Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
The Clare Byrne Show on Newstalk with Aviva Insurance. Hi, I hope you've been enjoying your Clare Byrne Show podcast this week. If you've liked what you've heard here, you might also be interested in the Newstalk Daily podcast with Ciara Doherty. Ciara and her guests asked a lot of interesting questions this week.
Chapter 2: What questions are being raised about porn and relationships?
Questions like, is VAR ruining football and is watching porn cheating? And in that particular episode, Ciara and Tessa Njonku had a fascinating chat about Gen Z dating rules. So if you don't know all about the orange peel test or the worm theory, stay listening.
This week, TikTok found a new debate to obsess over after a viral video showed a couple arguing about porn. In relationships, the girlfriend called it weird, gross and basically a form of cheating. The boyfriend admitted he watches it occasionally. And within hours, the internet courtroom was in session.
Whoever needs to hear this, if your man is watching porn while you're in a relationship with him, it is considered cheating. Let me explain why. First off, it is so unattractive if you really take down and dissect when a man watches porn, what it actually means. It means one, he's getting off to another woman that's not you.
Number two, he doesn't have enough self control to control his wiener to be able to be like, you know what? I respect my girl enough and I respect myself enough to not be doing this, putting myself in a position to potentially hurt the girl that I'm with.
And just like if you really think about the act of getting off to another woman, it is so lustful, it is so sexual, it is so physical, and it takes away the intimacy that you have with your partner. It's Newstalk Daily, I'm Ciara Dougherty. So some people, right, said that watching porn while in a relationship is outright betrayal.
Others said policing a partner's private habits, it's unrealistic and it's controlling. But as with most things on the internet, this debate has become part of a much bigger trend because over the last few years, social media has become flooded with these unofficial relationship rules from the orange peel theory to the bird theory to... If he wanted to, he would too.
Would you still love me if I was a worm? Yeah, more on those later. Well, today we are joined by David Kavanagh, who's a family psychotherapist specialising in porn addiction. But first, we are joined by Tessa Njunku. Tessa, you are very welcome to the programme.
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Chapter 3: How do Gen Z dating rules challenge traditional norms?
I'm going to start here by saying I am 44 years of age. I do have social channels. I am on TikTok. But Dating Talk channel, this is new to me, but it is not new to you.
No, not at all. I mean, Dating Talk is one of the biggest platforms on TikTok. You know, there's so much there and we could spend hours talking about it. But Dating Talk is, you know, it's not new. It's been around since, I want to say, since the creation of the app and since it really kicked off during the pandemic. And what it is really is where people give advice on how to date.
Like what kind of advice?
Well, it really depends. I mean, I think what dating talk is really defined by is like kind of how black and white it is. So it'll be things like the three month challenge, which is, you know, say you start dating someone in September. By the end of December, you should know where you stand.
And if you don't, it means that this person is not worth your time and you're better off leaving while you can.
And who's giving this advice? Who's doling out this information?
Well, you know, it really depends. Either it's people who have been through it and have lived to tell the tale, or it's so-called relationship experts. So you have people like, you know, there's this creator called Anwar, Anwar White, who has made it his whole mission to teach girls how to date successfully.
So he has millions of followers and he'll give us, you know, tips on, you know, how to tell if a man is wasting your time, how to make him nervous or he's obsessed with you, things like that.
And honestly, do you find it useful?
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Chapter 4: What is the orange peel theory in dating?
That's all you care about. Now you're putting words in my mouth, okay?
Worm theory. So this one is a little bit dated, actually, and now it's used a bit more ironically. But back in the day, I'd say like in the 2010s, the worm theory is, would you still love me if I was a worm? So if I was struck down by some sort of, you know, witchcraft and I became a worm, how would you take care of me? Would you still love me the same?
And obviously, you know, it's kind of become a stereotype that, you know, insecure girlfriends would ask us to do their partners. And this one is a little bit more nebulous in terms of what is the right and wrong answer. But I think the right answer would be, I would still love you and I would try to take care of you as a worm.
But obviously now it's less of, you know, it's less of a deal breaker because we all kind of understand it's a bit absurd. But in the 2010s, it was huge.
Okay, I won't ask when I go home this evening. The bird theory. It starts with a simple statement. I forgot to tell you, I saw a bird yesterday. One line, thousands of people are now trying out on their partners and recording their reactions on social media. I saw a bird today.
Because what they say or don't say... can mean a lot. Now the bird theory, that one I tried to trace back because it was actually based on the grandmother. So someone's grandmother on TikTok. She explained that when her grandmother was dating her grandfather, she would point out random things in town when they were on strolls. So one thing she pointed out was a group of birds.
And he was really interested in that. You know, he followed along with the joke. He, you know, he really leaned into his wife's whimsy. And what this creator is saying is that if you have a partner who can't kind of fall into that whimsy with you, you're probably not on the same wavelength and you're better off not really wasting your time with this person.
So if you point a bird out and be like, wow, look how great this bird looks, it could be a common pigeon. But if they don't lean into that with you, they're probably not the one.
So how big are these videos? I mean, how much traction do they get? How much are these theories part of conversations among that younger generation and their dating lives?
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