2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
The Summer Bears Came For The Winter | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
15 Dec 2025
Chapter 1: What are some bad breakfast decisions made by the hosts?
100% excuse
Hey, everybody, and welcome to The Winter Bears? Look at us.
Chapter 2: How do Chris and Stavros view podcasting as a form of polyamory?
Wow. Wow. We thought they were phoning it in in the summer. Yes. But this is the next level, folks. Get ready. Tom is just in the room over there. Yes. He's just over there having coffee. Ben, we want to be clear. We will never do this show full time.
Chapter 3: What challenges did Chris face during his housing crisis?
Never. Never. It's not going to happen. And we thought we were doing a horrible job last time. You are in for four of the most phoned-in episodes you have ever experienced in your lives. And we don't give a fuck. That's the beauty of this.
Chapter 4: How does Stavros feel about fat guy medicine?
This is like, okay, the last summer, it was like when your parents have a work trip, so they have to get a babysitter to watch you. This is just, now your parents are on benzos in the pool, and they've just hired a maid to look at you. We're just like a babysitter because your parents are sick of looking you in the face.
100% two things. And I'm speaking for you, Stavi, but I believe that you'll agree with me. Two things I'll never do in my life, this podcast full time or Bert Kreischer's comedy cruise. Listen, yeah, the cruise is tough. I got an offer for it, and the answer is a resounding no, and it always will be. I'm not getting on a boat with Bert Kreischer.
Chapter 5: What are the stories behind Fat Joe and the failed shows?
A boat is one step too far. I don't want to be in international waters with Bert's biggest super fans.
No, dude, I don't need to be in international waters close to his bare nipples. No thanks.
i'll be on a tour bus with his nips yeah sure i like the tour bus yeah i'm not i need to be on dry land 100 i need to know so i could bail out and i could fucking yeah hitchhike to the to the nearest buckies and get home if something goes wrong now they're holding on to this show to this network the same reason why parents hold on you know they're trying to get make sure they're you know we want to stay together till our kids are 18 right then we'll go on they're holding on because they have a contract with hello fresh so
We are here to sell pre-portioned chicken cordon blues, and that's all we're here for.
The money was given up front, and so between that and BetterHelp and whatever lightning strike bullshit drink that they sell, all that stuff.
Remember when we were advertising a financial services company?
Remember that? That was insane. 100%, yeah. Tom is doing season two of his Netflix show coming up with new ways to shit his pants. And Bert has a multicam sitcom on that. I don't know what's going to happen with that.
So that's just crazy.
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Chapter 6: Why do the hosts think they should never own pets?
That's true. They have found their ladders out. They're trying to climb out of podcasting with sitcoms and movies. Yes. And basically, we're keeping the seat warm in case those both fail. Exactly. If those shows are successful, this show is done and you guys know it.
Now we're going to actively, what we're going to try to actively do over the next four weeks is try not to get invited back for spring bears. So we're going to do what we can here. Will it be possible?
Chapter 7: What are the geopolitical views shared by the hosts?
I don't know. I don't know. We're going to try. We're going to try. You know, Joke World will do what he can to interview us and tell the fans it's a good thing. But the honest God is we're trying here. We're here with the Winter Bears. Now, what I do like about this, what is positive about this is you and I, we don't see each other much. We don't.
This is a great opportunity to catch up.
And this is a chance for us to hang. We were both talking about having our breakfast.
Chapter 8: What are the final thoughts and wrap-up for this episode?
That's right. And we were both talking about how we need to really get our health together. You need to dial in. You have a lot of stuff coming up. And I was like, I want to get my health together for my kids as we're both eating bacon, egg, and cheeses in their left hand and muffins with our right.
No, it's actually worse than that, because what we did was, I, particularly me, you, to be fair, were happy to be a little slut while we're here. Yes. You would have, whatever Benson's spood, he's in the booth, we're on Benson's home turf. Whatever he had brought us, whatever, like, if he poured caramel into a trough, you would have had that for breakfast. 100%.
You love to pretend it's out of your hands. Right. Right? Because in your heart, you are a fat piece of shit. I just work out a little. Exactly. And so when the circumstances force you to have treats, so last time you basically told Benson Spoon to bring us donuts and desserts. Muffins. And I was like, hey, man, I'm trying to get it together. Don't do that this time.
So he had egg white sandwiches. And then I just pulled the absolute fat guy move where, shout out to Josh, he also got just an extra breakfast platter So even though I ordered an egg white sandwich with spinach and avocado, I took the bacon from the breakfast platter and put it onto an egg white sandwich, which is worse than just a regular egg sandwich.
And let's be honest, you forget I was standing right next to you. You also put the home fries in the sandwich as well.
I use the home fries, yes. I use home fries as a condiment. I use fried potatoes as a topping. If I don't eat it with a fork, I don't consider that I've even had hash browns. That's part of the sandwich as far as I'm concerned. Right. So, you know, and then, of course, yes, I had some muffin. I'm the same way. Right. It's tough. And yesterday, I was crushing Pepto-Bismol.
So they might not only pay us to do these shows, but I might completely wreck the plumbing at YMA Studios with the weird Pepto. There's a weird fucked up green Pepto shit in my intestines. That bacon from the morning in the muffin is just pounding it from the back right now.
Ready to go.
It's going to rock it out.
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