Vanessa Marin

You know, if you ask some random person, hey, do you want to have a great sex life?

Most people are going to say, yeah, of course I do.

But when I ask them, okay, what does great mean to you?

Most people will give me a deer in headlights look.

They've never thought about that question before.

So I tell couples, come up with three words that describe your ideal sex life, or three words that describe how you wanna feel during sex.

So if you don't mind sharing, you don't have to, but I'll give you some examples.

So for me, one of my words is playful.

I'm a goofy person.

Xander's a super goofy person.

I think, you know, so many of us have the tendency to think sex has to be so serious.

And sometimes that's fun.

But I feel the most connected to Xander when I feel like I can be my full self in the bedroom with him.

And sometimes that's just being silly and playful during sex, like not being quite so serious.

So for me, when I feel like we've really played with each other, that's when I feel super connected to him.

Another one of my words is escapism.

For me, the best sex is when it feels like time stands still, the rest of the world just drops away, and it's just the two of us in that moment together, connecting with each other, like being with each other.

So that sense of it's a place that we're going to, it's not just this physical thing that we're doing with our bodies.

Like escapism.

But it could be adventurous.