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Bertcast

Something’s Burning: Fatherly Advice and Current Events with Mark Normand and Big Jay | S4 E19

07 Jan 2025

Transcription

Chapter 1: What meal are they preparing in Nashville?

0.518 - 11.829

Your boy, Burt Kreischer, is coming to New Orleans Saturday, February 8th. He's bringing Nikki Glaser, Tony Hinchcliffe, and Adam Ray as Dr. Fifth. We'll be right back. Get tickets now at Ticketmaster.com. Here, I got this.

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12.07 - 12.61 Bert Kreischer

I'm so stupid.

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13.311 - 49.057 Host

Oh, no. You're so stupid. No, good news, you caught it. That's it. Oh, what is that supposed to mean? It means I'm blocking you completely. Shut up, Stacey. Remember when everybody said, oh, good, I looked five minutes ago? And I blanked out, Mark. Do you want a drink? Do you want a drink? Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, I'd love a drink. Hey, let's do a drink. Let's do a drink.

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49.177 - 50.037 Bert Kreischer

Aggressive drinking.

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50.317 - 51.297 Host

I'll take a vodka soda.

51.337 - 52.978 Bert Kreischer

I'll take, oh, have you ever had porosos?

53.458 - 57.419 Host

I've never heard of it. Oh, really? Shots of porosos and something to chase it with that's gayer.

59.497 - 87.494 Bert Kreischer

Yes. Oh, yuck. All right. You farting in front of David Cross. By the way, can I tell you that you and David Cross were perfect comedy? Because I couldn't tell if it was a bit or not. He hated me. He really did hate you. Yeah. But in like the, like when you farted and he got up to leave. He walked. And he was like, and you were like, sorry, I didn't see it coming. He was like, you leaned over.

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Well, we're comedians. I've never seen a comedian who doesn't like a fart.

Chapter 2: What are the ingredients for Nashville Hot Chicken?

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Exactly. They're pores. Pores on whores. Simple follicles. Warby Parker, glasses so good you can see the hair follicles in a child's pussy. Yeah. There you go. I don't know. Warby, where are you? Put it on a sign. Warby. I love them. You can see the hymen. They're also x-rayed.

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485.723 - 491.808 Bert Kreischer

Stace, how do I get this fucking front one lit? I got this back one's lit, but it's too low.

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493.482 - 514.488 Host

Is it the front left? Ebenezer Scrooge stove. I know, right? It's old school. There you go. Leave it like that. Don't even touch it. On the wall. That's for water. What's that? Oh, interesting. So you don't have to bring it to the sink that's two feet away. Classy. What's that? Oh, no, that's a gangster move.

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515.149 - 529.733 Bert Kreischer

That thing is a game changer. Oh, really? Yeah, it's a game changer because you don't realize how often you're making pasta and you need a little extra water. Or you make a bone broth. and you can add water that way. I'm obsessed with that.

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530.033 - 530.754 Host

L.A. over here, huh?

530.774 - 554.683 Bert Kreischer

When I'm bone brothing, for sure. You guys don't cook? No. Nah. You think that's because you live in New York? Yes. Really? There's nowhere to cook. True. Well, some of the best chefs are in New York. That's true. I follow a lot of chefs that cook in New York. But not in their apartment. Yeah. I cooked in New York when I lived in New York. A lot? Yeah, all the time. I love cooking.

554.844 - 558.665 Bert Kreischer

I love cooking for people. Like, I genuinely love cooking for people.

558.685 - 559.346 Host

Like a dinner party?

559.746 - 572.013 Bert Kreischer

Yeah. Oh. Like, for my birthday this year, part of me was like, I should cook. Because I enjoy, I think it, for whatever reason, doing two things at once allows me to kind of slow down my brain.

Chapter 3: What funny stories do they share about farts?

666.518 - 684.618 Host

I'm a stud with white people? Yes. That's just Titanic. I think you got something there. Thank you. Above the rim, it's just white guys. Above the rim, juice. Yeah, it's called outside the three-point line.

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686.159 - 715.14 Bert Kreischer

Caitlin Clark's the star. I'm turning on and off ovens on accident. All right, I'm going to put some of this in here. What are they doing? I hate that my wife and daughter laugh harder at you than they do at me. They're like, no, he's funny. You're watching Matt Reif. All right, I think we can go straight to this. Ooh, baby. This is our roux. Nice. Yeah, this is gonna be good.

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715.78 - 717.061 Host

Whoa, mama.

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717.401 - 729.451 Bert Kreischer

This is See, this is a simple dad move, Mark, that I learned when I had kids, is make your own homemade mac and cheese, and it really fucking kicks it up a notch.

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729.511 - 731.313 Host

I make four things. Mac and cheese is one of them.

731.533 - 758.849 Bert Kreischer

Mac and cheese. Baked, though. Baked mac and cheese. Baked mac and cheese is the move. Can I get more cheese, too? Isla. More cheese. Yeah, because I'm going to put it on top. Oh. Oh, my God. Oh my God, this looks so fucking good. This is a pimento cheese mac and cheese. Drink it, pussy. Dude.

759.329 - 762.37 Host

How about that Hunter Biden getting out? Yeah. He should do an episode.

762.751 - 768.674 Bert Kreischer

I would love to have him. Can I tell you, I sleep on stuff like news stuff because I just, I don't care.

768.694 - 769.174 Host

Yeah.

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