Chapter 1: What activities did the hosts engage in over the weekend?
Trendsetters, the month of May is massive for the ABC with plenty of good stuff to look forward to. The hoodies and beanies go on sale Tuesday the 19th, 6pm. Alphablokes.com.au, limited stock. The NT Vlogs will be hitting the Patreon flats throughout this month. And last but not least, Alphafest, the mateship muster. Sandstone Point, May 30th. You don't want to miss that one.
And before we get to Yarnin', as always, we've got some legends to thank. Better beer. God's nectar, they call it. Drop into any decent bottle shop and stock up. CTC, you already know, they're the best hats in the land, so make sure you get on today and cop one. SB Tools, for all your tinkering needs. Papa Macro's, the proof is in the pudding.
I'm now medium shitty, and it's all thanks to Papa Macro's. Port West, workwear that is built to last, just like this community. And Ned's, the only bookie that we have a punt with here at Alpha Blokes. Stay Nedley.
I just want to say from the bottom of my heart, I'd like to take this chance to apologize to absolutely nobody.
The double champ does what the fuck he wants.
I need a shit, man. Die, boy.
Sneaky little rascal. Safety first. Stay focused. Keep pinging the cut.
Welcome back, trendsetters, to another episode of the one and only Alpha Blokes podcast. We are here to give the everyday butler a voice and delete head noise one laugh at a time. I just want you to listen to something real quick.
Hear that?
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Chapter 2: How did the hosts celebrate Mother's Day?
And we're keen to keep you as occupied for the next couple of hours. We've got plenty to yarn about, boys. Heaps to talk about. Heaps to yarn about. Part one of the NT trip up on Patreon now. Quino, fucking well done, mate. Very proud of this one. Yeah. How'd you go with it? Big labour, that. Big labour. Going through a lot of GoPro, all the GoPros that I had. But, yeah, it was awesome.
Shout out to the drone. Looked at some fucking sexy shots in it. And I'm not talking about Brian. I'm talking about the landscape. That was the other sexy shot. Well, we always have to bring Brian because he's the aesthetically pleasing guy. Yeah. What are we going to do when he gets old, though? In five years' time.
We'll just send him in to get ā well, I think he already is, but all the base stuff.
Botox.
Yeah, I think just get him ā Botox Brian. We'll just keep his head at least looking good. Yeah, yeah. Botox Brian. Yeah, that's what they call him. I'm sure he'll be all around it. Botox Brian. Fuck yeah. But no, well done, Murchley. I think you did well, mate. Thank you very much. Where's it rank, you reckon, on your list? Like you've done some pretty fucking cool projects now with the vlogs.
We'll see, because it's a one-piece deal, right? Because I'm going to do part two as soon as possible. And because I would view that as one project.
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Chapter 3: What challenges did the hosts face while preparing for their outings?
Yeah. So we'll see how part two goes. Five East is probably my personal favorite, I think. It was pretty good. It was like the start of our new sort of mission in life, and it was fucking fun. So this is pretty close, I think. The chopper stuff was great. The shot of the buff was awesome. Yeah. So... Yeah. Yeah, fuck yeah. We'll see. So what do you reckon, bro?
Part two, we aiming for this Sunday? Yes, we are. I'm going to be in the trench this week, but the part two will not require as much. Labor, so. There's plenty of fun shit in part two. Yeah, a lot more variety in part two. Yeah. The crocs again, mate. Just watching a crocodile chomp a pig's head like it's nothing. I don't really like crocodiles. No.
I mean, I don't mind the idea of them, but fucked if I want to hang out with one. Well, they're fun to watch through a camera, though. Yeah, and fun to watch through a fence. Yeah, well, when you have a blind guy in between you and the crocodile, it eases your stress a bit. He's better. Well, I felt way more comfortable standing behind him. Look, if it weren't pear-shaped, I'd just push him over.
Not because I hate the bloke, but it's like, well, I don't want to get chopped. Well, life or death, Pooh. Yeah. Is it you or them?
Yeah.
That's what you're thinking.
Gee whiz.
I'd try and get him out of there with me first. Yeah, but that option's already out the window. So you'll just sort of push over and run the other way as fast as you can. Yeah. Okay. Wow. Well. It was a good fence, though. Yeah. Yeah. Jesus. Yeah, so probably tune in this Sunday. If it's not this Sunday, look, it's not going to be far off. I'm very confident. I think he's going to enjoy it.
Say so.
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Chapter 4: What interesting discoveries were made during the hunting trip?
What's the variety there, right? You got Slurpees, snags, trackers, tracker covers. Fishing gear. Fishing gear. Dog's beds, dog blankets. But you didn't get all that that time. No. But you can. Leashes, clothes, lollies, heaps of lollies. That's right. Great place. And look, the beef, ham and cheese snag. Yeah, was that good? New crowd favourite at home. Yeah. Kids smashed it, Mrs smashed it.
When we're talking the ham in it, is it like little chunks of ham? Nah, it must have been ground up. But it was like smoked ham, I reckon. Nice. It was fucking proper spot on. That's good. Um, yeah. Then went home, mowed me lawn. Yeah, mate. Shouldn't have to do that for a while. Thanks to the nice, cool. Winner. Yeah, mate. Eaps less admin. Yeah. Cut when to go for a hunt. Yeah.
Got halfway to town, fucking heard a pop. Lost all power in the fucking rig. Went into the tyre power now. I'll give them a shout out in a second. So I went in. Said, she's fucked, Joe. We had a look. Flew the turbo hose, right? Yeah. Anyway, I'm like, well, what are we doing? Like, just can we fix it or? Because you rang me. Like, we were all pumped up, weren't we, to go.
And it's like, yeah, you're going to be here at this time. And on your way, you're like, hey, Joe, we might not be fucking going hunting. Dogs hung out. Fuck. Fucking while I was mechanicing. So they were flat out. Yeah. So big shitty started his apprenticeship at fucking Tide Power in Montauk. Yeah. And he's like, look, there's a guy down in McGildie. McGildie.
That's got one of these fucking pulled apart. I'll ring him and see what he wants, if he'll partner with it. Yeah, righto. Fucking sends me down there. He said, here's some stools. Go and get it yourself. Floated down there. I said, oh, what do you want for it, old fella? And he said, oh, I'll just wait and see. You know, he's one of them old deal swindling sort of rascals.
He wants a favour maybe later on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, got the part. What Holden, Colorado, as an old mate said, every single one's the same. They put the fucking hose clamp towards the front. Like he said, they put them on and then they build the front end on the car. Oh.
So it took me about four hours because obviously I couldn't just smash old mate's fucking thing because there's a guard over it. Yeah. Anyway, got the fucking thing off in two hours or something stupid. Went back.
I said, righto, here's the part. Fix my car. He said, I'm too fucking busy. He said, you're going to have to do it yourself. Oh. And I was like, oh, yeah, righto. He said, I'll supervise you.
And I'm thinking, I'm not fucking going through that again. Looked in my car through the bonnet, yep, hose clamp, unreachable. Popped the bonnet, got a pry bar and just ripped the fucking grill off the front of my car. I said, I'm not fucking around with that.
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Chapter 5: What recent news is discussed regarding the Victorian government?
Yeah. Well, you heard what they're doing, eh? What's that? The Victorian government. No. You know, like the gun amnesty, they're doing a buyback. Oh, righto. Yeah, so you can surrender your jerry cans and get them bought back off you. No questions asked. Ha, ha, ha.
Fuck off.
That's not true. But if it came out, you'd go, yeah, well, it's the world we live in.
That's pretty hectic though. Like we talk to a reliable source as if we're saying, oh, but it's like, yeah, there's just don't even these people who are doing it don't even know who the fuck's asking them to do it. It's pretty much like here's this much money. Well, I've got another thing to put to that too. Stop fucking with the illegal tobacco trade. It's not hurting no cunt. Thank you.
Oh, we can blame the government for this. Yeah. Leave the cheap darts alone. Go off, King. Or lower the price of the expensive darts. Yeah, I'm not against that either. Like it does frustrate me having to go to the ATM.
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Chapter 6: What is the latest information on the rat virus outbreak?
Well, there wouldn't be a black market if the price of darts weren't so high. If your average everyday Aussie smoking battler could afford a packet of normalies. They wouldn't be getting black marketies.
Yeah?
Yeah. I don't know. We should go into politics. Oh, I'd hate that. That'd suck. Not doing that. I don't know what I'd be in charge of, but it'd be something. But, yeah, for everyone, anyone, fuck it. Because, bro, it sounds scary.
Chapter 7: How does the podcast address the recent combat sports events?
Like as in there's no warning and no, you don't know what's fucking happening next. Like proper fires and burning down. We had people fucking warehouses and shit getting burnt down and just fucking hectic. So, yeah, shout out to the Melbourneites. They seem to cop it down there. Heaps of tripping cunts in Melbourne. Oh, look, I'm sure there's great people.
I've met some great people throughout my travels in Melbourne. I'm a big Melbourne travelling sort of a rascal. Well, I was. Yeah, there's some critters. Yeah, so anyway, wild fucking spot to be right now. Crazy times. Hopefully they find out who the fuck's in. I think there's a bit of stuff going on in Sydney too, same sort of shit. Fucking hell, man. Australia wide. It's wild.
Not happening in Calliope, yeah? No, mate.
Chapter 8: What are the details of the upcoming Alpha Fest event?
It only happening in the toe? Nothing in the toe, yeah. Oh, well. Look, this one. Have you heard of the rat virus, Pooh? Hey, I fucking started it. Did you? Well. You dog. No, I didn't. I didn't go on that cruise ship. But I've seen a couple of posters about the rat virus. That has apparently gone a bit rogue on a cruise ship.
I've done a bit of research, and here's what they reckon, Pooh, about the ratty. I had to take that off. I'm cooking now. Yeah, I'm fucking hot, eh? Because we're warm. Proper. So it reckons that it's a strain of hantavirus called the Andes virus, and it's currently tied to that cruise ship outbreak that's been making headlines.
At the moment, three people have died, multiple have been infected after an expedition cruise left Argentina. They reckon the virus likely came from exposure to infected rodent shit somewhere in South America before it spread among passengers.
Now, usually the Handovirus spreads from rats and mice through urine, shit or contaminated dust, but apparently this strain is the only known version that can occasionally spread from person to person through really close contact.
The World Health Organization says the overall public risk is still considered low and nowhere near COVID-level contagious, but countries are taking it seriously because the fatality rate can be brutal in severe cases, apparently. Yeah. As for Australia, there's currently no confirmed human cases here.
A few Aussies were stuck on the cruise ship, but authorities say they were shown no symptoms when they were brought home. Nobody has time for this shit again, Joes. Well, they're fucked up already. No. No, mate. Jam your rat virus. Clean up your freckle. I don't know why they let them off. You know what I'd have done? What? I'd have got the gurneys, right? Yeah. Chopped them in. Yeah.
Fresh gurneys. Some serious fucking disinfectant. Yeah. I'd have done the top floor, right? Once the top floor was done, I'd have fucking sent every cunt up the top floor in their jocks, right? Yeah. Yep. Shoes, they're getting burnt. Yeah. They're getting thrown overboard. Everyone's nude. No, just in your jocks. Oh, yeah. Right. Then we're going to get some bio hazmat fucking suits. Chop it in.
Boom. Drop them off. Yeah. Right. Then when they're all on the top deck... We're going to fucking unleash the gurneys and the disinfectant on the whole fuck-off boat. Yeah. Get right down into the bilge, pump the bilge out, bit of disinfectant overboard, whatever. Sorry, reef, but fucking we'll get to you in a second. Pump that shit out, right? So everyone's up top.
There's sunshades, so you don't get sunburned, but you're in your jocks, right? Yeah, yeah. Scrub the whole rest of the boat. Yeah. Then you get your fucking... Your jocks, the boat's clean, right? You get your jocks and your bra, you go into a sanctioned off area, they go overboard. Yeah. Then you get your little fucking individually wrapped bio fucking neutral fucking outfit. Yeah.
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