Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is a podcast where we play the best moments, highlights, and fan-selected clips from all 16 years of The Adam Corolla Show. We have a companion podcast titled Corolla Classics, available exclusively through PodcastOne.plus. Sign up today for ad-free archives of this program.
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Coming up first, we have Adam Carolla's show, 740, featuring the great J.B. Smoove, Alison Rosen, and Brian Bishop from 2012.
Good day, bald Brian.
Drunk!
I'm drunk. Yeah, well, I had a few beers myself on the plane. I left D.C. this morning. Oh, yeah. Hey, Allison Rosen.
Hello.
Oh, I left D.C. this morning. L.A. time would have been about 6 a.m., so we were up early. Did a couple shows. Oh, boy. Where do we begin? Lots of tales from the road. Okay. First, I don't know where to start. I should ā well, here's something that's funny for the folks that like to laugh at me, like my wife, for not being able to spell because she got into it the other day, too.
She was like ā by the way, Allison with a Y, you should have known that. And I was like, all right, but listen. All right, but you've got to see it on a piece of paper, and you have to realize ā We've created a nutty world filled with fucked up people and stupid names and nothing makes sense anymore. In the past, if you saw a name that said...
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Chapter 2: What humorous anecdotes does Adam share about his experiences on the road?
Yes.
I mean, all right. I know I'm an imbecile. I do understand that. But if you're signing what is on the Post-it. Like, whatever's written on the post-it, you just pair it onto the page. Right. Whatever's on that post-it, whatever name, and sometimes it's the name of a theater and sometimes the name of a guy, and then some guys have nicknames.
One guy named Daddy-O had that super unsatisfying moment where the guy, Mike Lynch, said to the guy, what's your name? And he said, Daddy-O. And then Mike went, yeah. But what's your, you know, your real name? And he went... Daddy-O. Nope, it's a Daddy-O, which we know is not his real name. Well, it's not the answer that Mike wanted.
Like maybe it's on his library card, but that's Stuart is what Mike was looking for. Right. Not Daddy-O. We know it's not Daddy-O. Yeah. Just say I don't want to fucking tell you. Don't just say Daddy-O again. But anyway, I wrote generic down.
Now they just have to find someone who misspells their name.
On a poster, yes. Oh, boy. Also, Mike, back me up on this one. Tell me if I'm making this up. I had, you know, you get the persnickety flight attendants and then you get the gay ones and you get the gay persnickety ones and you get the like the haggard chick ones. But I had the this the first time I've ever had this flight attendant.
The dude who wanted to make sure you didn't think he was one of the gay ones, so he went a little over the top.
By having heterosexual sex in front of you.
Yes. We had the lumberjack flight attendant from our flight from North Carolina. It was a Delta flight. It was those commuter jets. We went from North Carolina to Boston, and we got the dude. And this dude, first off, we were sitting in the emergency row, and he goes, hey, you guys want to make sure you know how to work those doors in case we hit hard. Hit hard?
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Chapter 3: How do the hosts address the challenges of signing autographs?
Yes. People drink beer. They drink light beer when they fly. There's a lot of people that like to get their buzz going, especially on those commuter jets.
That's why they sell it.
Yes. If there's 60 people on the plane, there's a good chance that 10 of them may want a beer. What's the confusion? So the guy, and I'm not exaggerating, the guy goes... Yeah, beer's over there. It's back over, I mean, nine steps away in first class, you know. Beer's over there. I said, okay, well, you know, could I get one? And he said, yeah, it's going to be about an hour. He said an hour.
What? He said an hour. Mike, please, please. He said, it's going to take one hour, he said. He did not, this same guy said if we hit hard. He just, man, does not mince words.
And, oh, my God.
I mean, he didn't go, like, you know, I got to finish this run as soon as I can get to it or something, which could mean an hour. But for an hour and 45-minute flight, and we're already a half hour into the flight? What are you going to do, fucking run me down by the baggage claim and hand me the beer? Like, he said, it's going to be an hour. Like...
All I wanted to do was give him $6 for what he probably pays $0.41 for per Miller Lite can.
What does he possibly have to do on the plane that could take that long?
Well, the beauty of all these things, and then later on, so Mike and Iā He said he had to calibrate the machine. He had to calibrate the machine, yeah.
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Chapter 4: What controversial statements did Gingrich make about Bill Clinton?
Right. a Speaker of the House, in the middle of his own secret affair with Callista. Gingrich was calling for the impeachment of President Bill Clinton for lying about his affair with Monica Lewinsky.
There is no administration in American history with less moral authority than the Clinton-Gore administration.
Well, listen, first off, whenever you protest too much, this is why your answer for everything should be like when they go, what do you think about the gays getting married? You should go, what do I care? More pussy for me. But if you go, hey, listen, man, I'm going to get out on the street corner of the bullhorn. That means you're gay. It's secretly gay.
When you start stumping for shit, no matter what it is, that means you're thinking about it a little too much.
What if your answer for everything you were asked as you were running was, more pussy for me? What do you think we should do about the economy?
More pussy for me.
And what about the overcrowding in jails?
More pussy for me.
And what about tax reform? How do you feel about taxes?
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Chapter 5: How does the discussion shift to the implications of political rhetoric?
The borders are pretty poor, so let them throw. Let them throw. More pussy for me.
What about the overpopulation of cats?
Oh, yeah. I like that. Yeah, of course. That's what these guys do.
So then at the South Carolina Republican debate on Thursday night... Did someone bring up the wife? Oh, boy, did they. CNN's John King opened with this question. And then Gingrich got super outraged and self-righteous. This is obviously my interpretation of it. Well, we're going to see it in a second.
Can I say this? He's saying... Let me just get this straight, but I will do the relationship math on the, hey, I'm going to do something that you're not going to let me do so I can get a divorce, but it'll be your doing, even though it's my doing. This is you saying, it's basically you saying this. I don't like this job. I want to get out of this job.
So you go into your boss's office and you go, look, from now on, I just want to work Mondays and Thursdays. I'm going to do half a day. If I smell like booze, that'll be my business. And I need to shit into your potted plant. Okay? Because if not... I'm out of here. And then the guy goes, well, obviously that's not going to work. And you go, fine. You want to fire me? You can fire me.
That's him taking his old wife of 30 years who he's tired of fucking, but basically can't say I want a divorce and saying, here's the new plan. I get to fuck this hot secretary. If you don't want to say anything about it, fine. But if you don't say anything or you do say either way, I'm fucking her.
Yeah, because he said that Callista doesn't mind, that's the new one, doesn't mind what he does. She doesn't care.
But there's two things you ask for in life. There is the, I legitimately would like you to give me an answer to this and let me do it, and then there's, I know you're going to say no, and that'll be enough to get you out of here and get me out of here, too. That's what that was a, okay, good, see ya.
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Chapter 6: What insights are shared about the changing nature of poverty in America?
No, but I will. John King looks like a straight Anderson Cooper.
Like if Anderson Cooper loved pussy, that's what he would look like.
I think the destructive, vicious, negative nature of much of the news media makes it harder to govern this country, harder to attract decent people to run for public office. And I am appalled that you would begin a presidential debate on a topic like that.
Hold on. Here's where I use it. Stop it. Here's where I use my signature move. Yeah, but still. Or more pussy for me.
Yes.
I like that. I like that he's appalled.
He goes on. I mean, he ended up coming out ahead.
Are guys who announce they're appalled ever really appalled? Because I think when you're appalled, you don't announce you're appalled.
No, I don't think so. All right, let's hear more of it and feel free to stop it when you want.
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Chapter 7: What are the implications of random TSA screenings?
2%? Or just two guys?
2%.
It's a little higher than that, but not a whole lot. And you're fairly close. And I realized that, you know, out of respect, I won't say anymore. He's a good guy. And I said to him... I realized as I was talking to Mike, talking to Mike Lynch about it, you know, the whole idea, like flying out of D.C., I got the random I got pulled out randomly for the gunpowder swab down.
You know what I'm saying? I think where it's like they pull you out of line. You put your hands out. They take the blue thing on the stick. Looks like a tuning fork or something. They rub it across your hands and then they just go see if I have any extra TNT. Like I was, you know, just, you know, you know me. I'll put sulfur and blasting powder together sometimes in my hotel room just for kicks.
You'll try a Wiley Coyote.
Yeah. The plunger. Yeah, you know me. And... And all right. So this is supposed to be a deterrent. But I said to Mike, the one time out of every 250 times, that's not really a deterrent. Like if you told most guys who are breaking into a house, say about one in 100 times, somebody's going to be in there. But the other 99 times is wide open with no alarm.
They take that chance that criminals are doing a sort of. That's kind of their business, like taking that chance. And when you're talking about guys that are suicide bombers, taking chances is kind of it's kind of in the application. I think when they do their Al Qaeda resume, it's right in there. Do you mind? Are you a risk taker? You know what I mean?
Yeah.
So the random, hey, we're going to keep everyone off balance by randomly pulling white people out of line and swabbing them down. It's a charade. It is. It is. Obviously it is. It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't do anything. It's not like there's a bunch of people behind me in line that like, ooh, noted.
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Chapter 8: How does self-esteem affect children's development?
So if you just swab your hands...
Yeah, just do the hands.
So essentially you could be covered in explosives, but if you washed your hands well, you'd be fine?
Well, I think they think if you're making a bomb, but who the hell's not? By the way, the terrorists know this.
Everyone used Purell.
So you're wearing, you're using Purell or you're using, you know, using rubber gloves or whatever it is. But anyway, I got my commemorative coin. That's nice. That's nice. So far, two air marshals I've flown with. One guy was just a guy who was packed into a blazer. And, you know, the guy wears the blazer that looks like, you know, the guy who never wears a blazer.
And then you see him at a funeral and he's packed into it or the wedding and he just looks uncomfortable. There was some sort of attire code back in the day that said you must sit in first class. You must wear a blazer. But this guy never been in a blazer before. And also these guys aren't good with their rap. You know, like I said to him, so what do you do? And he's like, in business.
And I said, what kind of business? Okay, I'm an air marshal. Like he had no... He had no portrayal of his rap. He broke in pretty quick. Yeah.
It's funny because that's what you always hope someone in business would say, but that's never what they really say.
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