Zac Affleck
Appearances
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
I feel like it's been like step by step. I've been able to be more and more vulnerable and like open to this experience and like what we're doing. I never wanted any of this and I never planned on any of this, to be honest. But kind of what happened is Jen came to me and she said, hey, there's going to be this reality TV show. It's going to be called Mom Talk. I'm like, oh, that sounds kind of fun.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Like, what's it about? Then a few months later, they're like, oh, it's going to be called Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. I'm like, heck no. No way I'm doing that. Like that sounds... No, he didn't say heck no.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Well, I don't think I was swearing at that point. But yeah, and then I heard like Taylor was going to be on it. And I actually love Taylor and Dakota. But like at the time I was being judgmental. I'm like, oh, I don't want to be on a show with those guys. Like that sounds crazy. And then honestly, like the day before...
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
contracts were due, Jen's manager reached out and was like, hey, we got to get contracts signed. I'm like, I don't really want to do this. Can Jen just do it and I'll just not be part of this? This just doesn't seem like me and something I'd want to do. And Jen just came to me and she's like, this is something I really want to do and this is important to me.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
I'm supporting you in medical school and these things that you want to do. Will you support me in this? And so then once we made that decision as a team that we were going to do it, we really did go all in season one and we were so vulnerable and we shared everything about our religion and our life and our marriage and just all these different things.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
And I honestly think we kind of went a little bit naive into the show, just not really knowing what to expect or what reality TV even is. Clearly.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
But yeah. And then same thing after season one, I was just like, oh, I don't I don't want to do a season two. And Jen was like, I really want to do a season two. Like, this is what I want to do. And I'm well, I love you. So I guess, yeah, let's do a season two.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
I think it could have been, but I think they were really interested in the dynamic of like these Mormon wives, like with their husbands. And to be honest, the first season, there's a couple other couples that were somewhat active, but really Jen and I were like the most active, strongest in the church at the time. And so I think they were really intrigued of that dynamic between like
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Yes, I think they were super interested in seeing how we were both raised, how we ended up coming together and just the dynamic of our relationship.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Right before the show came out, they asked all the girls who the villain is going to be. No one said my name. Yeah, we didn't even really know what to expect. But I think I was maybe villain number one.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Sure. You know, the craziness. Ben Affleck and Chippendales, the two things that like follow us no matter what. Yes.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Yeah, there's a lot to unpack. I feel like and that's what's so hard about this is there is things that were true that were portrayed some like toxic tendencies that I had and not to blame anyone else. Like I was raised a certain way. The cult, the church has a certain culture.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Um, and I had just always kind of seen things one way and it was hard for me to open up my mind to like our marriage looking different for me acting different. Could you elaborate on what? Yeah, I just, I think typically, um, and there's so many things I love about the church. One thing is,
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
it's like this idea of like the patriarchy or like, like the husband is like the head of the house is just kind of how, how the church is honestly. And not to say there's not a lot of great relationships in the church, but there is also a lot of toxic ones. And I just kind of always seen it as like the man's the one who provides, he's the one who makes the money. And then like,
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
the wife is the one who stays at home with the kids and like that's just kind of how it is and so I think a lot of this was like hard for me it was hard for me to kind of yeah see things in a different way and I feel like there was a lot of times early on in our marriage and on the show season one where I was selfish and I did think of myself and it was kind of what was Zach's priorities and what did he want to do and I think that's why I
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Season two, leaving medical school and finally putting Jen in her career first has been so healing for our marriage is because it was the first time that actually was thinking about her and kind of us more of a family than like what I wanted and what my plans were. As far as there was also a lot of things on the show that were said that like weren't true.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
As far as like a gambling way, my medical school tuition that never happened. What's the truth? I hadn't even been accepted to medical school when that season was filmed. So there wasn't even a deposit to pay for school because I hadn't been accepted into a school yet.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
So a lot of those things that were said by the girls were hurtful and untrue and has led to a lot of backlash on social media, which has been really sad.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
that you gambled away or is there anything that like if the women hear this and they and they hear you go well I wasn't even applied to medical school could they be like well no no that that is uh that that is one thing that like to this day really hurts me because that is absolutely untrue um I did I was gambling at the time I do I did love to gamble.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
And to be honest with you, I sometimes still gamble with buddies. And that's something that Jen and I have worked through. And the way I go about it and the way we talk about it is a lot different now.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Yeah, I'm just more respectful. Like I like betting on sports and occasionally I will still bet on sports. And Jen's very aware of that. And that's just something that we're doing in our marriage. And I'm not afraid to talk about that. But I think what was happening at the time is there's just a lot of miscommunication.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
As far as the whole medical school thing, it also got portrayed on the show that Jen was paying for my medical school, which is it's also not true.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
I mean, I don't want to argue with that. The reality is my dad had saved up a bunch of money. My dad's a doctor as well, and he had saved up money. So if I ever did decide to go to medical school, that was like his giving back to me is he wanted to help pay for that. And so he had saved that money aside. And once I did get accepted to medical school, he directly paid that to the school.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
That was never money I ever saw or touched. That was directly from him to the school. And yeah. And then once I withdrew from medical school, that wasn't money I got to keep. That's my dad's money. And I don't you know, he's going to do whatever he wants with that. But that was like something he was doing for his son. So, yeah.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Surprisingly, he was really positive and supportive. I think he saw how dark and how sad I was and the dark place I got to. And I think all he wanted was for Jen and I to be able to work through our marriage. And that comes first. And so I think he was sad because he's like, what are you going to do with your life? They've always been so supportive of it.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
But he said a comment to me the other day that was like, I don't care what you do. I don't care if you're a park ranger. I just want you to be happy. Just do something that's going to make you happy. And so I think... They've made a lot of progress in the last couple months and just seeing us finally be happy again and see like me be happy because I was in a really dark place for a while.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
I think they're finally just happy to see us doing good.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Just, I mean, again, being like fully transparent. I think what was really hard about season one was I think my family was defensive of me. Not even necessarily my parents. It was more like siblings and cousins and people who like actually know me. But I think they saw like, yeah, Zach made a huge mistake. But they also have seen me my whole life. And they're like, yeah, he's a good kid.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Like he did. He acted immature and like he did something really dumb. But like that's not the full context of like who he is. So they were defensive of me, which made Jen feel unsupported. And then on the flip side, Jen's parents are the most loving, supportive people ever. So I think where most parents would be like, yeah, leave that loser. They were like, Jen, Zach's an amazing person.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
They were calling me like they were crying with me. Like Jen's parents have been
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
so amazing when it comes to this and so I think that was really hard for Jen to be like I think you're getting so much support from my parents when you were the one who messed up why can't I get the same I think it was just a really tricky situation to navigate because what do my parents say hey we want to congratulate you on this show where our son looks like an asshole because that's that's what I mean that's how I acted so yeah
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
yeah it's been it's been hard and it's been tough to navigate like you can imagine honestly like yeah because we have our reality tv life but then we have our real life relationships with our family and friends and that is really tough to navigate to be honest
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
I mean, we got married. Were you 19 or 20?
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Yeah. So, I mean, we were... 22. So, like, we had... Like, we were super young. And so, a lot of this has been, like, us growing up and, like, learning together, figuring out who we are. Like, it's not like we were 30 and had these stable jobs and, like, had really figured ourselves out. Like, we're, like, children...
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
growing up together then also having children like we're about to have our third baby so there's been a lot of learning and growing and I think something Jen said that I'm really proud of her for is how she's found her voice and just decided like this is who I am this is who I want to be and I think a lot of season one honestly was us compensating like because we were the the Mormon couple on the show we felt like we had to really push that and didn't really show up like who we really were
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
So then I think when like the gambling stuff came out and then like the controlling behavior on my end came out like it was really hard because I know personally I was putting on a facade.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
I was trying to for the church be the certain person but then there's also this other version of me that I am around my friends or around these other groups and like I think if anything the show's taught us just to like
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
be yourself and show up for who like who you really are and there's going to be people who like you and there's going to be people who hate you but like you can't change that but you've got to feel good in your own skin or you're never going to feel comfortable so
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Hey, where are your garments, by the way?
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
So we were raised like very, very different. Like Jen's mom was baptized in Ecuador, moved here, came to BYU, met her dad. My parents grew up in probably the most Mormon community in the whole church in Bountiful, Utah. They knew each other since they were eight years old. Both my grandparents were high members in the church. So just very, very different.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
So when we came together, there was a lot of learning for us both to do.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
family now I'm feeling a little bit more comfortable especially with reality TV sharing my opinion so I mean there's just that's one side and I don't know how much you see of it season two that like they did Jenna disservice season one like Jen has this spicy side where she'll like put me in my place like snap on me and I'm like no one sees like
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
You should have seen her last night screaming at me.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Yeah. Yeah. I think just through therapy and through all the help we've gotten, we've learned a lot of different tools. I don't know if I'm like being too vulnerable or like what can or can't be shared, but like... You can share anything you want to share. Yeah. I'll just be completely honest. You can't be too vulnerable. Like for example, so like when I...
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
get really worked up I can really spiral for example like the Chippendales thing I had I didn't know what was going on in my mind it was a much worse crazy scenario like I had been told these different things from other cast members so I was expecting the absolute worst and instead of like taking a deep breath and gathering the facts I just started going crazy and saying things I didn't mean and doing things I didn't mean
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
And there's like a lot of things that our therapists have taught us of like, why do you react that way? But like one simple thing that like I do now is like, like I have like anxiety medication. And so like if I ever find myself in a place where like I'm like really frustrated with Jen, like last night we got in a big argument. I'm like, okay, I'm going to go take my medication.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
I'm going to go take 20 minutes by myself. And I'm going to like sit here and think about how I want to show up and who, like how I want to talk to my wife. And then we're going to have this conversation, like when I'm regulated versus like before it'd be like screaming and yelling and pointing fingers, which goes nowhere, um, which people saw season one.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
And then we've just done a lot of other things that I feel like in the Mormon church were kind of considered taboo. Like, um, One day we decided to go to a spiritual healer and we took like a weed gummy together. And we just, yeah. Was it a weed gum? Yeah, it was a THC weed gummy. Yeah, we decided like, hey, like maybe this will like help us open up. And like, right.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
I had never drank, smoked, done anything in my life. But this was right after season one came out. And I was in like, we were both in a really dark place. I'm like, we need to change things up. Like weed was legal in Arizona where we were living. We were smoking weed. No, no, we weren't smoking weed.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
um but i'm like yeah let's let's take a gummy and we went to this spiritual healer and like had this great experience and then well that was kind of a crazy experience to be honest also uh we took like since we were both so naive we took like 10 times the dose you're actually supposed to take and we were like in a different universe and didn't know where we were and this spiritual healer i was confessing all my life sins and like telling her how much i loved jen and
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Yeah, Jen was like passed out. She called 911 on you. Jen asked to call 911. She thought she was dying.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
We later found out you can't overdose on weed. But anyway.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Nice to learn. We're familiar with the timeout. And yeah, I think I'm naturally competitive and I'm naturally like I want to win the argument. And so like, yeah, again, last night I was... What did you guys fight about? Uh...
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Well, hold on. I don't want to get that vulnerable. Yeah, to be honest, I mean, just a little bit more behind that. Sometimes I do feel like these women are amazing and they have so many opportunities, but sometimes it does feel like, or at least what I was feeling yesterday was like, hey, I just wish that like, we don't, you don't have to go to every dinner, like show up to everything.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Like sometimes I just wish like our marriage was first and it wasn't getting put first and it was hurting my feelings. And Yeah, so I got upset at Jen and she called the timeout on me and left. And then that's when, anyways.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
just how you're doing right now. I'm like, yeah, well, right now I'm doing great.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Yeah. So that's kind of what we fought about, which I also think is good to talk about. We're not trying to portray some perfect marriage by any means. That still happens and we're getting better at it each day. But yeah, timeout's been big for us.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Yeah, it still sometimes makes me insecure. Sometimes I'm at home on a random Tuesday. As a stay-at-home dad, I'm at the trampoline park with my two kids, and I'm like... what the hell am I doing with my life? Like, I'm grateful that that's even a possibility. And I still think I want to figure out what I want to do. But back at that time, it was really hard because this dynamic had switched.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Suddenly Jen's providing. And there was other things going on. I was in the middle of like studying for the MCAT, trying to get into medical school. I was taking 21 credits to try to graduate from college. We had One and then a second baby back to back. Jen, like six months after she gave birth, she got pregnant again with her second baby.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
I got tricked in and out. She took out her IUD without telling me, but. Yeah. Yeah, that was stressful. So I was under a lot of stress.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
This was before therapy. I was like, this was before therapy. And then like our marriage wasn't perfect. Again, we were young. We didn't have the coping skills we have now. And again, like I would sometimes like one of the ways I would cope is I'd play online poker with my buddies at night. She hated that because she's providing like doing all this work for our family and our kids.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
I'm gone at school all day long. And then she's like, like, what the hell are you doing?
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
That's another part of the show that's... Jen at the time, this was when she was like doing videography and starting social media. At the time, I was still getting checks from like the summer sales. Do you guys know what summer sales is?
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Oh, they need to make a reality TV show about it. It's basically the super common thing in Utah. But every summer, kids go out from Utah to different states and they sell pest control. or alarms door to door. And that sounds like, oh, how successful could it be? People make hundreds of thousands of dollars in a summer.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Like I have buddies who are millionaires just selling pest control door to door. So that's what I was doing to provide for our family early on. I'd go to school and then in the summer I would go. Why don't you just do that? that probably should happen.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Yeah, no. Sales is sales. Yeah, sales is sales. No, I think because I really wanted to pursue going to medical school and like I wasn't fulfilled in that. So yeah, we stepped away from that. But...
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Yeah, and then we had made some investments. We had bought a home. We had remodeled the home, which we ended up selling.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Well, yeah, I think another thing was early on in our marriage because I was the one providing. And again, I had this like framework of my head of like how things work.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
No, not necessarily that. But it was kind of like I was the one making the money. So I was kind of like I was controlling it. I wasn't giving Jen that freedom that she wanted. And so suddenly when she was making all this money, she's like, well. I've got the freedom now. I'm going to do what I want. And so that's taken us time.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
It was a punch to my ego and it's taken us time to figure out how are we going to navigate our finances? How are we going to do this? How are we going to do that? And yeah, I think it's just part of figuring it out.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
I know that sounds crazy to say like, oh, you're bonding over gambling. But I think where it caused us a lot of pain early on was I'd kind of do it when I wanted with my buddies. A lot of my buddies sports bet and I'd kind of just like do it with them. And not always like there wasn't full transparency where now it's kind of like, hey, babe, like the Lakers are playing tonight.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Like I'm going to bet 200 bucks on that. Are you cool? And she'll like, we'll like watch the game together. Sure. And it will be like an exciting thing. Yeah. And then it's, you know, then it's not like I'm doing this behind her back. I'm like spending money. I shouldn't be spending. It's more of like this fun thing that I do on occasion versus like a toxic.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
I mean, well, after Vegas, I didn't go into a casino or I didn't gamble for like nine months because there was a lot of trauma that needed to be healed behind that. And I was trying to be sensitive to Jen and like the hurt that I had caused her. But finally, through therapy, we got to a point where our therapist was like, Zach, what are things you love to do?
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
It seems like you're not doing a lot of the things you love anymore. You're not going on surfing trips. You're not gambling with your buddies. I'm like, yeah, I kind of do love those things, but I'm trying not to do them for my wife. And she's like, no, you need to find healthy, positive ways to do these things. And so that's when we started talking.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
And literally a conversation with our therapist was like, hey, Zach wants to occasionally sports bet with his buddies. Jen, how do you feel about that? Well, I don't feel good about it because of X, Y, and Z. And then we got to a place where we're like, okay, that's a good compromise. This is how we can make it work. And there is nights where she's like, yeah, like, I don't want you to do that.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
I could go on. I love these podcasts. We should do these more often. I could also go on and on, but I would say the two things that stick out to me the most about Jen is first, I feel like she's the only person I've ever been able to fully be myself around. And she brings out this different side in me and just makes me feel...
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
I don't know, like anyone who knows Jen can just see this light and she's always fun to be around. She always is like, it's just exciting. She makes life fun. And I can be really serious and she can kind of help me calm down and just enjoy life. And then the other thing, which I've really felt in the last like six months is Jen is really good at showing unconditional love.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
And she had a lot of reasons to walk away from our marriage to... Yeah, like...
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
don't fight it um shows you're human yeah she she has just shown me a lot of unconditional love when maybe I didn't deserve it or maybe she had a lot of reason to again walk away or just feel a certain way and she's stuck by me and worked through a lot of really hard times and I'm I'm super grateful for that and then the last thing I just say is she's she's a great mother and um yeah there's no one else I'd rather like see be the mother of my children
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Yeah, that's a great question. I think going into season one, I had this idea of, again, that the man was the patriarch of the family. I was supposed to make the decisions for us. I was supposed to provide for us. I was supposed to protect all those traditional roles that a lot of... males, especially in the church, kind of take on. And I'm still figuring out what my roles are now.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Like I said, like being a stay-at-home dad was kind of never my plan. I think my role now, at least what I'm embracing right now, is just supporting Jen and like kind of helping her shine and just like...
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
being okay that like there's a lot that goes behind on behind the scenes of taking care of random things of kids of things that people are never going to see and like that's contributing to our relationship and it's allowing Jen to have these opportunities that she honestly deserves and just supporting her just being able to like be there and enjoy that she's getting to do all these like really cool things that she always dreamed of because this really was Jen's dream like she wanted to do something like this and so
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
yeah supporting her in those things and then just enjoying being a dad like being a dad is like the coolest thing ever and like you get to like create like these mini me's and like just like teach them all these fun things and go do all these fun things all the time and so yeah I feel like that's kind of the role I'm playing right now.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Yeah, I mean, I still feel like so when we first started therapy, I had this idea in my mind of like, OK, I'm going to do this for six months and then like I'm going to be good. And like I've now realized that's like not what it is. Like this is going to be an ongoing, continual thing for probably forever. But I do think there's a lot of great men in my life.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
who I want to take things from them and apply them. And then there's things where I'm like, no, I don't want to be that kind of a husband. I don't want to be that kind of a man. And I'm trying to like make those changes and, and shift everything. Um, as far as the men on the show, I actually think there's a lot of great husbands and a lot of like the learning I've done has been from them.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Like specifically, I've had so many late night conversations with Connor, uh, Whitney's husband. Like we spend a lot of time together. We go to the gym together, like off camera, uh, He calls me all the time and I just talk through and he's helped me. I ask him like, how do you handle like some of these things? How do you go about it? And like, he's been like one of like my mentors.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Also, Connor's journey of him and everything he went through led him to... getting into EMDR and all these different things, which ultimately led us to doing EMDR and these different modalities of therapy of getting into ketamine therapy, which that was like completely life-changing for us.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
And so I think when I've healed more and I'm ready, I would love to talk more about this and more of like the mental health things that I went through, that Jen went through and just kind of showing people that like,
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
so many people are quick on social media to be like divorce him like divorce divorce divorce but like you can fight for a marriage and it can work and you can make changes and I hope that like I'm not saying I'm perfect or I've completely changed but that that's what I'm trying to do and I hope people can see that thanks for sharing all this yeah it's been great I do want to talk a little bit about season two
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
That makes more sense now knowing what you guys know.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Cause I was back in Arizona in medical school and Jen called me and was like, cause I was asking her about how this trip was going. And you called me and was like, yeah, Demi's just been crying in our room for the last hour. She's so, she feels so bad. She feels like she's cheated on her husband.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Well, why? Well, cause she was sitting on his lap. She was kissing him. All these things that were never shown in the edit, it's just, I don't even know how we're like still honestly debating the topic.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
The story doesn't add up. When you look at the receipts, when you look at what happened, it just doesn't add up. And then the whole time she's bullying my wife, she's making TikToks with her husband. She's trying to get the whole group to make Jen look like she's a liar. For what purpose? Because that fits her. She's honestly very manipulative.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Why are you getting a cease and desist and then saying, I never got a cease and desist?
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Well, no, it didn't happen. She didn't go through with that, but she tried to.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
It's just hard when there's like receipts to back it on one end and not the other. And then like saying like she was lying about the cease and desist. There's just so many things where it's just so hard to be like, you want to give grace because it's such a sensitive topic. It just, again, the story just doesn't add up.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Welcome, Zach. How are you? Finally made it. Stoked to be here.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Yeah. I feel like you've done a lot of PR training. You've got really good answers to all this stuff.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
I don't. I'm just going to speak my truth and my reality and probably be a little bit more just straight up about what we went through. We went through hell, to be honest. Season one had a lot of ups and downs. And... And unfortunately, just kind of how it worked out was it only showed a lot of the negative and not to say that there wasn't a lot of things that needed to change in our marriage.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Yeah. Thanks for having us on. Thanks for giving us a voice and letting us share more of our story. It means a lot. So yeah.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
But unfortunately, you didn't get to see some of the other awesome sides of our marriage. And so I was in the middle of medical school and season one comes out and. There was so many emotions. I had family and friends reaching out to me being like, why are you married to her? You should leave her. She has the whole world saying, why are you married to this crazy narcissist? You should leave him.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
We're just trying to tune out the noise and fight for our family and be like, we know why we got married in the first place, trying to get back to those things. We have these two beautiful kids that we want to fight for. Obviously, two healthy houses are better than one toxic one, but we knew everything. that we could work through this.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
And so I just made the decision that like, and I was telling Nick this the other day that just, I, I decided to step away from medical school. Like there was no way I was going to do medical school and support Jen in her career. And so I decided I'm going to step away from this and I'm going to fight for my family.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
I'm going to fight for my wife and try to make the changes I need to, to be the person that she deserves. And that took a lot of therapy, a lot of ups and downs. And I, we're not perfect. Like to be completely transparent with you, we got in a huge fight last night because we're married and that, that happens sometimes.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
I think the difference is we now have some skills and the ability to communicate in a different way and just the way we navigate that. And we're more of a team now. Um,
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
but yeah we were going through a ton season one and there was a lot that led up to Vegas that was never shown there was a lot of resentment on my end and a lot of miscommunication on Jen's end and it just kind of led to this massive explosion which was unfortunately the biggest fight in our marriage and I'm embarrassed for how I acted but it is what it is and like we just have to keep moving forward and fighting for each other each day and you'll also see that in season two like you'll see like my imperfections because right like I wasn't
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
So there's a Mormon dating app called Mutual. It's kind of like Tinder, but it's just for Mormons. And I was moving after my freshman year of college. I'd just gotten back from my LDS mission to the Dominican Republic.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
and and he was like where the latina's at yeah i kind of got the latina fever and was like looking for someone spicy but anyways uh i was on that app and i was the first person that showed up on jen's app she like swiped up or whatever and i sent her a message and we actually met the night before i moved to hawaii and it was kind of a crazy story i met her didn't think much well i
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
I actually texted her a few times and said, hey, can we go on a date? And like, she ignored me. But I was like, this girl is super pretty. Like, I'm going to shoot my shot again.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
She finally agreed to go on a date the night before I left to Hawaii. And so we went and we talked and this sounds like cheesy or corny to say, but it like literally was the most significant night of my life. And I went home that night and I told my mom, I'm like, I just met my future wife. And she's like, you're sleep deprived. You're crazy. You're moving to Hawaii.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Like you don't know what you're talking about. And I was like, I went and told my buddies at the airport, like I just met my future wife. And they're like, dude, you're crazy. Like, what are you talking about? Anyways, I moved out to Hawaii.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Just for fun, for the summer to go surf with buddies. Yeah, we worked in a shop out there and just, yeah, love surfing. But anyways, while I was out there, the rule that I had with my buddies is that we weren't going to date, like we weren't going to let like girls ruin the summer. But I just, I don't know, I couldn't stop thinking about Jen.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
So after like two weeks, I was like, do you want to come out here? She ended up coming out and we spent a bunch of time together. And then, yeah, we ended up. dating. And then Jen was going to go on an LDS mission after that. And she decided to not turn in her papers. She kind of gave me an ultimatum.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
Back then she was going to go on a mission and she said, I'm not going to go on a mission and I think we should get married. So I started saving up my money. I actually took a loan from my dad and bought a ring and proposed and we got married. Like 10 months later. How long were you dating for before you got engaged? Eight months. And then got married nine months after that.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
No, it's 18 months, so it's six months shorter. It is primarily for men, but women can go. Like Whitney on the show, she went on a mission. I'd say like 20, 25% of women.
The Viall Files
E941 – Going Deeper with Jen and Zac Affleck
No, like my mom went on a mission. That's been going on for a long time.