Vanessa Van Edwards

They wanted to know if how negative cues affect someone's physiology. So they devised a little experiment where they had a participant walk into a room of a bunch of other people and And they had someone in the room, a confederate, signal a sign of social rejection. So a social rejection cue is an eye roll. It's a scoff. It's like a lip purse.

They wanted to know if how negative cues affect someone's physiology. So they devised a little experiment where they had a participant walk into a room of a bunch of other people and And they had someone in the room, a confederate, signal a sign of social rejection. So a social rejection cue is an eye roll. It's a scoff. It's like a lip purse.

They had them signal this towards this unsuspecting participant. And what they found was once the participant, the moment they spotted the social rejection cue, their own field of vision increased. Their pupils dilated. What happens when our pupils dilate is we can take in more of our environment, like literally their field of vision increased. Why?

They had them signal this towards this unsuspecting participant. And what they found was once the participant, the moment they spotted the social rejection cue, their own field of vision increased. Their pupils dilated. What happens when our pupils dilate is we can take in more of our environment, like literally their field of vision increased. Why?

If we see a cue of social rejection, our brain is like, uh-oh, is anyone else signaling social rejection? What did I do wrong? And where's my escape route? Meaning that if we spot a negative cue, it changes our body.

If we see a cue of social rejection, our brain is like, uh-oh, is anyone else signaling social rejection? What did I do wrong? And where's my escape route? Meaning that if we spot a negative cue, it changes our body.

So if you're in an interview or on a date and you're like, I don't feel great about this, listen to that. Because that is your body language reading part of your mind that picked up on a negative cue that your brain doesn't like. It could have been a subtle cue of social rejection. It could have been a vocal cue change that you didn't notice. It could be a negative facial expression or gesture.

So if you're in an interview or on a date and you're like, I don't feel great about this, listen to that. Because that is your body language reading part of your mind that picked up on a negative cue that your brain doesn't like. It could have been a subtle cue of social rejection. It could have been a vocal cue change that you didn't notice. It could be a negative facial expression or gesture.

So for example, in that study, they were doing social rejection cues, but they even found if someone flashes a fear micro expression at you, So they widen the whites of their eyes and like that, we catch the fear. Like our own amygdala begins to fire. And so if you feel uneasy with someone, listen to it.

So for example, in that study, they were doing social rejection cues, but they even found if someone flashes a fear micro expression at you, So they widen the whites of their eyes and like that, we catch the fear. Like our own amygdala begins to fire. And so if you feel uneasy with someone, listen to it.

Because it means that your body has picked up on something that it did not like, that was a threat. And you should dig deeper into that.

Because it means that your body has picked up on something that it did not like, that was a threat. And you should dig deeper into that.

The research shows that it takes 200 hours to become close friends with someone. So a soulmate or a partner, it's even more. That's a lot of hours. And we tend to make very big decisions about a relationship in the first six hours. Not enough. And so what you said was really important is first is I want you to get off script because

The research shows that it takes 200 hours to become close friends with someone. So a soulmate or a partner, it's even more. That's a lot of hours. And we tend to make very big decisions about a relationship in the first six hours. Not enough. And so what you said was really important is first is I want you to get off script because

Coffee shops, restaurants, those are very controlled environments. They've probably done those dates a lot. I want you to get off script. I want you to do what I call the car challenge, which is I want you to drive somewhere an hour away with them.

Coffee shops, restaurants, those are very controlled environments. They've probably done those dates a lot. I want you to get off script. I want you to do what I call the car challenge, which is I want you to drive somewhere an hour away with them.

Yeah. So you've had three or four dates, right? And you're like, okay, what should I do?

Yeah. So you've had three or four dates, right? And you're like, okay, what should I do?

Yeah, you've got to feel safe. I feel safe, right? But you're like, is this clicking? Are we clicking? You might just be on script. It might be like, it's too vanilla. It's too the same. Or maybe you are picking up on something. So the road trip challenge is when you pick somewhere an hour away. That's a different activity. It could be hiking. It could be pickleball. It could be art class.

Yeah, you've got to feel safe. I feel safe, right? But you're like, is this clicking? Are we clicking? You might just be on script. It might be like, it's too vanilla. It's too the same. Or maybe you are picking up on something. So the road trip challenge is when you pick somewhere an hour away. That's a different activity. It could be hiking. It could be pickleball. It could be art class.