Vicky Reynal
speaker
48 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Jan 2025
last heard Jan 2025
Vicky Reynal’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
Well, as long as we keep it vague, then we're setting ourselves up for more. vagueness and failure and self sabotage. But the moment we set a goal that is very kind of measurable and concrete, that's when our sense of agency becomes more engaged and awakens. And it's very different to say, you know, I want to save 50 pounds every week next year, than to say I want to be better with money.
Well, you'll be surprised. I have had people with a too much money problem as well, and I'm happy to go into that. But the most common, you're right, is the lack of. And I always invite people to be curious about what they imagine more money will get them. The other way in which I ask the question is when they say, you know, I don't have enough. I ask, well, enough for what?
And I think the point here is that money can be a very powerful symbol and it represents different things to different people. And so for some people, more money will buy them more credibility in their family. They will finally be taken more seriously by others. For other people, it's about acceptance and fitting in.
If they have enough money, they can spend on the right things, and then they'll fit in with their group of friends. And yet for others, it's about worth. They've equated.
um financial worth to self-worth in their minds and so they'll feel better about themselves if their net value is higher and so i think sometimes it's unearthing those um sometimes unconscious uh symbolic equations that people can then question them and say well is it true that people will find me more lovable if i'm richer or you know am i attaching something unrealistic to money.
A common one, Mike is, especially in families, you know, somebody who grew up in a family where there was scarcity, you know, the belief that money will fix all the problems, it will resolve the conflict in the family, it will make everybody get along, you know, everything will be fine if there's more money.
And actually, you know, I've seen the other end of it, you know, I've seen people come to me having become very wealthy and saying, well, You know, it didn't fix everything. Why am I still unhappy? Why are we still all arguing?
I've seen it manifest in different ways. One example comes to mind. It was a man, let's call him Robert, who came to see me because he had a $2 million problem. It turns out that because he owned shares in a company that got bought at a very good price, suddenly he became a millionaire. this man looked so upset. And I started asking him, well, what is so distressing about this?
And there were all these fears attached to being wealthy. First of all, he had grown up in a modest family. And the way in which wealthy people were talked about attached certain judgment on them. So wealthy people can be corrupt, can be greedy, can this and that. Secondly, there was a fear that money would spoil the children.
He had two children, and he was concerned that if they found out that the family was now wealthy, they would lose drive and motivation and drop out of school and whatnot. There was also a fear that money would bring conflict in his relationship. How would he and his wife navigate all these problems and financial decisions that they both felt a bit, you know, out of their depth with.
And finally, the fear of envy, you know, would his friends stop talking to him, you know, if he starts telling them about his luxurious holidays and, you know, things that he could now afford and they couldn't. And so you can see how there's
a whole range of fears that got attached to to wealth and and that's not uncommon actually to attach kind of a shame to wealth particularly if we grew up in an environment that condemned the pursuit of wealth in some way so given that everybody has their own money deal their own money issues their own money concerns it's hard to have a blanket advice but but
My blanket advice is always to be curious. Be curious about what it is that is driving your financial choices. If, for example, you find yourself regularly overspending, Be curious about when do you do that? Is it, for example, on a Sunday that you tend to go online and do all this spontaneous shopping? Well, what is it that you're feeling on Sundays? Is it loneliness? Is it boredom?
Is it sadness? And are there other ways in which you could be addressing those feelings rather than overspending? or maybe you overspend on your children and that's where you really go overboard and then you're filled with regret and um and guilt afterwards we'll be curious about that what is it about wanting to give to your children, where is that coming from?
Is it coming from an experience maybe of having parents who weren't very generous with you or maybe couldn't be generous because they didn't have the means to? And so now you're trying to kind of vicariously live through them and give them all the experiences you didn't have, but is that what's best for them? And so I think curiosity is the key to all of this.
But because a lot of the money behaviors that I see trace back to quite painful emotional experiences, it's important to do that self-exploration without judgment. So saying things like, I'm bad with money, I'm terrible with money, that's not going to get you very far. a better approach is to investigate what that means, you know, that sense that you're bad with it.
Well, what is it that you wish you could be better at? Let's say it's investing. Well, why do you think you're not good with investing? Well, I don't understand enough about it. Well, could you learn more about it? Where could you find the information?
And you see that the moment you become, you have a kinder inner dialogue with yourself and a curious one, you can begin to find the answers to those questions.
Yes, I would say so.
Sometimes they don't know where it's going and that's kind of a... Again, that vagueness defense, they don't want to know where it's going. They don't want to open their statements and look at it because it would be uncomfortable to face the reality of what they're doing and the consequences of what they're doing.
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