Vanessa Van Edwards

The people, but also the places.

The people, but also the places.

Right? Like I love a one-on-one conversation. So I'm, I was more excited for this conversation than I would be like, if you were to say, Vanessa, come over to my house for a happy hour.

Right? Like I love a one-on-one conversation. So I'm, I was more excited for this conversation than I would be like, if you were to say, Vanessa, come over to my house for a happy hour.

Okay, great. Cause I'm not. coming. I can't come. Or if I come, I would be like agonizing the whole time. Like a rooftop bar, you know, a loud nightclub, just like not my space. Like it just triggers all the bad stuff in me. So I think that like knowing who and what is going to also set you up for success into getting to the better, taking control, right?

Okay, great. Cause I'm not. coming. I can't come. Or if I come, I would be like agonizing the whole time. Like a rooftop bar, you know, a loud nightclub, just like not my space. Like it just triggers all the bad stuff in me. So I think that like knowing who and what is going to also set you up for success into getting to the better, taking control, right?

If you can control the people in the places where you want to show up your best self, that's like step number one. That's the groundwork.

If you can control the people in the places where you want to show up your best self, that's like step number one. That's the groundwork.

Okay. I'm going to give you news that you're probably not going to like, but it's so important. It's a phenomenon called signal amplification bias. What this is, it's very well studied, that we tend to think we are over obvious with our cues. So if you're in a bar, they literally studied singles in a like bar nightclub setting.

Okay. I'm going to give you news that you're probably not going to like, but it's so important. It's a phenomenon called signal amplification bias. What this is, it's very well studied, that we tend to think we are over obvious with our cues. So if you're in a bar, they literally studied singles in a like bar nightclub setting.

Women and men who think they are being obvious with their flirtation cues, the other person has no idea. Yeah. That's so good. They even counted the number of flirtation signals. This was incredible research. They observed singles mingling and they counted each person's flirtatious signals towards other people in the room.

Women and men who think they are being obvious with their flirtation cues, the other person has no idea. Yeah. That's so good. They even counted the number of flirtation signals. This was incredible research. They observed singles mingling and they counted each person's flirtatious signals towards other people in the room.

They found in 10 minutes, how many signals do you think it took for a woman to show a man she was interested? In 10 minutes, how many signals did she have to send?

They found in 10 minutes, how many signals do you think it took for a woman to show a man she was interested? In 10 minutes, how many signals did she have to send?

But do you know how many signals that is in 10 minutes?

But do you know how many signals that is in 10 minutes?

That is what women think is what's needed. I sent three flirty glances and he just didn't come over. He's not interested. No, he didn't see him. Or he doubted himself. Or he was like, was that a trick of my eye? Yeah. It took 29 signals in 10 minutes to get approached. So the other person went, oh, she's interested. Just interested. That was before even the conversation started.

That is what women think is what's needed. I sent three flirty glances and he just didn't come over. He's not interested. No, he didn't see him. Or he doubted himself. Or he was like, was that a trick of my eye? Yeah. It took 29 signals in 10 minutes to get approached. So the other person went, oh, she's interested. Just interested. That was before even the conversation started.

So what are the flirty glances of availability? And this is what's most important is in the same group of studies, they found that attractive women, the most attractive women who are rated on their attractiveness, got approached less than unattractive women who didn't signal enough. Fascinating. So if you're an attractive woman and you don't signal enough, you won't be approached.

So what are the flirty glances of availability? And this is what's most important is in the same group of studies, they found that attractive women, the most attractive women who are rated on their attractiveness, got approached less than unattractive women who didn't signal enough. Fascinating. So if you're an attractive woman and you don't signal enough, you won't be approached.