Laser Stories (9/23/26)
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What weird candy promotion does the show open with?
It's the radio segment that's making your candy a little easier to eat with new second bite Snickers.
What's that?
Tiny bite-sized balls of nougat that have been pre-chewed and baby birded down to the consumer.
Disgusting. It's
easier to digest. That caramel does
get tricky.
Yeah, thank you, bro. Just in time for the holidays. Remember, you're not you until your candy's been pre-chewed. It's not
the slogan. And it
runs. It is now with Laser Stories, the segment where we read weird news stories around the globe just like everyone else does, except we've got a laser. Most other sugar sharers just don't. This first Laser Story is out of Falmouth, Virginia. Ooh. A 39-year-old guy named Octavius Hodges went into a Taco Bell on Monday and tried to order off the dollar menu.
Sounds great to me. But
he only had 70 cents. Bro, that's how you know. I remember those days for sure. But it
rounds up to a dollar.
Is that count? But then after tax,
it's
like $1.20. That's a good point, Jose. So one of the employees felt bad for him and decided to give him a taco for free.
Hey! That's so nice. I love that.
Yeah, well, as Octavius was unwrapping it, he did get upset over the type of taco that they gave him.
You just got a free taco,
my man. It can just be a tortilla. You should be happy. It wasn't the one he wanted, so shockingly, pulled a knife on the staff and even lunged at one of the employees.
Oh, no, she didn't.
Oh
no. He got chicken instead of beef? Like, what's up?
Well, he took off running, but a police dog caught him in a field nearby. Yeah,
followed the sound of Taco Bell.
He was charged with attempted malicious wounding, disorderly conduct, assault, and obstruction of justice.
Why did a Taco Bell customer pull a knife over a free taco?
At least he's one of those people that complains before he eats it instead of like after.
Quality individual. But afterwards, Octavius told officers he wouldn't have freaked out if they would have just asked him if he wanted chicken or beef. He is a beef man, by the way, if you were wondering. Good to know. Their beef is nice.
I don't
think it's really beef, but whatever it is, it tastes good. Yeah, give us more of it. This next laser story is out of Ohio. A 34-year-old woman named Jasmine Coates believed her grocery store was scamming her.
Ain't
nobody got time for that. Okay, how
so?
It took her years to be able to prove it.
Years? That's a conspiracy. All right, is this a reward system issue? What are we doing?
She finally believes she uncovered some shady business practices and went to social media to out them and raise awareness. Oh, so she had evidence. Let's hear her out
on what she
thinks is happening to her. Here's what Jasmine's two-year-long investigation found out.
Every single week with my groceries, when it asks me if I want cash back, I always say yes and I get my $50 back. So every week I look up on the little screen and see how much money I saved from all my coupons. And usually it's about like $50 to $60. So I always press $50 when it asks if I want the cash back. So PSA, if you did not know this, when you ask for cash back, it is not giving you the cash back of the money that you saved from your order, like from the store. It is taking it straight out of your checking account.
she
thought all the money that she was saving on groceries with her like rewards card and like yeah she thought i mean she was saving that money i
was like who gets fifty dollars back every week
she thought that money could be taken and she could get the money back in cash
savings
back and that's not how it
works i like the idea for her program better though Yeah, they
should give me
the 30 cents or whatever.
In that case, everybody would be hitting cash back. But yeah, Jasmine finally figured out the cash back button took cash directly out of her bank account.
I need to know who told her in her life. Can you imagine that conversation? Like, what do you mean you're overdrafted? Why?
I don't know. So that's why she wants to go online and tell everybody the truth.
Two
years
later. That's
a lot of money. Every week
for two
years. And you know before she posts, she's like, Albertsons or whatever is going to be so embarrassed.
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