Join Alex in the studio for an interview with Kate Hudson. Kate talks about her childhood, being a prude in high school, and how she personally handled mean girls. She opens up about falling in love very young and getting married in her early twenties. Kate also shares her opinion about why she still has love for her exes. She explains how to let go of resentment and encourages the Daddy Gang to take accountability for their part in relationships too. Kate talks about how there’s nothing wrong with living life on your terms and how to feel confident breaking the norm. Then she gives advice on how to catch a guy being shady, what to do when you find out your boyfriend has a burner phone, and how to navigate when you and your partner’s sex drives aren’t syncing up. Finally, she talks about going a year without men and breaking toxic patterns to find independence and security in her relationships. Enjoy!
Chapter 1: What does Kate Hudson think about transitioning from acting to music?
So, I mean, music's been in my life, my whole life. Okay. Whether it was me or whether it was with like my exes, partners. But yeah, no, I finally was like, you know what, if I don't share it, I'll just regret it. And
That's what I think is interesting. When you think of like Kate Hudson, everyone's like actress. Is it terrifying to come out with music or are you like excited? Are you nervous?
I think it was terrifying, which is why I didn't do it. And I'm an Aries, like I'm supposed to be fearless. And I was like, why am I so terrified to share this? my writing, really. And I think it's because when I grew up, and sort of was young and became well known. And I got famous young, so I was 20 years old. And at that time, you don't switch careers.
There was no, oh, you're gonna be a movie star and then you can be a rock star. It's like, no, stay in one lane. Everyone tells you to stay in one lane. Don't break what's not broken. So I kind of had this thing was like the one thing I loved the most was going to take a was just going to take a backseat.
And so my dream was like, OK, well, I can do musicals and then maybe that's how I incorporate music into my life. And
then I you know it just time gets away from you and you know kids and things and COVID happened and I'm like I'm sitting on hundreds and hundreds of songs that I've never like I'm so scared to put that out but but why yeah and so I had to kind of tackle that and then I was just like fuck it if I don't do it then I will be on my deathbed and it will be a great regret of mine so
Well, I think it's incredible you're doing it also because you have a really good voice. Oh, thanks. Like, no, but I think sometimes, like, to be honest, I think people are always like, oh, God, another fucking actress is going to now try to do a singing career or vice versa. Like, yeah, the singer goes to try to act. I'm listening to you and I'm like, oh, you have a fucking great voice.
It's funny because I'm not like I don't I don't. That's been part of my hesitation is I don't see the instrument as like a technician. I think there's certain technicians of the instrument that are fucking brilliant. And you listen to them and you're like, whoa, they can do runs for days and they can hit certain notes and things. I never saw myself as a technician of the instrument.
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Chapter 2: How did Kate Hudson's upbringing influence her views on relationships?
So like when I'm writing music, I write for my voice or I write what I'm feeling. So that always for me was like, oh, you know, if I can't hit that note, then...
then what does that mean you know and so I kind of also had to just let it go let that go and well I also think what you were saying is your lyrics like as I was like going through your music I'm like oh so much of your lyrics are about love and your relationships and heartbreak and moving on and knowing when to move on and like Romeo I feel like is like a great summer bop
I'm like, yeah, I love, Oh my God. I love, I think it's a, I think it's a, I love Romeo so much. It's a good vibe. Romeo. It makes me happy. That song just is like, I just want to like put it on in the car in the summer. Yes. I love that. That's the one you mentioned.
I also love that you go to the complete opposite side and it's like, love ain't easy. And I'm like,
you're just like flexing your vocals i'm like holy fucking shit it's like a beautiful i guess ballad or like and it's gorgeous but so much of listening to it i felt like i got to know you a little bit more and i want to talk a little bit about that today because i'm like okay uh-oh when you were growing up how was sex and dating discussed in your household in our house yeah oh i mean i have very open you know
Progressive parents-ish, progressive-ish parents. Those were things that were always very open. And I think part of why we were never super rebellious was because there was no mystery around those things. So, you know, even like partying, like my parents loved to have a good time. And we grew up seeing them enjoy their life laugh with friends, be, you know, talk about naughty things.
Sometimes overhear things that were like, Hmm, what are they talking about? Um, But this mystery of like connection and why we connect with people was never something that was like hidden that we didn't talk about, you know?
I think that's a good point. Cause I feel like not to shit on the kids that's parents were so strict, but I had a similar upbringing where like my parents were like very open about things. So I was never like, I want to go experiment and do all this shit behind their back because fuck you, you're making me stay home.
I felt like I was lucky to have that, but I can see a lot of kids where you can go the opposite way because if your parent tells you not to do something, you naturally want to do it sometimes. Yeah. So if you have people that are talking openly about, especially I think for women, about like not actual sex, like your mom's not like, Kate, let me tell you about this. But when you're, well, did she?
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Chapter 3: What were the best and hardest parts of getting married young?
Right.
like you had that stability even though like externally it looked all chaos because your life is like you're thriving you're a movie star you get to go home to this guy and you're like this is what I prefer like a cozy great vibe vibe yeah like I think something I was reading about you that I think is really relatable it's like you talk about how when your marriage ended you still had like so much love for this person and I'm wondering if you have any advice for
women listening of like maybe someone just went through a breakup and they're still so in love with their ex but they know they need to move on like how the fuck do you do that let's be very clear like if i didn't have children i probably would never speak to them stop i'm kidding
No. You know, the thing is like, I, I, I don't know if it has something, it just, I guess it's just a, it's an attachment thing, I guess. It's like how we attach to pain or why something isn't working or what the expectation is of what you wanted from the relationship. And then that expectation letting you down. Um, and then people suffer because they've sort of
put such an expectation on what something's supposed to look like versus my choice through life is just like opening, being more open. And like, and that doesn't mean that it's without pain and sadness and working through stuff and reflecting and taking accountability, but like And I'll come back to the accountability part because I think that's the most important thing.
But at the end of the day, I believe you love someone. If you love them once, you really love them in some way forever. Even if you can't stand them, if you really loved them, if it was pure, if it wasn't like coming from some place unhealthy, you'll love them forever. through anything, you know, maybe not romantically, but that will always, always be there.
And I, and I do believe that like it shifts just like friendships shift, you know, my best friendships have gone through times where we are like, don't talk 40 times a day to not seeing each other for a year. But there's a, but there's always that kind of foundation. I believe that with great loves of your life. And I, I,
will always, even in the hardest times, be able to see the people that I've been with and that I've shared intimacy with.
in a loving way I also I also believe that that's a choice like I choose to do that you know I I I do that because I think it's more peaceful for me um which makes it more peaceful for my children but I think that the the biggest thing about relationships and you know when they when they when they end, is like how you're being accountable.
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Chapter 4: How can you let go of resentment towards an ex?
Or I know you were here. How do you know that? Because I have a friend that's the bartender and she was there and she saw you. Oh, it's so fun. I've done all of it. And that's the best is when you know they've fucked you over and then you come up with the best live all time. And it's like, oh my God, I'm an Olympian. They can't even believe it. And they're like sweating. God.
And you're like, you know what's really sad? I used to do this. It's like, I know everything. And then they'd go like pale white. And so I told you, like, I know everyone in New York. So when you go to the great white and you're there and you're having drinks with her, like, what do you think I was going to do? You think I wasn't going to know? And he's like shitting his pants.
Meanwhile, I didn't have any friends at the great white. Just saw on his phone that he was like, meet me at the great white. But you make it up and then you get out of it unscathed. But people wonder why women should rule the world.
Period.
It's like, guys, we're going to strategize this, and by the end of it, you're going to be sweating bullets, and I'm going to leave you.
The difference is we get notifications that you're hacking into our computers. We come up with lies. You didn't even know we went into your fucking iPhone.
I know. Guys are so funny. I love guys so much because they're quite – They're very simple. Not that they're not complex. But the foundation of how men work isn't that challenging. It's not. They're super straightforward. True. I think we expect them to be more complicated.
We give them more credit for sure than it actually is. Half the time. If they're giving you like, if you get a weird vibe, the weird vibe is right. Like they're cheating or they're doing like, yeah. Sometimes women will be like, well, maybe it's because his grandmother was not feeling well. So maybe he's been acting weird. No, no, no. It's what you think it is. He's cheating.
Or yeah. Or like if there's like three burner phones, like there's a problem. You know what I mean? It's going to get weird at some point. Like if you see a burner phone and a Dob kit, just run. It's not going to be a good ending. Right. Which has happened to a couple of friends of mine where I'm like, no. What do you do if you see this? And I'm like, oh, my God, babe. Run.
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Chapter 5: What advice does Kate Hudson give about accountability in relationships?
It's hard.
I know.
You have friends who are more dramatic than others. And we all have to, like, let each other go through it. True. I just don't like when people, like, we know when it turns and it's unhealthy that we need to, like, rally around our friends. True. Like, if something is not right and they're kind of stuck in a really unhealthy. Yeah. And it's, like, not funny anymore.
Yes. When it's not funny anymore.
Yeah. Then you're like, okay, you know what? What's going on?
Right. it's almost like when the girl dinners, because every, all girlfriends talk about each other and it's not even like behind your back. It's like, Oh God, she's with him again. Like we know he's going to cheat again and we love her to death from that. When it gets to like, I don't even want to fucking hear about it. Like you've literally exhausted all of us. That's when it gets scary.
Cause you're like, now you've alienated yourself and we feel bad as opposed to be like, Jessica, what are you doing with him again?
Can't help.
you you know it's like or or like support it that that's hard it gets that's hard yeah that's hard okay he's really close friends with his ex oh interesting like how close is close like they get lunch i would say every month every other month and they have a kid nope oh problematic mm-hmm
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Chapter 6: How to deal with a partner's shady behavior?
it allowed me to see things much more clearly. And then within six months, I was like, I didn't care about my phone. I didn't care about like, if I was going to go out and meet my girlfriends, I wasn't like, that thing where I'm like, oh, I wonder if so-and-so would be there or like, ooh, we should maybe call up so-and-so and then do that.
There was no desire for me to be doing anything that had anything to do with potential you know, flirtation. Right. So, um, then when I was in with, you know, doing that and I remember my therapist a year later was like, okay, you can, I think you can flirt again. I was like, what? I can flirt? And he's like, yeah. I was like, How do I flirt? I like forgot.
And then I remember like all these guys would start texting and I'd be like, I didn't have the same attachment to it anymore. It just, it just went away. It was like, I didn't get that. Like, Ooh, you know, I, I was just like, Oh, No, no, it just didn't have the same, like, pull. Interesting. It sort of became... And then the guys that I would normally have been like, ooh, was like, mm, nope.
That's incredible.
It was pretty amazing.
So you lasted the year. Oh, yeah, I'm very disciplined. Damn. Yeah, yeah. It was good. One year. One year and... Yeah. It's pretty incredible. I didn't know I was longer because then I was so happy single. I was single for like three and a half years.
Being single is incredible. If you're like in the right place and like you're mentally focused on yourself, you're like, I am fucking great. I don't need anyone. And that's where you want to get to when you're single.
I love it.
I have empathy for women that when you get through out of a relationship, you almost have those withdrawal symptoms of like, oh my God, I'm used to having a partner. I'm used to having them here. And then you get good at being alone.
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Chapter 7: What are Kate Hudson's thoughts on breaking toxic patterns?
Oh, this question is so important. I think like, It's so hard because communication. I think in order to be in truly have like independence, you have to be good communicators because everyone's idea of their needs are so different, you know, and I am very independent. The other thing about Danny, he's so like He just like lets me. Be you. Be me. And it's like I could, you know, I could be like.
I really want to go out with my girlfriends tonight and I really want to be with you. Be like, go babe, go. And I could like be out till four in the morning, end up on some thing and come back and be like, Oh my God, I had the craziest night. I did it. And he's just like totally okay with it. Like in a, in a, in a good way. He loves when I'm happy. And
If it's the other way around, I'm like... Why were you out?
Hold on a second.
What were you up to? Four in the morning? What could you have been doing? Whose car did you end up in? No, literally saying. No, but I... But I really... Independence is what works for you. What might work for me doesn't work for him. So in order for me to feel independent, I think you have to communicate what that is. Like...
My thing is I just want to be told, you know, like just tell me that you're, you know, where you are, like tell me what you need and then I'm good. What I don't, I'm, I have a hard time with like not knowing. Right. Right. Some people are fine with not knowing they're much more comfortable with that, secure with it. My thing's like, if you tell me,
that you're gonna call me at 11 but you call me at two like that's gonna not create independence yeah for either of us no i think it's a great point i could talk about this shit all day long i love it i could talk to you forever because i love having insightful conversations where we don't have the same background so i'm interested to hear like oh like what is your take on this yeah i'm also like a full disclaimer i should just wear like i don't know what i'm talking about
me either, but it's fine. For me, I'm also like, I'm saying this, but I also am very happy to be wrong.
No, but women should run the world. So like, okay. Um, this album, I think it's incredible because like I said, you have an incredible voice, but the songwriting is phenomenal. And knowing that you said you have like hundreds of songs, just like in your house, how did you decide what you were going to put into this album? We just started fresh.
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Chapter 8: How does Kate Hudson define independence in relationships?
Come on. You know what I mean?
I can make out with some random guy. Easy. Yeah.
Well, thank you so much for coming on. This was truly so fun. You're fabulous. Thank you.