oh my god she's like here's a turmeric shot she came door to door with a wellness shot
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I don't think Apatow was as bad as everybody said, but it kind of prevented... When you're not scared of the evil thing, it makes the stakes feel lower. She didn't really scare me.
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Yeah. But like, or give me a, like not, not Eliza Sue, but the one before where Demi's bald.
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Yeah.
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Girl. And they were so glittery and cunt. The dude dragged 12 years.
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It's dimples. It's whatever. Yeah. It's that moment where you pull those tights over. Oh, in a culture. And it all snaps together. And then wait. And then it's thrilling. It's fucking thrilling. You go from, you know, a lot of these people have worked out very hard. It's very gratifying to see somebody who, you know, you have all the extra skin.
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I don't either.
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Lately, I've been spiritually feeling dragged, but physically completely against it. I love the idea of it. The problem is lately it hurts. It's just been hurting. And my back hurts. My arthritis hurts. So the drag on top of that.
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I get in such a foul mood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just get such a foul mood. That's like when.
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Yeah, it's corny boots.
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Can I tell a story? And you might, we can cut it if we have to. Do you remember what happened in Amherst? I went in your dressing room and you were standing there in drag and you went, oh, I farted. I heard it. And I said, yeah, you heard it? I don't remember that. Wait, I farted and it made a sound? You were in drag and you went, I farted. I just heard it. I just heard. Like, I just heard.
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We've just received word. Are you ran through? Is your whole ran through? Is your anus discolored and ran through? It was just like my whole body was ran through and then it had release.
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The other day, this was two days ago, we were shooting at Netflix and it was almost five o'clock and I was starting to just reject the drag. Your body starts to, your involuntary reaction is to tear off the wig. It's physical, spiritual, emotional. It's a full rejection. You fight the urge to rip off the wig and the corset. And our director, who we love, goes, come on, it's not even five o'clock.
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And my immediate thought was, I started putting glue on my face, on my face at 6.30 this morning. That's still. Yeah.
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Mary, I recently had an opportunity for a work thing and I said, I turned it down. Well, yes. Yeah, huge if true. But I first wasn't going to. Okay, tell me about it. And it was supposed to be, and I won't say what it is so I can be more clear about it. I was supposed to be one shoot day. We were supposed to do one shoot day. And I said, okay.
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And then they said, well, now it's a shoot day and a practice day the day before. And I said, okay. And then they said, well, we need you to come and drag for cameras and lighting and you need to do social the day before. I said, well, that's a two-day shoot. And then they said, the day of the shoot, we will need you in makeup shooting 8.30 a.m. to 8.30 p.m. And I said, okay.
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You probably have to feel like you have to hide in clothes. And then they put on the Spanx, the neon Spanx.
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You must not know about me. I literally, I just was like, well, I suddenly felt the spirit of you and these big demonic wings blew out of my back. And I said, I just fled the situation. I love that. Cause I was like, is that what you want?
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I say, get on the phone, get one of the girls, get Miss Formica table or whoever else, get them to do it.
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You're dealing with fantasy. You got to do animation. Do you know what it makes me think of? The beginning of True Blood where it's the time lapse of like the fox rotting.
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I look pretty good after 12 hours because I don't have a beard. Yeah. Sweetie. You don't want to know about this attitude after 12 hours in drag. You don't want to know about it. I don't want to know about it. I know. Nobody needs to experience that kind of- If you're cold, they're cold.
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That's fierce.
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Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Love. Because also it takes two hours to get right. Well, I explained this to somebody. I said, you know, the thing is, in the beginning of drag, at most, you're in drag like an hour and 10. The drag shows I wear were 90 minutes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're out there. Two lip syncs that are three minutes long. 12 minutes. You're out there for 10 minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
10, 12 minutes.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
That's fucking crazy, actually. Than the RuPaul drag that is like just 12 hours on camera.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
It's the situation.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
It's the lighting. It's the filters.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
It's the filters. It's the lighting.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
You really had no makeup on?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Did you even contour? I was like this. You didn't contour. One 301 lash.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
You didn't look incredible like I was. I was unforgettable. Unforgettable. Do you know how few pieces of jewelry and shoes I had? Do you know I had like three pairs of shoes? You had white shoes and that's it. I had white shoes that I would spray paint and I had a few sets of jewelry. I either had my shitty plastic Claire's jewelry or drag queens had borrowed me giant pageant like platters.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
So there was no middle. Do you want a ring the size of a serving plate or do you want a Claire's like plastic magic eight ball ring? Why did I wear a black wig every episode? Why did I wear a short black $34.99 finger wave wig every single episode? Never wore black wigs in my whole career.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
What is that? What is that? It's identity up in the air. I was like, Jessica? No, I'm Marie. Have you ever been to the El Capitan Theater? Yeah. They had it all decked out for Snow White. I guess when you go see Disney movies, is it all themed? It was all Disney themed in there. There was a little hut. Oh, I don't know. Maybe it was because of the premiere.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
But that was at the TLC Grauman's Chinese Theater, I think. It is TCL. I like to say TLC. If there was a movie theater that just screened TLC shows. Oh, they'd be cunt. My 2,000 pound mother.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
90 Minute Fiance. Yeah. 90 pound fiance. 90 pound fiance. My 2,000 pound mother. 4,000 pound brothers. Girl, all the good ones. Amish of loving it. That sounds like, honestly, I didn't know I was 2,000 pounds. My 9,000 pound baby I didn't know I was pregnant with. Girl. Oh shit. Yes. Yes, girl. Extreme rumspringer. Oh, they just die.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
No, they should throw them out of helicopters and stuff with the bonnet on. Rumspringer. Jerry Rumspringer. The Amish fire up the helicopter. Absolutely. We're going to take six Amish people about to turn 20, and we're going to drop them into a live fire war zone. Into an active volcano and see what happens when things get real. Ooh, girl. This sounds like another TLC show. Oops, I'm trans.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
We're going to kidnap people and give them – we're going to kidnap Republicans. We're going to kidnap conservatives and make them – put them under the knife. From red hat to red hot. Right. My terrible skin, colon, Stephanie's journey. What about the swan? How about the goose? The swan, of course. What about, because it's woke now.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
It's too much. I love it.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
It's woke now. The mallard. The mallard. Or the goose? Where are the swan girls? I bet all those veneers popped right off. Sweetie, oh yeah. It's homeless, not toothless. Or toothless, not homeless. Right. What is that from, by the way? It's from Real Housewives. There's a charity called Homeless Not Toothless where they help unhoused people with their teeth.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
And she accidentally calls it Toothless Not Homeless. Toothless Not Homeless. Which is fine. I think her heart was in it, but you gotta say it right. You gotta say it right. What do you think about Mario Lopez? Would you fuck him? You know, I saw him at an event once. You did? Yes. He's friends with Vanderpump. Okay. And I saw him at one of her galas and I sat by him at the table.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
I love it.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
He didn't talk much, but he just looked, what about 18? Wet. Yes. Gorgeous, young and wet. His wife cut up his food for him and gave the plate back, which I found kind of like sweet. That's fun. Romantic partners cutting up the food and giving back. I thought that was sweet.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
She said no more. She said, I'll get this baddie. Yeah. I have off this weekend. What are you going to do? You're going to work somehow. No, I was going to go camping. Ew. Wait, why? Just to do. What kind of, is it glamping or camping? I was going to rent one of those like small campers and drive it into the desert. It sounds like suicide now that I say it out loud. I was going to cook some meth.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Pick up Jesse Pinkman, grab some beakers and cook some meth. I'm going to moonlight as a crystal maker. My street name is going to be called Dr. Cook.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
I'm not in that crosswalk. It's been really hard. It's been really hard. I'm not saying I don't sympathize. I'm saying I don't see her. I had, it's, it's my own journey, my own journey. I have my, I think we talked about this. I don't have the same. I would see a man with my body and have no issue, but on me, I'm like, I guess you shouldn't just go. Of course. Yeah. Kill yourself.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Walter White. Yours would be like- It's not Weinstein. No, no, no. Pinkerton? Jesse Pinkerton? Pinkton? It's Jesse Pinkman. Pinkman. But then he's Mr. Heisenberg. He's Heisenberg.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what is the guy who owns the chicken, the evil chicken guy? Oh, Gus Fring. Gus Fring. What a character. Love him. Love him.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Pookie Wilson. Pookie Wilson.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Pookie Wilson and the Crystalettes.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
So now I got off. I got off for the weekend. You're not going to go camping. I wouldn't go camping. These are my plans.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Yeah.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
I'm going to deep clean my spice cabinet, throw away spices. This is country. And, you know, got to consolidate a lot of stuff in my basement. Yeah. I love this idea. Isn't this a fun story for the pod? No, I don't care. I think it's great. I think I'm going to do a little weed and do this.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
You know what I mean? It's not going to help. My diet right now doesn't consist of me changing my diet, but just consists of me talking about it a lot. Okay. So I think if I do weed, I will also just. You'll eat the house down. Because my current strategy. You'll start eating expired products. Of course. No, don't do it. These pills are expired.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
My current strategy is to walk around the house and scream, stop eating. The way I talk to myself in the kitchen to try to get myself out of there. Don't do it, fatty. Really? Delete it. Fat. Of course. It's Sybil. I hear a voice and it's my voice. Oh no. Cause you're screaming. I heard myself. I just heard it. I just heard it. I hear a voice go step away from the fridge, Carol Ann.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
And I'm like, Oh, you should have, you should, I mean, all I've had is four baby bell. What's that? Babybel? The cheese that locks me up. You should have one of those cartoon punching bags that comes out of the fridge if you open it. Baby, I made lasagna on Friday. Then I had some Babybel. Didn't have a bowel movement until Monday. That's a lot of cheese. That's a lot of cheese.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Pissing out your asshole. I wish. Are you kidding? I pushed out a cinder block. Oh, my God. And then there's blood. It was awful. I had to treat it like tofu. I had to kind of like wrap it in paper towel and dehydrate it a little bit. Yeah. And then chop it up into little rectangles just to get it down. Isn't that horrible what I just said? I hate the way I am.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
I don't think we can end it on that one. That's so sick. Every time we vow not to tell fecal eating stories. All we do is talk about pooping and Amelia Perez. Yeah, and then eating the poop. Girl, and then we have to sit here and say, well, I don't think that singing was very good. It's not great. Like our pod where we talk about cleaning out the pantry.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Gal Gadot can't act, but I can talk about cleaning out my pantry. How am I supposed to clean my pantry and not eat at the same time? What is that? Do you expect me to not chop up my poop and eat it? Get out of here. You get out of here. Poop, poop. They got to have some kind of diet thing where you can glue your mouth shut for the weekend. Are you talking, you get your jaw wired shut.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
So go wait for that cross line, that crosswalk sign to change.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Well, I bought that book from that Amish girl, Lavina. Okay. And there's an Amish cleanse in there. Well, you could do the saw trap. That if you try to eat the baby bell, the thing goes snap right off. Do you think it's the lemon, cayenne pepper, maple syrup? No, no, no. Do you think it's real?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Yeah. It's a form of self-torture, self-harm. I got to get back on the Peloton. That's all. Yeah. Just, you know, cut down a little bit. The simplest advice is always the best. I'm the type of person that. There's no magic formula. There's no magic formula. You already know what to do.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
I had to do that Phantom of the Opera descent into the, into the basement to get my 34 jeans. Not the 32s. Oh, got to cover one eye. Oh, completely out of candelabra. I have a mask on. I'm like, you know. Wait, is it Hunchback or Phantom? It's both of us. Because I also rang a bell while I was down there. The Hunchback of the opera. The Hunchback of the Phantom of the opera.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Bye.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
It was just, it was too much. So you're now, you're row size 14? Well, I just wear my clothes from a year ago. Great. Before I got arthritis. So I guess I'm back. You're back, back, back again. Back to who I always was. Return to you. Big face. Now in a photo, I'm like, shit. I'm going to have to start taking a charcoal brick gray and drawing a circle in the daylight around the face.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
I want a tiny Mitt Romney face. I want that postage stamp. Huge forehead, giant hair, little face. Oh, I guess that's not good either. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not good. No, eyes, sunken eyes. You've got a perfect face for drag. Oh, thanks. You have a perfect face for completely transforming into someone else. It's a good pumpkin for carving because it's so big. That's right.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Anything you want to do. A paper plate to be put food on. Can I tell you that I barely made it here? They closed Coanga Pass. I was right behind you. They closed Coanga Pass the only way I know how to get here. And I literally was like. No, they didn't, baby. Yeah, they did. I was on her. No, you weren't. Yes, I was. The entrance to it at least was closed. No, I was on her.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Tell me why I ended up in the parking lot at Universal Studios. Are you serious? Yes. Trying to get here. You know what? That is not surprising because I have done... The car is... I'm not ready to not stop talking about the car.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Girl. It's like... People are so willy-nilly with the danger and I can't and I won't and I won't ever stop. I drive like a mannequin. I drive... I have... Yeah. Completely erect back. Vision. Peripheral. Yes. On alert. My blind spot... My head turns all the way around. I swear to God. Yeah. And I have to give my rental back on Tuesday and I feel like a foster parent having to, you know.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Hi. What is your tea? Girl, my tea. My tea is... Is your tea valid? What's the validity of your tea today? I went for a walk today on Hollywood Boulevard just because I wanted to see shit.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Did you like that car? Yeah, I loved it. Why did you get, well, you still have it. Yeah, I'm still trying to get a real car.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
It's real. I have to return it to Enterprise on Tuesday. How does she, how does she, how does she handle? It's gorgeous. Can I tell you how much, well, the car jerked me. Didn't know it had the thing where it puts you in the lane. Oh, I guess I was. How do you feel about that? Well, there was construction taking me around. So there's cones taking you off the line. Got it.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
But my, my car thought, Oh, you're drinking and driving or something. Tried to yank me back in and I had to fight her. Sometimes when we try to help, we hurt, we hurt. So I had to like push the make like a nail and press on and just get around it. How do you feel about the beeping sounds? When you're backing up, it's like, shut the fuck up. It's too much beeping is what it is. Yeah.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
It's too much beeping. It's too much beeping. And also, we've talked about this, the unpredictable cadence and the unclear message of her beeping is like, what do you mean? What do you mean? Like, could you be more specific? There's a truck eight feet behind me. Yeah. Like, what?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
It's too much. So what kind of car are you going to get? Is this too unrelatable to talk about? No, I have a lot of feelings and a lot of thoughts. Sometimes I... I mean... When I sit in a giant Lavigator or a Tahoe, it still doesn't feel big enough for me to sit in drag. So part of me thinks just accept it and get a small car so that's easy to maneuver when you're not in drag, you know?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Well, you can get a sedan that's roomy through the hips. I hate riding in the car in drag. Oh, it's awful. I had a photo shoot yesterday.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Tall, I mean. Huge. Shut up. And the giant hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you have to do this? Yes. I had to come to a photo shoot here yesterday. And in drag, trying to sit up like this. You don't do a tip-in wig? No. I think you should start doing a tip-in wig. You should start doing a tip-in wig.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
A tiptoe wig? Yeah. I mean, it's essentially a bus driver, something that'll fit, but also give you some dignity. A ma wig. Yes. There was an era... Oh, just a bang. There was an era of drag where... A lot of the wigs you could attain were maybe not found in nature for Caucasians. Oh, yes. Well, yeah. Originally. Yeah. So there was a time in drag where a lot of the girls were wearing some very.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
You hadn't seen human shit in a while. Human feces. Rent by the 30-minute block cyber trucks you can ride and take pictures in. And, you know... Penis. Naked penis.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
I'm right here. I wouldn't say you do it now. I'm right here. Yeah. The first, I mean, I don't know, 23 wigs I owned.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Well, there wasn't access.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
No, no, because that's all that was available. But now there's, I don't think the kids today know the access of wigs. You can get your lace to match your skin. I mean, I used to buy the blonde wigs with the brown lace would be like a deeper, so I'd have to paint it. Yeah. Or paint my forehead brown, which I was already doing anyway. Boop. We, we, we, oh, I remember this so clearly.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
It was a hard time to be blonde 15 years ago.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
It doesn't concern you.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
It was so there. We all knew it and we all knew it, but we just chose to ignore it. And I was like, that's fierce. And then there was like the, the, the access to wigs by vanity era where all the girls had the six inch lace at drag con. Do you remember that? The birdcage veils? Because it's too much. Because it's so good. You don't want to get rid of it. It was so crazy.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
People at meet and grab do like girl. It's like chopping up your Gucci gauchos. Oh, I like the length. Cause I like a short lace. I like it almost gone. I know that's horrible. Well, it depends. It's so long and we're getting Broadway tea. It's right there. And it's like, we got in the room.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
It's a COVID mask. I mean, it's covering the mouth. I mean, they might as well have just like laced eyebrows into it. Yeah. Cause that would be a fierce little look. Do you remember Lana Del Rey? Do you remember the Lana Del Rey face mask that was like clear? See through this, the rhinestone love that is always ahead of the game.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
She's always behind the curve, you know, ahead of the curve behind the times.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Just showing it all. And every time I do that diagonal crosswalk in Hollywood Boulevard, it feels like I'm going to get hit by a car. Oh, is that Hollywood in Highland?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Oh, Lanacello. Limoncello. Limoncello. Have you ever had... Okay, there's... Sorry. There's lemon LaCroix. Yes. And then there's its fucked up sister called Limoncello. The Instacart person brought Limoncello. Wait, actual Limoncello or Limoncello LaCroix? Okay, so there's lemon flavored LaCroix, which is like sparkling water tastes like lemons.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
And then there's Limoncello, which is... I don't know...
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Right. People like that? I guess. I mean, I hate the limoncello LaCroix. It sounds like a bad idea. It's just, just do lemon. Well, it's like that cucumber and blackberry. I was like, what? They do too much. Everybody's trying to reinvent the wheel. Just do red, brown, and green. Well, that's like the vape people. This is bubblegum brown cinnamon. I know.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
And there's the X-shaped crosswalk. And every time I'm in the middle, I'm not like a young girl taking a hair flip photo. So I'm ducking and covering because I'm ruining pictures. And... I keep being like, we're going to get hit by cars. Yeah, this is not the time for a flash mob photo shoot. Yeah. There's like, go to the Hollywood sign. Go somewhere. Go anywhere else. Literally anywhere else.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
And it's also so nefarious because it's so clearly marketed towards the youngsters. Right. Yeah. This is watermelon peach brownie. They need to make it more adult oriented. I would do like my vape line would be like hot pussy. Right. Like full bush. Do they make vape that tastes like a cigarette? Just like this is my Marlboro Red.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
they do absolutely tobacco flavored yeah what yeah well because you know people some people try to replace it for me it's not a it's not a replacement at all but ask me if i've had a cigarette today have you had a cigarette today no impressive ask me if i had one yesterday do you have one yesterday no wow huge if true huge if true planet of the vapes yeah but i have them
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
No, just in case. Just in case. You never know. Just in case. I think in the collapse of America, they will be currency. Well, they're coming back. I don't know why. Well, I know why. Just because of what you just said. But I don't know. How did you let me smell like shit all this time? It was just kind of part of your charm. Yeah. We're just happy you're still with us most of the time.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Oh, here she comes. Yeah, you smell her. You smell like booty. Better help, baby. Today's episode of Bald and Beautiful is brought to you by Better Help.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Therapy can feel like a big investment of your time, but I've noticed when it comes to things like exercise, sleep, you know, taking care of myself, but especially therapy, once I start to cut these things out of my life, everything falls further into imbalance. I mean, let's talk numbers. Traditional in-person therapy can cost anywhere from $100 to $250 per session, which it does add up fast.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
I have done both and Mine was more than that. So I totally, totally can vouch for that. I mean, with BetterHelp Online Therapy, you can save on average up to 50% per session. You pay a flat fee for weekly sessions, saving you big on cost and time with BetterHelp. Therapy should feel accessible. I mean, it should not feel like a luxury.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Taking care of yourself should be something that is very easy to reach for. And with online therapy, you can get quality care at a price that makes sense and can help you from anywhere. That means for me on a different time zone, at an airport, whatever, I can keep up my self-care.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
I've benefited from talk therapy because like I've told you, sometimes it just helps me understand the internet, my family, all types of stuff. Every little thing in my life, sometimes I love being able to get some clarity on it with my therapist. You know, somebody who doesn't, isn't invested in anything but my wellness.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
It's convenient too because you can join a session just clicking and you fit it into your busy life. I just put mine in my calendar and me, Brandon, everybody knows, okay, this hour of the day, no matter where I am, the hotel, whatever, we know what I'm doing at this time. Plus you can switch at any time for any reason. Your wellbeing is worth it.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Visit betterhelp.com slash bald today and get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P.com slash bald.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Go to the Chinese theater. Go to the Chinese.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
I'm sorry you were shitting yourself in your moldy fucking apartment, ho, but I was enjoying myself. All right? So fuck me.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Blueberries. Full of antioxidants. Blueberries. Where'd you get the blueberries from? Let's put the store on blast.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
So then I ate a lot of the food. And then, you know, I knew that Splash Mountain was now Tiana's Bayou Adventure. But I'd never seen Princess and the Frog. So I watched it before the ride. So I would know who was in the ride. Lovely ride. It's Splash Mountain with really cool animatronics. I thought Star Wars was cool. I've never seen Star Wars. I didn't.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
It was still pretty straightforward what was going on. And I knew, oh, that's a celebrity that's doing the, you know, the end of the rides are like, thanks, Captain. We made it. And you're like, thanks, Chris Pratt, whatever. You know what I mean?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
What if we had like, you got to be in a ride and you got to be like, all right, don't forget to fasten your seatbelt.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
I don't like that you don't like motion sickness makes you sick Simpsons that's what I was gonna say Simpsons is wild is some big guy coming out and just beating the hell out of you it's wild and then you realize at the end you didn't go anywhere that's wild to me and your head hurts my brain is not made to jog around in my head like that I love it but yeah I get it
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Um, I always really like haunted mansion, even though it's kind of like a baby ride. I mean, it's not like a thrill ride. I like haunted mansion. It was fun. And also I never go see the shows cause normally I'm so busy trying to ride rides. But since I had the guide, I did everything I wanted to do by four o'clock. So I was like, I guess let's go see phantasmic.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
That's the, you know, the, the water and the lights and the people singing and all that. Oh, so I went to see phantasmic. Um,
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
and i ate an edible and i swear to god when the peter pan ship i'm watching i'm like oh it's water it's spraying whatever i look over to the right and i go surely i'm not seeing this like i just was kind of i'd lift it off at that point the giant pirate ship with fucking peter pan and hook and wendy on it and i was like were they really on it was the mushroom land
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Well, it was, it was really them. It was really them, but it was actors obviously. Oh, okay. But they were real people. They were real people. Yeah. There's real people. Um, and you know, who knows if Peter Pan looked young, it was far away. It's probably somebody in their seventies. So I really liked it to be honest.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
I, I, I haven't gone since like 2019 and I would say that's a good, a good five years, six years between is lovely. Yeah. When I first moved here, I feel like I went like once a year because I was like, wow, we're so close to Disney. And I'm like, every five years is good.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
I don't know. I think they should. Small world was closed, which I kind of wanted to see small world. It's a small world after all. And there's like little puppets from all over the world. You know, we got the girls from stock from just go to Pac-Man, not Pac-Man. Oh no, that's universal. That's universal. Also, I have had this hat for like 10 years and I pulled it out being like, wow.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Pack rat me, you're like pack mouse. You wore that? Yes, I did. So I was like, I'm going to wear my hat that I've had for 10 years. Cause you know what? I paid for it. And I go, then I go, look, guy to look, I have a hat. I said, I noticed nobody else has this hat. I thought this was like the standard Disney hat. And I was like, is this cringe millennial hat? Is this old?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
And she was like, yeah, that's like, nobody wears that anymore. And I was like, okay, perfect. I guess just fuck me then. Well, I guess long story short, I wouldn't say that, uh, For me, you have to let a lot of years go by to re-remember what you think Disney's like and then go, I just don't. I like it. I don't know about it as like a real full-time hobby.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Because some people, Disney is their real, real hobby. And I think that's fine. But I just, after two days there, I was like, yeah, I'm good for a few more years.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Well, I also think it's a lot of walking. So the parents who want to walk that much probably are young enough to have very young children. Right. I mean, I mean, a lot of the people on scooters were older people, but they also told me you can bring your own scooter there or you can rent. Cause I asked, I was like, there's so many scooters. Does everybody bring these?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
And they were like, Oh, the blue ones are probably rentals, but the rest of them people bring. And then get this. I said, do people ever steal the strollers? Cause I had the guide. So I was like, I'm so cheap. I was like, I'm going to ask you so many questions because if I'm paying you to be here, I'm going to ask shit that doesn't even matter. Like how much baby shit is there?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
I was like, so what happens to the strollers? Like there's so many sitting here unattended. Do people steal from them? And she said no, but for a while somebody was taking everything, taking everything. They weren't stealing what was in the stroller. They would take everything in the stroller, dump it on the ground and take the stroller out of here and sell it.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
People were just going to Disney to steal strollers because you could just walk out with the stroller. No one's going to say anything. And if you're some guy ruffling through the stroller, probably like, oh, that's a dad looking for the binky. Oh, right. Yes. So, but some of these strollers like that, what is it? The, um,
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
move or no, I forget what it's called that one brand where they're like $1,200. Yeah. I mean, you could just go resell that on the internet and make, well, I saw somebody on Tik TOK talking about, Oh, somebody keeps finding me at the airports asking me to sign stuff. I guess that's happening to everyone now. Really?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Coco Gauff this tennis player I love she commented on it she was like this has happened to me get out of here and the person in the video was like it makes me feel unsafe and when you ask how they knew you were there they give you a bogus answer like well we just figured no you didn't somebody told you I was going to be here on this exact flight looking up my real fucking name I want to know who's the who's the who spills the beans
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
oh my you know what god bless the next person who tries to do that to me at the airport because it's on site it's a complete blow up i'm not doing it they're gonna get killed why don't i come to your house they're gonna get murdered and ask you to write your name did someone say something about you signing something for me like i don't and i don't say this lightly i love everyone get a job bitch yeah any job yeah not harassing people the airport yeah get some mediation gigs
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
I don't see it. No. The only thing I like about it is then if somebody buys it online, at least it's a real signature. Because if you Google yourself on eBay, you will find a lot of fake sign shit. Oh, good. Fans paying top dollar for something that you didn't really sign, that feels bad.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Well, have you noticed the scalpers also want a picture with you? Yes. That's crazy. It's crazy.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I mean, you're not just puking. Your, your body's shaking. Yeah. Your head, your full body. Pain. Pain. You feel poisoned. Pain. And you are shitting, which sucks. I would rather shit my brains out than puke. Yeah, no shit.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Your eyes are bloodshot enough. Yeah.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
One time, at Gelson's in West Hollywood, I got some avocado, like a guacamole avocado spread for some pita chips on one of my health kicks. immediate throwing up. It was, it was, and it comes on real, real food poisoning hits so fast, so hard.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
I watched that movie the other day. We talked about it. Oh, we did? I think. I watched the movie the other day. Fargo?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
It's incredible.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
It was kind of poly in the way it presented what genre it is. It was like every genre. It was a little scary, a little funny, a little drama.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Paramount, Dingleberry. I don't forget. I've been watching some various items. I'll put this in the frog because I was like, I'm hyped. I felt weirdly racist not having seen the Black Princess movie. Oh, I'm not up on the Disney shit. Well, it came out not, it's not an old movie, but then I thought, am I really about to go in this park and not have seen the ride dedicated to the Black Princess?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Sure. So I watched the movie. It was a lovely movie. You loved it. I didn't love it, but I did like it. Okay. She turns into a frog. She kisses the frog thinking that she's going to cure the frog and she turns into a frog herself. Oh, it's like Shrek. Kind of. Frog Shrek. Frog Shrek. Frog Shrek. And then I've been watching 90 Day Fiance.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Every few years, I kind of come out of a coffin and I go like, I got to catch up. Because I'm not following it season to season the way I do like Love is Blind where I'm like, the new one's out. Let's go. But 90 Day Fiance, the K-1 visa, these people moving across the world with 90 days to decide if they're going to marry someone. It's just crazy. It's just crazy. I don't even understand it.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
So this season, I was watching season nine. There is a gorgeous, very surged trans girl named Nikki, and she's dating a guy. He's from Moldova. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yes. And he's a personal trainer, and they're so hot for each other, but obviously they're very open about some of the physical incompatibilities they have because I think he has kind of like some mental blocks about her body. Okay.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
So he's like, I think has feelings for her and affectionate toward her, but has a hard time like... Going down on her. I feel weird whispering it because she talks about it on the show. Okay, okay. That's fine. You don't have to whisper about it.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
And that's like, oh, that's complicated because we're dealing with a language barrier and sort of like this trans amorous sort of push and pull of like- Does he know that she- He knows.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
This is what was interesting. On camera, he's fine doing huggy, kissy, emotional intimacy. But then they talk about having some barriers in the bedroom, which-
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
in my peripheral experience the men usually have blocks with the emotional stuff but they want to fuck all the time okay right i don't know so like it's interesting because i think he obviously has feelings for her in the series but has kind of his own blocks about her you know being trans then you add to the the mix like the third layer of like this is filmed on television it's filmed on television which is which is weird because there's cameras around and
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
shows them in bed cuddling kissing but i guess he has a hard time with that just seems so like having emotional intimacy on camera is so much deeper than sex to me i don't trust anybody who's on tv right you know well and that's an element that i like about 90 day fiance too it's like a lot of these people come from other countries they maybe are in love and they do want to move to the united states but they're also an influencer yeah like they are a lot of them
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
wanting to be famous in some way. And then I love when they get into, they do this on Love is Blind too, where they're like, well, are you in it for the right reasons? It's like, what is the right reasons? You're all selling, you know, halo bear hair vitamins or whatever. So what is the right reason? You're all in the Crest ad. You're all in the T-Mobile ad. What do you mean? Mint Mobile.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Mint Mobile. You know? So, like, what is the reason? What is the reason?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Is it Mint Mobile or is it Crest White Strips? But then there's this guy from Kentucky and his gal comes from, I believe, Panama. So, I might not remember it. But he's living in a studio apartment with dogs and guinea pigs. And his mom... No, guinea pig. His mom's a... His mom's a guinea pig. His mom is... So, this is the thing. I've lived at all different...
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
like, you know, um, I've lived in two apartments. I've lived very, you know, paycheck to paycheck. Yeah. His mom lives in his closet on a mattress on the floor. Okay. Okay. So my thought was, which by the way, like I've shared beds with my siblings. I've had four kids to a room. I've done that. Like, but I was a kid and I wasn't filming. My thing was, wow. To bring cameras into your home.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
And your mom is in the, in the, uh, he was like would you like to meet my mom and like opens the door and she's in there on the floor on a mattress on a tablet like And of course I'm like, wow. And then, well, then this is the real drama of the season with them. The real drama was his sister is like, you know what? I don't really know her.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
She doesn't speak English, but I'm just going to get her drunk because that's truth serum. Drunk, drunk words are sober thoughts. So then she gets drunk with the girl and she's like, so, and they're using Google transit, of course, on camera. So, cause nobody, she doesn't speak English and English I've heard is very difficult to learn. Right. Of course.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Especially if you're in a closet on the floor. Yeah.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
besides that you get your duolingo you lay back on the floor and you know I just in the closet on the floor so then they get drunk and the sister's like you know it's her bachelorette party and imagine me a bachelorette party in a room full of people you don't know and can't speak to because you don't know English and so you're just in your veil and your penis necklace just like with the cameras around and the sister's like
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
So, I know you think that he tells you that he's going to kick my mom out, but I'm going to tell you right now, those two people are always going to live together. She's always going to be in your life. You better get used to it. She's always going to be in the closet on the floor, ho. Your sister's like, she's never moving out. He's lying to you. There, there.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
He's never going to cut the umbilical cord. That's his lover. Basically snitching on her being like, you're about to marry Miss Mama's Boy. Miss Mama on the floor. Yeah. Miss Swamp Thing in the closet. Which I have issue with Mama's Boy as a concept because when someone's a daddy's girl, we don't care. But when someone likes their mom, we hate that. I don't know. I don't know.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Liking your mom is not the worst fucking thing somebody's ever done. Okay. No, but I don't say that from experience because Val. Yeah. And it was just our very, it was a very tumultuous season. So then ultimately the sister orders a stripper for the bachelorette party. And the husband is, you guessed it, pissed.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
The men love to get the stripper, but if the girl gets a stripper, the men lose their minds.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
So what did the stripper do with the lap dance in the closet? No.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
No, the closet wasn't involved. It was in one of those like party vans. It was like party vans. Worse. And then there's Ashley who meets a guy whose name is Manuel. Ashley's a witch. She's a witch. She's a witch. So she's literally at the reunion saging people being like, Manuel, stop it. It's really crazy. Are these people on mentallyill.com? Is it mentalillness.com?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
I think they're looking for love. And I think sometimes some of these people I'm like, I understand like, oh, I live in California and he lives in Seattle and we make it work. It's maybe direct flights. It's maybe it's international travel relationship. I just am like with mama on the floor.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
A lot of them either meet online or one of them's on vacation or study abroad and they meet while they're abroad. Okay. Hmm. Like Nikki and her boyfriend, Igor. Okay. Personal trainer. Nikki, she wore... And of course in Moldova, he's like, you dress too much. So he tries to take her to buy her like white linen poplin shirts and like jeans. And she's in like a neon bikini with a faux ponytail.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Like I'm not wearing that. It's so awesome. It's so weird.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Yeah. It's a lot of... Mama's on the floor in the closet. Mama's on the floor in the closet misbehaving. Okay. So I've seen most seasons one through nine and it's just really... Do you know about Muhammad? You probably told me. Daniela Muhammad in the beginning of the series. Muhammad is like... I'll just play the audio. I'll just play the audio. Play me the audio. Where's the phone?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Mama on the floor? What does it find you? Oh. You know, Danielle's probably maybe Val's age. Okay. And Mohammed is maybe 25.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
And then... What do you think it is? I don't know. I'm riveted. You know it's stinky pussy. You know you're acting. Come on.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
I want my sex tonight. They have a very difficult relationship. And when they do finally get married, he dips to Miami the next day.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
oh it's tough so they're just looking for visas and passports not always some of them are truly in love and are married and like have kids now and some of them you're like wow this feels underhanded this feels like you're you know what network is behind all this of course you know it's tlc you know it's tlc you know it's fucking tlc bitch tlc you you
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
TLC is going to jail.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
And this is 100% of you are going to jail. This is like pre-COVID, this clip. Now it's even wilder on 90 Day Fiancé. I love 90 Day Fiancé. I love it.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
It makes me want to throw up. And sometimes, too, I'm not saying age gaps aren't real because we're in gay world. Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Baby. Most people, so many people we know, it's Daddy Warbucks and fucking Danny from The Shining on the tricycle.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Yeah, and then you and I are the twins. Come play with us. Yeah, yeah. And then we kind of put on our gear and have a play session. Do you know what I mean? Kind of like get geared up and have like a play session. Are you guys into playing? Oh, I played with, me and his husband have played before. Played is such a weird. Don't like it. I don't. I don't like it either.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
I'm going to put on my gear and play.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
I'm going to put on my gear and play. I don't like it.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
It's really cunty. I just love 90 Day Fiancé. I have one more thing. I have to tell you. Okay, wait, wait, wait. So I was. Hold on. I want to share with something. Share with something. Yes, of course. I just feel like we can share clips as long as it's mostly audio. It doesn't feel weird. Yes.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Besides, when we shared Amelia Perez on here, that might be the only exposure someone has to Amelia Perez. That's right. Penis to vagina.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
And if you're Demi Moore and you were dressed poorly, wouldn't that be a shame?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
The rest of us are just ugly. Don't call it a comeback. The rest of us are just ugly. Ugly. But she's, I feel like he's laying the groundwork. Did she kind of like wear gear? Did she have like a puppy mask on? And was she kind of like playing? No. Does she have like a harness on and kind of like a cock cage? And kind of like a cock cage? No, cock cage is at the governor's ball.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
And it's going to like look blue on shit.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
What would you do if Demi Moore just showed up in a gay men's harness and-
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Did you want to play later? Wait, wait. What would happen in the world if you and I just started fucking? What if we just were like, anyway, new update for you guys. We've just been like fucking. Anyway, we're just. Anyways, you guys are so crazy. It's like a soft launch, but like we've been fucking.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
It's great. I...
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
love libertarians but i would describe that sometimes as the worst qualities of both things yeah totally the worst yeah it's the craziest yeah yeah and she's like she kind of reads him so fiercely he's like so you want to be a baby you want to be a baby it's so cunty you do want to be i mean do you want to be a baby i am baby right you're pooping your pants hello poopy and peepee when's the last time you flat out shit your pants
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
like full like hard turd only the the roach motel is like wiggle it out the pant leg like yeah like like a summer sausage a summer sausage running down the leg no i think it was just i don't think there's been a hard turd incident since well yeah if it's if it's then how are you accidentally farting out a hard turd yeah like you have to you're actively doing that you're making that happen yeah oops i shit a hard turd
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Yeah.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
I want that bony grip. Gotta tell you, I got... We have to go, don't we?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Kara? Imagine the grip. Oh, I know. It's so wild. Yeah. Do you know where merch says Goblin Head Nation? I guess... Hey...
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Bye!
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
To be honest, well, it could be that you didn't rinse them, which I also forget to do. Yeah. And I know that's bad because people have told me, oh, you're eating feces. Right. E. coli.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
I was like, did you watch TV? No. Oh, yeah. I lost a day and a half. When you're that sick, even TV is nauseating.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
I can't remember the last time I pooped, to be quite honest. Did you go big potty? Did you go big potty?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
You're back. Well, you look good. No, I look. You look, you look. This background. You look alive. You look youthful. I am alive. I'm really sorry you got food poisoning. It fucking sucks.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
The first time I really remember getting it was during the Donald's first presidency. And I remember thinking, wow, this is so bad. I wouldn't even wish this on the Donald. Somebody I really am not a fan of. So I remember thinking, wow, if I won't want this person to get it, it's bad. It's bad. It's horrible. It's horrible. It's like a hangover on crack.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
And also if you're really food poisoned, the stomach twisting, aching, like you're not just nauseous. It's like there was nothing. There's nothing in there.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
What about these videos of people coming out of colonoscopies just blowing, just blowing?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
The Terrifier. You know, when I was at Disney, I got a little bit of motion sickness, so I kind of had the same thing. I did see people run around with those Band-Aids. The motion sickness back of the neck Band-Aid things. Dramamine? I guess it's like a motion sickness patch. From what? What do you get motion sickness from at Disney? Rides, I guess.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Well, some people want to do the rides, but they get sick. You want to do the ride until you do the ride, and then you're sick. You get sick from the motion. Motion sickness.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
I don't think it's likely to die from that roller coaster. I don't like feel unsafe on a roller coaster. No. You're more likely to die on the way to Disney in the car.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
That's what they said in the movie. It's true. So I went and. Did you put that thing on the back of your neck?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
No, I don't get really motion sickness, but, um, I went and I stayed at the hotel, um, Disney California adventure because I thought, I don't want, when I think of going to Disney in LA, I think of that fucking seven, 8am trying to get a bunch of faggots into a SUV to drive to Anaheim being in a parking lot at 8am trying to like, you know, like that, that whole pre Disney rigmarole is not worth the squeeze to me.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Sure. So I was like, all right, I'll go. What if I get a room the night before in a splash mountain?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
in the splash like at the top of the mountain anymore it's called it's tiana's something adventure tiana's bayou adventure princess and the frog so this is in the frog well frog mountain frog mountain you get you get a room in frog mountain it's a sweet frogger mountain yeah so i stayed at the disney california adventure now last time i went there which was pre-covid i'm not a disney gay don't look at my outfit it's just it's just merchandise
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
So I haven't gone since like 2018 probably. But I was like, you know what? If I'm going to go, I'm going to be Miss Thing and I'm going to get a room the night before so I can wake up and walk into the park because you're staying at a hotel. Yeah, yeah. That's the way to do it. You wake up in the park. Wow, I want to go on a ride. It's right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Rather than, hey, let's get the faggots into a car at 7 a.m. to try to get to Anaheim. Anaheim, yeah. You're waiting in the car for everyone to coif their mushroom cut and put the glitter on their pubes and put in their contact lenses and their fake teeth and get in the car, right? So everybody's, so waking up like, dude, Like, oh. Yeah, Frog Mountain.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
The night before, I had the lightning, I got the lightning premiere pass, which I guess has cut the lines, which was $349 extra per person, but very horny. Yeah, you're not going to go. Very horny.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Right. And I'm afraid to say how much these things are because, frankly, I get roasted for spending money, but I'm just going to be honest with people and say that I spent the money. You're not going to apologize for being rich and beautiful. No. So $349 a person, I would say, if you're a Disney all the time person, go like every five years and get the Cunty Pass and fuck those lines.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
What do you think about all the children? When I talk about children, I'm talking about teeny weenies. Well, can I tell you what Disney really is? It's a daycare.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
I do think that's a healthier option than blaming everybody else. Right? Don't most people just say it's everyone else?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
I got two sets of twins and we're all going the same speed. If I had kids, they would be pushing me in a fucking stroller. Oh, my God. I'd have stirrups like a gynecologist. I'd be like, faster, kiddo.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Well, I'm also looking around. You know what I mean? Because... There were so many strollers there. It was stroller getting. It's stroller getting. If you go to Fantasyland, which there is just... Okay, so this is a lot going on. So I go the first day, the Lightning Premier Pass. The second day, I got one of those horny VIP guides. Oh, see, that's what I was going to ask you.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
That's what they do at Six Flags. I got one of those horny people. They just usher you. They wear plaid. I asked if I could say their name. Their name was Caitlin. And Caitlin, I said, girl, here's all the rides I want to ride today. And she said, all right, let's go. They put an itinerary together.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
well also if you're like me and you walk around disney you have a million questions i'm like when was that built who's that do you know them yeah when we crossed somebody mind you i asked her how many people work here i said what couple thousand she said something like 20 30 000 people would ever work there and i said oh um or no i said a couple it was a lot it was like and so that but then even every time we pass somebody who worked i'd be like did you know her do you know her do you guys have lunch in the break room together annoying
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
but then i'm like how does that ride what's this and then all this inside tea right so then i'm like i want you to get me on all these rides and i said well what does miss jada pinkett smith do how do the celebs get in the back entrance i want to enter these rides rectally right i don't want to i want the jennifer lawrence treatment and she said well you know we call it a high profile guest and that's only for guests where if they're like getting recognized so much that it interrupts their trip so i take off my sunglasses i'm cheating out i'm looking for blue hair i'm looking for neck tattoos i'm
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Nothing. Because they're babies. Well, it was the morning. The gays aren't there yet. And the girls. So the only people who are there are families. And of course, the people who work there know you and I, but they can't say anything. Right. So they're just like, nice to see you. And I said, why am I in line? You know what I mean? So I'm cheating out. I'm cheating out.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Finally, an hour and a half in, somebody comes up to me and I go, oh my God, my experience is being interrupted. I'm not enjoying myself because of my high profile status at Disneyland. And then the guy goes, all right, one of my colleagues saw you get recognized and called it in. So I see here they upgraded you to high profile. So guess who got to walk in the rectal entrance of every single ride?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Jada Pinkett Smith. Walk in the exit and say how many times you want to ride it.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
I'd like to ride the Incredicoaster three times, and I'd like to walk in the end. But what are you doing there as a grown-ass man? Riding the rides. Those rides ain't shit. But it doesn't always have to be pulse-pounding horror. I like some of the story rides. I like the chill vibes. They're like carnival rides. Yeah, I like some of that. Or like the Peter Pan ride, which is the story of Peter Pan.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
You don't like like Pirates of the Caribbean. You don't like Indiana Jones. Those are like story rides.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
You know? I think most drag queens would take the road more traveled, which is... We hear this all the time from our colleagues. Everything in my life is wrong because of. A, B, and C, and D. My managers, my agents, the network, my fans, and my manager.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
The second one, what they do, the fake out is very scary. That one is really scary. And Matterhorn, you know, I don't like that shit, but of course I wrote it. Yeah.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
the yeti hate that and then jungle cruise they got the animatronic gorillas too and i was not down with that either sick sick sick i i like the jurassic park one because you go in the water too yeah you go in the water it's lovely very it's a good um ambiance ambiance it's all normal until isn't on that ride it starts out fun and normal and it gets fucking crazy yeah same with um the mummy love her she goes back in front
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Yeah. The mummy's good too. Too short. They're all too short. They're all too short. We're going to wait and you're going to wait in line for two and a half hours for a 30 second ride. Get up, get out of here. Well, California used to be California screaming and now it's the Incredicoaster. That's a pretty long roller coaster. I did that a couple of times. That was fun. Fun.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
It's the one that's like three, two, one, and just launches you. Yeah. Love that. That's nice. Space Mountain. I don't get why everybody nuts for that shit. It's so, it's like Atari. My face in the dark is just. Beepity boop boop. Beepity boop boop. Can't see. Beepity boop boop. Yeah. Can't see anything. It's not great. It's not great, but I got to tell you about the Star War. Okay.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Because I wrote Star War, Rise of the Resistance. Fina told me, wait till you write it. It's cunty. But I've never seen Star Wars. Okay. But it's, you literally have to get up. You have to get up and walk. You do walk. Yeah. That's crazy.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Right. No. Do you know what I mean? Bitch, you haven't ridden it. So don't try to talk about shit you've never done, bitch. I have. I've been in it. There's like, so first it's this ride, then it's this. It's like three rides.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya
Right. That's what I want. Well, maybe Disney's not for you. It's not for me because I hate children. But is it okay that I went? Like, it's kind of like, you're very Christian right now where other people not being Christian is pissing you off. Yeah. Because I liked a weekend at Disney. You're mad. I'm pissed. You're mad. I'm pissed.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Can I tell you the weirdest thing about being in the car? I've never been in the car alone for 10 years. Being in the car alone is creepy boots. It's creepy boots. I'm in there like, hello? Sometimes I just talk in there. I'll be like, hello? And there's no one in there. I'm going down the highway and it's so quiet and I'm too scared to turn on music because I'm like, I need to focus.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Absolutely, absolutely. And so I'm just like driving. I was on Coanga Pass and I was like, hello? I was probably behind you saying, hi. Did you drive here? I surely did. I surely did. Almost hit somebody coming out of the driveway. Girl, why not? Why not? My biggest fear is backing over someone's little dog. They're a little hot potato-sized dog that I can't see and the car won't beep for. True.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
The teacup chihuahua. The teacup chihuahua. Well, you know what, though? There was a lady. I went for an evening stroll last night after dinner like all the Russian couples do. And you know how they do it. You can spot a Russian couple. They're not talking to each other. They're looking straight ahead and they have their hands behind their back. What? But they're on the evening stroll.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
It's a very cultural thing. I see the Orthodox Jews going for walks on the weekends. Yeah, because they can't use electricity. Yeah, so you see them as families walking around. Yeah, but after they eat their borscht soup and whatever the fuck, after dinner, they're always walking around like, maybe they'll say a word to a dog like, but anyways, so. Do you like to walk?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
They, a bunch of them, and then a lot, some crazy ladies with their dogs, teeny little dogs on no leash. Girl. They got a little parka, they got a little doggy north face, a vest on, but no leash. Girl. I think we talked about this, but the gag for me is the 80 pound woman in LA with the Rottweiler. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
When you walk by, they just put their hand on the leash as if you're going to stop that stone cold killer dog. Yeah. It's like Polly pocket with the monster truck. What do you think you're going to do? Yeah. And I'm not saying that all dogs are dangerous and I'm not saying you should be fearful, but what is this leash thing? Or you ever go to, um, what is it? Uh, What's that place called?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Cafe Gratitude. No, you faggot. Why did you say that? Because everybody has dogs and children running amok. No, the Hollywood Reservoir. There's a big sign that says no dogs. It's all dogs in there. All dogs go to Hollywood Reservoir. What about this baby?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I like to walk around and I guess every piece of grass on the side of the sidewalk, there's an unwritten sign that I'm not aware of that says, please have your dog shit right here. And don't you dare pick it up. Don't you dare pick it up. Shit everywhere. Shit line streets. Beautiful West Hollywood shit line streets. Do you know what people will do?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
You know, in front of my house, we have those bushes. Yeah. People will throw the shit in the bushes. So I'll get home and I'll just smell shit in front of my house. And I'm like, I don't have a dog. Why is my whole house smelling shit? But at least you're not stepping in it and tracking it through on your gorgeous parquet floors where that sumptuous mahogany would work. Let's take a break.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Morning shred. Where the girls wake up and take the sticker off here, take the under eyes off. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The jaw strap. They're all sticking with the jaw strap on. The headgear. Mary, they all look like they were just in a car accident where they almost died. Where they're like time-lapse recovering from plastic surgery super quick. Yes. But yeah.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Today's episode of Bald and Beautiful is brought to you by Smalls. You guys know I'm a lifelong vegetarian. Lifelong. I love animals. And you know, cats have wormed their way into my little heart. My sister, she has a cat named Cornbread that she's obsessed with that... You know when some people have cats that act like dogs, they say that they act like dogs.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I think that that's just a weird way of not admitting that not every cat has a great personality. My sister's cat does. My sister's cat did something so funny. Cornbread walked into the room and said, is your refrigerator running? And I said, no. And the cat said, well, you better go catch it. And I said, oh my God, cats, stop. You got me. My sister's cat is her baby.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
My sister is not a child person. My sister barely loves to hold children she's related to. But my sister loves her cat. And honestly, her relationship with her cat has made me cat curious, let's say. Let's just say if I ever got the opportunity to get flued out and be the cat sitter, I would. If you're listening to this show, you know that cats cannot live without Smalls, okay?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
To get 35% off plus an additional 50% off on your first order, head to Smalls.com and use the promo code BALD for a limited time only. Smalls cat food is protein-packed recipes made with preservative-free ingredients you'd find in your fridge, and it's delivered right to your door.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
You guys know for me, a busy person, if I ever had the privilege to cat sit, I would probably want to do something where I get the food delivered to me because who Who wants to go drive to get this stuff? Like, it's just not, it's not as fun as shopping for human groceries, okay? That's why cats.com named Smalls their best overall cat food. It's ingredients you'd find in your fridge.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
My sister's cat is a classic cat. Anything fish, anything chicken, very interested. My sister's cat prefers Smalls way more than previous cat foods. I did a taste test. I put two bowls side by side. I ate both. I'm going to tell you, they both taste like cat food, but one just tastes a little more like the ingredients I'd find in my fridge. Still not a believer in Smalls.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
New York Magazine called Smalls the best cat food, according to veterinarians. Okay. One BuzzFeed person said, my cat went completely ballistic for that stuff. And you know what? We do so much stuff for human beings on The Bald and the Beautiful. I'm very happy to be sponsored by a cat food company.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I do believe that animal nutrition is easily overlooked and the responsibility of owning a pet is looking out for their health the way you look out for your own. Okay. After switching to smalls, 88% of cat owners reported overall health improvements. That's a big deal. Cats are so sensitive and they will hide symptoms of illness or not feeling well to the very last moment. Okay.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
But wait, I don't know why I was saying that. We were talking about you putting the little eye patches on trying to feel something. Oh, yeah. I feel like, oh. But those are postage stamps. I don't know what you're doing. You know what they look like? I feel like I'm putting pieces of ginger from sushi. Oh, sure. You know how slices of sliced ginger, that's exactly what they look and feel like.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
They won't tell you their digestion is not doing good. You just have to like feed them the best you can. What are you waiting for? Give your cat the food they deserve. For a limited time only, because you are a Bald and Beautiful listener, get 35% off Smalls plus an additional 50% off your first order by using my code BALD.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
That's an additional 50% off when you head to Smalls.com and use promo code BALD. Again, that's promo code BALD for an additional 50% off your first order plus free shipping at Smalls.com. Thank you. Thank you. But what happens if you wake up from that amazing afternoon nap and you have a rash on your left cheek? Could it be an allergic reaction to the dust mites hiding in your pillow?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Or what if that new moisturizer from the Swiss Alps is contaminated with trace amounts of alpaca fur? ZocDoc calls this the, is this normal rabbit hole? And it happens to all of us. When the symptoms subside after a few hours, you move on and forget about it. But then the next morning, the same thing happens. Well, I'm here to tell you that enough is enough.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
You need to book an appointment with a great doctor so you can figure out what's causing it. And when you finally find out that you have a severe allergy to edelweiss that is grown alongside the moisturizer farm in the Swiss Alps, you'll have ZocDoc to thank. With ZocDoc, there's no reason to delay. They make it insanely easy to find and book a doctor who's right for you.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high-quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. They have over 100,000 doctors from literally any specialty, including allergists. So you can rest assured you can find the perfect doctor for that whole cheek rash situation.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
You can filter for doctors who take your specific insurance, who are located nearby if you hate driving like me, or find ones with specific office hours to match your crazy drag queen schedule. And most importantly, you can find doctors who are highly rated by real life verified patients.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
You can even see their real time appointment openings, choose a time that works for you and instantly book a visit with just a few clicks. Same-day appointments are also available in many cases, which is ingenious. The best part is that ZocDoc is completely free to use. You can search and compare highly rated in-network doctors with ease, which is why I love ZocDoc.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
It turns out that I am triple jointed and now I'm considering starting a career in the circus arts. ZocDoc helped me find the best doctor in my area and booked them fast. If I can find a great doctor, so can you. And all because of ZocDoc. Stop putting up those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash bald to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
That's Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash bald. ZocDoc.com slash bald. ZocDoc.com slash bald. Can I tell you more about the queries? Yeah, yeah. No, no, no. Tell me about the drive here. What was the highlight? What was the highlight? What was your favorite part? I keep, you know, can I say I talk during the drive? So because I haven't driven in so long. Now are you talking to other cars?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
And also, they give you a little tool, which I'm not sure how that tool works, and I will not Google it. Oh, the scooper. The scooper. But how does the scooping thing, I can't figure out for the life of me. It's always an adventure. Yeah.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Are you saying, move, you bitch? No, you're going to think this is crazy. I'll go like, turn. Okay. All right, we're going to break. Like I'll kind of talk. That's great. And then if people do things that are illegal, I will be like, Oh my God. Yeah. She didn't just turn into the nearest permissible lane. I was like, blinker, blinker, honey, blinker.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Every time someone doesn't use a blinker, I act like I just accidentally opened a browser and it was porn. I'm like, when someone, nobody uses the blinker on the highway. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We got, no, that is, yes. People are wilding out like that. People are. Sugar, we're going down swinging. Yeah. It's bad. It's just, nobody seems to be on the same page.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Nobody even seems to be reading the same book. Nevermind. Nobody's in the same library. Like it's crazy. Are blinkers woke? Like, is that what's going on here? Is it like pussy shit? It's like, I don't want, you don't need to know where I'm going. Oh, she used a blinker. I mean, I, I, I, again, are blinkers the lamestream media? Blinkers are the gotcha questions of the lamestream media.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
The gotcha questions of the lamestream media. Again, today with the three, I counted it three times. First of all, people do not know what the fuck to do with a stop sign. Let me tell you what to do with a stop sign. Okay. This, this is very basic. You're rolling up to the stop sign to my left. You get there. You have stopped two seconds, two full seconds before I've even begun my stop.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Go, you bitch. Go. It's waiting for me is confusing. You're not doing me a favor. It's your fucking turn, bitch. Go. Are you talking about a four-way stop? Yes. Okay. Like, girl, like, this is, we need efficiency. I don't know you. You don't know me. This is not your good deal. You don't else really gag me. It's not your good deal of the day.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
but when someone goes you go i go i was gonna go i was here before you what are you talking about they're like three blocks down the street why don't you go ahead bitch i've been here born in the game i've been at this light for two weeks okay fuck or like the whole the the fucking comedy of errors when it's like you both do that then you both go then you both stop then you both go you might as well head on collision you might as well just get out of the car start making out
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
You open the product, you take the little scooper, you set down the product, you take your pants off, you put that scooper up your butt, you give yourself a little pap smear. You scream. And then you taste test it and you say, why can't we all go to see? Mary, three minutes then, just like the last one, we're talking about filleting feces. Why are we always doing this?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I think you should start doing, but I can't do people do the people love to do these like teeny tiny, um, not good deeds, like masquerading as good deeds. Like, and I think that they really do think that this is me. I'm going to good person right now. You know, this is my good deed of the day.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
It's like, no bitch, you're confusing flop, like play by the rules and we'll all get to where we're going safely. Right. There's some things I feel very ironclad about, which is you've turned the Well, yeah. You turn the blinker on at the precise moment it is indicated for you to turn. Like, you don't turn it on... I think in driving school they say turn it on before you brake. I don't understand.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
You shouldn't be braking before your turn and then turn it on. Oh, no, no, no. I feel strong about that. You know how sometimes there are left lanes, multiple left lanes, and then before a light or before a street... I don't know, sometimes that can get a little wacky because people love to charge through like the left lane when they're really trying to go left at the light three blocks up.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
But there are two other left exits onto streets. Do you know what I'm trying to say? It's people get a little wild. And I am the left green arrow police chief of Los Angeles. The radical left. I am. The radical left green arrow. I am. When it comes to that arrow, I am so hypervigilant. I am so hyper fixated and I will not take no for an answer. Right.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Just today, a good 14 cars missed an opportunity because one motherfucker was not paying attention. Only three people went. Right. That's. I know. It's going to be hard. It's going to be a hard year. It's going to be a really hard year. Can I tell you about the queerties? Oh, yes. Did you go and drag? No, I was doing after midnight all day. That's funny. I was doing after midnight all day.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Oh, yeah. I was doing after midnight all day. So I got out of drag at like six, five or six. And I was like, all right, I'm just going to shower quick and then I'll go. You know, it's either get drunk at home or get drunk there. True. Was it open bar? No. Maybe it was. I don't know. It was both? Both? But if you want a margarita, espresso, martini, you got to cough up the money. Yeah.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
So it was fun. I did a little like, you know, I don't have like nice outfits. So I want to go on the red carpet and take a nice picture, but I hate the way I look and everything I wear. So it's a double-edged sword where I like to feel like, ooh, we're here. I want to someday look back at this and be like, look at me on this little picture. But I hate my clothes, hate my face, hate my body.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Well, then you don't want Muschietti images up in that mix. Right. I know. When I go to Gigi and Nat's house, I kick the walls and go, who's this? But you get selling pictures of me, huh? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Grainy HD, ultra HD stubble shots of me looking haggard. Thank you, bitch. Thank you for highlighting the distinct color differences between my top and bottom teeth with that picture.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Why are you always doing this? You know what it is? Because it's one of the worst things that can happen. Yeah. It's one of the worst, and it happens a lot. Lunchtime talk. You gotta get the feces in there. Did you drive here? Mary, I drove here by myself. Tell me about it. Walk me through the whole thing. Started your outfit selection this morning.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Thank you for letting everybody know every single one of my flaws. Right. Yeah. So I don't know. I saw a door. Haven't seen a door in a long time. That girl. And a window. Hello. Hello. Hello. She was there with her boyfriend. They looked great. Some people just look great. Mama, that girl looks like, that girl is so, she is so pretty. She looked great. She's so pretty. I saw Crystal Method.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
She looked fun. I hate that name for obvious reasons, but like, I hate that name. I think it's probably because I'm a crystal meth addict. Like, and I'm trying to not do crystal meth. You know what I mean? That's the same reason you can't watch Mad Men. Triggering. It is so triggering. Everybody's smoking and they're making it look so hot. Yeah. But sorry, go ahead. Bob hosted. Bob was there.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
She did? Yeah. She had a dress and a wig on. Did she, was Layla there? No, it was just, she was on her own. So she looked terrible. You're really trying to start beef with Bob on the sibling rivalry. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Bob is a great host. It moved quickly, which I appreciate. I saw Jinx last year. Love them both. Bob will keep the show moving.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Jinx, you know that you will hold us hostage for four hours. Rambletina. Rambletina. Rambletina. Bob is quick, concise, consistent, and yeah. And Bob just made some wonderful jokes. The girls, Delta Work won for her pod, but she wasn't there. So Willem came up with a cardboard cutout of Delta Work. That's awesome. That's fun. That's funny. It was some fun winners. I love Bob. She's a great host.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
You can trust her to be in control. Yes. And roll with the punches, but also tonally, she knows how to do a serious moment. You don't have to worry about her. She's so competent. Right. She's fierce. When I'm like, she's hosting, it's going to be a great night. It's going to flow. Everything's going to be funny. Nothing to worry about. Yeah. So it was really fun.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Also, sometimes that's the only time you see certain gay people. I'm like, oh, there's Michael Henry. There's Roz. The psychic? Oh, that's Tyler Henry. What about Tyler, the creator? He wasn't there. Didn't make it. Wait, who's Michael Henry? I saw Money Exchange. Money Exchange. I saw Plane. Plane Game. I saw Morphine, obviously. I just thought, oh, I got drunk and took videos of her.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I don't even know if she knows. Morphine again. Getting drunk and walking up to her and filming and walking away. Oh, and also there was a drag queen in, you know, the one in London called Meth. Me filming and screaming. Me coming up drunk from the bar filming and going, ah! Wait, wait, tell me, what is the genesis of morphine being your child?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Where did that, where does the paternity test come in? I just think she's the best, most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. So you claimed her as your child? Yeah, I started to feel very close to her. Parasocial relationship. Okay. I think she knows almost nothing about me. And I just like, when she's in the room, I'm like, everybody shut up. My daughter's present. Okay. Look at her hair.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I made that girl. She sprang from my womb. And she was talking about her car accident and she was still kind of recovering from that. And she had to get so many. What? Oh, that's right. Yeah. She, you know, she was upright and looked gorgeous, but she was like, yeah, still kind of dealing with that, but probably addicted to morphine at this point. Well, Boop.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
When they rolled in the morphine drip, she was probably like, the irony. You know? But everybody just looked, well, not everybody looked great. I don't know why I said that. Who looked horrible? People looked fucking crazy. Who looked horrible? Come on, Joan Rivers, tell me. You know, it's not my place to say.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Well, I almost wore my platform Crocs, and I thought, I can't drive in those. That's how a woman dies. And if you've ever driven with just socks or barefoot, it's gross. It feels weird. The toes touching the get. Don't say you like it. Mama. I do. And guess what? Oh, you wrap them around. No, I do the gas and the brake with just the big toe. I'm not joking. I'm not joking. Like SpongeBob. Yeah.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I just hope that these big, tall men with their broad shoulders and square jaws have a great time with their no padding and tiny, tiny hair. I hope they're having a great time. Oh, you're talking about drag queens. Yeah. I just bricked up. Bricked up. Bricked up. Girl, Legos. Yeah, masonry. Bricked up Lego. Shrek 4. They're giving free masons out at night, like after work, brick layer. Yeah.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I hope the girls are. But, you know, everybody was having fun. Oh, that's good. And that's fun. Now, do you win any money when you win a queer tee? I don't believe you do because I have received one myself. No, you get to go up there and take your little prize. And give a speech? I have a bunch of them. They're in my house. What did you win for? I was nominated for Trixie Motel Drag Me Home.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Who won reality? It was Drag Race. It can't be Drag Race. Well, the unbeatable juggernaut. This episode is brought to you by SeatGeek. Picture this. It's 1990. A very young boy named Brian is all alone in his room, listening to FM radio on his brand new Sony Walkman.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
While nodding his little head to all the top 50 hits of the day, suddenly the music comes back on after a crazy Eddie Electronics store commercial, and a diva screams, Everybody dance now! While a pulsating beat fills his eardrums, creating an intoxicating mix of dance-pop magic. Well, guess what? It's now 2025 and I want to relive that formative moment of my life.
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Right now, you can get tickets to see Mary J. Blige, Vanilla Ice, Hamilton, and even sporting events like soccer and baseball. We're talking Beyonce, Kendrick Lamar, and SZA, Katy Perry, Dua Lipa, and more. The best thing about SeatGeek is that the app is insanely easy to use. I'm currently investing all of my income to ensure that my home doesn't double as a mold production factory, so...
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Again, that's code BALD10 for 10% off tickets. Thank you, SeatGeek, for sponsoring this week's episode. Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Ritual, okay? I want to talk to you about changes in gut health. It seems like everything in your body, in your mind, in your spiritual bubble is connected to your gut microbiome.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
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The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Well, I don't know, but yes. In SpongeBob, he is taking his driving test and he's like, stop. And then he's like, just Patrick says, just use your big toe. And his big toe rips through the shoe and just pushes through it. That's you. I'm like those Margella camel toe shoes. I just got that blue. But I, you know, and I used to do the left leg up out of the, but then I saw death proof.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
You guys, I have my little pill organizer with all my little vitamins and minerals and all my arthritis medication and everything, and Ritual's just an easy little thing to pop in there. And the pills are really pretty, side note. I don't know why that matters, but they are.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I like the products because it's just not the first thing I think about, but especially since I'm immunodeficient, the way my body processes food and my gut is so connected to your immune system. It's very easy to not think of it that way, but it's kind of the most important thing.
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The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
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The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
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The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I like to go to that shit though because it is all the fun gay people. That's the most fun award show. I've never been because they've never invited me. I wonder why they have a personal vendetta against me. Probably because I'm so sexy that they'll think that I'll put everybody to shame. Does she get invited? What are you talking about? I don't have a house. When would you realistically go?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
When someone invites me. Can we just be so for real? I did not receive. You could be being paid to go and your guest, your companion could be Julia Roberts and you wouldn't go. That is patently false. And how dare you? Because on Tuesday nights, Julia and I play Mahjong. Tuesday night was last night, right? Yeah. Mahjong at Julia's. I went late and left early.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I said, no, ma'am. No, ma'am. No, ma'am. Kurt Russell's not going to get me. Also, Tempest du jour. She lost a leg in a car? Let's take a break. Is it too early? It's too early. We're only like four minutes in. We have a call in. Call in. Call Tempest du jour. You'll need to unlock your iPhone first. I hate when they say that. You'll need to turn on location services.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Went next door and got some Italian food. Gemma in Hollywood. Gemma's great food. No, who would look the best? Who was the best dress of the evening? At the risk of saying morphine again, I'm going to not say morphine because I think she is the fucking best look. She makes everyone just look like a fucking dog. Really? She makes everyone look like a fucking dead dog. Oh my God. A dead dog.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
That's funny. Who looked really beautiful last night? Was Farrah there? Because this morning I saw a clip of Farrah on Delta that I will cherish for the rest of my life. She's everything. She was talking about killing a spider and how she found a spider in her house and she was really worked up. So she Googled it and she thought it was a brown recluse. And so she killed it.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
But then later on she found out it was a wolf spider and she just... She was so guilty. She felt like she'd brushed with death. Oh, wait, you're not supposed to kill those? No, because wolf spiders are harmless and she felt such a pang of guilt that it was like a sugar to her core. And I was like, that is so funny.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Looking like a flawless, gorgeous diva talking about the guilt of having killed a spider. It is amazing. She's too pure for this world. Yeah. Who else did I see? Oh, Lux Noir London looked pretty good. Monet was in this like, you know when people do like oversized giant suits? Yeah. I hate it. Yeah, I thought, I said, I love your bathrobe.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
And she laughed and, you know, but also I'm not the, who cares what I think of your clothes? Of course not. Who cares what I think? I mean, I am, do you know about that Nikki guy? I'm sure you, I know you do. It's the guy who's like, no, yes, slay, incredible, needs to work harder. You know, like he goes down the list. He's like a super, super bitchy fag fashion critic. I'm sure you know him.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I'm sure you do. He was actually on my episode of After Midnight. He's very opinionated, very fashion-focused. Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok, he iconically says, like, terse, succinct, funny reads of fashion. Sometimes these outlandish looks, he's like...
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
unbelievable and i'm like what so it's very subjective it's very subjective i don't know when i don't like something i go consider the source me you're probably wrong but i don't like it but but who fucking cares what i think i know who cares what i think but that's what i love about fashion it's so divisive and it's so subjective and people get so angry yeah that shit
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
but Monet won an award which was great what did Monet win for biggest suit yeah Monet won for Dungeons and Drag Queens Dungeons and Drag Queens biggest suit shut up largest apparel I got to meet Joella Dynasty that girl from Drag Race who was like you know sometimes when the legends go on Drag Race and they don't do well like love that shit Yeah. Yeah. It was exciting. DeLulu. DeLulu. DeLulu.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
That's how I want my drag queens. Yeah. Yeah. DeLulu Lemon. I don't want like rooted in reality. These people are in disguises. Right. They have fake names. You don't want humility. You don't want, you don't want like politeness. You just want DeLulu Lemon. This person was porn. Um, I think their name is Zane Phillips. I definitely know who that is. I do. I couldn't believe I just have. Yeah.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
He was in the movie with, um, What an absurdly attractive person. He was in Fire Island, among other things. Yeah, just looked great. A lot of the girls were doing weird shit. Like a lot of the girls were doing, Frankie Grande came up to me and I said, girl, I said, are we doing X-Men? She was like, I guess we are. This is pink in X-Men. I know.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
She came up to me and I go, girl, I was watching the red carpet. I said, I guess the girls are doing X-Men this year. She was like, I guess we are. Also these blue Cantrell glasses. This is giving Blue Cantrell. Who is that? This is Blue Won'trell. You don't know Blue Cantrell? Ladies got hit him up style. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was fun. I like to go.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
You'll need to put on a better outfit. You'll need to fix your hair, you ugly bitch. Yeah. You'll need to get some braces, you jagged tooth nut case. Wait, before I do that quick, I got to be on After Midnight and I got to hit him with this motherfucker. Tracy! Chaka Khan. Oh! they were writing the jokes.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I like to have the drinks and I like to see everyone's outfits. I like to see the people. I got to see Sam Pancake, Roz Hernandez. Who was the most famous person there, you think? Who would you say is the most critically acclaimed person? Well, one of the actresses from Wicked was there. Cynthia Erivo? Marissa Bode was there. Absolutely. And that was fun.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
And they said she was the first actress to use a wheelchair to play that character who's in a wheelchair ever, which is an interesting comment. I was like, oh yeah, wow. And then the director was there, right? John Chu? Not the director. No. Somebody else was there. It was the girl. Have you prayed today? Isn't that horrible? I go to these things and I'm like, there were people.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
There were people and they were there. What am I going to do when they walk on stage, open my phone and start Googling them? Do you know about this girl on TikTok, the model who's like, it's so outrageously funny. It's like, it's giving Mona Lisa. It's Mona Lisa. Have you prayed today? No. You don't know me? Is it Alex Constantine? I don't know how to say your last name. You don't know? Oh.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
No, I'm hung up on, my current obsession is Lavina, the ex-Amish cook. Oh, that is why. They were going to be making French baguette. The special way that you make the, it's awesome. She was making like a tart and she said, first you pour in the citric acid. Her accent is so awesome. Sounds very jarring. And she's a great cook and she's sharing.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I also am like, you know, most people who are Amish don't. get a chance to go on Tik TOK and share these recipes. So it feels like very privileged information that we're like, it's a window into a secret world. It's so cool. I mean, I love, I bought both her, I bought her cookbook and I bought her book of home remedies.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I don't know. It's in the Amish book. Are you talking about the cayenne lemon and all that shit? Oh yeah. Maple syrup and cayenne lemon. Here's the thing. There's also, I think you take laxatives too. That's part of it. That is, I, now I'm, listen, not a doctor, obviously not a nutritionist, not an influencer who tries to influence people. That's me. I don't try to do it, but I think it's me.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Can I say, I don't think weight loss should be glorified, but if you're trying to... You just got to burn more calories than you consume. So in Australia, I said, I'm going to get on the horse. And I've been on the horse. And I was... Horse means heroin. I lost five pounds. I lost five pounds.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
And I tried to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did exercise and ate well. Yeah, yeah, there you go. Good for me.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I'm not glorifying weight loss, but I wanted to lose five pounds and I did it. Well, fucking a, that's great. I mean, I'll probably swing back the other way in just a few days. Get back up there. It'll be back tomorrow for sure. Well, I mean, think of, I always think about Oprah. She's a billionaire.
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The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
And I said, listen, I, I know this doesn't make sense, but at some point I have to say shocker. Great. Only real fans will know. Only real fans will know. And then pin straight wig. And those, um, those, that 2002 outfit she's wearing it with the glasses, the, the blue Cantrell look. And she's like, shocker con was the weakest link. Yes.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
And she's always struggled with her weight, always struggled with, and it's just been a lifelong struggle for her, for the ultra rich person. She has access to everything a human being could possibly have access to. Sure. And she still struggles with, with, um, food and weight. So it's hard. Yeah. You know, um, I, you know, I think we talked about it on one of the live shows. Yeah, I know we did.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Cause I made a PowerPoint. I have been deep diving on, I've been deep diving on the Amish. Like I know too much. You know, I know too much. I've consumed so much documentary content about the Amish. I can't, I could tell you everything. I could tell you everything about the Amish now. And I ended my little binge by watching for richer or poorer that nineties movie with Tim Allen and Kirstie Alley.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
They play rich people who are in trouble with the IRS. So they go into hiding with the Amish. I think I remember this one. So they go from like high rise New York. Systract vibes. Yeah. So they pretend to be Emma and Jacob Yoder. Okay. How do they do? Well, you know, she's like churning butter and doing embroidery and he has to like work on a farm. And of course they.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
A lot of country mouse, city mouse kind of things. You know, through hard work and community, they learn, wow, we've been shitty people. And they join them in the end. They don't join them in the end. They are like, wow, we've been shitty people. And they fix their marriage. They kind of like. And I know it's difficult to agree with either of their politics now. Yeah, we're not getting into it.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
But at the time, I hadn't watched a movie since I was a kid. I was like, this is a great movie. Well, you know, it's funny when you revisit a lot of 90s gems, movies that you recall having been just comfort movies or lovely movies. Or you just, oh, that's one of my favorite movies. And then you revisit it and you realize, oh, my God, the plot of Overboard is fantastic.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
This man kidnaps this woman and forces her into slavery and rapes her. I mean, you know what I mean? It's pretty intense. He forces her into a sex slave. And then they had the gall to try to flip the script and make it woke by doing a... Having it be a man? I know. Like what? Yeah. And it's a bummer because it is a full Stockholm Syndrome reversal pretty woman situation.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Like she does – I was a rich bitch and I was an asshole and I should be poor and I love this man and I'll go with him and it's all good. It's wild. Yeah. Because I enjoy it so much. Well, you have to be critical, right? You have to – You got to reevaluate knowledge. And you know what it represents? What growth awareness society slightly improving. Yeah.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
If it's weird to watch now, it means that we've learned more. We've yeah. You know, so like, I mean that era of, I mean, I mean, I watched a lot of movies in the 90s. So that era was so rife with the trans panic storylines or the twists or whatever, you know, like soap dish and all that stuff. It's wild. Oh my God. Ace Ventura. Crazy. Crazy. I see. Every time I think of that, I'm like, holy shit.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Because I was with my parents watching the crying game. Okay. I never seen that. Okay. So what happens is there is a, the rope comes off and there's a, a tight shot of a dick and balls. Yes, it's a full frontal reveal. Really? Yes. And the guy who is about to have sex with this woman, trans woman, is horrified. It's a horrifying moment.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
And then I, after I posted it, somebody commented, the Vivian did this and I Googled it. And Vivian is on the weakest link. And the Vivian just goes, shocker con. Oh, I love that shit. Ahead of her time. Love it. Creating, constantly raising the bar for all of us. She did it before Rue? No. No, she did it after. Like a callback to Rue. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. It's the way Rue says it too.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
And then, of course, Ace Ventura takes us to the next level where it's the most disgusting revelation that could possibly take place. Everyone throws up. Everybody throws up. And the Goonies are not the Goonies. But, you know, when it's throwing up, it's contagious. I was like, but this is so, it's so not true. You have a penis.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I was going to say, there's a lot of things on the body that can be gross. A penis or a vagina is not one of them. But it's not gross. No, it's not gross. It's like a, huh. I didn't know. It's like the kombucha girl. It's like Brittany Broski. It's like, ah. Right. You know what I mean? But it's not. Right. If you have festering maggoty wound, I would say. Which I do. Yeah. Ugh.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
My first boyfriend. It's crazy though. It's not, it's not based in reality. Right. My first boyfriend was uncircumcised and I had never seen that before. And so it was the first man I'd ever been with. We're in my dorm room.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
And I remember just pausing and going like, I've never seen that before.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
It's interesting. I need a tutorial. Yeah. And I got a tutorial. Boom. For a couple of years. You got to, you got to stretch that thing over my head. I just, I do whatever. It's, I mean, it has nothing to do with, That type of reaction has everything to do with the person reacting and nothing to do with the person or the body. No. You know? No.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
And it's so – it's just so funny to me because like another movie where there's like a trans panic shock twist is like just one of the guys when he –
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
opens his uh tuxedo and there are two gorgeous yeah yeah yeah like double d's terry's got the double d's i have seen that movie yeah one of the guys right just one of the guys with the the sock in the front and yeah yeah yeah it's just so crazy what i do love about these type of storylines it happens in yentl it happens to see what i love about it is somebody's somebody having an
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
a midlife am i gay crisis because they start to fall for this character and they don't know so then they're like am i less i love that it's so funny it's so funny people are so i've had moments where i go am i not gay really yeah when i was looking at all that uh
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
porn with women i was like am i bisexual i know i don't think so i know it's like i that it's it's so funny that it's it's it's always like i am a this or that am i am i this which immediately cancels out the other thing it's like no it's like i like broccoli doesn't mean i don't like carrots do you know what i mean like chili or you're like chili with noodles it's like do i like broccoli do i not like you know what i mean it's like i love josh
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I love Josh. I love dicks. That's another, whenever I'm in Beverly Hills and I drive by that fountain, cause you can see that fountain. I always say, I love Josh. I love Josh. You have to say, I love Josh. You gotta say it. You gotta say it. You gotta say it out loud. You gotta say it out loud. You gotta beep the horn too. Girl. Beep it though. The Senate thing. Did you see that clip, bitch? No.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
You did exactly right. Chaka Khan. Chaka Khan. It's like confident. Can I tell you, I was waiting to say it and I, you know, I had these ideas of what to say to this little, and I just, my little boner got so hard. My little twig, I got bricked. Bricked up. Bricked up. My little Tootsie Roll. Let me see you Tootsie Roll. Ricked up under that little gown. And I just screamed, Chaka Khan.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
It was at a Congress. I hope I get this right. Congress, some kind of hearing or some kind of congressional session. And the, a delegate from, it was, fuck, I can't remember her name. Trans woman, an elected politician was misgendered purposefully by this, by this guy. And then she playfully referred to him as madam and,
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
And then the guy refused to – and then another guy intervened and said this is unacceptable. You – But the guy wouldn't budge. He would not call her ma'am. He wouldn't call her madam chairman or madam secretary, whatever. These people are dumb. And it was fucking crazy. And I'm just like, you just grow up. Girl, dying on these little dick hills. Tiny dick hills. Tiny dick. You go ahead, girl.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Girl, teeny little dick ass motherfuckers think they got a big dick. Like Donald Trump is opening what? A used Tesla dealership in the parking lot of the White House. We have more important things to worry about. Oh, my God. It's just so stupid. And these are people – I think the purpose of the meeting was like a defense. It was – the subject matter of the meeting was like very heavy.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
And he's getting hung up. He won't call her mad. It was just – mama, it's just too much. It's horrible. It's all so bad. It's so corny. McBride. Sarah McBride. Oh, yes. They said, Mr. McBride. He was like, Mr. McBride is crazy. Crazy. What a turd. Yes. He was just a piece of shit. And then so the guy, I think the leader, he just adjourned the meeting.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
They just adjourned the meeting and the meeting was done. And I was like, our taxpayer dollars. People are trash bags. You know? People are garbage. Meanwhile, all these fucking politicians are just dicking around, eating that fucking Spago, getting bread bowls of Panera on our dimes.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Even if you don't believe in, let's say, if you want to call it ideology, if they call it, I don't believe in trans ideology, whatever. even if you don't believe in it, why don't you just say it? Just fucking say it. Just say it.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Well, because I could say my policy is that I don't agree with it, but you could still just, I think though, because there's a, say madam, it doesn't mean you, you're going to, no, I think it does. I think I, and I, and I, and I do, I understand that they, they are bowing. They are allowing some hideous ideology to, to be true, which they can't abide. And,
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
It's like fucking JK Rowling that fucking just that hideous hag will just die on that billionaire mountain of like, of, of turf, uh, trans denial. And it's like, wow, just. Obsessed. They're obsessed with it. Obsessed. Obsessed. It doesn't affect them.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Obsessed with getting assaulted by some fucking, like, I mean, Hollywood, some kind of Brian De Palma-esque, like, trench coat he-she in a bathroom trying to attack people that doesn't exist. It's just crazy. Well, I do love these tweets from, like, you know, People who are very passing.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I love these tweets from like a very passing trans man being like, fine, I'm coming to the bathroom with your wife. Yeah. It's just like some hot guy. It was like, also, did you see that TikTok I sent you? Which one? Which one? Wait, wait, wait. I got to play this audio. I'm sorry. This was so horny. This was so horny. Did you breathe it in? I love to send you TikToks. I know.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
And it just felt so good. It was very satisfying to say, just in any context. It's like, ma'am, do you have any idea how fast you're driving? Chaka Khan. Chaka Khan. Girl, you know how RuPaul says, oh, I don't see how that's any of your business. That's like her go-to catchphrase. I'm like, girl, go with Chaka Khan. I know. I love it. How are you today, RuPaul? Chaka Khan. Yeah, it's fierce.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I usually don't open them. Why won't you be my friend? No, I want to be your friend, but I just don't. I can't do TikToks. I know I'll get sucked in. This is my favorite. This is Republicans talking about, this is a creator, Pineapple Honeydew says, this is Republicans talking about trans women in the men's restrooms.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
That's what they said. They're obsessed with the genitals. They are. They're obsessed with it. Because they're grooming and groping. They're obsessed with it. Because they're grooming and groping at the theater, Bobert. It's also like, are you telling me, as a cis man, that if you were in a bathroom where there was women, you wouldn't be able to-
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
You'd be kicking down bathroom doors and saying, show me those titties and your pussy. Is that what you're saying? I'm sorry. I can't go to the urinal because my dick is compelled to slide between your big hot breasts because I know there might be a woman in that stall over there. Yeah. I'm too erect to pee. You're a fucking pervert. You're a weird pervert. Exactly. You're a weird fucking pervert.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I can't stand it. It is such a thing. I need to bring your cock to the cock room. It's weird. It's so weird. It's also weirdly telling trans women like, come pee with me. Like it's kind of pervy in that way. But let me tell you something. Let me tell you motherfucking something about when I'm in the airport and have to go to the public restroom. I don't want to go there.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I wish they were all one-person bathrooms. I don't ever want to go to the bathroom. At my house, at your house, at anybody's house, at the airport, at Wendy's. It's disgusting. I wish we hadn't. And it burns when I pee. And it always has. I always have hemorrhoids. And the blood. It smells like shit. It's just something we have to get over with. Nobody's trying to hang out in a bathroom.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
It's just not something we're doing, okay? Like, yeah, certain gay guys cruise the Home Depot. That's their gig, okay? That doesn't concern you. Okay. That's their gig. That's out in the open. It's Adam and Eve, not Black and Decker. Okay. You stay away from the Home Depot. You go to Lowe's. Okay. Just get out of here. Okay. We got to go. But wait, you are so right about that.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
It's like, if that's what's on your mind. You're a pervert. It's you, baby. It's you. You are the problem. So you think that if you knew there was a woman going pee in here, you would be so wrecked and bricked. Yeah, kick that door down and open that mouth so that pee stream goes in your mouth. You couldn't pee with a woman you don't know pee. Too hot, too erect, too arousing, too provocative.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
That's a pervert. And I think a lot of these bathroom things, it's because women don't feel comfortable peeing with men around. Well, also, you know what I mean? Just the fact that women have to grow up and live their lives under the constant threat of assault by men everywhere. Also, the bathroom in the street on the horse race.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I don't see how that's any of your business. Let's get her on the line. Who are you? Oh, Tempest.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
The paradox is if you if you're Republican and you're obsessed with making these biological females use the women's room, you're sending men into the women's room. You're actually sending, by sending trans men, you're just sending men into the woods. You need to send that pussy to the pussy room. The cock to the cock room and pull your cock out in the cock room. Isn't that crazy? It is insane.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I gotta go. Everybody, it's just bad. It's bad out there. It's horrible. It's horrible. It's, it's, and it's going to be, we're going to be here until the end. Yeah. But please pour one out for Madden McBride. Girl. Madam McBride. Poor went out for Miss McBride. I woke up to a tweet. A conservative tweeted that person before they transitioned and said, he will always be he.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
And I was like, what is wrong with people? Girl, grow up. What is wrong with people? You are mentally ill, okay? Mentally ill. Mentally obsessed. Obsessed. Obsessed. Beyonce in obsessed. Why are you so obsessed with me? Girl, I want to know. Boots. Always following into my stall and yanking on my crank? Chaka Khan. Goodbye. Goodbye.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Girl, we're doing the bald and the beautiful right now. Say hi. What's up?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Hey. We were talking about legs getting ripped off. You almost got your leg ripped off, right? Well, yeah.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Now, do you have no recollection of your, like, cruising through the summer breeze with the leg hanging out the window with your crocheted bikini top on? No?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I was driving down the street, sucking my own cock. Well, I love you, and I had to prove you. I'll call you later. Okay. All right, love you guys. Love you. Bye. See, I do know Tempest du Jour. You do? And you didn't believe me. Well, she never answers my FaceTimes or phone calls. You know, she and I will call up once or twice a year.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Can I complain about health for one second? I know we're supposed to have gratitude. One of my fun little symptoms of my arthritis is just my skin rejects glue, makeup, shaving. The back of my neck where I wear a wig will get a rash. The lids where the glue is. The eyebrows where the glue is. The hairline where the glue is. Anything that rubs. The armpits where the sequins touch.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
She always picks up, you know, she's like, oh, I was just, you know, spoon feeding my emu. Yeah. Or burying my bald eagle. I know. Well, she, she houses and homes and rescues all these animals. Exotic animals. But many of them are, you know, not at peak health. Yeah. It's like poor Vanderpump. She has all these rescue dogs. She'll adopt a dog that's 12. Yeah. Well, you know.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
And so you know you're not, you know. But if you're going to go out, you might as well go out in that poisonous moat and those lovely furniture. Honey, let me tell you, nobody lives like her dogs, okay? I know. They have a better life than me, okay? Seriously. You know, we go to the restaurant, she puts it right on the table. Now, what do you think about that? Animals in restaurants.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
You know, is it possible that I'm an animal lover, but I don't think I would even let my pet sleep in bed with me? Is that okay? I have a boundary with that. Hot dog breathing in my face. Right. Also, I mean, I think it's going to depend on the breed of dog. I say a St. Bernard in the bed in your twin bed is going to be a little bit of a issue rather than teacup Chihuahua in your California King.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
You know what I mean? That's an Lana Del Rey album. Tick up Chihuahua and the California King. Tick up Chihuahua and the California King. Rolled over, smashed him to death. Yeah, call Lana. I'll call her sister Chuck. Hold on. Chucklin? Actually, I'll call Margaret Qualley. You call Jack Antonoff and then see what we read. Ooh. Guess who? Why do you keep airdropping me porn? Who?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Our producer is airdropping me porn. No, she's not. Oh, they're just photos of me in drag. Hard to tell. Guess who's jealous of the photos in drag? No one. I went to the Queerties last night. What? I love that I did not get an invitation. It is the... Can I say... Where? To the crudies. Where? Where's the invitation? Where's the envelope? Tracy, bring up the email. Bring up the email.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Where's the envelope? Where's the envelope? Do I receive an envelope? I do not. Where are the receipts? Yeah, where are the receipts? I went... Is Zhao Jinping going to flood my basement? Yeah. I always go because it's always in Hollywood. It's right by our house. Our house? Yeah, kind of. You just come and go whenever you want, huh? Apparently I leave towels in every room.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Everybody listening at home, I asked her to stay at my house. I did not leave towels everywhere. I did not. Let's talk about it, bitch. Because you know what? This is what happened. Let me tell you what happened. Exactly what happened. Let me tell you exactly what happened. This is exactly what took place. I went into the home and I invited my friend Joseph over. We went into the hot tub.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
We had food. He left. And then you came home. Wait, no. You came home that night, right? Yeah, my flight was canceled. So I didn't end up staying the night. But I think prior to that, I had taken the key you gave me with the set of keys and I put them together. And then so the gardener couldn't get in, right? Or something like that. Yeah, so the housekeeper, the gardener couldn't get in.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
So then when and you were on the phone, the tone was like, I could tell that you were irritated. And I was like, oh, I can't do it. Did I scare you away? You scared the shit out of me. shit. This is what happened. I said, I said, can you, I said, can you make sure that you leave that key? And you said, yeah. Yeah. And then the next day I said, Hey, did you leave that key? And you said, nope.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I said, right. Well, that's what we talked about. I know. So, and I was like, and I was like, Oh gosh, if that is how I feel about this, this mistake, what if something really bad happens and I'm responsible for it? I can't do that. What can't do that? Ooh, that gave me the chills. Right. Give me the chills. So yeah, I'm sorry about that. That's okay.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Well, that's great. Everything gets... Everything the next day is like... Thought that shit was pretty cute, didn't you? Thought that was pretty fucking funny, didn't you, bitch? You know what it gives? You may remove your vigs. Girl. And it's underneath all that nasty stuff underneath.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
But it's like, that house is such a big responsibility. It's like, I'm surprised you don't have a house manager. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy. Well. I can't even keep three rooms clean. You know, I think about selling it only because it is a little big. It's so beautiful. But I also kind of want children. So what if someday I need the rooms for the kids?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Also, they've got plenty of, you've got multiple options for drowning them. And it's great to have when my mom, like I like to host Christmas. My mom comes, everybody comes for Christmas and everybody has a bedroom. It's like, it's very nice for hosting family. Now, what about this though?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I mean, I don't mean to blow up your spot, but now I did happen to notice this is something I'm hyper aware of. I love doors that shut and windows that close. I feel very exposed in your home. A lot of windows. Yeah, a lot of windows. Yeah. You don't mind that? No, I like every window open all the time. I like natural light. I don't care who's looking in. Interesting. What are you going to see?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Can I tell you what happened the other day? Tell me. Someone wander in, take a bath in the bird bath. Someone came in. Okay, so this is part of the driving story. So two days ago, I was pulling out of the driveway in my rental. Your teeny tiny motorway. The motorway. Yeah, the motor court. Motor court. What do you call that? Motor court. Motor court.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
And it's one of the doors that goes like this, side to side driveway. Yes. Hit it. Hit it. Because you were hasty. You didn't know she was all the way out yet. I'm learning the love language of the beeps. Because this car will beep when there's a car 10 feet away. Baby, those beeps. So if you're beeping when something's here, how am I supposed to know? The boy who cried beep. Girl.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I can't deal with it. Mary Louise Dreyfuss in beep. That's the fucking thing. It's horrible. It should beep like, oop. And then closer is, sweetie. And then right next to it should be like, oop. Tell it on the mountain because the three days – I told you this the other day. A third day of driving that motherfucking Range Rover because I learned I could not trust the beep. The beep.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I went – I ignored the beep and scraped the whole fucking side of that thing. The beeps are inconsistent. The beeps. They're unreliable. They're annoying as hell. And they also provide you – they allow you to like maintain this like – Lack of alertness. Thank you. You know what I mean? You should be looking. I am looking.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I'm going to have to become one of those Hollywood starlets that just sits home slugging in a giant goop mask with a head towel on until like once a month when I go to an event. That's what's going to happen. Baby, that's me. Yeah. I've been getting into the under eye things. They don't do nothing. I don't care. I love it. But you feel it.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
And so when it's beeping all the time, it makes me feel like, well, I've heard this thing beep when there's a car eight feet away. Right. Yeah. So if I am hitting the fucking driveway. Yeah.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
you beep what you sow you beep you reap what you beep like and so then that was a couple days ago also they should say they should give you a like like a b c d e f g kind of music lesson about the beeps so it's like this is because i was totally unfamiliar with the cadence of the emergency correspondence like like there's no there's no gradiated urgency like What is the range?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
You know what they should replace it with? This is what they, I swear to God, when you're like 10 feet from the car, it should go, girl. And then when you get like five feet, it should be like, girl. And then it should go, oh. No, and then it should be like, girl. And then shaka-kan. And then shaka-kan, right when you back into a person. Shaka-kan. Like that's what it should be.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Otherwise this, beep. I, because I have, when I, so I'm pulling out of the, um, I have a driveway at the place I'm standing right now. That is, uh, very, there's multiple options to hit people in cars. Okay. So I've got a, it's very, uh, the gate opens this way. And then I have to put both windows down to have my ears open. listening for traffic and I'm sorry, I don't trust the camera.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I don't know why I know it's accurate. I just don't trust it. I'm scared of it. So I'm, I know there's nothing this way. You better believe I'm looking like back, like it's 1986 and I'm in a car with no power steering, you know? And that's what I do. Cause I just don't trust it. I'm this, I do both. I mean, it is correct. The camera is, it is not, it's not playing the truth.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Cause we trust the mirror. I don't know. So I hit the driveway thing with the mirror. Sometimes it can't.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I wish you still had that sound effect we should bring back the soundboard I miss the soundboard the soundboard was country so I hit the door and it won't close and I'm trying to freak out because I'm trying to get wherever I'm trying to go and it won't close so then my little house guest is pressure washing and somebody in a domino shirt walks onto the property and goes this is my favorite house on the block can I just look around
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
What? And they said, no. Do they spray them? No. Can I just look around? No, there's pressure washers. They'll take your skin off. I know. Baby, I don't want to do food porn. Don't look at my way for free. Charge. Blur it out. See this? I pressure washed the skin off my foot when I was in like fourth grade and I still have a scar. Mama, this toe is a hammer time. What are you talking about?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
No, I just... You go to bed with one ice cube on each eyelid. The other day, I was like... What was I doing? I was doing the meditating because it's 20 minutes. So I put on the Korean face mask. Sure. Then I secure it with the gel pads because it was lifting. So I needed to secure it. What do they call it in the morning? TikToks call it like my morning... It's like an unpeel, my morning shred.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
No, it's not. It's a hammer time on them toes. What's wrong with it? It's a hammer time. Girl, the men suck it. So, the men suck the toes. Hammer time. Girl, you got chicken feet, honey. I got ankles bigger than most people's biceps. Thank you. Thank you. Quadriceps down low. That's what I got. Ankles that you can only read about. So then I drove myself here today. How? Tell me.
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
I drove myself here today. How did it go? What was the emotional temperature of that drive? I hit the driveway door again. And I knocked it off the track and broke it again twice in three days. Who let the dogs out? So I'm trying to get here. I don't have any makeup on yet. I'm trying to get here. And I'm trying to get out of the car. The car stalled on the street. What do you mean stalled?
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
Because I stopped it and put the park on. The door's open. I'm trying to grab the door and pull it closed. I'm like, what the fuck? And I just, you know, got here anyway. Somebody's probably in my house now. Yeah. Jerking it. Stroking it. But I had a really good time. I like driving. Can I tell you the weirdest thing about driving again? Did you take the highway? Yeah.