Tyler Wayne

Hello, everyone. I hope you guys had a good 420. Or Easter if you're gay. I hate when people say that we doesn't have any medical benefits. We can save your life. I was a piss test away from working at Walmart, you guys. Oh, man. It is good to be here. I'm having a weird day, though. I'm having one of those days where your ex calls you from the psych ward. Anyone else date the homeless? It's fun.

It has benefits, like, you know, you get to fuck at the park. You just have to sleep there, too? That sucks. That sucks. But we wound up breaking up because I got a place, you know, and I brought her indoors, and she kept doing homeless shit inside, and... It's like, you can't be doing this, you know? We got to be better people. Get that piss jug out of here. Thank you.

Yeah, when you're sleeping in the car.

Yeah, I had respect for... the other homeless around me. I was like, I don't want to brag.

Is that where you were born and raised? I was born in Louisiana, but I was raised in Iowa. Yeah. Okay. What do you do for work? I'm a cook at Creek in the Cave. Wow.

I like to go skateboarding. I picked that up. You have a skateboard? Yeah.

No. Well, when I was dating that girl, we were both homeless, yeah. Really?

Yeah. I like roommates, you know. I didn't want to be alone. What are some highlights of a double homeless relationship? Uh, well, one time... I was taking a dump and she was telling me about how she worked for the government.

This is when we were inside. Inside of a house? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, this is a studio. The door was closed. She opened it to tell me that I didn't have to work anymore because she worked for the government. She was lying. I still had to go to work. She was just lying to you.

Spy work.

Well, it was my first time watching someone have a psychological break right in front of me. So I just kind of agreed and was hoping she didn't have a knife.

Do you want me to drop you off at your dad's house or the shelter?

Well, she was unhealthy mentally, and I started to realize that after about a month and a half.

Well, she had a great head, dude. Yeah.

She told me that she cheated on me when we were living in the car with a guy who had a house. Wow.

Yeah. I mean. And I remember the night, too, because I had parked under the bridge on 6th Street and I was waiting for her all night. Jesus. Pissed. Wow. Sorry. Oh, too real.

Oh, my God. This is amazing. It got better, dude. Like, I'm fine now.

I don't know.

We love Heidi.