Zach Lowe

This is a real press release.

We apologize for last night's April Fool's joke that left many wondering if we had misled a fan.

The skit involving our mascot and other members of our performance team was scripted and intended to celebrate the day.

All participants were in on the joke, but we missed the mark.

Our fans are our priority, and we continue to be committed to providing a positive experience to all who attend our games.

The hundreds of you who attend our games.

I made that last part up.

If I were the PR person who wrote that press release,

If I didn't, I might not quit, but I would be like, here's the press release.

I'm going on a bender.

I'll see you in like 96 hours.

This is the lowest moment of my professional career.

The Wizards cannot even do a mascot April Fool's joke prank correctly.

And the downside of this is now everybody knows everybody's in on it.

when freaking clutch the bear, if he still does this and Houston hits an opposing fan with the pie, when any prank is done on a fan wearing a Jersey from the opposing team.

Now, everybody knows they're part of the, they're part of the skit.

They know it's okay.

If you didn't know before now, you know, so the wizards ruined that for everybody to only the wizards.

could do this.

And the self-seriousness of the press release is just... Congratulations to the Wizards.