Wendy K. Laidlaw

And then from that, the sadness that came with that was I knew then that I had never had that.

I'd never experienced the love that I had for my daughter.

And then it just seemed to open up this whole thing for me where

I started to kind of think, you know, there must be something wrong with me at my core.

And this is where I'm coming to is

A, to reassure you there's nothing wrong with you at your core, you are not a bad person, you're not an unpleasant person, you may have had things projected onto you or you've taken things in as being your stuff.

And this is again what we're going to keep working on and we keep just shining a little bit of light on and just gently kind of become curious about and just notice kind of what's coming up as we're continuing to do this work, because this is really important.

This is why I believe

You know I ended up chronically bedridden and disabled for two and a half years, because I refuse stubbornly to look all this stuff.

I was very philosophical and very kind of like no, I should be over this stuff by now, and how can it be my past and.

My view of my past was very kind of almost fear to even acknowledge the reality of my past.

And then to be fair, the reality I thought that was my past and my family, I thought that was normal.

I didn't realize, I realize now in hindsight, it was very dysfunctional.

It was actually quite abusive physically and emotionally.

And I didn't even have a clue.

I had no concept, but obviously some part of me was going, right, okay, we are just shutting this hole.

We're going on strike until you think and feel and explore gently and safely that

what might have happened in the past that has causing

suppression of feelings and thoughts that perhaps you're not comfortable with.

And of course, I recognize on my own journey, there was things going on that I didn't want to see.