Vanessa Van Edwards

I don't believe in fake it till you make it. It's not a concept I've ever Yeah, me neither.

I don't believe in fake it till you make it. It's not a concept I've ever Yeah, me neither.

And so notice how I didn't say, I want you to be like Elizabeth Holmes and go, hey, I can't even do it. How did she do it? I don't know. She was so like, she faked that low tone. No, I wanted you to find the lowest end of your natural tone. First is I don't believe in fake it till you make it. Second is I want you to sound like your most confident self. So if for you, that is, hey, cool girl. Yeah.

And so notice how I didn't say, I want you to be like Elizabeth Holmes and go, hey, I can't even do it. How did she do it? I don't know. She was so like, she faked that low tone. No, I wanted you to find the lowest end of your natural tone. First is I don't believe in fake it till you make it. Second is I want you to sound like your most confident self. So if for you, that is, hey, cool girl. Yeah.

Cool. I'm for it, right? Like I will, if that is you and that's how you go, I will take it. So I want you to feel like you, but I also want you to find your resonance point. It's called a maximum resonance point. That's speaking with, and this is for both dating and work, that speaking with this part of your voice that is open and full of power and volume and space and

Cool. I'm for it, right? Like I will, if that is you and that's how you go, I will take it. So I want you to feel like you, but I also want you to find your resonance point. It's called a maximum resonance point. That's speaking with, and this is for both dating and work, that speaking with this part of your voice that is open and full of power and volume and space and

And don't we all want to operate that way? I think everyone is more themselves when they have space in their bodies, when they're taking up their space, when they have breath. And that translates to everything. It translates to my face. It makes my face more open. It makes my jaw more relaxed. It makes my shoulders more relaxed.

And don't we all want to operate that way? I think everyone is more themselves when they have space in their bodies, when they're taking up their space, when they have breath. And that translates to everything. It translates to my face. It makes my face more open. It makes my jaw more relaxed. It makes my shoulders more relaxed.

So what I'm kind of hoping is we're finding that part of you that's like, ooh, resonance. Like that's where presence comes from.

So what I'm kind of hoping is we're finding that part of you that's like, ooh, resonance. Like that's where presence comes from.

Okay, so I love this tip. So you say, hey, and it's like, hey, hey, cool. Then you want to use, again, I like a blueprint. I need specific words. groundwork, I don't like to guess. So here's your next step is a context cue. So a context cue is when you use a conversation starter that's something that you both share. If you don't know someone, you don't know what you share.

Okay, so I love this tip. So you say, hey, and it's like, hey, hey, cool. Then you want to use, again, I like a blueprint. I need specific words. groundwork, I don't like to guess. So here's your next step is a context cue. So a context cue is when you use a conversation starter that's something that you both share. If you don't know someone, you don't know what you share.

So the one thing you can share is the context you're in, right? So that could be, how do you know the host? If you're at a party, right? It could be, how do you like the food? How do you like your wine? Oh, that coffee looks great. Wow, this is a tough class, right? So it's something in context because actually that's a secret me too moment. So this is the next effect.

So the one thing you can share is the context you're in, right? So that could be, how do you know the host? If you're at a party, right? It could be, how do you like the food? How do you like your wine? Oh, that coffee looks great. Wow, this is a tough class, right? So it's something in context because actually that's a secret me too moment. So this is the next effect.

So we're fighting and dating. Signal amplification bias. More signals are better. You are not being obvious, right? You think you're being obvious. You're not. It takes 29 signals. You can count them in your head if you want, okay? So that's the first thing we're fighting.

So we're fighting and dating. Signal amplification bias. More signals are better. You are not being obvious, right? You think you're being obvious. You're not. It takes 29 signals. You can count them in your head if you want, okay? So that's the first thing we're fighting.

Once we've managed that and we're really clear, the second thing we're trying to meet is a psychological effect called the similarity attraction effect, right? What this is, is that we like people who have similar values and motivations as us. What's important about this is every time we have a me too moment, like, oh, we have, what, what? We have that. It builds like a little string between us.

Once we've managed that and we're really clear, the second thing we're trying to meet is a psychological effect called the similarity attraction effect, right? What this is, is that we like people who have similar values and motivations as us. What's important about this is every time we have a me too moment, like, oh, we have, what, what? We have that. It builds like a little string between us.

Like I literally envision when I'm in conversation, like we're handing each other threads. I call it thread theory. Like we're handing each other threads. And the more threads that are back and forth, the more connected we are.

Like I literally envision when I'm in conversation, like we're handing each other threads. I call it thread theory. Like we're handing each other threads. And the more threads that are back and forth, the more connected we are.