Vanessa Van Edwards

We all want to be complimented, but it makes us feel very uncomfortable, right? Like there's this weird compliment economics where it's like, please compliment me, but don't. It's weird, right? And it also, it creates an odd hierarchy a little bit where if you're complimenting someone, it separates you.

We all want to be complimented, but it makes us feel very uncomfortable, right? Like there's this weird compliment economics where it's like, please compliment me, but don't. It's weird, right? And it also, it creates an odd hierarchy a little bit where if you're complimenting someone, it separates you.

And also you're putting them in the position of receiving something they might not be ready for, right? Especially, I believe, and if you're going to compliment someone, compliment them on something that you share.

And also you're putting them in the position of receiving something they might not be ready for, right? Especially, I believe, and if you're going to compliment someone, compliment them on something that you share.

Right? So be like, oh my gosh, I have those shoes. I love them too. Right? Are we twinsies? I mean, I guess men don't usually say twinsies, but like… I'm going to try it now that you said it. Try it. Please try it. Twinsies. Just like see how your male friends respond. They're going to be like, yes.

Right? So be like, oh my gosh, I have those shoes. I love them too. Right? Are we twinsies? I mean, I guess men don't usually say twinsies, but like… I'm going to try it now that you said it. Try it. Please try it. Twinsies. Just like see how your male friends respond. They're going to be like, yes.

So I think that if you're going to compliment, compliment on a shared similarity, then you can kind of celebrate together. If you're complimenting someone one way, you're actually putting them farther away from you, not closer to you.

So I think that if you're going to compliment, compliment on a shared similarity, then you can kind of celebrate together. If you're complimenting someone one way, you're actually putting them farther away from you, not closer to you.

No, actually worse. Worse. If you were to say, oh, Vanessa, I like the color of your dress. And I do, by the way. Oh, thank you. I'd be like, I like your color too. Yeah, it's black. That's what happens is like you compliment someone on something and they're uncomfortable. So what I do is I'm like, I'm going to comment you back. And I feel so inauthentic. Right.

No, actually worse. Worse. If you were to say, oh, Vanessa, I like the color of your dress. And I do, by the way. Oh, thank you. I'd be like, I like your color too. Yeah, it's black. That's what happens is like you compliment someone on something and they're uncomfortable. So what I do is I'm like, I'm going to comment you back. And I feel so inauthentic. Right.

Because then I'm like, I don't know what to say. And by the way, if you're going to compliment someone, don't compliment the tall guy on being tall. Like don't compliment someone on the trait that they didn't even work on.

Because then I'm like, I don't know what to say. And by the way, if you're going to compliment someone, don't compliment the tall guy on being tall. Like don't compliment someone on the trait that they didn't even work on.

Like compliment them on something they worked hard on.

Like compliment them on something they worked hard on.

Also, what do you do? Then you're like, I like your eyes too. Do you know what I mean?

Also, what do you do? Then you're like, I like your eyes too. Do you know what I mean?

Thanks. And then you're stuck.

Thanks. And then you're stuck.

Okay, so let's play this out. Let's go even deeper. Let's do it. So let's say that someone's doing that to you. Okay, so there's two sides of a conversation. All of my students are high achievers, very smart, a little awkward sometimes. Those are my people. So what happens is they work on their people skills. They're like, yeah, Vanessa, like I got it. I got the context.

Okay, so let's play this out. Let's go even deeper. Let's do it. So let's say that someone's doing that to you. Okay, so there's two sides of a conversation. All of my students are high achievers, very smart, a little awkward sometimes. Those are my people. So what happens is they work on their people skills. They're like, yeah, Vanessa, like I got it. I got the context.