Dr. Becky: Parenting 101
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What does Dr. Becky mean by saying kids are born good inside?
What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy. Dr. Becky, welcome to Caller Daddy. So excited to be here. Thank you. Okay. You are a clinical psychologist and you are often referred to as the millennial parent whisperer. You essentially break down parenting in a very smart, empathetic way. And so I think all of my daddy gang moms or future moms to be are gonna really enjoy this episode. But I also think for any anyone who maybe that isn't their journey, I do think they're gonna get a lot out of this episode as well because we are gonna talk about boundaries and attachment theory and confidence, which is applicable to everyone. So thank you for being here. Excited to jump into it all.
You also kind of had this moment where you turned this parenting philosophy, good inside, into essentially a huge brand and and this has become like kind of like you're the cornerstone of like a lot of things you talk about. Can you explain the idea behind that name?
Yeah, I I think it goes back to so many more years ago than even my Instagram started, where I said, okay, so if I'm gonna gonna give myself permission to question the pure punishment timeout version of parenting, what am I left with? If I strip away all the assumptions from a first principle's perspective, and I was kind of left with two things. Uh one was I think kids are born good inside. Like I just don't believe babies are born thinking I'm gonna wake up my parents a lot and you know and make them not sleep and give them a hard time. I think kids are born good inside. And then this other thing I was left with is that kids are born with all the feelings and none of the skills. And so that's why good kids do a lot of bad things.
Because when any of us, by the way, at any age have feelings that overpower skills, they come out as behavior. And so it all came down to that. And that first idea that we're born good inside explains why we need to teach skills, that we don't have to so much insert all these things into a kid. They kind of have them and we have to help them access
system. I love that because I think so much of it, you're right, is like Does put a lot on the parents where it's like i this is a lot of this can actually be in your control to help your child continue to be good. Of course there's gonna be mess ups and of course there's gonna be hardships. But it's like the most children are coming out and are good human beings and then by nurture and nature, it's like what is going to happen in their circumstances? They're gonna mold them into the human being, they're gonna B and no pressure parents, but you are a majority of that.
Buckle up and good luck. Yeah. And it sounds intimidating, but I think I think actually so much of the idea of good inside came down to in my practice. Everyone wants to know what to do. What do I do when my kid hits? What do I do when my kid lies to my face? But way before we can think of an effective strategy, it actually comes down to what's my mindset? How am I looking at my kid? And I think there's two mindsets we have when our kid acts out. Do I have a good kid having a hard time or do I have a bad kid doing bad things? And there's no strategy that matters as much as thinking about that mindset. By the way, it's the same as a marriage. My husband's annoying me. Is he a good person having a hard time?
Or is he a bad person doing things to me? And everything flows from there.
Such a good point. Okay, we need to get into. Gentle parenting. Yeah, we do. Because I was so excited to ask you about this because I know it is Very buzzy. It's very controversial. People have a lot of thoughts. Even like in prepping for this, I was like asking around, like, oh, like what's your parenting style? Just to see if anyone I'm interacting with does gentle parenting. And so I want to get your opinion. Where do you stand on this approach? And also for anyone that maybe doesn't know what it is, if you can explain it a little bit.
So I I don't even know if I'm the best person to explain it. And I think probably it's been portrayed like most things in these extreme ways in the media that nobody actually believes.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What does Dr. Becky mean by saying kids are born good inside?
0:02–12:04
2
How does a parent's mindset affect a child's behavior?
12:04–26:24
3
What are boundaries and how do they differ from requests?
26:24–38:08
4
How does the pilot metaphor illustrate sturdy parenting?
38:08–50:51
5
How can parents foster self‑trust confidence in their kids?
50:51–1:02:07
6
Why is repairing mistakes crucial for child development?
1:02:07–1:12:58
7
How should new mothers handle self‑care and fertility challenges?
1:12:58–1:23:05
8
What practical tips does Dr. Becky recommend for new parents?
1:23:05–1:34:39