Unknown Female 3

Yeah, a lion or a cat.

Okay.

Yes, a domesticated cat.

You were wrong there. A domesticated cat sleeps for 15 hours. A lion sleeps for 19 hours.

You're the king of the fucking jungle and you ain't doing shit.

But that makes sense that they could. They're like one of the only things in the jungle that could sleep that long because they don't have predators.

Ooh, yeah.

I don't know. I thought they were the king of the jungle.

Oh, and okay, one last one. This is very interesting. Okay, an elephant or a shark?

0.1, 0.1.

Well done. You're always smarter than I think you're going to be. And it always makes me proud. Prideful. Prideful? Proud.

And it always makes me proud.

Yeah, no, no, no. It's real.

How are you like that? How are you? So how are you so photogenic?

I love those. They're called.

It's kind of like a backhanded one.

How did I miss all of this?

Yeah, yeah. Respect.

Spidey sense.

Yeah.

Like she needs this customer?

Or wash it off.

What kind of questions are you asking?

Per person or for both of you together?

I'm already so disappointed.

I just got really upset with you. Because I know... I know a small detail of the punchline of this story, but I don't have answers to the punchline, which I'm going to get now, but I'm getting a little... Listen, I do want to say this.

Yeah, yeah. So I did not know this. So this first thing, you did pay for this first thing.

Okay. So you signed up for a private.

So she takes my what information, my credit card. So, oh, my God, Elizabeth, what the fuck? Yeah. I hope you're watching that credit card account like a fucking hawk.

It is so rare.

Oh, there's a website?

Protection?

Gotcha.

What's the receipt? It makes me feel worse for some reason. Oh, yeah. And here's your receipt. Thank you. Oh.

Yeah. That's what we've just been kind of feeling out. Yeah.

Yeah. No, I understand what you're talking about. I don't know if I understand exactly what the point that you're trying to make.

That's where those should be.

That totally tracks with what I would imagine a Tai Chi place would be.

Yeah.

What's your address? What's your social security number? Stuff like that.

She asked for the address.

What? Do you hear yourself?

I would be like, why the fuck do you need my address?

But they're all his wife.

What's a blend place?

A shared community spot?

So is she the landlord and this is all Tai Chi or are there a bunch of people doing stuff out of this space, different things?

I thought the core was kind of, I thought of it as bigger than that.

Mats on top of squishy?

Uh-huh.

You and our son?

I see what you mean. Yeah, sure.

Which is, where's that?

Well, this is the thing. I still now I think I have a clear idea of where you're getting at. My confusion was, are you saying you're worried about a risk of STDs? Because these are all your wives. No, it's just like shmegma. Okay, for one, I don't even think you actually even really understand what shmegma is now. I don't. But maybe you do. I don't. Let's, come on. Let's keep going here.

Got it. Okay.

But your mom instinct was like, that's too close for comfort.

But they're saying if you're feeling that after you do a Tai Chi workout... They're not just saying in life in general.

Now, am I right to assume that practitioners is one practitioner or we don't know?

Well, this is the punchline that I'm referring to. This is all I know of the story is you came home and you told me about the bad experience.

And then you're like, but we signed up for a class. And so I've been waiting. Why did you sign up for the class?

But it seems like you had the perfect out when you said the, let me check in with him and figure it out. Was it just like, was she super pressure? No.

I think I think the only reason you go is if it was for your own curiosity to see like the whole class and get a vibe. But I wouldn't take our son.

I I do understand. I don't want you to feel like I'm coming down on you for being weak. Listen, I understand the peer pressure. I understand the sales pitch. We've all been in that situation. I think how you and I are different, though, when that starts really getting thrust upon me, I'm like – You go the opposite direction. I go the opposite way.

I start really doubting it, and I'm like, oh, I really got to – I'm so sorry. I got to think about this.

I've never, no.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Right, right, right.

You need to join this gym. I'll get you in shape, right? Like I'll get you where you want to be.

What was the cult aspect of all of this, though, besides the signage?

You felt like you were getting roped into something more than you wanted to.

Now, so did you pay for the $50 class right then and there?

I do have one thing that I wanted to tell you that I hadn't told you yet. Because as we mentioned last week, I went to the zoo to cover the Betty White stamp thing.

And how did you pay for it?

But how? I... Did she run it on, like, a square machine or something?

Or was she like, oh, great, I have it on file, I'll charge it?

She ran it. Okay, that's at least kind of good.

No, I think more likely it's more what you're saying about the gym or even when we have signed our kids up for karate. Sometimes those places are like, all right, well, here are your options. And it's like, Jesus, I got to sign up for that. You know what I mean? Like there is always this like.

You know, which I guess in some regards, you got to respect people are trying to make a living and whatnot. But when it gets overly salesy and like complicated to wrap your head around and feels a little predatory. Yeah, it's uncomfortable.

While I was leaving that event, I'm walking out with, this was like a big guy, head honcho-y type guy. I think maybe in their marketing department or something. And he looked like a lion. I shit you not, this man.

Yeah.

I don't think you go back.

And I guess you just eat it.

Damn.

It is kind of amazing sometimes that you haven't really made some big blunders like this.

But you have that weird feeling. I know what you mean. You have the weird feeling and then you also probably like, I don't want to offend them too if I don't sign up for a class. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think, listen, I think in many ways you did a lot right. I obviously am a little bummed about- That's very generous of you. About the money part. But I think- getting back to just role modeling for the kids.

Beard, big long hair, looked like a lion.

I do think it's so important to, if you do feel weird, say something and try to also do it in a way almost with confidence. So then like that your kid doesn't feel weird about it. Cause I think it is good for them to see us putting up boundaries when we're like, Oh no, that's not right. Or like taking care of stuff.

Well, this is a predator that's grooming and that has done this before. Like he has his whole roadmap sort of.

This guy was with the zoo and he even said, I got to head back to my house. Or something like which I was like, that's a great that's a great zoo joke. Yeah. Anyways, I'm walking with him and we're getting close to the flamingos. And, you know, for whatever reason, I have a soft spot for flamingos. I think my aunt Barb really loves flamingos.

Well, I also think it must be just in general, being a woman in the world, you're at a much bigger deficit with that stuff, too, feeling probably. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes. We got a new nobody. What? This is from Jen on Apple Podcasts.

Of us both doing it, the more like normalized it is for them later to be like, oh, yeah, no, I'm not cool with that.

And almost but in a way that's like diffused of the weirdness that we're feeling.

It's almost just like with a confidence that's like I can say one thing. that I've really taken from my mom growing up, if something was wrong, say in any sort of place, right? Like the food not coming or, you know, just any sort of like road bumps you would encounter out in the world, she would quickly jump up to fix it and go talk to someone to like, do you know what I mean?

Like had no qualms about that, which I think was good for me to sort of see.

And that's, yeah, that's great.

A peaceful Tai Chi class.

So speaking of energy, not energy. So speaking of exercise cults.

Otis and I, we went the other day. I've been wanting to check out this restaurant called Howlin' Rays.

Which is this, I don't know how long it's been around, probably a few years. Maybe not that long. But it's like Nashville hot chicken place that's in L.A.

All the rage. So I'm really excited to check it out. We're having a little boys night and we go to the place and it's jumping and there's a big line that you got to wait in to get into it. So you're in a line on a sidewalk. Okay.

It's its own standing. I think there's a few locations in L.A., but the one that we went to, it's its own little building on like a regular busy street that has other shops and stores on it. So we're standing in this line and there's probably the line outside is probably maybe like 30 people on the sidewalk.

And we're chatting to the people behind us.

Because one of them, this woman's like, have you guys ever been here? And she's with these two guys. I'm like, no, I haven't. And she's like, they haven't either. But she had. And so we're all talking like, what are you going to get? How hot are you going to get it? And just like that kind of a conversation. And then all of a sudden... This wave of people running comes through.

So maybe that's the connection.

But they all go to the outside of us, right?

There's like, instead of grass between the road and the sidewalk, there's like gravel. Most of them are running on the gravel or even, you know, into the street. They're on the street running, right? Except for one guy.

Who charges through this entire line.

So aggressively.

Yeah, yeah. That we're like, what the fuck? And the girl was like, what was that? And we're all just kind of like, what was that?

Well, okay. I can't wait because I definitely figured out what it was. But at first I'm like, that's... That was fucking weird. And we're kind of joking about it and whatnot.

It was a big. This had to have been a big, big choice.

So we finished dinner. And then.

Literally the best fried chicken I've ever had. It was un-fucking-believable how good it was.

Someone in the line said something like that, but I haven't confirmed that. Wow, wow, wow. But it was really fucking good.

But so anyways, afterwards, we're walking back to our car and we go a different way. And we're walking and like a few doors down, there's a CrossFit place.

Yeah. Joking. This is my thesis.

I think that the location we went to is a newer location of this Howland Rays.

But I don't know if it's like a year old, two years old or whatever. But what I think is that this is like a CrossFit guy that's been going here for a long time.

And now this new restaurant's there.

Yeah, and I said that like I would hang out with Nancy.

Exactly.

And I think he runs through that crowd every fucking opportunity.

Listen.

Yes, yes. So I'm intrigued when this man says, you guys want to hear a great flamingo story. Yes.

Yeah.

He's got roid rage and his testes are shrinking.

I think they're on like a circuit though at CrossFit, right? I don't think, I think it's like they're doing stuff, they're doing stuff and then they go run around the block, come back, do shit, do shit and run around the block. Like he literally might be charging through the line of people multiple times a day, multiple times a week.

So much rage.

Yeah.

Yeah. I love our UPS store.

You want a race to get in front of her.

She just needs to be like, hey, do you want to head in front of me?

10?

So he said that flamingos only mate when they feel safe. Okay.

And no one's joining you on this?

God, this is what you're describing as like porn for me because this gives me permission to like really say something out loud. But you know everyone's on your side if you say something.

Sire. He did some sire.

Which that seems to make all sorts of sense. When they feel most safe is... is when there's strength in numbers, when there's like a lot of flamingos, right? So if you're a zoo and you're like, how many flamingos should we get? There's like a number that you gotta- It's a magic number.

And isn't it on her to like get off the call or explain to who she's taught? She should have never taken the call. Right. Right.

Which side are you on? Okay, okay.

The speaker is, you know, I blow my gasket with that.

It's unreal. And you know what it makes me think is the phone call is egregious no matter what.

If she was just doing all the packages, goddamn, that would be fucking annoying. And you might be stewing about it. But then when she turned around, if she said, I'm so sorry that took so long, you would be like, oh, you're fine.

Exactly. Something like that. Otherwise, they're all gonna just die out.

Yeah. I hate when you see people at the UPS store that come in with it, like not packed. And then like they find out they need to pack it or they need to pay the UPS people to pack it. But they're like confused and they don't know what to do. But it'll be that much. Well, I should just pack myself. And it's like, well, then just go fucking pack it yourself. And then they make it.

I've seen that scenario so many times. I know. Don't you know how UPS store or the post office works?

Well, I mean, they're just not gonna, you're not gonna have a continuation of them.

That's a whole different beast.

Just have your QR code ready and yeah, of course, of course.

After listening to Elizabeth on Garbage World, where I found her to be funny and delightful, I made my way to this podcast. I'm smitten. The charming duo make me laugh and give me strength as I commute to and from a job I don't like. Now I'm enjoying going through the archives. I wish I would have found them sooner. Thanks, guys.

It always feels nice to get a little rage off the shoulders.

Damn.

Oh, I didn't see that.

Yeah, they're birds.

That's interesting because when I used to do totally beverages and sometimes hot sauce, if we would ever put Trader Joe's up to like the equivalent thing, they always fell flat on their face.

But maybe if they're getting some cool niche stuff.

I mean, their snack game's been real great for a while. So it doesn't surprise me that like snacky type beverages could be good.

Okay, that's fun. Now, did you have something in mind for me? You almost said it like you knew what I was going to say.

I don't really like Tate's cookies.

But I saw at Target there's a new soft baked Tate's, which in my heart I knew like that's wrong. But one of the reasons I don't like Tate's is because I'm not a crispy chocolate chip cookie guy. But I was like, I got to get these just to try them.

The gall to do that.

Know your lane.

Be confident.

A box of each or a bag of each to try just because I wanted to know. And they fucking suck.

Embarrassing. So embarrassing.

They're not even— It was a fluke. They're not even there. Like, and, you know, they sold it to one of the big companies.

Oh, yeah. Because there was outrage when you noticed the size of the regular Tate's got way smaller. I didn't notice that. That was infraction one, where people were in a fucking uproar. I didn't know that.

This cookie shrank.

Not thicker, just...

Yeah. But for them to now do this.

Is that true?

They're only ever. I know what the pose you're talking about.

But I don't think they're always like that.

I don't know if you're fucking with me or if you're being very earnest.

Okay.

That's what I thought. Okay. That makes more sense. Anyways, the story goes that there was like a hurricane coming to somewhere in Florida, right?

And so this zoo is making preparations for all the different animals and whatnot, figuring out where they're going to put all the animals, right?

Sure. Sure.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. So they came up with an idea. Flamingos, we're going to put them in that restroom over there. So like a public restroom, right? So you imagine it's like a bigger restroom. They put sand down in there and a bunch of stuff like they got it ready for some big hurricane that's coming.

So they put them in there, zoo closes, whatever. I don't know all the details, but they, you know, the flamingos are in there for a little bit of time.

Right. Well, they come back and to their surprise, there's a bunch of nests getting ready for whatever. So they deduce like, oh, the flamingos were fucking while we were gone. Right. Because they made these nests or something getting ready. Right.

Okay. I mean, of course. But I don't think you could do that. And if you could, wow.

That doesn't make sense.

Do you want to describe what it is?

It's like a picture of a flamingo, like, standing on top of a female. Okay, this makes more sense.

Whoa, what? Wait, where's its head? Wait, what?

Like, its head's all the way down on the ground.

Nothing like a new listener.

Is the male flamingo's legs even on the ground? He just seems like he's on top.

Balancing.

And her head down, too. I'm guessing you can't see, but her head's probably touching the ground, too, like a tripod. Do you see what I'm saying?

Wow. Okay. Okay. Anyways. Okay.

Okay. So. This happens, and they're like, holy shit. They were fucking while we were gone. Why were they fucking, they're asking themselves.

I don't know the answer. I wish I did. And-

I don't even know if that's exactly it either. The story was, though, they knew they had been mating. Okay. There was clear evidence, and it had something to do with nests in the bathroom. Okay. Yeah.

Okay, so any guesses as to why the fucking went up when they're in this bathroom as opposed to when they're normal?

That's what I thought.

Well, that is not the hypothesis, my friend.

It was the mirrors. They thought there were way more flamingos in there.

Yeah, exactly, exactly.

Isn't that awesome?

I know, I know. Anyways, that's all I got.

Throw up a bunch of mirrors.

That's really fascinating.

You're talking out of your mouth.

What are you talking about? Are women's bathrooms mirrorless or something? Every man's bathroom is, I would say, 90% of the time adequately equipped with mirrors. And if I think about a zoo bathroom, like a big public restroom, it's a huge long thing of mirrors. Like a huge wall above the sink.

But not as much fun as that show. So go check out all their episodes.

I didn't have to go. But, you know, can you envision when you go into a public restroom at like a zoo, the above the sinks, the whole thing's mirrors. Is that not how it is for women?

You know, I hate to dwell on this, but I'm going to have to be really firm on this. I think you're really talking out of your ass here.

Okay, so at like a restaurant or a bar or something maybe?

Oh, that's more of a forest service type restroom. And to that, usually there is a mirror, but not maybe not as many mirrors.

None.

Yeah.

Well, you think in Lake or Beach, you think there's going to be people with exposed toes and whatnot.

Maybe we don't want those breaking.

Who would have thunk it or known it?

Yes. Wait. Yes. Are you messing with me?

Cody and the gal.

I have something perfect.

This is almost going to feel like we produced this. I swear we didn't.

Yeah.

Jesus.

It's like a Moby Dick of pink armadillos.

Damn, that's sort of sad. Okay. It's about how long animals. Oh, those are kind of cool looking.

Okay.

This is like too much like animal sex stuff. It does look like a penis. Yes, it does. Okay. All right.

Cody probably free balls. He seems like a free baller.

Okay. This is just almost like a quick quiz for you. I'm making up the quiz as we go. But I was looking at this video this morning about how long different animals sleep every day.

What do you think sleeps longer, a duck or a fish?

And how many hours a night?

I don't know. In the 24-hour cycle, how many hours?

I don't know that. How many hours does a duck sleep in a day?

Eleven. And a fish is seven. So you're right there. What do you think sleeps more, a cow or a dog?

You would be correct there. Cows only sleep four hours, where a dog's more like 13 hours. Wow. Lazy. Okay. How about one more? An owl versus a bat? Bat. Good. Bats, 20 hours. Owl is about 12.5. And the last one is a lion or a cat.

He is unshod in many ways.