Zerky

I have a guilty pleasure in relationships which is when things get hard, I disappear.

I stop kind of caring about my own emotions and I put someone else in front of me as the important one that needs the most attention.

And I think this came from a deep insecurity when I was younger that I wasn't liked.

And any relationship I was in, it was just a matter of time before they would leave me because they'd realize how pathetic I was.

Not the best thoughts to be having as like an eight, nine year old, but you know, hey,

We all go through our own fair share of things.

And that's been a theme that I didn't really think that much of until I became a little bit older and I started realizing, wait a minute.

I really feel like I can't express my own struggles or my own feelings when someone else is going through it.

And I don't think that that's fair.

I don't think that's fair at all.

I actually think that if you feel frustrated or you feel upset about your partner and they're having a hard time, they're going through an emotionally taxing time, it doesn't mean that you just start to ignore yourself.

Actually, I think it's more of a pretext to like bring those things up and talk about it together.

But for some reason, for me, it almost feels like they don't care.

And same thing goes for my friends or for my family.

They don't care.

They have their own problems.

Why would I want to burden them with more?

But that continues to build pressure in my own life.

And that continues to make me feel so terrible about the fact that I am not okay.

And I need somebody to talk to.