KEY TOPICS AND TIME STAMPS: 0.23 At our core is who we are meant to be and who we were when we were born • There’s spontaneity, warmth, pure emotion. No censorship, no thought, no permission • We were the world, we were the universe. Everything was a reflection of us, because we didn’t know awareness except through others • The goal in coaching our way, is to get back to that • But you’ve got to get through the crud • The negative self talk, the darkness, the limiting beliefs, the low self esteem, the fears, the shame • A kid under 5 sees no difference between themselves and the world around them • Then we start hearing the word no • We here you can’t, you don’t, you shouldn’t, I can’t believe you did that • Because we’re young, and there’s no difference between us and the world, everything we hear is true • We have no way of defending our selves from it, if it’s said by a magical big person, it’s the truth • And we internalize it • This is the work that we will do, to undo that internalization and that conditioning 6.05 The journey in coaching is to get through the crud and get back to the core • So who has some crud to work through? • Audience member: I have a fear of public speaking due to being laughed at at a young age • Sharon: So can I ask you a question? Who is your best self? • AM: I love people, I see good in everyone, I’m here for a purpose, and I need to help others, and I have to put my fear aside • Sharon: Your best self already has put her fear aside. She’s looking pretty amazing to me, she has passion, she has purpose, she makes a difference. Tell me more about her • AM: I want to be a great example for my children • Sharon: Your best self is a great example • AM: Yes, I am a great example for my family, I’m a great coach, I have self confidence, and I’m a great speaker! • Sharon: Your amazing, you just met the truth, and boy was she ready to come out! That’s not always the case. 10.17 Audience member shares about working through her frustration with her son’s reaction to her coaching 14.25 Audience member shares about her shame about her emotions stemming from a parent’s lack of vulnerability 16.31 Sharon: So this model, to me, has been a lifeline for me • Most of us as children, were never allowed to emote fully to completion • We would start an emotion, and it would be interrupted by a big person • Don’t pull that face around me young man, knock that off, big boys don’t cry, if you’re going to cry go to you’re room • An emotion interrupted as a child, is what we link shame to • Then instead of feeling that emotion properly, we feel shame • So we need to figure out, what emotions have I not allowed myself to have • And can I be present to someone who I can trust, who will let me experience that emotion, fully, to completion, without shaming or interrupting • It’s called mirroring or witnessing • I did this exercise many times, and it’s how I got from the crud to the core 19.45 It might have gone like this • When I was younger I was shamed when I didn’t speak well in front of one of my parents friends • I realize now, that wasn’t okay, in fact I’m kind of pissed off about it • It’s ridiculous that I was expected to be perfect as a child • And my witness partner might say “tell me more” • I’m six years old, and I’m expected to be perfect around big people, who know the rules, and don’t tell me the rules until I break the rules? • How am I supposed to get that right at that age? That’s ridiculous • My witness partner said “that’s not okay” • I reclaimed what I know should have happened when I was six years old • I was validated as I should have been at the time • And through doing this, we break through the crud, one bit at a time • We reclaim us OTHER RESOURCES: • World Tour – www.tci.rocks/worldtour • Ultimate You Book - www.ultimateyouquest.com/book • Ultimate You Quest Telecast - www.ultimateyouquest.com • Upcoming Events at The Coaching Institute - www.thecoachinginstitute.com.au/trainings • Sharon’s New Website - www.sharonpearson.com • Disruptive Leadership- https://www.disruptiveleading.com/ • Phone The Coaching Institute - 1800 094 927 • The Coaching Institute Fan Page – https://www.facebook.com/BecomeALifeCoach • Feedback/Reviews/Suggest a top to be discussed - [email protected] • Perspectives YouTube Channel – https://www.tci.rocks/youtube

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“What did the council decide on item 42?” — answered with the speaker and the moment.

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