Vanessa Van Edwards

That's the visual I use. So what is the very first question I said to you when I met you outside was, you know, I think we have some friends in common.

That's the visual I use. So what is the very first question I said to you when I met you outside was, you know, I think we have some friends in common.

Yes.

Yes.

Because I knew that that was a thread that we could be like, yes, we both love those people. And that made it just really easy. I didn't say like... How's the weather? Yeah. I didn't do that, right? So whatever you can do to create as many me too moments as possible, that could be raving about a mutual friend. That could be raving about how great this class is.

Because I knew that that was a thread that we could be like, yes, we both love those people. And that made it just really easy. I didn't say like... How's the weather? Yeah. I didn't do that, right? So whatever you can do to create as many me too moments as possible, that could be raving about a mutual friend. That could be raving about how great this class is.

That could be, oh, the wine is so delicious or the wine is terrible, right? Like either one. So all your entire goal in this part of the conversation is me too moments. And your question should be geared towards that because here's where awkwardness happens, right? You're in a conversation and you have no goal. You're like, kind of like, what do you do? Where are you from?

That could be, oh, the wine is so delicious or the wine is terrible, right? Like either one. So all your entire goal in this part of the conversation is me too moments. And your question should be geared towards that because here's where awkwardness happens, right? You're in a conversation and you have no goal. You're like, kind of like, what do you do? Where are you from?

And it's like these socially scripted dead-end conversation starters. So instead, I want your goal to be, I want them to say, me too. Or I want to say, me too. That's a great goal. That's it. And it's very low pressure because all you're doing, and then your questions have intention. If everything is on purpose, if everything is intention, then our questions are searching for similarities.

And it's like these socially scripted dead-end conversation starters. So instead, I want your goal to be, I want them to say, me too. Or I want to say, me too. That's a great goal. That's it. And it's very low pressure because all you're doing, and then your questions have intention. If everything is on purpose, if everything is intention, then our questions are searching for similarities.

And this is the last step. And this is for dating, for friendship, even a little bit for work relationships as well. The last step is, can you find authentic reasons to like them? And I mean aggressively like them. I think that awkwardness, the reason I was so awkward for so long is I was asking the wrong questions and I didn't know what to listen for.

And this is the last step. And this is for dating, for friendship, even a little bit for work relationships as well. The last step is, can you find authentic reasons to like them? And I mean aggressively like them. I think that awkwardness, the reason I was so awkward for so long is I was asking the wrong questions and I didn't know what to listen for.

So the last, this study completely changed my life, changed the way I interact. I was never a cool kid. I was never popular. Don't believe it. No, no. It's true. It's true. I was like a triple major in college because I was just like, what can I do to distract myself? Like I ran for student council because it was the only position that was unopposed. Anyway. Yeah. Yeah, it was really cool.

So the last, this study completely changed my life, changed the way I interact. I was never a cool kid. I was never popular. Don't believe it. No, no. It's true. It's true. I was like a triple major in college because I was just like, what can I do to distract myself? Like I ran for student council because it was the only position that was unopposed. Anyway. Yeah. Yeah, it was really cool.

So I found this study that looked at the cool kids in high school, and they examined thousands of kids across a variety of high schools, across a variety of grades, looking for patterns. Why are some kids more popular than others? And the hypothesis was maybe they're more athletic, maybe they're smarter, maybe they're more attractive, maybe they're more extroverted, maybe they're funnier, right?

So I found this study that looked at the cool kids in high school, and they examined thousands of kids across a variety of high schools, across a variety of grades, looking for patterns. Why are some kids more popular than others? And the hypothesis was maybe they're more athletic, maybe they're smarter, maybe they're more attractive, maybe they're more extroverted, maybe they're funnier, right?

Those are all the things I would think of, right? Yeah, makes sense. There were popular kids who were those things, but the only commonality across all the grades and all the schools was that the most liked kids had the longest list of people that they liked. The most liked kids had the longest list of people that they liked.

Those are all the things I would think of, right? Yeah, makes sense. There were popular kids who were those things, but the only commonality across all the grades and all the schools was that the most liked kids had the longest list of people that they liked. The most liked kids had the longest list of people that they liked.

Meaning they weren't going around all day trying to be funny, trying to be cool. They were going around trying to like as many people as possible.

Meaning they weren't going around all day trying to be funny, trying to be cool. They were going around trying to like as many people as possible.