Show notes
"I'm Not Good Enough – Where'd That Go?" In this deep-dive episode of Personal Development Unplugged, we go straight to the heart of that old familiar belief: "I'm not good enough." Where did it come from? Why does it stick? And more importantly… how the hell do we finally let it go? Following on from FMQ 520, we go far deeper — unpacking the real intention behind that belief (yep, your unconscious mind is actually trying to protect you), the conflict it accidentally creates, and how to guide it toward a better way of keeping you safe. And then… we do the thing. A guided process — powerful, imaginative, and deeply integrative — designed to dissolve the old belief, honour the intention behind it, and install new, empowering beliefs that actually support you. Not named, not formal — just a beautifully crafted experience that uses memory, imagination, counterexamples, and emotional safety to shift how you see yourself. What you'll learn in this episode Where "I'm not good enough" really comes from Why it is helping you — but in the worst possible way How your unconscious mind gets stuck in a loop of "protecting" you by holding you back Why perfectionism is just the same belief wearing a different hat How to honour the original intention so your unconscious mind joins the team How to use imagination + real memories to generate powerful new beliefs A full guided process to change how you feel about the past and the future How to use this again to reinforce confidence, safety, and inner alignment The reminder that you are always more than you think you are Hypnosis-style process included Yep — this episode includes a guided inner process (eyes closed, deep focus) allowing you to revisit past experiences safely and then rehearse future success with new beliefs installed. Not formal hypnosis — but absolutely hypnotic in effect. Why this episode matters Because this belief — I'm not good enough — is the quiet saboteur behind so much anxiety, overwhelm, perfectionism, avoidance, and self-sabotage. When it shifts, life opens up. You get back your choices, your confidence, your comfort in your own skin. And your unconscious mind gets to protect you in a far better way. Takeaways Your unconscious mind always means well Protection and progress only conflict when the strategy is outdated You can change a belief by giving your unconscious mind better evidence and better options You don't need to "feel ready" — you need to feel safe You can install empowering beliefs now and rehearse a new future You're already capable; you just needed access to the right internal resources Please share this episode https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/469-im-not-good-enough-whered-that-go Shine Brightly 🌟 Paul Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at [email protected]. Subscribe to the Podcast Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here. Special Programs for You For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com. Free Hypnosis Tracks Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast. Connect with Me Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure. Find Us on Other Platforms Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page. Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨ Music Credits Music by Wataboi from Pixabay, Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay, Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay, Music by freegroove from Pixabay, Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism So welcome to this longer podcast with me, Paul, Personal Development Unplugged. And it is unplugged in the way that we're going to do stuff that creates change in your life, okay? And if you were with me on the last FMQ, the five minute quickie, which is now a little bit longer, it was all about, I'm not good enough, where did it come from? We were looking very quickly and easily to find what was the cause of that belief? Because I believe, I'm not good enough, or I don't belong here, or those very general beliefs, because we have them in different areas of our life, came from somewhere else, came from something just below that, a more subtle belief, that are then generalised into different areas of our life. And if you found it, big props, I don't even know what props mean, but big props to you. And, well, congratulations, well done. It means, to me, it means you're really in tune with that, and you did what it takes to get there. But if you didn't, it doesn't matter. Well, it doesn't, no, it doesn't matter at all. Because this is still for you. Because I'm going to cover both people who found their cause, fine. People who didn't, fine. It's just for you. And we haven't done any work, sometimes it disappears when you find the cause. But if you still feel, I'm not good enough, I don't belong here, it's still affecting you, you're just in the right place, you're in the right place to, let's discover some changes, or how to change. But the thing is, I want to ask you a question. I'm not good enough. I don't belong here. Whatever that belief that you have is. Is it doing you any good? Is it doing, I know it doesn't feel good. I know it seems to stop you doing stuff. It's a negative feeling, isn't it? I know it's only a belief, but the feeling you get in your body is not so good. But is it doing anything for you? Do you know why answer is? Hell bloody yes, nearly swore. I'll try not to swear this time, but I probably will. Hell yes. Of course, it's doing some good for you. Because it's your unconscious mind protecting you, keeping you safe. Now you might say, I'm going to swear now, how the fuck is it keeping me safe, Paul? Because it doesn't feel good. And if it doesn't feel good, how am I safe? Well, I'll tell you for why. I'll tell you for why. Well, it's your unconscious mind trying to protect you. It's no longer appropriate. This feeling, this belief is not working because it doesn't feel good. But it's a hell yes, because it's the only thing your unconscious mind can do at the moment until we guide it into a different area to get it to view, to see, to experience a different way of being. And suddenly you're going, hell fire, there is a way. And if there's a better way, it has to choose it. That's the thing written in stone. Your unconscious mind has to find a better way. Its prime directive is to keep you healthy, to heal you and to keep you safe. And if it finds it's not doing it, it has to find a better way. And this is why we're here for. So protection, how is it protecting you? Well, if you put it into another way, it's your best friend, your unconscious mind has given you the belief of I'm not good enough or that I'm just below the surface. It's giving you that feeling that's stopping you doing something because it doesn't want you to fail. It doesn't want you to feel the feelings of a failure. It doesn't want you to feel the embarrassment of not succeeding. Now we have a problem because when it stops you doing it, that thing, because it doesn't want you to do it and fail and get embarrassed and get hurt and all that stuff. How do you feel? Shall I tell you how you feel? You feel a bloody failure, don't you? Because you haven't done it. So there's a direct conflict, isn't it? Think of that direct conflict. I'm trying to protect you from feeling a failure. So I give you the feeling of feeling a failure. Now I'm talking to you, the unconscious mind, to listen because there's a way out. There's a better way. You just have to bear with me for a moment or two. See, the other way your unconscious mind does it, it says, well, you know, if I don't want you to fail or feel that emotion of failure, that embarrassment, that hurt, everything else that goes with it, you are going to have to be a bloody perfectionist. You're going to have to do everything in your best ability. And guess what? That's bloody hard, isn't it? There's anxiety that comes with it. And anxiety is not the best motivator. It's overwhelming sometimes. And therefore we do fail when we go to present things or do things. Or again, we don't do it. Or we get to be so perfect. And what happens is, well, there ain't no such thing as perfection, is there? You can always do a little bit better. So therefore, you failed. And failure is only feedback. And we can learn from that. But not when you're feeling I'm not good enough. And I don't like this feeling. I'm not going to do it again. Or I'm going to try doubly hard. Now, think of this just for the moment as a sidestep. What would happen if you did that thing, but feeling comfortable and secure? How different would it be if that belief of I'm not good enough, or the one below the surface of that was to completely disappear? If that feeling that goes with I'm not good enough, I don't deserve it, I shouldn't be here, completely disappeared? What would happen? Well, you'd smash it, you wouldn't have overwhelm, you wouldn't have anxiety, you wouldn't have any fear. And you do your best. And even if your best didn't quite make it, you go, well, I did do my best. And I can learn to be better. And I'm proud of the best that I did. There you go. I tried. And that's it. If you turn up and try, put the reps in and you turn up, how can you be any better than your best? But you see, in both of those, in the negative sides, you know, the bit where I want to hold you back, or I'm going to make you do so much and be overwhelmed by being a perfectionist. What a wonderful intention. You know, what, what, what, what, what, what, Cloughie? Well, the intention to keep you safe, the intention to allow you to either succeed or to stop you, well, either way, to stop you feeling a failure, stop you feeling that hurt and embarrassment, all the other stuff we talked about. But you see, can you again see that direct conflict? What I'm trying to do for you, if I was your best friend, your unconscious mind, if I was doing that for you, and it's not working, then I have a conflict. Because what I'm trying to do is stop you being good enough, or not good enough. I want you to be good enough. And in fact, I'm doing the very opposite. So I've got to change, haven't I? You, the unconscious mind has to change to find a better way. And just understanding that is that little step forward. But the thing is, we have to find a better way. But what a lot of therapists do, they just tell you to be more confident. They tell you just to get this feeling and do this and do that. And that's bulls. Because they forget, they're throwing away that intention. And your unconscious mind wants to keep that intention to keep you safe. And by honouring that intention, we get your unconscious mind on board saying, we're not going to take that away. We're going to find better ways to support that intention of keeping you safe. And by doing that, we're going to take away the pain, the embarrassment, the failure, all that stuff, and have you feeling good about yourself. Now, when you feel good about yourself, you're safe, aren't you? As long as you're not overconfident, we're not going to go there. Because we want to keep you safe. Now, I say this all the time, if this feeling of I'm not good enough is really, really bringing you down. And you want to change really quickly. Go and see a therapist one to one. See someone who's a hypnotist, a master hypnotist, NLP practitioner, good timeline therapist. That's what I would do because that's the way I've trained. And I know from my experience, you get results really quickly. And even if you're going to do that, guess what? This is going to help. What we're going to do today, in this podcast, in this episode is going to help. Because this is a belief, a limiting belief. Yes, it has a negative emotion, but they're linked. When one goes, the other one goes. But the belief is generally stronger than the emotions. Because I take an emotion as being, in some ways, a behaviour. And the belief is just that little bit higher. So we get rid of the higher and the rest has to disappear. So knowing that beliefs are chosen. I didn't choose a book, you know, chosen at the unconscious level. And they're chosen from the experiences that you've had over time. We experienced something, maybe nothing happens and we experienced a similar thing. Something happened. And then we experienced it a third time and we think, oh dear, I'm not good enough. Because those experiences have made us feel that way. And we take on that belief that I must be not good enough. And to protect you from those feelings. I'm going to give you that feeling even more to pull you back. We've gone over that. We've got this wonderful intention. But here's the thing. Let's throw this on its head. Let's get counter intuitive. Yeah, sort of counter intuitive. There are different experiences you've had in the past. And those experiences have been when you have been good enough. When you've succeeded in doing something. And guess what, when you have been good enough and you've succeeded, guess what happens? You enjoyed it. And you put all that together and you feel safe. Now the thing about safety, and I've talked about it before, is you only ever feel unsafe. When you're doing things and you're in the moment and you're in the flow and you're enjoying stuff, you're just comfortable, you're there. So you don't feel unsafe. And when you feel unsafe, you know you're unsafe. So we're going to use our imagination and our memories. Now, first of all, let's use our imagination. If you could choose a belief, what would support you? A belief that would support you in all you want to do, what would that be? And I'm going to give you an example because they don't have to be massive. And it's not necessarily, I feel good enough, or I believe I'm good enough. It's that the direct opposite isn't always the belief that's going to support you through this. It's things like, I'm here to learn and grow, and I can. I've got that. I've got this. I think there's one in the Navy Seals, happy day. I've got this. Nothing can hurt me because I'm okay. It's just feedback because I'm here to learn. I could be my best whenever I choose. I choose to be my best now. It's those type of beliefs we could do. So just pick one. And I know you might say, oh, they didn't quite make sense or, you know, they don't feel real. I don't care if they feel real. I just want you to pick one and make it up if need be. Because they're not set in stone. We could change them, but just pick one to play with. Now, think of some examples. Maybe you've got some examples in your life when you actually did feel good enough. I know you did. So we've got one we've made up, but just think about time in the past when you succeeded. You felt good enough because you succeeded. It was it was a pleasant experience. You enjoyed it. Pick one of those. And as you pick that, what we call a counter example, a real life example, what do you think the belief you had there was that supported you? And again, you might not get consciously. So use your imagination and say, well, what belief must I have had in that memory, in that time in the past? What belief must I make it up? So now we've got two different beliefs, haven't we? Two beliefs. We've got to pick one of each beliefs that support you. One you've made up, one you've from a real life example in your past. Maybe you've had to just imagine what that belief is, but it doesn't matter. Because the thing about that is, where did you think that belief came up when you just made it up? It came from inside. So it's probably the right belief anyway. Your unconscious mind gave it to you. So here's the thing. Now, this is obviously going to be eyes closed. We said right at the beginning, eyes closed, just to take away the distractions. Even though it's not hypnosis, it's better to have your eyes closed because we just don't want anyone needing your attention. You can really go into this because when you lose or change the belief of I'm not good enough, it's going to change your world in such a wonderful way. So make sure no one needs your attention. You're not driving, you're not having machinery or anything around you that needs your conscious awareness. Find a nice little quiet place maybe where you're going to be undisturbed. It's only going to be a few minutes. And close your eyes. And what I want you to do as your eyes are closed, just breathe gently for a moment. Maybe take an in-breath for the count of four. Two, three, four. And then let it out really slowly. Sometimes we do it through pursed lips and it allows you to get into your parasympathetic. Oh, I've got big words. And just feel more comfortable. So just breathe like that for a couple of times now. In for four, nice long breath out. And I want you to bring to mind, again, this is a five out of ten on the level of emotion. Ten out of ten being the worst it could get, nought out of ten is feeling nothing. And as you do that, pick a memory where you didn't feel good at. Five out of ten, no more than that, no more at all. Where you didn't feel good at. Now you've got that. I don't want you to run through it yet. I want you to imagine there's a movie screen in front of you. Because on that movie screen, it's like that memory, but rewound to 15 minutes before it started. Don't worry about it. You might not see it in 20-20 vision. It might be just an awareness and anything between awareness and 20-20 vision is perfect for you. It's just right for you right now. So as you breathe gently, you know you've got like that still picture of a movie in pause, as it were, of that time in the past when you used to feel not good enough. Five out of ten. And I want you to remember those two beliefs. The one from a previous example in your life, an experience in your life where you did feel good. And that belief that you must have had. And that belief that you've made up, as it were. You know a belief that would really support you. Now I've got this. Happy days. I'm here to learn and have fun. And as you bring those two beliefs together, as they were, and you can begin to feel the feelings of what those two beliefs do to you at the unconscious and conscious level. How does it feel when you feel those two beliefs are so strong? And as you feel that feeling, and you can hear those two beliefs going in your internal dialogue, you can imagine pressing play and watch that movie of the past. But this time with this feeling and these two beliefs, they're in play. And notice how that movie of that memory changes. How it could have been if you'd have had these two beliefs and this emotion. How they would have created wonderful behaviours. Maybe give you that inner confidence, that competence or feeling of calmness. Just notice how that movie changed. Because it does and it will. Because now you've got so much better resources. And as you come to the end you could pause that. Rewind it. And just notice how much safer you felt now. How much better you felt in that movie. You went through that movie feeling that way. And now just do it one more time. Really a little bit quicker. So you remember that belief. And that other belief. And feel it. Feel that safety. And now press play again. And go into that movie even more. See what you'll see. Hear what you hear. And be different. And allow these two beliefs just to go through that event in the past. Of now how it could have been even so much better. How much safer. Experience this new way. And then press pause and come back into yourself. You're back in your new body. In your new body. In your old body. And breathe. Keeping your eyes closed. Breathe. Now here's the thing. We're going to do. We're going to imagine something you'd like to do in the future. That you wanted to do. Have always wanted to do. But because of that old belief that you had of not feeling good enough. You didn't do. Or if you did do it you got overwhelmed by trying to be a perfectionist. And it didn't. But now we're going to think of an event in the future. That you'd like to be different. That you were stopped. Because of I'm not good enough belief. And again. I want you to imagine. That you could just. On that movie screen. Just rewind it to say 15 minutes before you were going to go into that event. The event that you wouldn't in the past. But now in your imagination. You know you can go through it. But this time. You're going to recall those beliefs again. And those feelings. That those beliefs generate inside you. And all that wonderful safety that you had a minute ago. And as you do that. In your imagination. Just step into that movie and press play. And as you're doing that just hear the words. This or something better. This or something better. This or something better. Just remember it. And go through that moment. That movie of this future memory. With this wonderful set of empowering beliefs. Emotions. And feeling of safety and comfort. And as you come to the end. Just press play. Press pause. And then just let it go. Come back into your body again. You're back into where you are. Now if you wanted to. You could do it again. And you can do it again whenever you need to. Just remember those beliefs. Remember the of empowerment these beliefs give you. And all the wonderful emotions and behaviors and skills that you can access. When you have this belief or set of beliefs that empower you. And just go through future events. Because you can. And notice each time. How safe do I feel? And safety could just feel comfortable. I felt good. That's safe. Now open your eyes. Open your eyes and come back to me. Take a deep breath. In for four. Just feel good. Feel good because you've done a great job. You've done a great job. Now rinse and repeat as many times as you like. You don't have to do it that many. But if you feel you need to. Just do it a couple of times. It's always here. Just rewind this episode just for those few minutes. You see this is now becoming installed in your unconscious mind. Because your unconscious mind has to compare the two. What actually happened in the past. How you felt in the past. Get it right Fluffy. Or how it could have been. Or how it could be. And your unconscious mind can notice how much better it is. With these new ways. How much safer it is. How it is keeping the intention of keeping you protected and safe. And feeling good. And allowing your life to be richer. In every way. And it's just the best way of keeping you safe isn't it? You're aligned. Aligned to enjoy life. To create your dreams. So you could do this for dreams. Things that you dream of and you think I'm not so sure now. Now you can just imagine it. Press play. Dive into that dream with this wonderful set of beliefs. And maybe you'll find even better beliefs now because they'll start to come up and they'll bubble up from your unconscious mind. To your conscious mind. And you can start to dream away. And then your unconscious mind goes let's do it. Let's do it properly. Let's schedule it. Let's start. Let's take action. Because now I've got a dream. I can take action. And as you go through and take massive intuitive action. Consistent action. You start to see results. Now you're aware that those results might not always be exactly what you want. So you can because of your awareness now you can change course a little bit. Rectify things. Add things in. Do this again. Because you've got the flexibility. The flexibility to change the way you feel. Access different resources. And because you know you've done this in your imagination. You know how to act as if with the psychology and physiology of excellence of how you need to be. That's the five keys to success. And if you need to know more about that either just search in the episodes or go to my hypnosis site paulcloughonline.com forward slash podcast and look up five keys to success and I go through that with you. So this would be that would be then like a reinforcement of this process of I'm not good enough. That's what I've said. I'm not going to let it go. But it's disappeared. And you've now got a lovely, not reprogrammed, but you've cast away the conflict and allowing your unconscious mind to access all the experiences, all that you've learned from the past, all your wonderful skills, wonderful behaviors, positive emotions and beliefs, supportive beliefs, because that's what we do here. So I hope that made sense. I hope you enjoyed the process. It's a lovely little process. And with that, I'd love to hear about what your beliefs are now. Those empowering beliefs, because I like to celebrate them with you. I'd love you to email me. So I did the process Paul, this is my one. These are my empowering beliefs. This is what I'm going to do. I'd love to hear those and celebrate with you. So please email me feedback at personaldevelopmentunplugged.com. I say it so many times, just pop it out there. It's a long email address, I know, but once you've done it once, you can save it. And to make sure that you can find this again, because you might need to go back if you wanted to, to just to reinforce it, rinse and repeat. Do subscribe, please. If you subscribe, you'll obviously find these, but you'll also get to know and be confident that you're always going to get this five minute quickie, which is now 10 minutes ish. The longer podcast, which you're going to dive deeply into all wonderful things. And a lot of the subjects might be quite serious, but then there'll be other stuff where we just got to create stuff. We're going to use hypnosis, we're going to use imagination, NLP processes and techniques to create the life that you want. So dream big, my friend, dream big, because we can go bigger than that. Because whatever you think you are, you're more than that. Okay? Enjoy. Pass this on to a friend, or more. All your friends, all your contacts, just bang it out there. You know, and if you would hit, maybe share it on one of those social media sites. One way or another. Have fun. Let me know, as I say, let me know. And if there's any feedback that you would like to give me, whether it's about the way I communicate and connect with you, or the type of things you'd like to have, please use that email address. As I said, it's feedback at personal development unplugged.com. Enjoy. Enjoy every heartbeat, because you never know your unconscious mind if I was to talk to it directly, could surprise you. Surprise you by feeling happy for no reason. Okay, go enjoy. I'll see you next time. Personal development [Unplugged] [podcast][NLP][Hypnosis][self development]self improvement][awareness]