Vanessa Van Edwards

I'll come with you.

I'll come with you.

And look, I am radically honest. There are times at parties where I will say to someone, you know, it's been so great speaking to you. I kind of want to make the rounds. There's some really cool people here. Can we chat later?

And look, I am radically honest. There are times at parties where I will say to someone, you know, it's been so great speaking to you. I kind of want to make the rounds. There's some really cool people here. Can we chat later?

Like that's okay too, right? If you feel comfortable with that. But the three steps works. It's like very seamless. And then there's one other nonverbal cue, which I'm going to teach you, that use sparingly. But nodding makes a difference with the amount that people speak. So research shows that a slow triple nod, one, two, three, makes the other person speak 67% longer. Yeah.

Like that's okay too, right? If you feel comfortable with that. But the three steps works. It's like very seamless. And then there's one other nonverbal cue, which I'm going to teach you, that use sparingly. But nodding makes a difference with the amount that people speak. So research shows that a slow triple nod, one, two, three, makes the other person speak 67% longer. Yeah.

So if you're in a conversation and you're going, you're literally telling them non-verbally, tell me more. Just keep on talking. So if you don't, so if you're in a good conversation and you like what they're saying, please use a triple nod. It's great. Like you do it a lot as an interviewer. I love it because then it makes me keep going.

So if you're in a conversation and you're going, you're literally telling them non-verbally, tell me more. Just keep on talking. So if you don't, so if you're in a good conversation and you like what they're saying, please use a triple nod. It's great. Like you do it a lot as an interviewer. I love it because then it makes me keep going.

But if you're like, I don't want this person to keep talking, stop nodding. Stop nodding because you're subtly encouraging them. And then you could also try a fast triple nod. So a slow triple nod shows engagement. A fast triple nod shows I'm done. It's like this. So here's a good one. Versus. Right. It's like a subtle way of being like, got it. Wrap it up. I got it. I got it. So just like subtle.

But if you're like, I don't want this person to keep talking, stop nodding. Stop nodding because you're subtly encouraging them. And then you could also try a fast triple nod. So a slow triple nod shows engagement. A fast triple nod shows I'm done. It's like this. So here's a good one. Versus. Right. It's like a subtle way of being like, got it. Wrap it up. I got it. I got it. So just like subtle.

You don't want to offend anyone.

You don't want to offend anyone.

Yes.

Yes.

So this is a really important thing, is when we're talking about cues, there's a cycle. It goes decode, encode, internalize. So you are sending me cues. That is called encoding. So encoding is sending signals to someone else. You're sending me signals of warmth. Nodding is a warmth cue. Head tilting is a warmth cue, right? So that's warmth. So you encode me that signal. I decode it.

So this is a really important thing, is when we're talking about cues, there's a cycle. It goes decode, encode, internalize. So you are sending me cues. That is called encoding. So encoding is sending signals to someone else. You're sending me signals of warmth. Nodding is a warmth cue. Head tilting is a warmth cue, right? So that's warmth. So you encode me that signal. I decode it.

Ah, he likes this answer. I internalize it. Keep talking. And so this cycle goes on and on. If someone is stoic or mute or they under signal, it kind of breaks that cycle and it isolates the other person. I work with a lot of leaders and they wonder why their team doesn't like open up to them or why they're seen as intimidating or cold. And it's because they are under signaling.

Ah, he likes this answer. I internalize it. Keep talking. And so this cycle goes on and on. If someone is stoic or mute or they under signal, it kind of breaks that cycle and it isolates the other person. I work with a lot of leaders and they wonder why their team doesn't like open up to them or why they're seen as intimidating or cold. And it's because they are under signaling.

They're not sending enough warmth signals to make the other person feel like there's this connection. The other way that decoding and coding internalizing works is negative cues. So muting is one, it stops the cycle. Positive is the next where we're like, ah, this is going well. Negative is the other one. So there was a research study.

They're not sending enough warmth signals to make the other person feel like there's this connection. The other way that decoding and coding internalizing works is negative cues. So muting is one, it stops the cycle. Positive is the next where we're like, ah, this is going well. Negative is the other one. So there was a research study.