Vanessa Van Edwards

So for me, the only way I was able to overcome awkwardness was taking control of the signals I'm sending and being able to take control of the kinds of relationships and conversations I had.

So for me, the only way I was able to overcome awkwardness was taking control of the signals I'm sending and being able to take control of the kinds of relationships and conversations I had.

The step one of control is how do you want people to see you? And here's what's really important. The cues that you send to others make people think about you a certain way, but the cues you send to others also change how others treat you.

The step one of control is how do you want people to see you? And here's what's really important. The cues that you send to others make people think about you a certain way, but the cues you send to others also change how others treat you.

So if you want to be treated with more respect, you have to make sure it starts with you, that you're sending the cues needed to show others how they should treat you with respect. If you want to be treated with friendliness or warmth or vulnerability, how do you signal to others, I want you to be open and raw and real with me?

So if you want to be treated with more respect, you have to make sure it starts with you, that you're sending the cues needed to show others how they should treat you with respect. If you want to be treated with friendliness or warmth or vulnerability, how do you signal to others, I want you to be open and raw and real with me?

we can take control of those signals to tell others, here's how I want to be treated. And so step one is, how do you want people to see you? It's a little game, okay? So in your mind, when people first meet you, what word do you think they think? Like what's a word they use to describe you?

we can take control of those signals to tell others, here's how I want to be treated. And so step one is, how do you want people to see you? It's a little game, okay? So in your mind, when people first meet you, what word do you think they think? Like what's a word they use to describe you?

What do you think it is?

What do you think it is?

Warm. Warm. Okay. So I've asked this to thousands of people and the words are, you know, all over the place. By the way, a lot of folks have negative words and that's okay. Like for example, my word used to be awkward, right?

Warm. Warm. Okay. So I've asked this to thousands of people and the words are, you know, all over the place. By the way, a lot of folks have negative words and that's okay. Like for example, my word used to be awkward, right?

I knew, you know, when you show up and I'm a social overthinker. So like I would get in my head about things. I would overthink things. And I knew I could see in their face that I was coming across as awkward and I was creating more awkwardness. So my original word for first impression was awkward. Okay. And that's what got me into this work.

I knew, you know, when you show up and I'm a social overthinker. So like I would get in my head about things. I would overthink things. And I knew I could see in their face that I was coming across as awkward and I was creating more awkwardness. So my original word for first impression was awkward. Okay. And that's what got me into this work.

So a lot of the words, I have two kind of groups of people. I have folks like you who are like warm, competent, charismatic, confident. I love it. I love it. But a lot of folks, and if this is you, I'm with you. I'm going to help. It could be quiet. It could be... awkward. It could be scared, nervous. There's a lot of words like that. Okay. So start there.

So a lot of the words, I have two kind of groups of people. I have folks like you who are like warm, competent, charismatic, confident. I love it. I love it. But a lot of folks, and if this is you, I'm with you. I'm going to help. It could be quiet. It could be... awkward. It could be scared, nervous. There's a lot of words like that. Okay. So start there.

Then the question is, what do you want people to think when they first meet you? What's the word that you wish, maybe even two or three words, how do you want to come across? So would yours ideal be warm? And do you have another one that you wish? I'd probably add loving.

Then the question is, what do you want people to think when they first meet you? What's the word that you wish, maybe even two or three words, how do you want to come across? So would yours ideal be warm? And do you have another one that you wish? I'd probably add loving.

97 cues. With the very beginning of my career, I realized that humans were sending me social signals. Back and forth. Your nodding, your hand gesture, your feet, your voice power. And I just miss them all. I have an affliction. I tend to misinterpret neutral faces as negative.

97 cues. With the very beginning of my career, I realized that humans were sending me social signals. Back and forth. Your nodding, your hand gesture, your feet, your voice power. And I just miss them all. I have an affliction. I tend to misinterpret neutral faces as negative.