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Better Sex

323: Gay Relationships and Intimacy with Tom Bruett

15 Sep 2025

Description

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host, and sex therapist, Jessa Zimmerman, talks to therapist Tom Bruett about the unique aspects and challenges of gay male relationships and sex life. Tom discusses the nuances of gay relationships, including the impact of heteronormative upbringing, the importance of differentiation, and specific sexual education needs. They explore the developmental stages of queer relationships and how to maintain vibrant intimacy and connection over time. The discussion also touches on the role of monogamy, agreements in relationships, and practical advice for enhancing sexual experiences.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex00:48 Guest Introduction: Tom Bruett on Gay Relationships01:41 Challenges and Opportunities in Gay Relationships03:51 Sexual Differentiation and Communication10:50 Developmental Stages in Queer Relationships14:30 Monogamy and Agreements in Gay Relationships19:28 Keeping the Spark Alive in Monogamous Relationships22:38 Resources and ConclusionYou can find all of Jessa's desire discrepancy resources at https://www.desirediscrepancy.comBio;Tom Bruett, LMFT is a therapist, trainer, consultant, and author who works extensively with the queer community. He is the founder of the Queer Relationship Institute, which provides therapy for queer folx and training for therapists who work with queer relationships. Tom has trained under Drs. Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson in the Developmental Model of Relationship Therapy, which he now trains other therapists in. His book The Go-To Relationship Guide for Gay Men: From Honeymoon to Lasting Commitment is published by JKP. In his downtime, he loves theatre, travel, and collaborating with his partner to keep their rescue dog, Millie, from causing too much mischief. Instagram: @QueerRelationshipInstitute Website: www.QueerRelationshipInstitute.comBook: The Go To Relationship Guide for Gay Menwww.thequeerrelationshipinstitute.comWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz โ€“ https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course โ€“ https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book โ€“ https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website โ€“ https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

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