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Brooke and Jeffrey

Laser Stories (5/20/26)

20 May 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: Who are the hosts of Laser Stories?

0.892 - 17.436 Jose

Hey guys, it's us, the Jonas Brothers. I'm Joe. I'm Kevin. And I'm Nick. And guess what? We created our own podcast called Hey Jonas. We invented a podcast? Well, we didn't invent it. We just contributed to it. We're the first people to do podcasts. We get to ask other people questions because we're sick and tired of being asked questions.

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17.737 - 28.873 Jose

Well, sick and tired is a strong way to put it, but you know. Tired and sick. Tired and sick. Listen to Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Just listen. We don't care where you hear it.

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29.41 - 50.85 Robert Smigel

Another podcast from some SNL late night comedy guy. Not quite. On Humor Me with Robert Smigel and Friends, me and hilarious guests from Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman help make you funnier. This week, my guests, SNL's Mikey Day and head writer Streeter Seidel, help an acapella band with their between songs banter. Where does your group perform? We do some retirement homes.

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51.03 - 59.67 Robert Smigel

Those people are starving for banter. Listen to Humor Me with Robert Smigel and friends on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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59.752 - 61.134 Unknown

And here's Heather with the weather.

61.494 - 83.92 Brooke

Well, it's beautiful out there, sunny and 75, almost a little chilly in the shade. Now let's get a read on the inside of your car. It is hot. You've only been parked a short time and it's already 99 degrees in there. Let's not leave children in the back seat while running errands. It only takes a few minutes for their body temperatures to rise and that could be fatal.

83.9 - 89.687 Unknown

Cars get hot, fast, and can be deadly. Never leave a child in a car. A message from NHTSA and the Ad Council.

89.867 - 99.959 Ashanti Plummer

Hey, it's Ashanti Plummer from Fudd Around and Find Out. This week, AZ Fudd and I sat down with Steph and Curry. Steph talks pressure, confidence, and what it really takes to stay great.

100.08 - 113.603 Unknown

There's different categories, I guess. So I'm like conditioning, shooting drills, where you try to simulate kind of games. Look at her face. Look at her face. We have a love-hate relationship with those because you know you're getting something out of it. You don't look forward to those days.

Chapter 2: What is the concept behind the charity Beards of Benevolence?

465.914 - 471.243 Jeff

That's good. Oh, my God. Because we don't want wealthy people paying their fair share.

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471.383 - 472.365 Jeff

They don't deserve that.

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472.425 - 473.007 Jose

That's gross.

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473.207 - 485.514 Jeff

Shakira dedicated her victory to, quote, the thousands of ordinary citizens who are abused and crushed every day by a system that presumes their guilt and forces them to prove their innocence.

487.158 - 490.405 Jose

Did she start a charity or something with that $70 million? No.

490.385 - 494.895 Jeff

They could do that if they had Shakira's legal team, though. That only costs about 20 mil.

496.098 - 496.318 Brooke

Nice.

496.378 - 520.44 Jeff

No wonder she pulled it off. I'm glad she fought for the little guy. Very relatable tax news for us. Now let's go to your final laser story out of The Study of Us. Hey, we just came from there. A lot of people would love the superpower of being able to freeze time so that they could get more things done or just sit on their couch and do absolutely nothing for once. Yeah.

Chapter 3: What bizarre incident occurred involving a Florida man and a floodlight?

546.476 - 563.764 Jeff

Oh, I didn't think all that. I thought it'd be kind of funny. Yeah, I would be really into it, too. We started with the guy that didn't have any pants on in the laser stories, and he ended up in a cop car. Only 13% would not do anything illegal during their frozen time. What would you do that's illegal, like rob a bank or something? Yeah, what is there besides robbing?

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563.885 - 584.158 Jeff

So it comes up in the poll, which did note minor crimes do not count. So in the comments, people joyously talked about never paying for groceries, just sneaking in the store and sneaking out, robbing from big businesses, and even becoming a poker shark. Oh, that one would be fun. There we go. Because you can walk around the table and see everybody's cards. That's cool.

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584.178 - 601.117 Jeff

But if you were Jose, you'd sit back down and forget what everybody's cards were. You'd have to keep walking around over and over. Or I would sit down and just be giggling. Also, switching the clothes on two people was another popular incident. I didn't switch clothes, but I was clothes related. Yeah, just to mess with them.

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601.137 - 618.843 Jeff

And one person said, is stopping time every morning to sleep more illegal? Oh my gosh, getting like nine hours a night? Yeah, I don't know about that. He could be very efficient. As for what this guy would do, he would stop time just so that he wouldn't have to return his bowling shoes after the allotted 60 minutes.

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618.863 - 620.786 Jose

That makes sense. He likes those.

620.806 - 628.499 Jeff

He wants a lot more time with those bad boys. And that's how he slays the stories. It's come to an end for the day. We'll do it again same time on Friday.

629.08 - 630.703 Brooke

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

633.232 - 649.794 Jose

Hey guys, it's us, the Jonas Brothers. I'm Joe. I'm Kevin. And I'm Nick. And guess what? We created our own podcast called Hey Jonas. We invented a podcast? Well, we didn't invent it. We just contributed to it. We're the first people to do podcasts. We get to ask other people questions because we're sick and tired of being asked questions.

650.075 - 661.23 Jose

Well, sick and tired is a strong way to put it, but you know. Tired and sick. Tired and sick. Listen to Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Just listen. We don't care where you hear it.

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