Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 2550, five steps to de-escalate in English.
Welcome to the All Ears English Podcast, downloaded more than 200 million times. Are you feeling stuck with your English? We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection, with your American host, Aubrey Carter, the IELTS whiz, and Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer. coming to you from Arizona and Colorado, USA.
And to get your transcripts delivered by email every week, go to allearsenglish.com forward slash subscribe. What can you say when someone is riled up? Today, learn five steps to de-escalate a stressful situation in English.
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Hey, Aubrey. How's it going? I'm great. Lindsay, how are you doing? Good. Aubrey, have you ever been around someone that was really riled up and you had to de-escalate the situation? Has that ever happened to you?
Yes. I feel like I've told this story here, but when I was at an airport and someone was really mad that my friend had been like peeling the paint on the window. And I think I did. I sort of, you know, used a couple of phrases to try and de-escalate, to try and get... She's still... The security had to come over. It was a whole issue, but...
It doesn't happen very often, but every now and then someone can get really angry.
Well, I would also say airports are a hot button place for that.
If someone's had flights delayed or canceled, they're upset about other things and maybe taking it out on someone else.
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Chapter 2: What are the five steps to de-escalate a stressful situation in English?
Yes, of course. Of course, no one wants to be in film. But yeah, but the truth is we can't always just walk away. So we do need these skills. So it's kind of conflict management going on here, right? We can't always just walk away from the situation. Exactly. So guys, hit the follow button.
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Yes, absolutely. And you're exactly right, Lindsay, that for when you do care about the connection, maybe it's a coworker, a friend or a family member, you don't want to just walk away. You need these strategies to deescalate. You need the phrases that you could say to try and resolve the issue.
Exactly. So we're putting this into a couple of buckets of things we might want to do. And the first bucket today is acknowledging feelings. Of course, it's not just for children, right? All human beings need to have their feelings acknowledged.
Absolutely. Right. And it's amazing how that might just immediately calm someone down if they feel like their feelings are being validated, that someone else understands why they're upset. Right. So you might just say something like, I understand that you're upset. And this just validates their emotions without even agreeing necessarily.
Yeah, I understand that you're upset or I understand why you're upset, right? Both would work. Or I can see why you'd feel that way. And we're using the you would, you'd. I can see why you'd feel that way.
This shows empathy. It can calm defensiveness or anger, right? Just to have one person acknowledging that they're not crazy, right? That what they're saying makes sense or is justified. Right.
or it sounds like this is important to you. Right. So that, yeah, that appeals to the person's values and it kind of looks past their rage. Right.
It focuses on validating their perspective rather, you know, rather than the conflict. It sort of takes the focus off the conflict and puts it on us as people. Like I understand your perspective.
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Chapter 3: How can acknowledging feelings help in de-escalation?
And then what else do we have? What else did I say? Anything specific?
So you were owning responsibility. You said I shouldn't have tried to make the light, right? I'm like, you ran the light. That's one of those where you'll try to get through it. Oh, I think I've got time and someone else goes a little early. But yeah, you are owning responsibility, which this is tricky with a traffic accident. Often people don't want to do this.
They don't want to admit fault or maybe they're not sure if they are at fault. But in order to de-escalate the situation, sometimes this could help.
Right, because they probably want to claim on their insurance that it's not their fault, right? That happens. If it's your fault, your insurance probably goes up. I don't know. Luckily, I've never been in one of these. Oh, that's good. Yeah, I don't know exactly how it works.
It depends on what the witnesses say and it depends on the laws in the different country. Often it's like whoever hit someone from behind, even if the other person stopped short, that's their fault. Yeah. But then also this phrase focusing on a solution, you know, you're saying let's exchange insurance information and take photos like you are moving toward next steps.
Let's solve this, which is going to deescalate the emotion of it.
Yes. Okay. I love it. So, and then, um, then at the end I said, thank you for staying calm. I know it's frustrating. We'll handle this step-by-step. It sounds a little bit more like, um, like a manager who has been trained than a, than a human being on the road. That's I, I feel like I'd be a little more, um, like if I were the one that caused the accident, I don't know if I'd be that collected.
Do you know what I mean?
Maybe not.
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