Just Tell Me What I Want to Know

Just tell me what I want to know. People instead tell you everything that they know. College professors are reading their dissertation notes. Electricians are telling you about high and low voltage, amps, and watts. The tree guy tells you about diseases of poplars when you asked if he could prune some dead branches on an oak. The auto guy explains why a repair isn’t as easy as it looks because of the wiring, which is different from last year’s, which is subject to weather conditions…. On the other hand, there are some benefits. Keeping someone talking at a bar and not having to talk back. Feigning interest in someone’s work by asking a question every five minutes. But it doesn’t work with politicians because they put no stakes in the ground. The phrase “How Are You?” isn’t actually a legitimate question because the asker is not seeking an answer but merely providing the secret handshake. Catholic Confession can be burdensome when you confess to impure thoughts, and the priest’s reply is, “Let’s begin with Adam and Eve.” Of course, some answers are too brief. “Can I plug this in here?” Answer “yes,” but it doesn’t include “if you turn the power off, first.” General Anthony McAuliffe’s response to being asked to surrender around Christmas 1944 by the overwhelming German force facing him was “Nuts!” His forces held out and were rescued. I often go ask a question with a phone to my ear, ask out loud, “Can you hold on a minute while I ask a question?” ask my question, and then go back to my call. Of course, that didn’t work out too well in the Confessional.

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