Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 2628. Who else is going? Is it okay to ask?
welcome to the all ears english podcast downloaded more than 200 million times are you feeling stuck with your english we'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection not perfection with your american hosts lindsay mcmahon the english adventurer and michelle kaplan the new york radio girl
Chapter 2: What is the main question about social invitations?
coming to you from Colorado and New York City, USA. And to get your transcripts delivered by email every week, go to allearsenglish.com forward slash subscribe. When you get invited to a party, is it okay to ask who else is going before accepting? Find out why you might want to avoid this, especially with new connections and friends.
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You'll learn how to speak more naturally, express yourself with confidence, and finally stop feeling stuck at the intermediate level. This week, you can save $50 on our basic plan or save $100 on our personal coach plan. Go to allearsenglish.com slash B2. That's allearsenglish.com slash letter B number two. Hey there, Michelle. How's everything today? Good. Lindsay, how are you? Feeling good.
Glad to be on the podcast with you. Michelle, have you ever invited someone to something and then they go and they ask who else is going? Oh, yeah. That doesn't feel great. No, it really doesn't. I mean, how did it make you feel?
Yeah. I mean, it makes you feel like, oh, so I'm not good enough or, you know, it just doesn't feel right, you know? It's really not.
It's not a classy thing to say.
It's really not. No, it's definitely not.
Have you been in that position? Yeah. I feel like when I was younger, I got that question sometimes. And that made me like the person a lot less when they asked me that.
It kind of tells you something about the person, right?
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Chapter 3: Why might it be inappropriate to ask who else is going?
So this situation is different. This is if you ask, right, in that other episode, it was if you ask who's coming to something in a way that makes it seem like you're making your decision to come based on who else is going to be there. And no, whether it's true or not, if you ask who is coming before you give your RSVP, it can be really insulting to the person inviting you. Totally agree.
100%. So what are we getting into today then, Michelle?
Yeah. So we're talking basically today is a what not to say episode. And then we're going to talk about it, you know, what you what you could possibly do. So but let's give a little role play example of exactly how this sounds. All right.
So Michelle, are you coming to my party on Saturday? Um, maybe who else is going? Oh, I have no. Ouch. Right. It really sounds like something that like a snobby girl would say to you in middle school or something. Yes.
You know? Yes. It's so true. It is. That is a. It's very painful. So people know what that means, right? People know exactly what that means. Yeah. Yes. Yes. So definitely, this is something that we want to avoid.
Why, Lindsay? I mean, it's talk about the fastest way to break a connection. We're all about connection here on the show, human connection through language. And this is it, right? Maybe one day we'll do the 10 fastest ways to break connection in English. And this will be on the list. This would absolutely be on the list. And so that's the answer. It just breaks connection right away.
It makes the person feel like they're not enough. Although it's not worth even feeling that way in front of someone that has like lacks the class and says something like this, right? Like they don't deserve to make you feel that way, but you still might feel that way.
Yes, yes, exactly. And I did find that episode number. So I'm going to give that out to you guys at the end of the episode. So you can listen to how we got to this episode, really. So yeah, um, What is another thing that someone might say that is the same type of idea?
Yeah, just not maybe with different words, but saying the same thing. People might say, depends on who is coming, right? If I asked you if you're coming to my party, oh, sorry, depends who is coming, right?
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Chapter 4: What feelings can arise from asking about attendees?
Totally different.
Yeah. So really important to think about this here. But yeah, I like that, Lindsay. Like if we did an episode or a series on the 10 fastest ways to break a connection.
That would be interesting. Yeah. Yeah, guys hit the follow button. I'm excited for that episode to see what are these devastating things you might do that you want to think twice about before doing them or saying them, right? That's pretty funny.
Yeah, that would be a funny episode. So, but yeah, we're going to take a little bit of a break and then we're going to come back and keep talking about this. Okay.
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All right, Michelle, we are back. So where to where should we go now?
Yeah, so I was trying to think of ways to inquire without making it rude. So I was trying to think, oh, what could you say? But like I said, what I realized is if you are truly just guiding your decision based on who's coming, then I don't know that there is a polite way to do this. Yeah. What do you think, Lindsay?
Hmm.
i i would probably stay away entirely i mean you know do do you want to cultivate the friendship with the host or not right it's really about that you know and and i feel like this is probably something that happens i would hope a little less and less as we get older yeah and we just kind of value the friendships we have rather than wanting to be around certain people but i don't know maybe that's not true i don't know
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Chapter 5: What are some alternative ways to inquire about an event?
Borderline, right?
You know, sometimes there's that gray area, but we absolutely want to avoid is who else is coming? I know.
tone of voice or depends who's coming right that that really makes it seem like it's hinging on it um i think it's fair to ask if people you know are coming so yeah um let's do another one so in this one i am i am waiting on an rsvp from you for my birthday dinner all right okay yes okay so can you make it yeah i'll be there uh who else is rsvp'd
Oh, our whole group is coming too. Oh, I'm so glad you can make it. That's awesome. Can't wait. So here I already said, I said, yes, I'm coming. Right. So if I'm asking who else is RSVP'd after, it's a very different question. Right. And the first one you kind of said, you kind of tentatively said sounds like fun. So you're enthusiastic about it, no matter who's coming. So this one's better.
This one's a little more polite because you already said, yes, I'm coming.
Yeah. Yeah. Really interesting. So guys, that other episode I was talking about is 2612. That was I'm Up For It If You Are, How to Recruit Your Friends to Join You at Social Events.
Good. All right. Excellent. Okay. Yes, Michelle, I think this definitely goes in the top 10 of the fastest ways to break connection. Hit follow if you're interested in that episode coming up soon. Any other takeaway, Michelle? I mean, yeah. What do you think?
Any other takeaways? Yeah, just some, you know, sometimes we have to talk about what not to do, right? And how it can sound and it's the perception of what it gives off. And even if maybe your intention isn't that, and maybe you just have a really genuine intention, like that you're really anxious. And right, you know, it's hard, you know, and it's hard for you. It just, it's,
Unless you're totally honest about that, you know, and say, I'm just like, I got nervous around new people. I really want to come. But, you know, you know, that that that would probably be fair if you're just honest. But if you're just saying, oh, who else is going? It's really going to make it sound like you're a social seeker, a social letter. I don't know. A climber. Yeah, exactly.
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