Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What travel experiences does Alan Davies share?
Welcome to my travel podcast, Life's a Beach. Every week I invite a special guest to take us on a journey together to their favourite holiday destinations and to reveal their top travel tips and tales. My casting to this week has been entertaining us for decades.
Whether it's been his stand-up, his acting in the BAFTA award-winning Jonathan Creek, or his brilliance in panel shows like QI, or even his critically acclaimed novels. His new book, White Male Stand-Up, is a memoir and is out in paperback. And if you're sitting there saying, oh, Alan, we can't read. What's the point of buying a book? You're in luck.
His brand new stand-up tour, Think Ahead, is touring the UK this September and October. You won't want to miss that. Stow away that hand-lugging.
It's Alan Davies! Final morning call for Alan Davies. This is the final boring call for Alan Davis. Can Alan Davis please make his way to the gate? This is the final boring call for Alan Davis. Alan Davis, please make your way to the gate. Thank you.
Look who we've got on board. Alan Davis, how you doing, Alan? I'm very well, thank you, Alan. Do you remember the first time we met?
Was it on a... I bet you can't. Was it on a... No, I think it was a film quiz or something. No.
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Chapter 2: What are Alan Davies's favorite holiday destinations?
No?
Jules Holland. Oh, really? The Hootenanny? Yeah. Really? We were on, and Vic Reeves was on, and he was pissed, and every time Jules was going, it's Happy New Year when it's not New Year, it's October. Do you remember that? I do know you mentioned it, yeah. Every time, and then Jules had to say, shut up to Vic, because he was going, it's not even New Year's Eve. And that was a great line-up.
Paul Weller, Amy Winehouse, Rainer Montaigne and the Zootons. And they sang Valerie. And I wonder whether that's when Amy Winehouse went, I'm going to sing Valerie.
Yeah, why not? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, I do remember that. That was good fun. But was it in Maidstone?
It was in Maidstone. Yeah. Yeah. There's always a catch, isn't there, really? Now, what do you think about this whole Alan thing? Yeah. Because you know there hasn't been an Alan for a new Alan Bourne. You know that. Is there not? No. I did hear that about Ian. It's me, you and Titchmarsh. Titchmarsh. And Sugar. Flying the flag. Yeah, there's no other Alans. They'll come round again.
Do you reckon?
They'll come round again, yeah.
Is it A-L-A-N, isn't it?
That's just... What's your middle name? Graham. Alan Graham, Carl. Do you want to know what mine is? What's yours? Have a guess. It begins with R. No one ever gets it. Rodrigo. I'm going to tell you now, Alan. You're not the first person to guess that.
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Chapter 3: What childhood holiday memories does Alan Davies recall?
Didn't complain. Just went, so sorry, could you call me a taxi to the airport? Haven't you just checked in? That is correct. Have you had anything from the minibar? No, I haven't. Oh, my God, Alan.
You're so impulsive. I've never had you down as this.
You're like this in life all the time. No, that was the only time I've done that. But I suppose I am. I suppose I could make a snap decision. Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to make one now, but I can't think of one.
I want to show it. Do you ever complain you've booked business class and you lost your seat?
Oh, no, this one, no. Oh, no, I was annoyed because... Getting yourself ready for this.
Loving this. Shit's got real. Was your seats wet? There was a dip in the seat with the water.
LAUGHTER
It's going to Costa Rica. It's going to Costa Rica, right? Okay, all right. And a flute American are going to fly from there and paid a grand extra for business class. And then at Secure... This is sort of first world problems. They had new checking machines, you know, touchscreen checking machines. Absolutely no one knew how to work them.
Every single person checking in had a member of staff helping. No one knew how to work them. The queue was going around the terminal. By the time, in the end, we had to go and see a guy at the counter. And he said, well, you're too late. We've given away all the business class seats to our frequent flyers. I said, I have checked. I have paid. Well, I want to be refunded for the extra.
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Chapter 4: What does Alan Davies think about the best places he's visited?
and loved it and then he loved the power and he basically said you can't get on the plane and then he walked away so then then i'm at the counter and then i think i'm just i'm gonna have to suck it up and go economy to costa rica and then i had a reality check and thought actually this really is a first world problem yeah yeah yeah i'm sure i'm making an absolute fool of myself here
The only way that could be worse is if they were filming that documentary airport. Because I always felt sorry for them, because they were late, weren't they? Then they'd go, you fucking like this, and then the camera comes in for the close-up, and then that's forever now. That is caught on camera. You can't even have a moan. Because they, yeah.
People will be like, I didn't think Jonathan Crete was that much of an arsehole. In the programme, he's never an arsehole. What did you think of Costa Rica? Well, I was disappointed in it. Oh, no, it didn't rain. It rained continually. And do you know why it rained continually? Why? Because we were in the rainforest, Alan. And that is very well named. Oh, my God.
The clues are there, love.
The clues are there. And they said to us, someone on the plane, an American guy said, where are you staying? And we told him and he went, oh, because one side of Costa Rica is lovely beaches full of American tourists and the other side, shitting down with rain. And we went to a beach where turtles lay eggs. I thought this would be like David Attenborough. Yeah, yeah. But they'd been and gone.
God. Do you know what? I'm just going to end this podcast because I don't think... This is meant to be an uplifting, fun travel. It's just... You're like the kiss of death. The kiss of death. Everything goes wrong. I'm surprised you're not on that rat-infested cruise ship that's outside the Canary Islands. That's a face full... Where people have died. That's awful.
And it fucking rat piss everywhere. They're not letting people off. That's the kind of thing that would happen to you.
No. It's a very short window for the turtles. That's all I can tell you. And then we hired a car. It's the first time I'd ever driven a four wheel drive thing and driving along and Katie, my wife says, I think we're quite close to the edge here. And I was going, oh, ridiculous. I've driven before. Like this. Once the wheel went over the edge, it was so heavy, this car, that it went in a ditch.
So then we're at an angle like this. Rain's coming down. Wipers again. I was thinking, this couldn't get much worse, could it? I hadn't even seen a turtle. And then I went... I opened the door, got out to have a look at it, and the dog started barking and ran up the road at us. We were really frightened of it. I love dogs, but this dog was the scariest dog I've ever seen.
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Chapter 5: What was Alan Davies's worst holiday experience?
So listen. That's the conclusion we've drawn. That's what I got from that story. So Think Ahead, Truro 21st September, then a book, White Male Stand-Up, which is already out, but the paperback's out.
Paperback's coming out in June. Yeah. June of this year.
Now, listen, I've got to say this. I read, well, I heard the audio book of Just Ignore Him. Yes. Oh, my God. If you're listening, one of the most... powerful books honestly that chapter fingers oh about my mum oh yeah don't honestly it was yeah it's really special yeah it was it's um yeah it's so beautifully written and so sad and yeah yeah so yeah so anyway let's let's move
Very, you know, very rarely does something hit you like that. So now I've killed the mood. Let's move on. I'm just intrigued at the end. Obviously, I know this is a bright and breezy, you know, podcast about travel and stuff. But at the end, did you did you feel cathartic? Did you have any closure because you wanted to remember your mum and dad?
i wrote down everything i could remember about my mum i lost my mum when i was six so i wrote down everything i could think of i'd done a creative writing course which is a fantastic experience being a mature student was amazing because i really wasted my time at university when i was the right age yeah and i really thought i highly recommend it and the tutor had said to me write the stuff write the things that make you cry
So I did, and it did make me cry writing that chapter about my mum. But going through that process and sort of sorting out all those experiences was very helpful and beneficial. And that MacBook ends when I'm just about to go into stand-up comedy. And so the new book, White Male Stand-Up, is about being a white male stand-up. And it kind of picks up, so it's sort of part two.
So it still has sad bits in it and things are still difficult. But there's also anecdotes about all the fantastic people who were my contemporaries like Lee Evans and Harry Hill. And I had such a wonderful time, especially starting out in comedy. I remember years ago I was talking to Paul Merton and there was some talent show for new comedians. They had five minutes of stuff.
And that's just starting. And the prize was you go into development with a production company. And Paul said to me, that's the prize. That's where the real hell begins. When you're in development for two years and nothing comes of it. You don't even get the five years of fun.
Yeah, yeah.
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