The Conversations That Leaders Avoid and the Cost of That
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Why do leaders avoid tough conversations and what triggers that fear?
You're responsible as a leader for your culture of a company. A Harvard study found that 69% of leaders struggle and avoid tough conversations, primarily due to the fear of conflict, emotional reactions, and damaging relationships.
Why are these conversations avoided? The most avoided conversations are often the most important for team effectiveness. It's actually a kindness, to be honest, from a leader to share with their team members as they are going that this is their expectation and this is where you are. It's not matching and this is what I'm seeing. Let's work together to put some steps in place to get you to where you need to be.
Conflict can be healthy and it can be good, but if it's moving into more of a personal direction, there might be a time where you have to say, this is enough. We need to step in here. Welcome to Breaking the Chain, brought to you by Impel Talent. I'm Nathaniel Chapman.
And I'm Taryn Chabrat. Hi, everyone. Welcome to another episode of Breaking the Chain. We've got Nathaniel in the studio with me today. We've got an amazing topic to talk about. I think it's been something that's been burning in the background. I think a lot of conversations in our coaching sessions. So we thought it would be a good topic for us to talk through. The topic for today is the conversations leaders avoid and the cost of that. Super interesting. I actually can't wait for us to have that, to unpack it a bit. So welcome, Nate, to the studio.
Good to be back. And I think this topic comes at just the right time. I mean, a Harvard study found that 69% of leaders struggle and avoid tough conversations primarily due to the fear of conflict. emotional reactions and damaging relationships. And I think people often fear that they're going to be disliked, lose good employees, create, it's going to create tension amongst the team. So there's these like major reasons, which I know we're going to explore today that how we can help people build that confidence and what, what the important is to address things early, the impact of like potential. So when we were discussing this, actually the, Cia, our marketing associate, suggested this as a topic, amazing topic.
I knew this was something that people could walk away from this episode and be like, right, I'm not alone here. Everybody knows it's uncomfortable. Every leader has to do it. Everyone has to have tough conversations, whether that's in your professional or your personal life. So I think there's a lot. I think, T, I don't know if you do, but I learned a lot from the leadership stuff that we've done around having tough conversations at work. And I have taken it home with me and into my personal life, which I'm sure annoys some people, like competitive advantage, but really excited on the topic.
You know, people shy away from these discussions. What I found is people know they need to have it. I think this is the key. Leaders know they need to have these conversations and we end up procrastinating around it. Because for me, what I've seen is they don't have a structure. They don't know how. And so we avoid what we don't know how to respond to. So hopefully, as we speak about the topic today, you're going to get some practical tools, some how tools, how to approach these conversations and how to maybe see these conversations differently, because it is very daunting. It is. Not everybody's cup of tea. Nobody wants to have these conversations. Nobody wants to hear these conversations either. So it is a two-way street.
And I think that's what people anticipate, reaction that will come from having these conversations. And that's what they're afraid of. It's more that the reaction that's going to come from it.
The human interaction is like fight or flight, isn't it? And actually, as a leader, you have to come in with neither of those things.
And I think it's very
unnatural. And I think that's the stuff that people then put it off. And what I'm excited to explore, first leaders need to acknowledge is that if you put it off, there are some serious repercussions that are going to impact your team long term.
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Chapters
7 chapters
1
Why do leaders avoid tough conversations and what triggers that fear?
0:00–8:31
2
What are the hidden costs to teams when difficult conversations are postponed?
8:31–18:11
3
Which specific types of conversations (performance, behavior, conflict) are most often avoided?
18:11–23:39
4
How does emotional intelligence help leaders navigate and de‑escalate conflict?
23:39–29:07
5
What practical steps can leaders take to give timely, constructive feedback?
29:07–33:42
6
How can leaders create a safe space for two‑way dialogue during tough talks?
33:42–38:44
7
Why is timing (addressing issues early) critical for maintaining team culture?
38:44–42:12