Wyatt Cenac

Not just scared, John. Scared shitless. There's a big difference.

Not just scared, John. Scared shitless. There's a big difference.

Well, volatility frequently occurs when everyone suddenly realizes that the stock market's just a consensual mass delusion based on fictitious valuings of abstract assets. You know, it's like finding out Santa Claus is real because you catch him robbing your house.

Well, volatility frequently occurs when everyone suddenly realizes that the stock market's just a consensual mass delusion based on fictitious valuings of abstract assets. You know, it's like finding out Santa Claus is real because you catch him robbing your house.

You'd think so, but it turns out gold's just a shiny metal. For right now... I mean, really shiny, but it's still just metal. But right now, you want to put your investment dollars in things you can eat.

You'd think so, but it turns out gold's just a shiny metal. For right now... I mean, really shiny, but it's still just metal. But right now, you want to put your investment dollars in things you can eat.

And weapons. You also want to put it in weapons so that you can kill things and then eat them. Ooh, and make sure you buy some fire, too. Because you can't keep the marauders away without fire.

And weapons. You also want to put it in weapons so that you can kill things and then eat them. Ooh, and make sure you buy some fire, too. Because you can't keep the marauders away without fire.

Well, you know those numbers on the right side of your screen? The Dow, the Dow Jones. No, I think it's called the Uppy Downy Index. Watch that all the time. It's a real-time running indicator of the health of the economy. It and it alone reflects not only our country's well-being, but your value as a human being as well. Never take your eyes off it. Seriously, Wyatt? I'm watching them.

Well, you know those numbers on the right side of your screen? The Dow, the Dow Jones. No, I think it's called the Uppy Downy Index. Watch that all the time. It's a real-time running indicator of the health of the economy. It and it alone reflects not only our country's well-being, but your value as a human being as well. Never take your eyes off it. Seriously, Wyatt? I'm watching them.

I've been doing it since Friday.

I've been doing it since Friday.

Huzzah! I'm a rich bitch. Man, I don't know what the hell is going on.

Huzzah! I'm a rich bitch. Man, I don't know what the hell is going on.

No. But I own a boatload of fire. Wyatt Cenac, everybody. We'll be right back.

No. But I own a boatload of fire. Wyatt Cenac, everybody. We'll be right back.

It's easy, John. The law is very clear. You only check people who are reasonably suspicious.

It's easy, John. The law is very clear. You only check people who are reasonably suspicious.

Of course not. That's ridiculous. They're looking for illegals. They're looking for people acting suspiciously, like gardening or burping white people's babies.

Of course not. That's ridiculous. They're looking for illegals. They're looking for people acting suspiciously, like gardening or burping white people's babies.