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Chapter 1: What practices can help improve daily happiness?
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Simple, simple, applicable advice, but based on science and psychology. Dr. Marianne Rojas Estapé teaches us secrets of life to have a better day to day. Bienvenidos a este nuevo episodio del podcast de Bibliotequeando, les habla su anfitrión Ricardo Dugo, como siempre en las redes arroba bibliotequeando.
Les quiero recordar que próximamente vamos a seguir continuando con este formato de los resúmenes de los libros gratis para todos ustedes en la plataforma del podcast, pero también vamos a tener ciertos episodios que van a ser exclusivos, van a ser episodios extras.
will not be the same as always, they will be new episodes, more summaries per month and they will have a certain access to those books, those who subscribe and other benefits such as being able to vote for the books, conversations with me, summaries in pdf, etc. But all that will come soon the next month, we will give more details when that happens.
But going back to the summary of this book, how to make good things happen to you by Dr. Marianne Rojas Estapé. It was a book that surprised me the amount of sales I had. I had realized that I was in many bookstores in Latin America, but it is the fourth best-selling book of 2022 in all of Latin America, according to several sources. I was surprised by the impact that the book has had.
It is a good book, it has a lot of applicable advice. I think her journey is a bit unique. Dr. Marianne is a Spanish psychiatrist. By the time she finished her medicine degree, she did not start working as a doctor, let's say, directly, but she went to work on a project in Cambodia. She was helping the girls who had been victims of sexual trafficking.
They had put her in prostitutes against her will. And she was the one who realized that her vocation was much more focused on psychiatry. And that's where she learned different techniques to not only be able to connect with people who had obviously suffered severe trauma in this sad reality of the world today.
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Chapter 2: How can understanding luck change your perspective?
In the opinion of the doctor, few phrases have done more damage than the one that will come when you least expect it. Like that phrase that calm, that those things come alone. She always thinks that things don't come alone. Nobody is going to come to your house and propose the project of your life, right? You have to go look for it. You have to go generate it. You have to go...
in one way or another, move around the city, meet people, do different things so that good things happen. And I think this is a little more of an example of entrepreneurship, but it applies to everything. Because she specializes in the intersection between the body and the mind, work, experience, her studies explain to you how to live a happy life in this book.
So I really liked the book, I recommend it if you want to read it in more detail. I'm going to summarize the most important points here. But I think like all her opinions, she has this unique experience in Cambodia plus her patients that she has had, combined with all the psychiatric studies, this combination of science with real life, something very unique or particular of this story.
So let's start with the summary. La doctora empieza explicando el concepto de la felicidad y nos explica que mucha gente trata de venderte la felicidad en el sentido como si fuera una definición, como si tú pudieras tangiblemente decir esto es felicidad. Esta casa, este trabajo, esta cantidad de dinero, este tipo de pareja, este tipo de estilo de vida, etc.
Cuando en verdad la felicidad es algo que se experimenta, no es algo que vas a poder simplemente definir. Por ende, ella piensa que hay mucha gente que no consigue la felicidad porque sigue buscando esta definición que nunca llega.
One of the reasons why she got involved in this world of psychiatry is that she saw too many people with a tendency to suffer and complain about anything, regardless of their situation. Of course, there are things that if one has to complain and that if they are going to make you suffer in life, we have all been there, but there are people who seem to have the sensitivity.
to the moments, to the problems, it doesn't adjust, like this overabundance that we have, it doesn't adjust in our brain, because in reality the world today is richer than ever, there are ups and downs, things get worse here, they get better there, in general, the world is better than ever, but we have normalized that overabundance, and we haven't, we haven't,
leveled with this materialism, let's say so. This accumulation of things is usually a definition of happiness or this accumulation of social status, etc., etc. It is usually the definition of happiness, when in truth it is not. Therefore, she says that being happy is a verb, it is an action, but at the same time it is a verb based on your values.
The first step to try to be happy is to understand what you ask for in life.
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Chapter 3: What role does self-esteem play in achieving happiness?
So we already touch self-esteem a little, touching the love for one person. She talks about the studies of Robert Waldinger, who is a North American psychiatrist who is responsible for the best study that has been done on happiness, at least so far. And the message was very clear. The conclusion of the study was that people who have good relationships with other people live happier and healthier.
Social connections. benefit us and loneliness kills. That said, it sounds very strong, but it is true. Loneliness really kills people. The study showed that people who had more ties with families, with friends, with communities, were happier, healthier and lived longer than people who had less. Loneliness is basically a kind of toxin, it is deeply toxic.
People who live isolated from society, either for reasons of their own decision or forced by society, tend to statistically live with less happiness and are more susceptible to deterioration of health, especially in the middle ages, not even when they are in the most advanced age, already at 60, 70 years, but in the 30, 40 years they are already more prone to have different, let's say, decadence.
So the important thing, or rather the detail that is important is that it does not matter your number of followers on Instagram, it does not matter how many friends you have on Facebook, it is not the number that is key, it is the social links. If you have two or three very important social links, very solid through your life and of high quality, that social link
cercano te va a dar una mejor vida y una mejor felicidad. Así que trata de pensar quiénes son esas personas que tienen ese impacto en tu vida y busca mantener, solidificar esa relación.
Y quizás si piensas que estás un poquito desconectado, quizás con el amor, la conexión hacia la comunidad de una u otra manera o ciertas personas que se te han olvidado, trata de restablecer esa conexión porque quizás de una manera egoísta, pero hazlo por ti mismo porque te va a dar mucho beneficio. Y la doctora nos deja unos tips de cómo demostrarle este amor a las personas.
Dice que primero hay que mostrar interés por ellas. Tienes que hacer un esfuerzo de profundizar en sus vidas, recordar datos importantes. Ah, no, sí, tu cumpleaños. Ah, verdad, tus vacaciones que tú tomaste. Tú me contaste que tú estabas pasando en tu trabajo. With today's technology, I think there is no excuse not to have this saved in another way, right?
When you are sending a message to someone, you can give a little star to a message, save it for later, you can reread that from time to time and realize, ok, yes, this person, and look, Maria, what happened with this and that, and that little message. It makes a lot of progress in the bond between one person or another. The second tip she gives is to avoid judging.
This is very difficult for people, I include myself, but she says a phrase that I really like, which is silence is the goalkeeper of intimacy. You have to accept others as they are, whether they are different, so you see that they do not fit. Don't try to impose your criteria, your beliefs or your values on others. Just try not to judge.
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Chapter 4: How can we redefine our understanding of happiness?
Simplemente dice, ok, está pasando esto, otra vez, cortisol el cerebro. Así que trata de distinguir tú mismo las cosas del pasado que quieres recordar, porque tu mente y tu cuerpo no van a poder distinguir la realidad de la ficción.
Y lo que nos recomienda la doctora para poder apaciguar este sentimiento de culpa causado por eventos del pasado es fijarse y tomar nota diariamente de esas cosas que se te aparecen en la cabeza, esas cosas que te asaltan la mente a lo largo del día. Anótala, ten una lista y empieza a darle una puntuación del 0 al 5, 0 siendo las cosas que en verdad no te...
No te molesta mucho, como que sí, se me apareció en la mente, pero en verdad no causa un gran daño en mí. Cinco, siendo las peores cosas que sientes, es hasta un cambio fisiológico en ti. Sientes que se te acerrea el corazón, que te pones un poquito más, digamos, la sangre hirviendo, ese sentimiento de rabia. Y trata de observar esos eventos específicos, esos cinco, esos cuatro,
And the phrase that the doctor uses is to try to see it as if you were on a train, the train being the present and looking out the window, the window being the past. Try to see it apart from the event. It's a scene of your life that's already happened, but it's not necessarily something that's happening today.
And ask yourself a question, which is a strong question, to yourself, which is, what am I missing in this trip? What am I missing from my present for living hooked on guilt, in what's out there? And so you will be able to be happy with yourself. Not being able to do that will cause a lot of damage to you, mainly depression.
Many studies show that people who are very depressed are really suffering a lot from this phenomenon of not being able to separate the past from the present. And depression is a disease that, like everything else, has some causes, some symptoms, a prognosis, treatment, but at the same time it has a possible prevention. One of them, mentioned by the doctor, is forgiveness.
Existe gente mal, siempre va a haber gente mal en el mundo, no hay mucho que podamos hacer al respecto, pero la mayor parte de la gente que te lastima lo va a hacer es por ignorancia, por sin querer o porque tiene sus razones, no para herirte necesariamente, sino para haber tomado la decisión que tomaron cuando su intención quizás no era principalmente herirte.
A veces, muchas veces la persona... They don't even know what they did. So when one stays anchored in hatred for the decision of a person, that can become much more resentment. In fact, the doctor mentions that it is no coincidence that all these religions and ethical systems have forgiveness as one of their main axes or elements. Buddhism, of course, deals with it in great depth.
Jesus Christ with the cross. In Judaism, a very similar concept. Lo que ella explica es que esto no es coincidencia, pero que siempre recordemos que la capacidad de perdonar es exclusiva de la víctima. La víctima es la única persona que puede perdonar a la persona que cometió el acto. Da el ejemplo de Simon Wiesenthal, un judío austríaco.
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Chapter 5: What are the psychological impacts of trauma and resilience?
The sad thing is that many people recover it very late. Ya cuando pasaron, entre comillas, los mejores años de su vida, o cuando ya quizás se dieron cuenta que desperdiciaron bastantes años de su vida, hay que ser optimista. La ciencia te dice que tienes 75% de chance de poder superar lo que sea que te haya pasado.
Así que no tengas una mente negativa, practica todas estas cosas que sí te van a ayudar. And here we come to the final part of the book and we will simply summarize a few last concepts before ending this episode. The doctor talks about chronopathy, which is the obsession to take advantage of time, which is something that we have always suffered because now with this digital era it is worse.
She reminds us that Sean Parker, if you remember him in the Facebook movie, Sean Parker is the character, the actor is Justin Timberlake, he has already admitted it. that Facebook plays with the minds of its millions, already billions in fact, of users. Therefore, we have to avoid falling into these social networks.
I know this sounds very easy or, let's say, very repeated, but it is something that all psychologists, all psychiatrists, all the books that I read on this subject tell you to stay away from social networks. I'm telling you this, depending on whether you see me on social networks or are listening to me right now,
For the good of your mental health, try to avoid social media, only use it for the things that you really feel that you get value from. Really feel that I learn something, I improve as a person for having spent 5 or 10 minutes reading about this, listening to this, etc.
Because hyper-stimulation has great consequences, which is what causes social media, which specifically has a greater effect on children and young people and damage to that age, we have already talked about it causes a trauma.
It prevents you from developing those skills to improve or to deal with different situations in life and we have a future generation that is not going to be very stable mentally and I think we are already seeing a small beginning of that. We don't want to see what the world would be like when we all went through the technology of social networks in our childhood.
Then she explains how to lower that a little, how to lower that illusion of satisfaction that the networks give you, how to lower cortisol. Basically, exercise is one of the most effective ways to combat this and stress, anxiety and depression. Try to practice it regularly. And I know I've heard that before, exercise, etc, etc, but I'm going to scare you a little.
According to the data of the World Health Organization, toxic sedentarism, in other words, not doing anything, not being physically active, is considered the fourth highest cause of death in the world. In other words, don't do exercise, kill. Don't think that doing exercise is going to help you.
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