172: Selfish Girl Blueprint: Stop Being Nice and Get The Life You Want
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Why does the nice‑girl personality keep you exhausted and resentful?
Hello and welcome back to the podcast. I am not on my on my usual dose of caffeine. So this is gonna be a very grounded. I'm also looking at the ocean right now, very holistic, very makeup free if you're watching this. Because I'm going into an appointment where I can't drink or eat anything. Okay? Can't even drink water. Yeah? Thirsty. The thirst has arrived, okay? But I want to tell you about why selfish women win at life and why it's time that you enter your selfish era, okay? Because your nice personality, baby girl, is ruining your life. It's ruining the vibe. It's ruining the aesthetic. It's ruining how much you're winning, manifesting and what you're doing, and it's Frankly annoying. It's annoying and deeply unpleasureful.
And it's time that you're st you start winning a life. I want this for you, okay? Your nice girl personality has got you this far. But we're gonna break it down because you're on the verge of an autoimmune. Like all modern women, we are all on the verge of an autoimmune because some dingbat in your childhood made you feel like you being convenient is the most important thing. Above you being happy, above you being real, above you being natural, that the only way that you could get attachment Turn authority figure or somebody you loved in your childhood? was by being what, everybody in the back? Nice. That's right. That you if you exemplified and if you showed authenticity, the real you, who you really are, you would have been ejected out of the tribe.
But that's at least how you thought in your child brain, right? If authenticity, if you being you, if you saying no, I don't want that or I don't like that or I don't want to go there threatened That person liking you, or you being convenient for that person, mother, father, whoever, carer, if it threatened that attachment, you decided to be the golden child. You decided to abandon yourself because in your childhood, attachment will always win. That person choosing you and loving you will win above anything else. You will conform if you can. That is the golden child in psychology. That if you find a way to be able to conform in order to win the likes, favours, and love of those adults around you, if you know how to play the algorithm and I knew how, and I know you if you're watching, you're tired of being nice and and getting run over, you knew how.
Some children don't know how, and they become the derelict, wild, savage little children who I now kind of admire. They just go their own way because they can't figure out in their little heads how to make out Pleased with them, but they sadly often run into issues like addictions and things like that because they try and mitigate this natural feeling of wanting to be liked and loved, okay? And they often go into one of the four four responses of humans when they're threatened or they don't feel loved or they feel ostracized is fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. And this nice girl persona, and I go into four. Of these really deeply in my book. If you haven't read it, it's called Unbothered: How to Regulate Your Nervous System and Let Go of Attaching to Things You Can't Control and Become the Person You Finally Meant To Be.
Women Learn to Survey Wow, Wow, Wow. Why are we why are we making loud noises when we're talking in this soothing, soothing way? Women often learn to be agreeable because they learn to do it as a child. They often learn that the only way way that the man who likes them is going to like them is if she's agreeable, if she's easy to be around, and if she doesn't upset anyone and if she's there for everybody. But what she fails to understand is that people get sick of the used rag that she is becoming. And I know I'm using colourful language. That's me. That's what you're here for, okay? If you become a used sink cloth smelling of infestation, yeah? And you think that people are gonna go, yay, sink cloth, you've wiped up so many spills, they're not going to.
This is not a nineties infomercial. They're just gonna be like, Oh, why are you like this? Why have you become like this?
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Chapters
4 chapters
1
Why does the nice‑girl personality keep you exhausted and resentful?
0:09–5:14
2
How does childhood conditioning create the ‘golden child’ and self‑abandonment?
5:14–11:35
3
What are the four human responses (fight, flight, freeze, fawn) and how do they relate to being nice?
11:35–13:41
4
Why does the world reward agreeable women only until it stops?
13:41–30:32
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko
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176: The More Useful You Are, The Less You’re Valued