Something’s Burning: Jordan Jensen + Ian Fidance Were Kicked Off Swim Team | S7 E11
episodePreviously titled “Something’s Burning: Jordan Jenson + Ian Fidance Were Kicked Off Swim Team | S7 E11” — renamed by the publisher on Aug 18, 2026
Transcript
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What happens when a huge anchovy bone gets stuck in the mouth?
First anchovy. Has a bone this big in it. And it gets lodged. On the back of my tongue on the roof of my mouth. And
as I get an alligator in Peter Pan.
I then go into the bathroom and I try to r get it out with my finger and I'm now gagging and gagging You're
looking at porn, you're like
Yeah!
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Do you have a phone book I could sit on?
Phone book. What year is that? Yeah, hold on. You have an Apple box. Let me get my caller ID. A phone book. Do phone books still exist?
I think they exist for businesses. But if you want to call them, you have to use ten, ten, two, twenty.
No no. Do you remember ten
ten two twenty eight? What is ten
ten two twenty
eight?
No, do you remember one eight s one one one uh eight one eight Eight seven six joke. Look at those. Can I tell you who picked those? Uh-huh. Rosebud's daughter, Minnow. Really? She picked them yesterday. That's her lemons.
Oh my god.
Yeah, uh we we uh
This is a Monsanto lemon.
We have a lemon tree next door.
This was in it?
I mean Dolly Parton sized lemons. And that this is a regular firm lemon. This is a regular lemon, right? This is a regular Monsanto's lemon. And then that's the one that's Do you think this tastes good? Are these natural fucking phenomenal way? Why is it this way? Watch this. Cut it open. There's no reason not to. I'm never gonna use that much lemon.
No.
Here, let's use a real knife. How do you are you how domesticated are you?
Zero.
She is so feral. Zero.
Get away from that.
Like Like Okay. Let me I kinda want to smell it. Just dip a finger. No,
don't dip a finger. And I got
sparse hairs. Let me dip a
finger. I'm perfect. I'm perfect.
Oh. Real? Yeah, I'm like a cast on the inside of a cast.
I can I tell you that's my favorite thing about like having little girls. I've appreciated women so much more. Yeah. 'Cause a stinky woman, a woman who farts, a woman with some hair leg, a woman with an R Pit hair is like that's the natural a primt woman is a little unnatural.
Yeah, it's gay. That's so funny 'cause I like
Not look at the rind.
I know. You don't like period blood? You l you like hairless?
Yeah. Oh period blood? I long for it. Get out of here.
Because he's a real man.
And my wife's fifty-six. So period blood. I haven't seen period blood in a while. Wow. If period blood showed up now, I'd be like, what are you looking at? Are you still having a period? Oh, is that awkward? When do we
lose our periods? How old are we? When is perimenopause? What's this bullshit?
Oh, perimetopause? Okay. Oh, hang on. You're gonna you just called the fucking the witch will come down in a second. What? The bombad? She's got cancer and she'll go, I'll tell you about perimenopause. That's Leanne. Take a look at that.
Cancer?
Yeah, face cancer.
Face.
It was I was like yeah, the one place. I thought you
made I thought you made up a fake witch that was a the perimenopausal witch. Oh, this is Leanne?
Yeah, Leanne's got oh, it's aggressive. Try not to look at it.
Oh a lemon? Oh
no her face. I love how you were like You're gonna go you're gonna you're right now you're right now you're envisioning casual.
I'm envisioning like a little bandaid like Nelly. I'm envisioning this lemon. Is that what it is?
Oh I'm so excited for you to see her. Well
is it Have you
seen Bandama the Opera? Okay. Dude, are you for real? Oh yeah. It's that bad.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What happens when a huge anchovy bone gets stuck in the mouth?
0:00–11:50
2
How does the conversation shift to dealing with a panic attack on the bus?
11:50–21:40
3
Why are they talking about perimenopause and a face cancer diagnosis?
21:40–41:59
4
What is being cooked for the meal – is it Loco Moco and why Hawaii?
41:59–46:22
5
Is having sex with fans the same as prostitution?
46:22–55:35
6
What is the jade egg and how is it used?
55:35–1:04:56
7
Can you guess the movie from a super‑short description?
1:04:56–1:15:09
8
How does the Loco Moco and poke meal come together?
1:15:09–1:30:39
Speakers
2 identifiedMore from Bertcast
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