Basic Snitches
Episodes
I Don't Wanna Deal With Your Corpse Today, Get Back in That Boat
06 Jan 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 12: The Tri-Wizard Tournament- We're finally back at Hogwarts! Yay! Also quidditch is gone. Yay! Adam makes an appearance and Tara gets mad at...
Adam and Tara (and Brian) and Prisoner of Azkaban
01 Jan 2021
Contributed by Lukas
HAPPY NEW YEAR! Start 2021 right with a Basic Snitches adaptation of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban! With special guest, Brian O. Jackson.
The Basic Snitches, Stephen, and the Chamber of Secrets
25 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
As told by Adam and Tara, our Christmas gift to you. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets as told by us. Featuring special guest, Stephen Ostertag.
The Hogwarts Express Be Rollin'
17 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 11: Aboard the Hogwarts Express- Normal stuff happens and we go to Hogwarts. Also, we never got our tacos. 😡
Funny Suck
09 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 10: Mayhem at the Ministry- We’re tired, honest and fun. And fine. Taking pictures of cats is just part of Tara’s personality. This is No...
No Pants Energy
02 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 9: The Dark Mark- Adam tries to tell Tara how to do winner and loser, AGAIN...we have margaritas and tacos and no pants energy! Post Quidditc...
We Have So Much Knowledge of Sports
25 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 8: The Quidditch World Cup- Family vacation- do not recommend. Tomorrow is Adam’s birthday!!! Send wine to his house...also, it’s Thanksg...
As the Crow Flies
21 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 7: Bagman and Crouch- A lot of world building discussion in this episode...along with the introduction of important and not so important menti...
And Then They Touch a Boot
14 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 6: The Portkey- Warning: TARA WILL STEAL YOUR BISCUITS! But not your man...because she is just an innocent potato. Intro to portkeys...so, wha...
Tara's Potato Bretheren
06 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 5: Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes- Even bitches can say nice things to other bitches. Don't worry, we had wine for this. Even though he's annoying...
Gilding the Lily
01 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 4: Back to the Burrow- Welcome to us being predictable. Tara is serious way too early in this book. Also, the internet isn't for everyone. PS....
Don't Get Comfortable
22 Oct 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 3: The Invitation- Hoarding cake in your bedroom is super relatable...right? Dudley has no time to be a dick in this book. Also Sassy Harry i...
Eggroll Dreams
17 Oct 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 2: The Scar- Snakes gotta eat...just saying...This chapter is no one's favorite. FMK is a tough one. RIP this chapter in the movie. Cat drama,...
I Found a Dead Person, I Would Like Some Wine Please
09 Oct 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Chapter 1: The Riddle House- We made it to book 4, Snitches! We are back with our usual BS...This book starts in ...
Cutting Room Floor
17 Sep 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Please enjoy listening to us laugh at ourselves for 50 plus minutes... Featuring Steven Ostertag and Brian O. Jackson. WARNING: Volume fluctuates
We Are Your Podcast Overlords
10 Sep 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Book 3 Wrap-Up: We did it! We finished Prisoner of Azkaban! Get ready for us to read all of Ashley's FMK responses and for us to continue harassing yo...
I Wanna Be the Squid
04 Sep 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 22: Owl Post Again- Pause for cookie. Welcome to the final chapter of book 3. Adam has a new cat. He also has a REALLY convincing Tara accent....
Daddy Stag- featuring special guest Brian O. Jackson
26 Aug 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 21: Hermione's Secret- We are so excited to welcome back Brian O. Jackson (previously heard on our special PUFFS episode)! Chocolate is always...
One of the Rare Clothed Episodes
20 Aug 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 20: The Dementor's Kiss- Sheets with holes are the WORST! Good try by the good guys to get everyone to safety, but this is Harry Potter and we...
What Does a Werewolf Need with a Chandelier?
12 Aug 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 19: The Servant of Lord Voldemort- Shortest intro ever...we are SIRIUS about getting down the business!!! So, how do you actually pronounce an...
Wormfoot
05 Aug 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 18: Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs- This episode brought to you by an unhealthy love of cheese dip, lots of wine and no less than 3 fals...
How Many Plot Twists Is That This Chapter?
30 Jul 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 17: Cat, Rat, and Dog- Adam and Tara are together again ❤️ Tara is working on her Adam voice and Tara has written the longest chapter summ...
A Trio of Weird Men
23 Jul 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 16: Professor Trelawney's Prediction- Once again, Tara and Adam request gifts in the form of alcohol...but since Tara is the fan favorite, jus...
Tremione
17 Jul 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 15: The Quidditch Final- Happy 73rd birthday to Tara! This chapter has SPORTS in it! You know what that means? Bias and cheating. Awesome. Als...
Scoop That Pinkie
09 Jul 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 14: Snape's Grudge- This is a rough chapter for Harry. Also, Snape sucks, which Tara may mention a few times. Send rum to Adam please.
Hogwarts Teacher Sex Scandal
02 Jul 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 13: Gryffindor Versus Ravenclaw- In which we discuss the fact that Gryffindor is clearly the party house, contemplate where the teachers sleep...
I Like Birds!
25 Jun 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 12: The Patronus- Adam's patronus is a BIRD! Also, Tara can no longer speak words and, as always, Lupin is the best.
No Chipotatas for You
19 Jun 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 11: The Firebolt- OUR 50TH EPISODE! AWWW YISSSSSS! BASIC SNITCHES FOREVER! Official tagline (for this episode at least): Whatever comes out of...
Christmassyishness
11 Jun 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 10: The Marauder's Map- Berkeley refuses a guest star offer, Adam loves cows, 10 points to Zencastr and the teachers at Hogwarts continue to b...
Wet Sock
04 Jun 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 9: Grim Defeat- As always, Adam starts recording when nobody is ready...Tara has new toys...awww yissssss!!! And by new toys, we mean an actua...
Thiccums
29 May 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 8: Flight of the Fat Lady-Wine is Tara's worst enemy while attempting to read Adam's chapter summary. Quidditch makes no since. Still. Madam P...
Sippy Cup Jealousy
22 May 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 7: The Boggart in the Wardrobe
Adam Slaughtered the Trelawny Counter
14 May 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 6: Talons and Tea Leaves- Tara has had a bottle of wine and Adam is coming for Trelawny... everyone will be hearing the sound of a cork poppin...
Please Question Have a Chocolate
07 May 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 5: The Dementor- (Or, Sheets with teeth) Stuff happens in this chapter...most importantly- TIME TO MEET LUPIN!! So we're on the train to Hogw...
What the Hell is the Deal with Your Rat?
02 May 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 4: The Leaky Cauldron- WE. ARE. BACK! And we had WINE! Adam learns that poop is an important part of divination... It's an even episode, every...
How is Nothing on Fire?
15 Apr 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 3: The Knight Bus- Everything is weird right now. FMK ends poorly for Stan...but for SHAN, it's not so bad...Tara steals jokes from Puffs (b...
Pomme de Terrible
09 Apr 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 2: Aunt Marge's Big Mistake- Wine has been consumed and we're back on our bullshit once again...hating on Marge Dursley because, well... becau...
I'm Here for Some Croissants
01 Apr 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 1: Owl Post- We are back for season 3! Welcome to Basic Snitches and the Prisoner of Azkaban! Harry's birthday is the best one yet! Also, Hedw...
My Love Language is Tacos
16 Mar 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chamber of Secrets Wrap-Up! Adam and Tara have finished Chamber of Secrets and are already excited to start Prisoner of Azkaban! The Neville Counter i...
We Read Two Books
05 Mar 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 18: Dobby's Reward-Tara is back...in case you're one of the weirdos that missed her voice...we got though book 2 and mostly we just talk about...
Why You Puttin' a Snake in Yo Basement
27 Feb 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 17: The Heir of Slytherin- On another solo adventure, Adam over-analyzes Hogwarts artifacts and laments ever trying to do this alone. Then he ...
Lockshart
20 Feb 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 16: The Chamber of Secrets- Adam has replaced Tara with Karen from Australia, who is fired pretty much right away... Hermione helps the boys a...
Spiderland USA
13 Feb 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 15: Aragog- So...there are spiders...a LOT of them...Adam has nice legs. Tara still can't vodka. Send us your licorice.
I Can't Vodka
05 Feb 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 14:Cornelius Fudge- Vodka is maybe not a good idea- at least not for Tara. In this chapter we meet Fudge Packer AND Luscious Boytoy. ALSO, di...
Choices Were Made- featuring special guest Stephen Ostertag
30 Jan 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 13: The Very Secret Diary- We're so excited to have Stephen on this very exciting episode! He even wore his Ravenclaw socks! We discuss Cats.....
Floatin' Pies
23 Jan 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 12: Polyjuice Potion- One thing Tara and Adam can agree upon is that pie is the number one in the definitive ranking of dessert. Change our mi...
Justice for Snek
16 Jan 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 11: The Dueling Club- "I would like to say this again in bold this time"...Is Goyle good at potions? Snape causes drama and snowpocolypse ruin...
Banana Wine
09 Jan 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 10: The Rogue Bludger- Perhaps it's time we start working on our intro...Tara is old...older than Adam. She's also Harry. And Harry is Switzer...
My Little Squibblet
02 Jan 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 9- The Writing on the Wall- Starting the new year off perfectly by publishing a day late!!! Anyway, there's definitely a ghost in Adam's house...
Adam and Tara and the Sorcerer's Stone
25 Dec 2019
Contributed by Lukas
SPECIAL HOLIDAY EPISODE YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU NEEDED! Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone as told by the Basic Snitches. We're stepping back to season...
Moldy Haggis
19 Dec 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 8: The Deathday Party- We drink wine. Tara calls herself out on her own BS. Adam is the funny one. Why is there no introduction to practical m...
Scoping Out Chickens
12 Dec 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 7: Mudbloods and Murmurs- Early morning quidditch practice is the WORST... especially when it's interrupted by rascist Slytherins. Ron does a ...
What if I Got Owls?
05 Dec 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 6: Gilderoy Lockhart- Time to talk about Adam's favorite character!!!!! Why do owls deliver mail during meals? That's gross. Hermione suddenly...
Screaming is Fun
28 Nov 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 5- The Whomping Willow: Spoiler- screaming really is NOT fun. Tara renames the chapter "We Didn't Think". Trees should always be allowed to fi...
Animals are all Good Poopers
21 Nov 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 4: At Flourish and Blotts- Harry needs to work on enunciation...also, Tara had a weird childhood and once again, we're giving out free adverti...
Murder and Gold Smuggles
06 Nov 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 3: The Burrow - Tara has (probably not) learned her lesson about voice to text note-taking. Ron is pretty great in this chapter, Molly Weasley...
We Have Ascended to a Higher Plane
24 Oct 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 2: Dobby's Warning- Sometimes drinking an entire bottle of wine while recording is a good idea....and sometimes it's not. Dobby is a life-ruin...
Return to Dursleyland
09 Oct 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Chapter One: The Worst Birthday- THE SNITCH IS BACK! Welcome to season 2 where we appropriately drink too muc...
We Did the Thing! Featuring Special Guest Natalie Zenczak
25 Sep 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Sorcerer's Stone Wrap-Up: Adam and Tara go through their favorite parts of book one and discuss the first movie with new HP fan, Natalie Zenczak! Lear...
Two-Faced Snitch
19 Sep 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 17: The Man With Two Faces- In the final chapter of the first book, Adam and Tara determine that Ravenclaw should be winning the house cup eve...
BONUS Episode- Meet the PUFFS!
17 Sep 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Hiiiiiii!!! Adam and Tara take you through the story of the Puffs- a nice, happy, badger-loving group of students who attended magic school with a cer...
Cliffhangers are Great
12 Sep 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 16: Through the Trapdoor- Wizard exams are cool...unless you have to take them while being afraid that someone is going to come MURDER YOU whi...
I'm not a regular Centaur, I'm a COOL Centaur
04 Sep 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 15: The Forbidden Forest- Exciting discussions include the importance of magical office supplies, the "mom arm" and how maybe this detention s...
You Think Magic is Hard, Try Doing Your Taxes
28 Aug 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 14: Norbert the Norwegian Ridgeback- We are on the home stretch and we're going to finish the thing! Hooray us! Adam hates this chapter becaus...
Snapes on a Broom
22 Aug 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 13: Nicholas Flamel- Malfoy is a terrible bully. Some fat cat interrupts recording. Snape is suspicious. Ron is good at something. Oh, and N F...
Eht Rorrim Fo Nocab
14 Aug 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 12: The Mirror of Erised- Our first hour long episode is here and it's DOUBLE CHRISTMAS! Spelling stuff backwards is fun but trying to pronoun...
Angelina for President!
07 Aug 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 11: Quidditch- Tara changes the rules and takes chapter 10's win away from Harry, which is kinda rude. We talk about sports-because we're expe...
Jacket Potato
01 Aug 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 10: Halloween- Adam gives Tara a new nickname. Draco still sucks and a trio is born. Also, Tara and Adam give a certain Tony Award winning pla...
Hagrid's Crumpet
24 Jul 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 9: The Midnight Duel. What dirty things does Peeves write on the chalkboards? What does Madam Hooch even do? How are the security measures at ...
Hogwarts is LIT - Featuring Bailey
17 Jul 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 8- The Potions Master: Bailey the dog is back with even more sass in our newest installment of Basic Snitches! So, it's time to go to school a...
McGonagallin' All Over
10 Jul 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 7- The Sorting Hat: This episode features special guests Bailey, Betty and Bart-who only add to the fact that Tara has no attention span. Adam...
9 3/4 is Where the Magic Begins
04 Jul 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 6- The Journey From Platform Nine and Three Quarters: Outdated updates and obnoxious laughter abound. We meet *the* HBIC, Molly Weasley. Also,...
You're a Millionaire, Harry!
26 Jun 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 5- Diagon Alley: Or- Get Punched in the Face With Magic!!!! Adam and Tara give each other gifts (aww) and talk about how much they love Hagr...
Codswallop & Mugwump
19 Jun 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 4- The Keeper of the Keys: We rename the chapter "Hagrid" because we think we're clever and spend half the episode on vocabulary and the other...
The Tale of Floofy Dinky Dudders
13 Jun 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 3- The Letters From No One- We establish that Tara isn't a real person and that making up nicknames for Dudley is fun. Check us out on Facebo...
Where My Bacon? Where My Presents?
31 May 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Chapter 2: The Vanishing Glass- Lots of complaining about people who complain about Daniel Radcliffe. Also the movies have ruined us. Check us out on...
Vernon Needs to go to Therapy
30 May 2019
Contributed by Lukas
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone Chapter One: The Boy Who Lived- Chapter discussion with very accurate outline, passionate book to movie compar...
Meet the Basic Snitches
30 May 2019
Contributed by Lukas
A somewhat introduction to the goofballs guiding you through this re-read. Learn more on Facebook and Instagram @basicsnitches and make sure you take ...