174: You Need To Risk Being Disliked
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Why does fearing the label ‘mean’ keep women stuck and resentful?
Look at him, I think, me.
You need to risk being disliked. Yeah? Okay? It's just the way it is. It's the way it is if you want to live a life that is happy, free, unburdened, beautiful. You need to take a little risks, baby girl. You need to l risk being a bit mean because we are taught That being mean equals being ostracized and being not part of the community, not part of the people that are well liked. Because what you need to be as a woman in the world is convenient. Conveniently lie down and let the world do as it will. It's a very different idea than what is taught to men, right? They don't have that burden of, oh my God, I'm gonna be mean, people are not gonna like me. What's gonna happen? What am I gonna do? Oh no. They just do what they want to do.
Oh no, oh no. I sounded really Australian then. Why don't we reframe the word mean or a bitch to direct and honest and having boundaries? What is wrong with having a little boundary these days? What is wrong with being a little honest? Women get prosecuted left, right, and center for being honest, having a little boundary, and having a little laugh with it. It is tiring, it is draining, and it's gonna stop. So we're gonna talk about ten olfactoids as I like to do, as I like to do on this little pottywadi, about how to reframe that in your mind. Because jokes aside, I feel that the fear of being called mean or a mean girl or a bitch or not nice By a guy in dating, at work, with your friends is stopping you from unlocking the best version of yourself, the most amazing version of yourself, the most enticing, juicy, tantalizing version of yourself, okay?
And those facts are this. Fact one, women are taught that causing someone discomfort, discomfort with your decision, discomfort with your choice, discomfort with your autonomy, discomfort with your fatigue, discomfort with With your tiredness, discomfort with your need for sleep, or discomfort with your need of boundaries is causing them harm. Women mistake the fact that if they have any kind of want, need, or desire, if they are in any way asking for the world, from their husband, for somebody else, for something, it is the equivalent of causing them harm. I made a post on my social media about the fact that the feminine should only Operate from a place of plenty, and when a woman gives from a minus or from a deficit, it creates a very depleted version of that woman, and when she's giving from that, it causes resentment, it causes arguments, it causes pain.
And everyone in the feed, except for the ones that get it, was saying, Oh, but I need to do this and that for my husband, I need to cook, wipe his ass, I need to bend over backwards, I need to run up and down like a marathon runner. I need to do all of these things or he'll be upset. How is he gonna live life? without those things that I just said, right? And you are acting like by causing someone discomfort because of your own back is breaking, like the camel that you are carrying everything on you, that you causing them a mildest discomfort by I don't know, not making their dinner every night or by, I don't know, saying no once or twice to something that you're causing them harm. We are educated to think that our no
is a harmful thing in today's society. Women saying no And disappointing someone is not going to immediately cause them a doctor's appointment and uh a trip to the ER, okay? Disappointment is not harm. You are also creating a a a person in your children, husband, and wider world and society that cannot grow up. You're infantilizing people at your work, in your friendship groups and everywhere by not allowing them to have their own backbone, their own ability to have a feeling in some certain way and look after themselves. If you always have to baby everyone like they're a tiny little wee baby and they can never be a little bit disappointed and go through that disappointment like like a soldier that they are, you are not raising, even in your husbands and partners, someone that has any
Pride in themselves and men need to have pride in themselves in their ability to what, ladies and germs in the back.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
Why does fearing the label ‘mean’ keep women stuck and resentful?
0:00–4:32
2
How does causing discomfort differ from causing actual harm?
4:32–7:52
3
What happens when niceness turns into unpaid labour for women?
7:52–11:42
4
Why do women over‑explain and how is it linked to fear?
11:42–15:15
5
How can hidden resentment turn into passive‑aggressive behavior?
15:15–19:08
6
What does anger really signal and how can it be used as a service announcement?
19:08–22:52
7
What’s the difference between power and cruelty in setting boundaries?
22:52–26:18
8
How can you choose whose disappointment you’ll live with and still stay free?
26:18–30:01
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko
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178: Emotional Independence Will Change Your Life
177: Stop Being Low Maintenance. It’s Making You Easy to Ignore.
176: The More Useful You Are, The Less You’re Valued