Wade Barnes

I'm never going to complain about having people come, hundreds or thousands or whatever it is, but, like, there was also something nice about, like, that there's 10 people and we can, I can chat with each of them, get to know them, like, it's kind of a friend feel.

It's like hanging out with friends.

And that vibe from content creation is pretty much gone now, right?

Because we just we've blown up to that point.

In personal lives, too, though, people see success and, you know, a lot of them are happy for you and, you know, you know, are nice about it.

But some people see it and they get jealous or they have their own things going on and they feel like they reach a point of desperation.

They have to reach out like you're doing well.

Can you help me with this?

Can you help me with that?

And that's kind of happened a lot lately.

you know the first time's one thing and then the 10th time one person does it's like okay you're not wanting help you're wanting me to be your like sugar whatever relationship it is sugar friend sugar sugar friends definitely the thing it's not you know friends family whatever it people have done it and feeling some of my personal relationships change was bothering me so i actually went in and i started talking about that last fall with somebody and we ended up working through some other stuff too i actually just finished a couple of months ago

you know like this four to six month like once a week chat council session whatever you want to call it and it was helpful but a lot of my life i mean i hearken back to when i was four years old and my parents first split up and i don't think anyone meant to put me under pressure but my grandparents my mom my dad they would ask like hey

who do you want to go spend time with this weekend you want to go to your moms you want to go to your dads like your grandparents we're never going to make you go anywhere you don't want to go where do you want to go and i guess i had an ego even as a kid because i was like well everyone loves spending time with me so whoever i don't choose is going to be so sad that i didn't pick them no one wants a break from the kid but like you know as a kid it was like i don't want to let them down so i'm gonna i'll choose you this weekend you that weekend and them the weekend after i'll rotate

i want to go here and hang out with my friends but i'm going to choose this way because i want to make everybody happy and my people pleasing was just like instituted then and then um i lost my dad when i was 11. my grandpa died three months later and then we had like 20 some odd more deaths in the family and close friends over like the next five or six years um

After my dad died, it was the first time I ever got straight A's.

And I did it because I knew my grandparents always seemed really happy when I did well in school.

They wanted me to have a good future.

So when my dad died and my grandma was very obviously torn up about it, it was her son.

I was like, okay, I'm going to work harder in school.

I'm going to get good grades.