Ep. 285: What Self-Sabotage Actually Looks Like (And Why it's Hard to See for Ourselves)

When we want to make changes in our lives and businesses, one of the things that can trip us up or slow us down is that we mis-diagnose. We THINK the problem is this thing, so we focus on solving that, or getting help with that, when in reality the actual issue is something altogether different than we thought. It may not even be CLOSE to what we were focusing on. It's the reason those breakthrough moments, those AHA! moments in life are so memorable – because we finally come to terms with the problems that have probably existed for a long time. That clarity is invaluable. We talk about "getting in our heads", being in our "own way", or getting out of our own way, in order to grow and evolve and to go after those things in life that we're each uniquely called to. Self-sabotage is widely misunderstood, and it's something every single one of us, as the owners of human brains, experience. In this episode, I want to share with you what self-sabotage actually looks like, why it is easier to see in other people and harder to see for ourselves, and why understanding this part of ourselves and how we were created matters SO MUCH when it comes to problem solving and growth. Author Brianna Wiest describes self-sabotage as a mountain that often stands between us and the kind of lives and businesses we really want. She says, "Maybe you know what your mountain is. Maybe it's addiction, weight, relationships, jobs, motivation or money. Maybe you don't. Maybe it's a vague sense of anxiety, low self-esteem, fear, or a general discontentment that seems to bleed out onto everything else. The mountain is often less a challenge in front of us as it is a problem within us, an unstable foundation that might not seem evident on the surface, but it nonetheless shifting almost every part of our lives. Usually when we have a problem that is circumstantial, we are facing a reality of life. When we have a problem that is chronic, we are facing the reality of ourselves. We often think that to face a mountain means to face life's hardships, but the truth is that it is almost always because of the years we have spent accumulating tiny traumas, adaptations, and coping  mechanisms, all of which have compounded over time." This is why it's so hard to see what we can't see. Why having someone else shine a light on what we can't see is so invaluable.   On this episode of BEYOND, you'll learn:   • What's often misunderstood about self-sabotage that will change how you think about it • The two important roles of our brain that cause frequent internal conflict for us • Why we do things we say we don't want to do, and put off the things that we say matter to us • How procrastination and perfectionism connect to self-sabotage • The two competing desires we all face on repeat: growth vs. comfort • Why uncomfortable emotions have purpose in our lives, and are meant to be FELT • How both pride and fear can lead us to self-sabotage • The importance of addressing mindset and what's going on for you internally as a mom and business owner when you want to SIMPLIFY In part, I pray that this episode is that light for you – pointing out something that is holding you back that you just haven't been able to put your finger on or have been able to see. Are you ready to make 2024 a different kind of year? Let's make it happen. I want to invite you to apply for my 6-month coaching and consulting intensive, SIMPLIFIED, where we focus on the two things that matter most when it comes to creating a profitable business on your terms: mindset and messaging. Working together, you'll get mindset support, weekly accountability plus business and marketing strategy – everything you need to build a life and business you don't want to quit. Apply for SIMPLIFIED at beckyhoschek.com/simplified.

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