Vanessa Van Edwards

If you respect someone else's value, like hopefully you could even be awed by it. Like I have friends who have an incredible work ethic. I don't work that hard. I work, but I do a lot with my family. I spend a lot of time mommying. Most of my time in the week, I only spend about 15 hours a week working. The rest of my work is mommying. But I so respect my friends who just, they just kill it.

If you respect someone else's value, like hopefully you could even be awed by it. Like I have friends who have an incredible work ethic. I don't work that hard. I work, but I do a lot with my family. I spend a lot of time mommying. Most of my time in the week, I only spend about 15 hours a week working. The rest of my work is mommying. But I so respect my friends who just, they just kill it.

They're always working. And there's a little bit of awe there. wow, like you're just killing it. And so I think that like, it's who can create awe for you where they're so kind that you're awed by them. They're so driven that you're awed by them. They're so warm that you're awed by them. And so I think that like, that's a good way to think of it is it's not the same.

They're always working. And there's a little bit of awe there. wow, like you're just killing it. And so I think that like, it's who can create awe for you where they're so kind that you're awed by them. They're so driven that you're awed by them. They're so warm that you're awed by them. And so I think that like, that's a good way to think of it is it's not the same.

It's that you respect them enough and you have some me too moments, of course, but like you can have a little bit of awe in all your relationships. Even like in my marriage, I do conversations with my husband all the time. And, um, one of the ones we did recently, it was in my newsletter, which is who is your role model, which is different than who is your hero.

It's that you respect them enough and you have some me too moments, of course, but like you can have a little bit of awe in all your relationships. Even like in my marriage, I do conversations with my husband all the time. And, um, one of the ones we did recently, it was in my newsletter, which is who is your role model, which is different than who is your hero.

Like hero is like more of like, like idolizing them. Whereas like a role model is someone that you maybe aspire to be like, and he said me, I was like, what, why? And he was like, you know, you just, you're, you're, you're you. And I love that about you. And I was like, wow, like this, it's so important that we're odd by our partners. Um,

Like hero is like more of like, like idolizing them. Whereas like a role model is someone that you maybe aspire to be like, and he said me, I was like, what, why? And he was like, you know, you just, you're, you're, you're you. And I love that about you. And I was like, wow, like this, it's so important that we're odd by our partners. Um,

And so when you're dating, I think a good little litmus test for yourself is, am I inspired by this person? Like, am I in awe of who they are or what they do or what they believe? Because if the answer is yes, that's a keeper. Like, that's a keeper. It's more important than a checklist. All my ladies listening, I know we love a checklist, but those checklists don't always serve us.

And so when you're dating, I think a good little litmus test for yourself is, am I inspired by this person? Like, am I in awe of who they are or what they do or what they believe? Because if the answer is yes, that's a keeper. Like, that's a keeper. It's more important than a checklist. All my ladies listening, I know we love a checklist, but those checklists don't always serve us.

Yeah. I think like maybe like lovingly burn the checklist.

Yeah. I think like maybe like lovingly burn the checklist.

With like a scented candle. Like burn it because I don't think it's serving you. And then just go out and just, you know, find your person.

With like a scented candle. Like burn it because I don't think it's serving you. And then just go out and just, you know, find your person.

So women are actually facing two challenges in the workplace today. One is exactly what you said, that we can be seen as bossy or dominant when we're actually just stating our point of view. Assertiveness is bossiness. But on the other hand, we're also struggling with being too likable, being interrupted, being underestimated, being too soft, etc.

So women are actually facing two challenges in the workplace today. One is exactly what you said, that we can be seen as bossy or dominant when we're actually just stating our point of view. Assertiveness is bossiness. But on the other hand, we're also struggling with being too likable, being interrupted, being underestimated, being too soft, etc.

And so we actually have two sides that we're trying to win. We have this very narrow valley we're allowed to operate in, right? Can't be too friendly, can't be too smiling, can't be too likable because we won't be taken seriously. Oh, but can't be too assertive, can't be too dominant or else we'll be seen as bossy. So we have this super narrow lane with which we can operate in.

And so we actually have two sides that we're trying to win. We have this very narrow valley we're allowed to operate in, right? Can't be too friendly, can't be too smiling, can't be too likable because we won't be taken seriously. Oh, but can't be too assertive, can't be too dominant or else we'll be seen as bossy. So we have this super narrow lane with which we can operate in.

So what I think is really, really important is focusing on the two traits that matter. These are the only two traits that matter, which are warmth and competence. When we are with someone whose signals, you can trust me, you can like me, I am open to you, and you can rely on me, I'm productive, I'm capable, those are in that valley.

So what I think is really, really important is focusing on the two traits that matter. These are the only two traits that matter, which are warmth and competence. When we are with someone whose signals, you can trust me, you can like me, I am open to you, and you can rely on me, I'm productive, I'm capable, those are in that valley.