Laser Stories (7/20/26)
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Hey, Portlandia fans.
Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here.
The dream of the 90s is alive in podcast form.
We're launching Podlandia AO Rewatch, our brand new podcast where we revisit every episode of Portlandia together, breaking down sketches, going deep on our iconic characters, and pulling back the curtain on how it all got made.
And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Kreisel, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more.
Kyle is going for it here. You fully improvised not just words, but a song, a melody.
Well, I thought you were all going to write a song.
I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia, AO Rewatch on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
What's up, fam? It's sports journalist Ari Chambers. Hey, what's up, y'all? It's your girl, Sam Jay. And we're the hosts of Everyone Watches Women's Sports, a new podcast from Together. We're breaking down the biggest headlines, the viral moments, and the stories everyone's talking about across women's sports. From game-changing performances to culture-shifting conversations, we'll give you our takes, our debates, and a few laughs along the way. Because everyone watches women's sports. Listen to Everyone Watches Women's Sports on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Listen to You're the Problem with Yamanika on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
My first guest is Terrence Hilton. Shakira. Luke and Yerin. We have surprises. Many surprises. Welcome to the Sweet 305 podcast where the group chat comes to life. What up? You're the only person I know that loves a yellow Starburst. It's lemonade. This is Sweet 305. Here, oversharing is encouraged. Listen to Sweet 305 with Lele Pons on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
I'm Jake Brennan, and on my podcast, Disgraceland, I tell the stories behind music's biggest names, like how the story of the Foo Fighters isn't just about music, it's about grief, shock, and the moment everything changed. Imagine that. You're in the biggest band on the planet, as Dave Grohl was in 1994 in Nirvana, and the phone rings, and you learn that your singer, your friend, the reluctant voice of a generation, Kurt Cobain, is dead. Listen to Disgraceland on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
After 400 miles of driving, just pull over and take a bite. They peel off like string cheese, actually.
That's fun. How are you going to drive after you eat half of it? I mean, because you have a full belly. Is that what you're talking about?
Now eat my dust and my tires with Laser Stories, the segment where we read weird news stories around the globe just like everyone else does, except we've got a laser. Those other mozzarella Michelin men just don't. This first Laser Story is out of Maryland. A man went into a pet store recently and stole a three-month-old rescue kitten named Magnolia from the cat adoption area. Ooh, you suck!
Yeah, I just adopted him.
He did it by using a key when nobody was looking. Oh, wow. And then the guy took the kitten to a PNC bank next door and used poor Magnolia as an accessory in an attempt to rob the place.
What the heck?
I'm trying to picture this. He used a cat? Yeah, have you ever felt kitten sharp claws?
Yeah. He didn't use them as a weapon. Apparently, he went in with the cat in his arms, walked right up to a bank employee and said, can you hold this cat? And then he wrote a note and handed it to a teller that said, essentially, give me all your cash. Ain't nobody got time for that.
Maybe he meant to say cats. Give me all your cats.
He wanted the money. And I guess maybe, you know, if you put a cat in someone's arms, they're more willing to agree with you.
It's also expensive to be a parent. And he's a new parent. So he needed the cat.
Playing the sympathy card, yeah. Someone alerted the police and the response was quick.
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Chapters
3 chaptersSpeakers
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