Chapter 1: What is the episode about and who are the guests?
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This episode of The Adam Krola Show is brought to you by SimpliSafe. From Corolla One Studios in Glendale, California, this is The Adam Corolla Show. Adam's guest today, comedian John Crist. And the news with Rudy Povich. And now, Adam Corolla. Yeah, get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get on Mandate. You get it on. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for telling a friend.
Comedian John Crist is back in the studio. He's got dates all over the place. Very funny stand-up. He's got dates coming up in El Paso. Tucson. And John Chris Comedy. It's C-R-I-S-T comedy.com is where you go for all the live dates. Good to see you again, John. Hey, get it on, brother.
Get it on.
Yeah. I got stuff to talk about. That's what I was just asking you. With you.
Yeah.
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Chapter 2: What protest is John Crist referencing with dildos?
But if you're making multiple dildos and they're just throwing them at ICE agents, then if you manufacture... That's the most I've ever seen in one time. Dildos? For sure. Yeah. They cleaned out the Amazon. All right, so the WNBA is good now because they're no longer chucking them at the ladies on the WNBA floor.
But those are really the same.
The people were, that's the opposite side of the political spectrum.
Those are different dildo crowds. Yeah, who's like, big dildos, like who's claiming us?
Yeah. Wasn't it? Yeah, well, big dildo is in the business of selling dildos.
Oh, yeah, they don't care. They don't care.
Good point. I told this to Dr. Drew a million years ago when I was talking about Big Pharma and OxyContin and all the pain pills. I'm like, look, people are taking 100 pills a day. They love it. And he's like, they don't like it. I go, why?
If you're in the business of selling painkillers and you get a bunch of junkies that are doing 50 a day versus me who takes three every seven years when I get a root canal, well, then you're doing business. You're making – yeah, you're hiring. Big Pharma – And Big Dildo are not so different. No. At all. They might have been in working with the WNBA. It might have produced that whole thing.
Because I'll tell you what, nothing would make me watch the NBA more than knowing that at one point during the game, a dildo is going to hit the floor. Yeah, remember when Red Bull— Think of the betting markets. Yeah. I've gotten their newsletter. They say it's about supply and demand.
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Chapter 3: What humorous perspective does John Crist provide about protests?
What I don't like is they're all driving cars that sort of look like a cop car, but not really. But it's just enough to fuck you up if you've had a couple of beers and they pull up behind you. You're like, holy shit, I just ate this joint. And now this guy's making 19 bucks an hour and has no license to be a cop. He'll tackle you. I have this conversation with my fiancee all the time.
Do you ever, in your day... Get involved in anything. Never. I don't even honk when people cut me off. You don't anymore. I don't... I have so little interest in other people's stuff and... It's weird, you know, because people could say all these assholes out there settling everyone's hash and telling them what to do. They're all narcissists. And I'm like, no, I think I'm the narcissist.
You don't exist to me. You don't register to me. I don't want to waste one second of my time with you. That might be the way to do it. That's energy I'm not spending on me. Yeah. So I'm the narcissist. A guy sitting next to us at the coffee shop this morning was watching a YouTube video out loud. Right, right. Yeah.
And you just go... Yeah, yeah.
Are we going to... You sit with the other guy and you go, this... Yes. And I didn't do anything either.
Yeah.
Maybe I should. Is that what we're saying here? No. I... I never do. I have never told a neighbor to turn down a stereo. I've never. Mufflers too loud? Nothing. Nothing. I hate the guys.
I hate them on the inside.
Well, the guys who buy the motorcycles and take the baffles out and have the open exhaust and then fire it up, you know, their hog. The three-wheeled ones. We have the three-wheeled ones. The one in the back. Slingshot.
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Chapter 4: How does John Crist compare different motorcycle cultures?
Okay?
Okay.
Okay, first things first. Black guys... Don't do the Ducatis. They do like the Yamaha, Kawasaki, Rice Rocket, but they do the extended swing arm. They do the long swing arm like a drag bike. Black guys do the drag bike. They do do that. They do do that. I don't. Now, look, you guys can go, fuck you, Corolla, you're racist.
I go, look, there's lowriders, there's Porsches, there's different groups. There's the Rice, you know, there's the Datsun guys. And somebody says, I know a guy that's black that has, yeah, not everybody. You don't know a black guy that's got a Ducati. You know a black guy that's got the extended swing arm. All right, hold on. All right, so here's my point. Black guys got their own bikes.
That is the Japanese. They especially like one, I don't know, I think it's a Kawasaki or maybe a Yamaha, but it's got a full big fairing. It's all big fairing now, and then the long swing arm. That's a drag bike. Then the white guys got the Harleys. And the Ducatis. They got a little range. The Euro guys got the Ducati stuff. Mexicans have minibikes.
They're like buzzing by.
No, literally minibikes. In LA, there's a whole Mexican minibike. A dirt bike. Not minibike. A dirt bike. Okay, I can't believe I have to tell you this.
No, I know what a minibike is. I know what a minibike is.
Well, you said dirt bike three times. Like a dirt bike, but yeah. No, not like a dirt bike. Dirt bike is a Honda XR75, a Trail 50, a Yamaha YZ80. Those are mini dirt bikes. A minibike is a Briggs & Stratton lawnmower engine. That's a minibike. Yeah, looks like a motorcycle. These... We're not looking at pictures of minibikes if that's what you're trying to put forward here.
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Chapter 5: What childhood experiences shaped the comedian's view on coffee?
You had plenty of energy.
Yeah, didn't need it. If you come from a house like my house, my family, they didn't drink coffee. It was like it was too much work for them. We didn't either. So there was no coffee anywhere. As a matter of fact, my family was so fucking lazy when it came to coffee that... If we ate at my grandparents' house, no one had a coffee maker or coffee pot or anything. No.
But if we had dinner at my grandparents' house, at some point, my grandmother would go, does anyone want coffee? And then... When I was an adult, I'd go like, yeah, I would like some coffee. And then my grandmother would say, well, if it's just Adam, I'm going to make the instant, which is weird Sanka, freezer burn, jar in the fucking freezer.
She'd have to chip it away with the butt of a spoon, you know, and then boil water. And then, so what I would do is she'd go, I won't make a pot of coffee if just Adam wants it. And then I'd kick my stepdad in the shin. I'd go, boy. Order some coffee. Just order something. Get some coffee. Get something fresh. Just get some fucking coffee. By the way.
Effort-wise, I make, okay, I make a pot of coffee every morning. I get up, I make a pot of coffee. I just make it alone. I'm not throwing a dinner party. There's nothing. There's just me. I make coffee. My grandmother had to go to the freezer, get the fucking Sanka out, bust it up. It was all frozen rocket.
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Chapter 6: What humorous observations are made about coffee orders?
Bust it up, boil water on a kettle. With a whoo. Yeah, with a whoo. One of those mufflers. With a whoo. With the whistle tips.
Wait.
Get the fucking paper filter. Yeah. No, no, no, no filter. No, no. Boil it. Boil it. Pour it into a mug and then stir in this Sanka bullshit like this instant stuff. It'd be literally you'd have a grainy mustache after you took a sip of it. There'd be a bunch of shit. There'd be like shit.
That's just the coffee. No cream, no sugar. No, no.
And I'm like. Is that less effort than just making a pot of coffee and walking away? No, it's not. But your family was notoriously cheap. She was trying to save five scoops of coffee. Yeah, five cents maybe. Yeah. No, I know. But also, we're all so insanely downtrodden. So we all need to be punished with everything. Everything's got to be shit all the time. Just to feel it. Right. So there was.
But Starbucks, wildly... Popular. And these places are wildly popular. And I'm starting to put some stuff together. I'm thinking about it. It's a correlation. Okay. I go in and I add the same thing all day, every day. I go, just give me a black coffee, medium size, and I'll put some cream in it. Okay. I'm in and out. Easy. No problem.
Women go in there and they go, I need, first off, a lot of questions. Now, women love it.
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Chapter 7: How does the comedian critique societal norms regarding women and coffee?
Women love it. You know what women like? They like ordering around other women. Yeah, saying it out loud. Think about this. Guy gets married, puts a tuxedo on. Women, who invented the train on a dress? Not a guy. Yeah, that's women with other women walking behind them, holding it for them. So they go there, and I'll tell you what women love.
They like ordering around other women, and they like mild disappointment. So they go up and they go, do you have oat milk? And they go, we just have coconut milk. And they go, so no oat milk. That's number one. They love it. They love that.
Already a negative minus one.
Now they're going to put the bitch to her paces, right? They go, could I get no oat milk? No. Okay. And they like also ancillary discussion, too. It's not. The Starbucks in Riverside does have. Oh, yeah. OK, we're not there to order your shit. OK. All right. We don't need a dissertation on the potential moment. So you have coconut milk. Give me a coconut milk latte. Yeah.
Not too hot, light foam. So what they're doing is they're just telling another bitch what to do. Right. My thing is I don't want to tell her what to do, so I just go medium coffee, whatever you got. I'm good.
I'm out of here.
So I'm going to tell you a bunch of shit. They like that. Next thing you got working. It's something they charge $13 for that's worth 80 cents. Women love that. They love like a $5,000 handbag that's got $9 worth of leather in it. You get one from Walmart. Check that box. Check that box. Vastly overpaying for something because they think it's worth more, but it's not.
Okay, so you got ordering people around. Yep. Then at the end, you always get more disappointment. They take the sip off the latte and they go... Not as good as the coffee bean and tea leaf lot. There's always a little letdown. There's a little letdown. And now you've checked every box. And next thing you know, these places are opening up all over the place. And then there's a million.
And it's mostly women in there.
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Chapter 8: What reflections are shared about the late Sid Krofft's impact on television?
Because anyone can just order a medium coffee. We'll do it your way. We'll do it your way. But there's got to be, there's the ordering. I'm telling you, they love ordering the bitches around and they love the mild disappointment when they don't, because inevitably they're going to come up short. They're going to come up short. Yeah. You got the oat milk.
You got oat milk and, oh, and then you have coconut milk. Do you have gerbil milk? No? Yeah. And leave room in it. Leave room.
Leave room for gerbil milk.
Like they just, then they ordered around and at some point, they're always disappointed. I'm never disappointed because I just order a coffee. And then it tastes like coffee. And I'm going to do another thing more important than this.
I'm going to do something.
I don't want to be here and watch you experiment.
It's like the slingshot. You're like, I'm going to the dinner. My route and what's going on in the car, this is serving a greater purpose.
This isn't it. I would like to get there as quickly as I can.
And efficiently. Efficiently.
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