Vanessa Marin

Where did we start?

We were talking about initiation.

Okay.

So everybody knows, you've heard the advice, like we should be talking about sex.

You know, when you're up late at night and you're incognito on your phone Googling, like, why aren't we having sex anymore?

It's always at the end of every article, like talk to your partner about it, right?

But the problem is nobody ever tells you how to have those conversations.

And, you know, even when Xander and I were going through a tough period in our own relationship, even though I was in this field, I couldn't find any resources about how do we talk about our sex life?

How do we talk about what's happening between the two of us?

So actually, the very first conversation that Xander and I ever had about our sex life was in bed late at night.

I had been hoping that he was going to initiate.

And he just, you know, rolled over to go to bed.

And I said, why don't you want to have sex with me anymore?

Just briefly.

Blurted it out.

I was pissed off.

And as you can imagine, that conversation did not go very well.

Like he got really defensive.

He was hurt.

He'd been about to go to sleep.