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Chapter 1: What challenges did Olivia Wilde face regarding double standards in her career?
What is up, daddy gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy. Olivia Wilde, welcome to Call Her Daddy. Hi, daddy. I'm so excited to meet you. Likewise. It's been a long time coming. Yeah. I have so much respect for you. You have had such an incredible, impressive career. Started as an actress, still are an actress, then obviously evolved into being a director.
And I just feel like you have been at the center of some of the biggest conversations for women and motherhood and ambition and relationships and everything.
public everything like you're it girl so I'm so excited to talk to you today ditto in all the ways last night let me paint the picture yeah take me through it so I get into bed I get all my favorite pregnancy snacks yes I sit back relax put on my heating pad and I turn on your new film and I had no idea what to expect because at first I was like I saw the trailer yeah but it still let it was kind of ambiguous and like I didn't know what to expect
The invite is so incredible. Screen time zero. I didn't pick up my phone. Whoa. Well, because you throw us right into it. Yes, yes. And it was so incredible the way that you explore modern relationships in a very nuanced, psychological way. It was right up my alley. It's amazing. Seriously. It's so you.
I'm so happy that you watched it and that, I mean, we are both ā Perelheads. We both love Esther. Esther is all over that shit and was our literal consultant. And we have to talk about that. Yes, we have to. But I'm so happy that I can discuss it with you because it deals with so many of the things that you bring up so eloquently with your guests.
And it's relatable for so many of us going through relationship dramas in every single way.
Well, that was what I found so fascinating was... I didn't know what when people were telling me like, oh, my God, Esther Perel was involved. I'm like, what does that even mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she was a consultant on the movie every single time I've ever sat down with her because she's been on the show multiple times. She reframes everything for me.
She reframes my life, intimacy, relationships. What initially drew you to her work?
Well, she was my shrink at one point. Oh, yeah. Years and years and years and years and years ago, I learned about her.
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Chapter 2: How does Olivia Wilde's new film explore modern relationships?
I read Mating in Captivity 20 years ago, and it blew my mind. And I was immediately drawn to Mating. her and her completely original perspective on relationships and on individuality within relationships.
And it felt like it was smashing this idea apart that we had all I had been raised with, which was the idea that you kind of needed to be in relationship with someone else as opposed to like, who are you individually within the relationship and all the responsibility one needs to take within a relationship. But I have to tell you,
I don't think I understood it 20 years ago, and I spent then 20 years of, like, going through relationships and then made this movie and suddenly felt like I understood Esther. And, okay, so...
When I read the script, Rashida Jones and Will McCormick had written the script, and it was based on a Spanish play that was turned into a movie, and this English language adaptation arrived, and I was like, this is so fucking funny and real, and it feels like it has Esther vibes. And I asked Rashida, I was like, did you talk to Esther?
She's like, well, she's obviously so she inspired it, but we haven't sat down with her yet. So I was like, let's get her in here. We sat down with her. We asked her to come on board as an actual consultant. And then she became our guide through the whole thing. And then Penelope Cruz based her character on Esther. And so you get to kind of almost hang out with Esther through Penelope.
okay first of all the fact that you actually had her at your shrink that is the biggest flex can you imagine no like i i can't but also like i don't i wonder how many clients she actually has but to be one of hers that's an honor and a privilege and scary and she's tough you can imagine she's tough she would she she like holds your feet to the fire she does she'll be like bullshit
I read that you would call her throughout and in the middle of filming, you would literally call her and be like, I need your take on this while you guys were trying to dissect the script. What is something that she really helped you resolve?
She really helped us resolve how to talk about sex and kind of tension in the relationship in a way that allowed everyone in the conflict to be right. So that it didn't become an oversimplified conflict of like, this guy's being an asshole and she's being kind of a bitch and blah, blah, blah. It was like, everyone is right because everyone's coming from within their experience.
And that's what she sees all the time on her couch. And so she was like, The person never presents with the truth. They present with, you know, their interpretation of it, the kind of reflection of the truth. And so they don't ever say what they really mean. They're saying this kind of... How they feel. Exactly. She's so fucking smart. She's so fucking smart. And she just... I'm the same as you.
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Chapter 3: What insights does Olivia share about motherhood and objectification?
So having an opinion as a kid was encouraged it wasn't just like shut up and agree it was like what do you feel what do you think have have something to say and they are really funny people and really great storytellers and like i showed them this movie and it's funny because it's actually kind of similar to you like like your dad has heard you talk about everything like gluck look Olivia? Yep.
Yes, he has. Hi, dad. I get that because my dad has had to sit through so many movies where I've been like buck ass naked doing sex scenes. And he's like, oh, wonderful work, darling. And this movie, he had to hear me talking about like DP pegging. Like I was like, how's he going to react? And they loved it. And I was like, I'm so lucky to have parents who have a great sense of humor.
And that started really young. They were just laughers.
That's so beautiful because the lack of shame in a household completely disarms then you for the rest of your life where you almost are like, wait, what's wrong with all of you? Like, why aren't you as open? And what like, why wouldn't we talk about this? Because this is what everyone's doing. And that's such like a privilege I've learned in a household I've had. My mom is such a feminist. Yes.
And I wanted to ask you about your mom because I know I read something where You talk about your mom in a way that you're like, she's strong. She's fierce. She's an independent woman. What was it like growing up with a woman and a mother like that at the head of your family?
It's interesting because she was unlike all the other moms. And when I was young, sometimes I was like, why aren't you a normal mom? Why aren't you always, you know, the one picking me up from school and at home and like making dinner? I was trying to trad wife my mom and she was not having it.
And she let me come to the realization on my own of like, girl, you're going to understand the value of this example as you get older. And all my friends wanted to have my mom. They would come over and sit and just sit at the kitchen table with her and tell her their hopes and dreams. And she took everyone seriously. And that... That is also something I feel like you have from what I've observed.
It's like your mom clearly took you seriously as a person and was like, go for it.
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Chapter 4: How has Olivia's perspective on marriage evolved over time?
And I think that was the greatest example. She also was in a male-dominated industry showing me how to blast through those walls constantly. She worked her ass off. She dealt with so much, I'm sure, judgment for not being... she was going to really dangerous places. So my mom was, my parents were both war correspondents.
So it wasn't like she was just like missing ballet because she was at, you know, a board meeting. She was like in Afghanistan. Like it was, she faced a lot of judgment for being a mother who's putting her life on the line for journalism. And
it was like she couldn't fucking win it was like you know you can be a mom who's who's present and giving a great example to your daughters and your son my brother's way younger so it was for a long time as me and my sister but then you get you know then you get shit for like not being there for everything and that is something that any working mother faces and you will too
And it's about to begin. That's fascinating because hearing the experience as a child of you being like, I had so much respect watching my mother navigate all of that. And at the same time, Then people being like, oh, my God, she's considered potentially a bad mother by leaving and going doing what she loves because she's not staying with her children. And look what it instilled in you, though.
It's like to each their own. But the judgment placed on a working mom is... It's unlike anything you've ever seen, right?
It's crippling. It's so hard. And the only thing that heals it is talking about it and sharing all things with shame. Once you air it out, then it dissipates. Shame dies once you share. But it's hard. It's hard. I think it's one of the reasons that more women don't direct films is because...
the feeling of saying like i have to go i'm gonna miss soccer practice i'm gonna miss this adorable christmas pageant because i'm gonna be on set and i'm not even like speaking truth to power as a journalist like my mom like she was like making the world better i'm just like telling funny stories on film and sometimes you're like oh man i i it is it's really hard to to get over that judgment but there's a lot of other moms going through it without a doubt yeah and
How do you think your mom ā like you mentioned being in such a male-dominated industry and then you obviously were going to come into one. Like how do you think she kind of taught you how to hold space for yourself and be comfortable taking up space when it's mainly men leading the rooms?
God, I think just by example and just by kind of not really ā entertaining insecurity. It was like, seen as like, yeah, but you'll get through it. It doesn't matter. Push through that. You'll do it. You want to do it, then you'll do it. And I think that she was always just encouraging a sense of real faith in me that made me have a real sense of faith in myself, which is very valuable.
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Chapter 5: What role does vulnerability play in Olivia's creative process?
Like, my mom was too on it that I was like, Lori, like, pretend you're like the other moms. Like, you don't notice these things. And I think at a young age, there is a respect. But there's also in a capacity like you can't.
I truly appreciate it when you're so much younger and because it does kind of force a light on you to be mature and to grow up and to be in your own at a young age where maybe another kid would be more like, oh, we're just still playing with fairies and all this. And my mother was like intense and she had a lot of opinions and she wanted me to be a very bright individual woman. Oh, yeah.
And I can't stand her enough now.
That was the thing. The only thing she really criticized me for was when she felt like I was assimilating. She was like, what is that? Who are you being right now? Is that from something you saw on TV? And I remember being so annoyed by that. And, you know, I think the most important thing you can do for your kid is just have their back. It's just make them feel like...
Even though you might have your conflicts, which is healthy. We learn conflict through battling out with our moms. I swear it's like a little training zone. So true. But then, you know they have your back. I remember I went to boarding school and I remember my mom coming to visit and I was in trouble. I was always in trouble, but I was in trouble because I had a...
a giant poster of bob marley on my wall that just had like a five foot joint across like the wall of my room they're like no olivia they're like she has paraphernalia like you she can't have a like drugs on the wall and my mom came in and looked at and she goes well, what's your proof that that's a joint? I think that looks like a cigarette. That's legal.
And the woman was like, I think it looks, it's not. It clearly was like a huge blunt. It was like a Bob Marley joint.
You're like, let's go. You know what? It's so interesting. I had this conversation the other day with a friend where we were talking about the value that it has when you had a parent who would stick up for you when you were younger and would believe you. I have friends who are like, oh, my parents were always like, what did you do wrong? And instead to have a parent to be like, I believe her.
I'm with her. That changes everything. That's, again, another privilege to have parents that are like rallying for you and standing up for you. Even if they're in private, they're like, get the fucking joint off your wall, Olivia. What the fuck are you doing? But to publicly present. Yeah, she's like, rip it down. Yeah. That's why I was going to ask you.
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Chapter 6: How does Olivia navigate public scrutiny and media narratives?
Like, at that point, what did you want for yourself?
I wanted to act. I really wanted to be an actress. I always wanted to be an actress. And so I deferred. I was going to go to Bard in New York. And I, instead of going to, like, to have like orgies in the waterfall of my liberal arts college in upstate New York, which is all I would have done.
I came to LA and I was a casting assistant and I pounded the pavement going to auditions and I was in the cattle call of pilot season where we all...
were looked exactly the same and tried so hard to assimilate like and then slowly learned to value my singularity as we all hopefully do and and but it was a i gave myself nine months i was like if i don't have a job at nine months i'll go back to school
Okay. And in the midst of all this, you eloped and got married at 19 years old. I read that and I was like, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait.
Eloped and married. So insane. Also, was it at Burning Man? It was at Burning Man. Well, yeah. The decision was made at Burning Man and I believe there was a Burning Man... sort of ceremony. And then the paperwork was done back in Los Angeles with a man who I think we found on the internet and like showed up and like, so we signed a paper that's probably invalid. And then I was like, all right.
And then immediately was like, wait, what the fuck did I just do? Because I had a pattern already at that point of spontaneous decision making. And I think that is one of the beauties of youth. But I would get myself into a whole bunch of trouble all the time.
Were you looking for marriage?
No, my God. No. I think it was like... it seemed like probably the craziest thing to do. And it was so romantic and insane that I think I was like, yeah, let me do the most unexpected, insane thing.
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Chapter 7: What lessons has Olivia learned from her experiences in relationships?
But he is a really insightful couples therapist. And we were having this conversation. He did a Q&A in Boston after one screening. And I was like, it's crazy that... Like 50% of marriages fail. It might be more than that now. I don't even know. And yet people do it every day. And I was like, if 50% of planes crash, would we keep getting on flights?
Everyone's like, Olivia, shut up. We don't want to hear this.
Yeah, but it's true. That is a little bit. We like to be like, la, la, la, la. It won't be me. But the thing is like, I actually do think it's a worthwhile institution. I think there's a lot of value in ceremony and ritual. I think making a promise to somebody to continue engaging in love with intention is a beautiful thing. I just think most of the time, once there is... Not most.
That sounds so bad.
It's okay. Some of the time.
For some, the contract... leads to this entitlement that stops the active engagement. And also, the institution of marriage has never really been favorable towards women. And I think there is this part of me that's resistant to the idea of subscribing to that. But at the same time, I'm also the most ludicrous romantic in every way. So I get it. So you will never get married again? I don't know.
I mean, knowing me, like I'll get married. Like I was got married at whatever, 19. I'll probably get married at like 85. Fair.
Okay. That's cute. That's cute. You're like from Burning Man to 85.
Exactly. When I'm back at Burning Man at 85, I'll get married.
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Chapter 8: How does Olivia view the connection between beauty and power in her career?
Yeah. You're like, God damn it. You were Alex. Is it still so crazy that people ask you about this fucking character?
Yes. You're like, wait. Also, for you, that was like... that's old. Like you do. Where did you discover it? Like Nick at night.
That's like old. It was so old. It was my friend's older sister would watch it. And I'm like watching in the corner. Like this is the best. And I'm living in Pennsylvania at the time. Like the concept of Orange County, a dream. I didn't even understand it. Yeah. And your character.
Oh, she was such a badass. I loved her so much. And yes, people, young people today, like a 16 year old the other day came up to me in a deli and she was like, I just want to say, I love the OCS. My favorite show. Alex Kelly's my favorite. I was like, what the fuck? Where are you finding it? But I think it's now it's available on streaming and people are finding it. I loved her.
I was so, I was so excited to, to be there and, and to be a part of something that, I had no idea it was such a phenomenon when I joined it, which is very me. I was so completely out of touch. I think I was still living ā because the thing I didn't mention about the aforementioned marriage is we lived on a school bus in Venice. Oh. I lived ā
You're just like, the Burning Man wedding, shotgun wedding, and then boom, we're living on the school bus, and then I'm on the OC.
And then I was on the OC, so I would get picked up for events from the bus, and they'd be like, what is she? I don't understand. And I would be like, no, no, no, this is my choice. This is how I'd like to live. Eventually did move into a home with walls, but... I was so... I didn't watch TV and then I was on TV. And I was like, hey, this is really fun. I love this.
But had no fucking clue the phenomenon that show was until I was on it. And then I was...
like meeting hordes of teenagers and being like oh shit this is like a thing and I joined once it was already a thing I should have known better but that character was incredible and she was this bisexual badass who loved live music and ran a business like none of it makes sense how did she own a business she's like a minor and none of it makes sense we can't dig too deep into the logic no but she was amazing and I think I was thinking about it I feel like that was like
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