Laser Stories (7/15/26)

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Brooke and Jeffrey 13 min 9 speakers 2 chapters transcribed 2 months ago
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What is the Laser Stories segment and how does the episode open?

Brooke (host) 0:00
What's up, fam? It's sports journalist Ari Chambers. Hey, what's up, y'all? It's your girl, Sam Jay. And we're the hosts of Everyone Watches Women's Sports, a new podcast from Together. We're breaking down the biggest headlines, the viral moments, and the stories everyone's talking about across women's sports. From game-changing performances to culture-shifting conversations, we'll give you our takes, our debates, and a few laughs along the way. Because everyone watches women's sports. Listen to Everyone Watches Women's Sports on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Chelsea Handler 0:30
This is Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea. Every week, the news gets worse, the world gets crazier, and Yamanika is here to tell whoever's responsible, you're the problem.
Unknown 0:39
Do you know I just found out who Sidney Sweeney was? If he got a bunch of women, then I should have a bunch of men. Do better or do less so I don't have to do so much. I'm Yamanika and I'm out. Listen to You're the Problem with Yamanika on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Brooke (Host) 1:01
My first guest is Paris Hilton. Shakira. Luke and Yerin. We have surprises. Many surprises. Welcome to the Sweet 305 podcast where the group chat comes to life. What up?
Jonas Knox 1:14
You're the only person I know that loves a yellow starburst.
Brooke (Host) 1:17
It's lemonade.
Jonas Knox 1:18
This is Sweet 305.
Brooke (Host) 1:20
Here, oversharing is encouraged. Listen to Sweet 305 with Lele Pons on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Mungish Atigular 1:30
I'm Mungish Atigular, and I'm back with a new season of my podcast, Skyline Drive. This time I talk to scientists, biopunks, curmudgeons, blues owners, super seniors, and Goa's top cryotherapy lab to try to understand this obsession with living forever and what it means for all of us. And I get into a bit of trouble along the way.
Stacey Dales 1:49
I'd say probably start bone smashing. That doesn't work. Make it look more defined. They say it works. I don't know.
Mungish Atigular 1:54
Listen to Skyline Drive How to Live Forever on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Michael Rappaport 2:01
This is Michael Rappaport, and my podcast, the I Am Rappaport Stereo Podcast, is unlike anyone you've ever heard. If you're looking for strong opinions about sports, entertainment, politics, pop culture, and whatever else catches my attention, then subscribe now. This kid, Jafar Jackson, should absolutely positively get nominated for his portrayal as Michael Jackson. Listen to I Am Rappaport on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Jonas Brothers 2:37
It's the radio segment that's making kids' birthday parties a little more exciting with the new Punch Back Pinata.
Brooke (Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning) 2:45
I love the idea.
Jonas Brothers 2:45
A paper mache drone donkey that's programmed to attack children eight and under if they're holding long sticks.
Brooke (Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning) 2:52
I like it.
Jonas Brothers 2:53
The piñata should be able to defend itself.
Brooke (Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning) 2:55
I'm with you, Jeff.
Jonas Brothers 2:56
So instead of candy, fill it with bandages and gauze because someone's going down, and it's not going to be that piñata.
Brooke (Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning) 3:02
I'd love to see that like a stick fight, like it's fighting back. Boom, boom, boom, back and forth.
Jonas Brothers 3:06
Now you can with Laser Stories, the segment where we read weird news stories around the globe just like everyone else does, except we've got a laser, and those other candy kickers just don't. This first Laser Story is out of a fan favorite, Florida. Hey! We should really just change it to Florida stories at this point. That's been suggested on the text board. But a 75-year-old man named Marshall Avner was at a pet store the other day when he approached a family inside and asked the kids if they wanted to pet his dog.
Bark!
Brooke (Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning) 3:33
I mean, it's weird for you to ask. I wish the people asked you. Usually it's the other way around.
Jonas Brothers 3:38
Well, the parents kind of ignored him, and the kids said no thanks. And that's when the senior citizen lost it.
Brooke (Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning) 3:44
Oh, he got mad mad.
Jonas Brothers 3:46
As the family walked away, Marshall unleashed a can of pepper spray at everyone, even the children.
Brooke (Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning) 3:53
Oh, my God.
Jonas Brothers 3:54
it's not silly string kids don't let it get in your eyes the cops were called and marshall was arrested he's facing charges of aggravated battery and child abuse the police asked him why he flipped out yeah marshall said that he was trying to socialize his dog rafter and that his pooch had only bitten someone once before so he wanted to prove it wouldn't happen again i mean like owner like dog is that what we're seeing here

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