169. Why You Overspend When You’re Bored or Stressed (The Boredom Buyer & Relief Seeker)
episode
Becoming The Wealthy You | How to Save Money, Stop Overspending, Get Out of Debt, Budgeting & Personal Finance for Women
21 min
1 speaker
4 chapters
transcribed 1 month ago
Transcript
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Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
You are listening to the Becoming the Wealthy You podcast with Jermaine Foley.
If you're a woman who makes good money in your career or business, but you're not building wealth like you want to, then you're in the right place. In this podcast, you'll learn how to stop overspending, break free from the cycle of debt, save lots of cash, and become the wealthy woman you were born to be. Let's dive in. Well, hello, everyone. Welcome back to the podcast. Okay. Last week, I introduced the seven spending patterns that quietly keep many of us stuck. And that was episode 168. And if you listened to that episode, you probably heard at least one of them and thought, oh yeah, that is definitely me. Well, today we're going to kick things off with two of the most common patterns that I see, and we're going to dive deeper into the boredom buyer and the relief seeker.
Now, what's interesting about both of these patterns is that they show up when we're trying to escape a feeling or a negative, uncomfortable emotion. For the boredom buyer, the feeling is usually obviously boredom, right? But for the relief seeker, it might be stress. It could be frustration.
What pattern does this episode introduce about overspending and who is it for?
It could be overwhelm or simply just mental fatigue. But either way, what's happening underneath is something that I talk about a lot in coaching, and it's called buffering. Buffering happens when we use something outside of ourselves to change how we feel emotionally. So instead of experiencing boredom, we scroll, we could eat, we could over drink, we can do all sorts of things instead of experiencing something. So I want you to think of you like you're here and maybe you're experiencing something, maybe sadness or anger or frustration. And instead of figuring out where that is coming from, you mask it. with eating, drinking, spending, or something else. That is what buffering is. So buffering is when you do something that kind of puts a cushion in between whatever emotion you're feeling and you.
So it's like, I don't want to feel this. Let me go eat something. I don't want to feel this. Let me go buy something. I don't want to feel this. Give me a glass of wine. That is what buffering is. So instead of experiencing boredom, we scroll. Instead of sitting with frustration, we buy something new. Instead of allowing stress to exist, we look for something that gives us a quick hit of dopamine, which in turn gives us pleasure. But it's not the real pleasure that we definitely want. It's false pleasure. It's pleasure that only feels good momentarily. negative consequences on the back end. And some of you may be thinking, Jermaine, what's wrong with that? Why would I wanna feel stress? Why would I wanna feel boredom?
Why would I wanna feel frustration? We're gonna talk about this a little later. But the point of life is not to be happy all the time, okay? And when we think that we're supposed to feel good all the time, that we're never supposed to experience negative emotions, that is when we have a life that we don't love. That is when we have less money than we want. If we feel like every time I feel a negative emotion, I need to go shopping, I need to buy something, you are never going to be able to build wealth. And you can look at this in other instances. I mentioned overeating. If every time you feel a negative emotion, you eat something, guess what's going to happen? You're going to be overweight. You're going to have maybe some metabolic concerns.
What if every time you felt stressed, you had to drink a glass of wine or something? What will happen? You might get cirrhosis of the liver, right? You might be hungover the next day. You may have some other health consequences. So whenever we... Look for stuff outside of us to make us feel better. We are setting ourselves up to not have our best lives because the truth of life is that you're not supposed to be happy all the time, right? You definitely want to have a good life. But when something sad happens, guess what? We want to be sad. If someone does something that makes you angry, guess what?
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Chapters
4 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:00–1:30
2
What pattern does this episode introduce about overspending and who is it for?
1:30–6:30
3
How does 'buffering' explain why we shop when bored or stressed?
6:30–14:04
4
Why does masking negative emotions with spending prevent wealth building?
14:04–21:34
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from Becoming The Wealthy You | How to Save Money, Stop Overspending, Get Out of Debt, Budgeting & Personal Finance for Women
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