Bertcast
Something’s Burning: Berty Boy + The Three Bears | Hardy, Koe Wetzel, + Stephen Wilson Jr | S4 E24
11 Feb 2025
Chapter 1: What hilarious stories do Hardy and Koe share about their upbringing?
Because I want to be there when we buy him a Rolex. I want to be there.
Oh, my God.
I got the lady. I got it all dialed in. We're going to go in. I like it. I want to be a part of that day. I'll fly in for that show. Can I buy one, too, just for myself? Let's all buy one. Let's all buy one. That's my favorite thing in the world. That's my only treat. I love watches. When I met you, dude, okay, when I met you, you had a Daytona, and I swear at the time.
See, that's so you. That's so you. Military time. You have it on military time? 1709, boy. This is my impression of me in the military. Chrysler, we'll see you at O200. I was like... What were you saying? When I met you, you had a Daytona when I met you at the Beer Olympics. Oh, yeah.
And correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like you, I was like, oh, Daytona. And I think you were like, yeah, my wife bought it for me. But you were like, I don't really know much about watches. Have you really in the last like two years gotten into it? Or am I wrong about that?
Oh, my God. You're calling me all my bullshit. Yeah. I'm thinking you're like this huge guru. No. I got one watch. I got one watch. I got a Submariner. And I got it for myself in Vegas through Christine Sedoris. I love her to death. Got it through her. And then my wife got me a Daytona and I didn't know how to get it. I was like crazy. And it was like such a sexy watch.
And I put it on, I didn't know anything about them. And that watch broke me. I would look at it and I would go like covetingly, like the way the Lord says not to do it about your neighbor's wife. I'd go, God, I got that. Do you remember when you were in eighth grade and you saw the girl with big tits in ninth grade and you were like, one day I'll get to play with tits.
And then the day you play with tits, you're like, this is everything I thought it would be. I was playing with tits when he was in the sixth grade. Yeah.
Sadly. I can't help what I look like, and I know what I look like, and I have to fight against that. I don't think I've ever met one gay dude. probably the best interaction ever. I'm walking into my eyeglass store, so I don't have glasses, right, so I can't say anything. And this car stops. What's this guy's name, George? And he just goes, errt! And he goes, I don't know you, but I know you.
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Chapter 2: How did the bear community come to be a topic of discussion?
Chapter 3: What are the key ingredients in Bert's stracci recipe?
What the fuck? Jesus Christ! Am I gonna call my dad real quick? Jesus! You should.
So many times people go, hey, my uncle knows you. And you're like, okay. You know my uncle. And then you're like, and then they say the name, and you're like, yeah, maybe. And then he met you at a bar one night. And you're like, oh, cool. Yeah, all right. And then this, but being in, I grew up in Florida, and I went to school in Tallahassee.
And this dude comes up to me, and he's like, you know my uncle. And I was like, okay. I go, so what's your uncle's name? He goes, Mike Minter. I go, bitch, who's your dad? And he goes, Chuck. I go, Chuck Minner's your dad? I go, bitch, I know your uncle. I know your other uncle. I know your dad. I know your grandfather. And I know your aunt. I go, where are they?
And they go, they're at the tent right there. And I walk over. I see these dudes I haven't seen in 30 years. You grew up with them or went to college with them? Went to college with them. I haven't seen them in 30 years. Damn. And then... And then fucking Hardy's song comes on. And listen, I'm a brand new celebrity. I don't give a fuck what anyone says.
It's cool when you know the dude that wrote the song that's playing on the thing. It's cool as shit. And I go, I know this guy. And they're like, no way. I go, I know this guy. They go, there's no way you know him. I go, I'll FaceTime him right now. I'll FaceTime him right now. They're like, there's no way he knows him. I'll tell you what's... We're rolling, right?
I'll tell you what's even fucking crazier, and I said this to you earlier, is I'm laying in my bed, and I see his video a month ago, probably a month ago, the Stand By Me. And I just... I sent it to everyone. I sent it to Rogan, first dude, because I know Rogan's into that. Like, that's Rogan's fastball. I sent it to Rogan. I sent it to Tommy. I sent it to my team. And then I DM you.
And I go, and this is before any of this. And I go, I don't know what I said, but I know what I say to people I like. I go, you're fucking amazing. You're incredible. If you're ever in L.A., I'd love to have you on the podcast. And you wrote back, I'm in Europe right now. By the way, now that I've just met him, the most Steven response ever. Thank you, sir. It's very kind of you to say these words.
Thank you. It was really like, and I was really humble, and I was like, wow. And then I wake up this morning, and I look at my thing, and he's on the thing to do the show. I go, shut the fuck up, and you're there, and you're there, and I go, are you kidding me? Is this a, you guys are going on tour together. Steven, Hardy, and Coetzee, all on tour together. The fucking highwaymen are back.
Where's my cocktail? Where's my cocktail? Gentlemen, thank you for coming here. Thank you for coming here. Cheers, boys. When's your Vegas date? Do you have a Vegas date? Wait, yeah, we do have a Vegas date. What's your Vegas date? I have no fucking idea. Because I want to be there when we buy him a Rolex. I want to be there.
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Chapter 4: What makes the bear community unique according to Hardy?
Bread does. Dude, bread is so good. Can you imagine being the dude that introduced your ability to bread? Dude. Can you imagine being like, so? Listen, it's going to sound crazy, but I found a way to make this shit. You guys remember how we like grain? Mm-hmm. Well, I figured out a better way to do it.
I think bread was like, it's like one of the oldest, when they hit their shit in Game of Thrones too, you know? Here, I have salt in case you want salt. I'm a salt guy, so I put salt on everything. I'm with you. Yeah, I like salt. Oh, easy. What are you, my cardiologist? Dude, that was, that's, that was a... You assaulted that. That was good. That was a lot of salt.
Yeah. I dig it. I'm on blood pressure medicine. So am I, dude. What are you on? Beta blocker? Propanolol? Beta blockers are best. What are you on? Amilidipine and Losartan. Okay.
You're on two? Yeah. I get down. I'm on a fucking statin, too. You're on a statin and a... Buddy, I'm on testosterone. Shut the fuck up. I'm about 300 pounds tomorrow. 285 three times, come on, Coe. What do you bench in these days? Me? Yeah. Dude, I've never been a bench guy. I think I could maybe throw up. Are you a squat guy? Yeah, I'm a squat guy.
Fuck off. Squat guys are such a bullshit fucking thing. Because it's real strength. It's like a boxer versus a guy who goes, oh, I'm a street fighter.
Yeah, I'm a street, yeah, and whoop your ass. Dude, you, what do you? Like bench, maybe max, one time, maybe max. 255, 260. That's a lot. I swear to God. I got long-ass arms, bro. But squat, I can throw up. I think in college, whenever I was playing ball, I was like 540. Geez. You know, 550. Can't hide. I can throw up that shit. I got a big ass, too, though. I got a big ass.
The thing of big asses are the thing. I ain't got a big ass. He's in the fives, dude. I want to speak in the five.
I don't know how big ass.
Boxers ain't got a big ass. They ain't born with big asses. No, my wife should be able to squat 450. Is she here? Wait, you guys realize I still have to have you play music one time. Just one song at least. Maybe three. Maybe three. Maybe three. So I'm gonna kill this drink. We'll pour another drink. Grab some guitars. Okay. That sound okay? Sure. Don't you sure me. Come on. I'm fucking in, bro.
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Chapter 7: How do the guests react to Bert's cooking skills?
What the fuck? Jesus Christ! Am I gonna call my dad real quick? Jesus! You should.
So many times people go, hey, my uncle knows you. And you're like, okay. You know my uncle. And then you're like, and then they say the name, and you're like, yeah, maybe. And then he met you at a bar one night. And you're like, oh, cool. Yeah, all right. And then this, but being in, I grew up in Florida, and I went to school in Tallahassee.
And this dude comes up to me, and he's like, you know my uncle. And I was like, okay. I go, so what's your uncle's name? He goes, Mike Minter. I go, bitch, who's your dad? And he goes, Chuck. I go, Chuck Minner's your dad? I go, bitch, I know your uncle. I know your other uncle. I know your dad. I know your grandfather. And I know your aunt. I go, where are they?
And they go, they're at the tent right there. And I walk over. I see these dudes I haven't seen in 30 years. You grew up with them or went to college with them? Went to college with them. I haven't seen them in 30 years. Damn. And then... And then fucking Hardy's song comes on. And listen, I'm a brand new celebrity. I don't give a fuck what anyone says.
It's cool when you know the dude that wrote the song that's playing on the thing. It's cool as shit. And I go, I know this guy. And they're like, no way. I go, I know this guy. They go, there's no way you know him. I go, I'll FaceTime him right now. I'll FaceTime him right now. They're like, there's no way he knows him. I'll tell you what's... We're rolling, right?
I'll tell you what's even fucking crazier, and I said this to you earlier, is I'm laying in my bed, and I see his video a month ago, probably a month ago, the Stand By Me. And I just... I sent it to everyone. I sent it to Rogan, first dude, because I know Rogan's into that. Like, that's Rogan's fastball. I sent it to Rogan. I sent it to Tommy. I sent it to my team. And then I DM you.
And I go, and this is before any of this. And I go, I don't know what I said, but I know what I say to people I like. I go, you're fucking amazing. You're incredible. If you're ever in L.A., I'd love to have you on the podcast. And you wrote back, I'm in Europe right now. By the way, now that I've just met him, the most Steven response ever. Thank you, sir. It's very kind of you to say these words.
Thank you. It was really like, and I was really humble, and I was like, wow. And then I wake up this morning, and I look at my thing, and he's on the thing to do the show. I go, shut the fuck up, and you're there, and you're there, and I go, are you kidding me? Is this a, you guys are going on tour together. Steven, Hardy, and Coetzee, all on tour together. The fucking highwaymen are back.
Where's my cocktail? Where's my cocktail? Gentlemen, thank you for coming here. Thank you for coming here. Cheers, boys. When's your Vegas date? Do you have a Vegas date? Wait, yeah, we do have a Vegas date. What's your Vegas date? I have no fucking idea. Because I want to be there when we buy him a Rolex. I want to be there.
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