Vanessa Van Edwards

You're going to write the first time.

You're going to write the first time.

One younger sister. Okay, so I… So it's just like fun to play the game and then… Yeah, it is. You kind of like guess and then I can be like, oh, I didn't peg you. I was thinking oldest or youngest. So you could kind of have the back and forth that totally changes the dynamics of the conversation. Yeah. And so that's my last resort is you can play a game with them. I love that.

One younger sister. Okay, so I… So it's just like fun to play the game and then… Yeah, it is. You kind of like guess and then I can be like, oh, I didn't peg you. I was thinking oldest or youngest. So you could kind of have the back and forth that totally changes the dynamics of the conversation. Yeah. And so that's my last resort is you can play a game with them. I love that.

I also love like if, I got this actually from Twitter and it totally works. If someone says they're from something, so where are you from? I'm from London. The Windy City. But I always say the Windy City.

I also love like if, I got this actually from Twitter and it totally works. If someone says they're from something, so where are you from? I'm from London. The Windy City. But I always say the Windy City.

It's not the Windy City. Isn't that like Seattle or something? I don't even know. I don't know. It's San Francisco. Chicago. Chicago or something like that. But you just like, you can make like funny responses back and then people, and you have a band. It just broke the script. Right. Like being a little playful in conversation also can create mutual moments because you'll find your person. Yes.

It's not the Windy City. Isn't that like Seattle or something? I don't even know. I don't know. It's San Francisco. Chicago. Chicago or something like that. But you just like, you can make like funny responses back and then people, and you have a band. It just broke the script. Right. Like being a little playful in conversation also can create mutual moments because you'll find your person. Yes.

Right. Like I try to be funny occasionally. And if you laugh at my jokes, we're going to be friends. If you don't laugh at my jokes, it's not going to go well.

Right. Like I try to be funny occasionally. And if you laugh at my jokes, we're going to be friends. If you don't laugh at my jokes, it's not going to go well.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. I also think it's so much pressure to be interesting because what is interesting is different for different people. And so if you're trying to be interesting, it's worse than fake it till you make it. It's what do I have to do to perform for you? And I don't think interactions should be a performance. They should be intentional and you're building towards something, which is... Do I belong?

Yeah. I also think it's so much pressure to be interesting because what is interesting is different for different people. And so if you're trying to be interesting, it's worse than fake it till you make it. It's what do I have to do to perform for you? And I don't think interactions should be a performance. They should be intentional and you're building towards something, which is... Do I belong?

Do I feel accepted by you? And this is like a question that I want everyone to ask themselves, especially when you think about those first impression words. Sometimes people who trigger you badly, it's because you don't feel safe. I don't mean necessarily physically safe. I mean emotionally safe, where there's topics that you're a little scared to bring up or

Do I feel accepted by you? And this is like a question that I want everyone to ask themselves, especially when you think about those first impression words. Sometimes people who trigger you badly, it's because you don't feel safe. I don't mean necessarily physically safe. I mean emotionally safe, where there's topics that you're a little scared to bring up or

Or there's things you walk on eggshells because you just don't know how that's going to go. And so the other test you have as you're doing this back and forth, you're getting to know them, is do I feel safe to share my real answer? Do I feel safe to answer something that's not on script? That's like not what everyone else would answer. Do I feel safe to not be interesting? Right?

Or there's things you walk on eggshells because you just don't know how that's going to go. And so the other test you have as you're doing this back and forth, you're getting to know them, is do I feel safe to share my real answer? Do I feel safe to answer something that's not on script? That's like not what everyone else would answer. Do I feel safe to not be interesting? Right?

Like if we have this pressure, we're ensuring it's a performance. If you're like, I'm just going to answer and like this may or may not like click with you, then that's the ultimate belonging, I think.

Like if we have this pressure, we're ensuring it's a performance. If you're like, I'm just going to answer and like this may or may not like click with you, then that's the ultimate belonging, I think.